Even if he was more than just dizzy, 'drunk' being a taboo word when it came to his arrogant personality, Sasuke stilled remembered some of those memories perfectly, even if some were supposed to be long-lost forgotten in the depths of his head, but, irony has it he didn't forget easily.

Those days were, and remain, some of the worst days in his entire life, days after the family massacre, days that match the times spent besides Orochimaru's unspeakably repulsive presence, days he had to eat Madara's shitty lies. The days on probation were something he had never come to think of before, but the shock he was in, the things that had happened those couple of months surely left a still bleeding wound in which people he once trusted threw blazer sharp objects inside of him, cutting ever deeper and scaring even more.

The first shock: let's say, a more pleasant one, Naruto & co. lending a hand when he mostly needed their rapid help, that being the time when Madara was kicking his torn-up ass just as if it was something 'all in a days work'. Of course, he would never admit it, but he truly did appreciate it.

Second shock: the 'R' words. Meaning revolt, rebellion, revenge and ripped apart ribs. The last part was actually the part he feared most.
But how could he forget? Getting up from that damp and bloody earth, being tackled down by a enormous bear-hug, coming from his best pal, being called thousand times 'teme', 'asshole', 'jackass', 'son-of-a-bitch' (here, he had to defend his mama), 'selfish bastard', 'arrogant piece of shit' and plenty more, watching Madara's lifeless body in front of him, feeling that cold rain all over his blemished skin… everything had, in sort of a way, imprinted itself in his memory.

But one thing did manage to squeeze some extra-space in his memory room more than he would have wanted.

Sakura. His ex-teammate coming up to them, through that bitter and dripping rain, lunging up to Naruto and giving him the longest hug he had ever counted, congratulating him for stupid things (such as courage, brave, pride, power etc.), ruffling his blond wet hair in all possible directions, kissing him tenderly on the check and them, suddenly serious, her cherry attitude changed from cute and loving to bitchy and slightly acid as her gaze turned towards Uchiha Sasuke in the flesh.

She took a step towards him. Then another one. A third one. A fourth. She was right in front of him. His obsidian dull eyes were piercing trough hers without intimidating her one bit. He could always say he didn't care, but that would be a lie. He was more than just disturbed. How could she not react?

But he spoke to soon as she actually made a move, an unexpected one indeed, something he never though of happening to him. Him as in the great Uchiha Sasuke.

Her right hand, fisted together, lifted all the way up in the air, furious chakra dazzling all around it, only to meet his cheek moments after sending him in the nearest three, which actually lied several hundred of feet away.

To say he was in utter shock was an understatement. To say he felt pain would be a lie. To say he acknowledged her for the first would only be half the truth.

His state, at that time, was indescribable. Mixtures of pain, angst, astonish, rage and even submission were present on his matured face. He had no power whatsoever to get up, he felt more comfortable stuck up into a tree (not to mention branches up his ass) than facing her.

He just had one little question. Where the fuck did she learn that? Since when the hell did she kick his ass as if it was someone's normal ass? When did she frigging have the guts necessary enough to do this? Yes, he did feel pain, and yes, he did admit she was stronger. 'Annoying woman…'

A laugh filled the air nosily. He decided to lift up his head only to see an amused Naruto, hands hugging his waist in a desperate effort to stop the malefic laughter, and a beaming bright Sakura.

"Oh my god, teme, you should have seen your face! I mean it was hilarious! You fucking looked like a squashed banana or something, anyhow you really made my day…" he was suddenly interrupted.

"What the hell was that for, Sakura?" he shouted "you hit like a fucking gorilla!"

She only smiled sweetly at him bending down and giving him a long hug, something that took him once again off guard.

"You were right, Sasuke-kun, revenge really is great." She whispered in his ear joyfully. She broke the hug taking a good look at him while Naruto decided to knell down besides them pushing some of the remains of the tree away from where they were standing.

Sakura decided to start healing the boy (um… man… whatever) her hands working their magic on his scarred body. She gaped for a moment, closing her mouth again, wondering if she should speak or not, but by the way Naruto was starring curiously at her and the way Sasuke was throwing dead glares towards her, she decided to speak her mind.

"Um… Sasuke-kun… I'm sorry to tell you this…" she held back a laugh "…but you apparently have some broken ribs…"

Damn he hated 'R' words.

Another shock came the very next day at the hospital when some good-for-nothing scavengers, know as some very important business men from the surrounding countries decided to pay a visit. They brought strong arguments against him, in front of the new Hokage, Hatake Kakashi, arguments not even the highest rank of Konoha, could leave in mid air. Probation seemed to be the only satisfying option besides exile or the death penalty so with several shouts, hits, childlike attitude, inglorious ways of expressing one's point of view, Sasuke had to agree to it. Something he hardly did, if it weren't for both Naruto and Sakura who guaranteed he would be free in no time since they would stick next to him and so time would pass swiftly. Oh hurray, did he say how much he was looking forward to it? Kakashi did his best to lower the charges against his former student, but since not only Konoha was part of this affair, every other hidden village had sent a special someone to clear things out regarding Sasuke's condition. Most of them accused him for the worst crimes possible and so the penalty was death, while others agreed upon probation. The second option remained and it was to take place starting that very instant up until 3 more months under the supervision of elite ANBU forces.

He shut his mouth. And he got away with it.

As he said before, those three moths had been the less-intimate and annoying ones in his life. Giving more details regarding them would be a waste of time. He didn't want to remember either. Some things should be left the way they are.

Fourth shock. Damn, he hated that one, too. Maybe he hated it the most. No. No maybe. He truly hated that one.

That shitty time he and one his so called 'friends' had had a fight… a fight he would never forget. How stupid he could have been! How stupid he was one to even feel affected!

That day had marked him for good. That day, despise the other days, had been a day he had felt useless, weak, and dysfunctional. He would never admit it of course, but it had been part of his fault, anyways. The only thing he would admit was the fact that Sakura was as big of a jerk as he was.

"But, teme, if you wouldn't have rejected her the way you did, nothing of this would have happened!" his blond friend used to argue with him. He only shock his head those time, he refused to believe it true. He was always right, and even if he wasn't he didn't care. Call it selfish, but he called it survival. He had learned not to care about other's feelings, not to give a shit about their life as long as they didn't give a shit about his. 'Course, sometimes, he faced difficulties, such as this time when that annoying woman had pushed his patience of the cliff, something few had truly achieved. Wow, and he thought only Naruto had that gift. Guess he was wrong, again.

Her voice, her smell, her smile, her hair, her touch… he was simply pissed off. One second he was relaxed, calm and careless sitting on a stone bench under a shady tree with his eyes closed and the next he was tensioned, unpredictable and irritated when her presence took him by surprise, her delightful laugh echoing throughout that warm July evening.

He couldn't remember what she was talking about. He only saw her rosy lips moving excitedly as she took a seat besides him, something he hated since he knew that she knew he didn't like close contact. The only words he understood her say were 'Naruto' and 'Hokage' something he took in indifferently, even if he knew it was a big step for his best friend. He could care less.

He continued to watch her as her smile grew with each passing second on her porcelain face. Her emerald eyes radiated with a never ending joy and love he actually felt overwhelmed by. Something he hated more than anything. Because, she, of all people, had managed to melt him.

He hated that smile. He hated those glossy immature eyes. He hated that feeling that took full control of him when she was so close to him. He hated when he knew she was in charge but he could not do anything to change the tables. He hated this. He hated her. He hated her. He hated her so much.

Annoying woman.

Too bad he only said out loud.

Her face had changed swiftly as the blue sky changes before a great storm. The kind of storm that sustains enormously dangerous and black clouds weighed down by cold rain. The kind a storm that melted inside your own being, a storm so cold it made you feel inexistent. The kind of storm that brought her down.

"Sasuke-kun, what are you talking about?" she whispered suddenly saddened.

Well there goes his attempt in saying nothing. It was impossible now.

"You heard me. You're damn annoying!" he shouted. "Can you for once say something that isn't stupid?"

"What are you sa…" she mumbled stunned.

"Shut up!" he screamed "I don't care about Naruto's life, I don't care about your stupid babbling!" he got up from the stone bench and started walking away but stopped when he heard her breaking voice yell towards him.

"That's what friends do! They are there for each other!" indeed heartbroken.

"I don't care…" he yelled back turning towards her again.

"But I do!" she took a step towards him regret present in her voice. "We. Are. Friends."

He denied, taking too a closer step towards her as he bended down staring in her hurt jade eyes.

"We were never friends. We will never be. Never." he stated turning around once again walking away from that place, away from her.

He knew what happened next. He didn't want to remember. But he had to. He had to see this déjà-vu come back to him. He had to face what he didn't want to.

He knew she ran away from that stone cold bench. He knew into who she bumped in, tears threatening to roll over her disturbed face. He knew all the ways she tried to stop those cold insensitive tears, all those strong words she addressed herself, saying that a ninja doesn't cry, a ninja doesn't show emotions, but he knew all the ways those emotions had showed. He knew who had been there to comfort her. He knew all to well who had his arms around her, soothing words escaping his parted lips in a hurry, he knew who was there by her side when she mostly needed that gentle comforts. And he knew it wasn't him.

That day he didn't get any alone time with himself. That day he from suffered a quiet rage. That day, he talked to Suigetsu.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" his friend asked him trough gritted teeth.

Silence.

"Do you even know what she's been trough? Those last hours have been heart killers, Sasuke, really!"

Sigh.

"What was your fucking problem anyhow? What did she do to you? Was she a sweetheart, that's it? Was she happy Naruto was proposed by the council to take Kakashi place? Was that it? Are you jealous? Is that it, Sasuke? Are you jealous your best friend's getting his dream come true? Or are you simply pissed off she disturbed you peace and quiet? Is her beautiful smile such a pain for you?"

No reaction.

"You have no idea how hard it was to watch her shiver and mumble incoherent words as she tried to hold her tears back!" he yelled "or all the ways she kept saying to herself that she is strong and that she shouldn't break down! And you know what was absolutely heart breaking, Sasuke? Do you?!"

Stillness.

"Do you, Sasuke?!" Suigetsu's voice echoed dripping with fury and hate. "Answer me, you fucker!"

"No, I don't know!" Sasuke shot back at him. "I don't know. And I don't care. I don't give a shit about her stupid…"

"Shut up!" he was cut off quickly "How can you say this to one of the only people crazy enough to give up everything to you? How can you say these things, Sasuke? These things about her… do you even know how much she cares about you, how much she has sacrificed for you? And come to think of it, you actually gave in to her little conversations not long ago! What the fuck happened, what have I missed? Only last moth I saw you two and Naruto at ramen, and you were almost smiling! Damn, Sasuke, you were smiling!"

"Shut up, Suigetsu, you know nothing!" he argued back.

"What happened, Sasuke? Why the sudden change?" he seemed actually confused.

'I feel in love, that's what happened!' he felt the need to yell it, but he didn't. He had his reasons.

He knew it. If he hadn't fallen for her, nothing of this would have ever happened. If his feelings would have remained indifferent, he wouldn't have been forced to be put in this situation. It was all her stupid fault! For smiling without any reasons, for being there for him when he didn't ask her to, although he didn't complain, to become stronger and so make herself acknowledged. For making him fall for her. Hard.

"That's it! Nothing happened!"

"So you though that shouting at her and being a total jackass towards her would win you the big prize? Wake-up call, Sasuke, you were so wrong! You won nothing! You lost the best ride of your life!"

He only received a long hateful stare.

"I'll tell you something, Sasuke. I'm not blind as you. I'm not as blind to not see the wonderful girl she is. To see how gorgeous she is, to see how rare she actually is. I'm not you. I won't treat her the way you have. I'll make her feel special each day, I'll be there for her when she needs me, and considering today, she seems to have gained a whole lot more of trust in me. But you know what actually makes me wonder?" Suigetsu questioned.

No answer. Not even a stare. His eyes were watching his shoes.

"That you had more than just one chance with her. And you blew it. You blew all of them up! You broke everything, Sasuke. You broke her, your relationship with her. Your future, Sasuke. Anybody who would see you would say the same thing I am about to say now: you are so damn stupid. You don't deserve her. I'm not even sure you deserve love in that cold icy life of yours."

His reactions didn't change. He didn't even stiffen when he heard the word 'stupid'. Heck, he was getting used to it. It became the best suited adjective meant to describe him.

"I'll mend her back." Suigetsu stated. "I'll be there for her. I'll put those broken pieces of her heart back together. I'll love her. The way you never could."

Silence. From both parts.

Suigetsu found it hard to breathe. Those hands around his neck were tightening; the wall against his back was painfully scarring his back.

Sasuke's sharingan twisted with high speed as he didn't tare his gaze away from the man struggling to free himself in front of him. The rage wasn't only flowing trough his body, but it filled up the room gradually.

His voice spilled venom.

"Stay. Away. From. Her."

"Gaahh, loosen up!" he mumbled but Sasuke didn't listen, he only clenched his hands harder. "I'm not… giving… up… that easily…"

"Don't make me hurt you, Suigetsu. You know better than anyone what I can do to get what I want."

"If you wanted… her so badly… why did you mess up…?"

"I don't want her. I just don't want you near her." He admitted.

"Really? Too bad… she already asked me to… come by her place tomorrow… Aaah!" he gulped as Sasuke pushed him harder against the wall, his fingers digging even deeper in his skin, this time sending chidori vibes throughout his body.

"Stop it, Suigetsu. Don't let it get out of hand." Sasuke whispered.

"The way it… got out of your hand… with Karin?" Suigetsu raised an eyebrow. Sasuke's hands loosened. "You seem to like killing your teammates, don't you, Sasuke?"

Sasuke sighed as he let go of Suigetsu who started to cough and breathe hoarsely trying to regain his long-lost breath while the Uchiha began to walk throughout the room, hands in his pockets.

"I don't get you, Sasuke. Not at all. But I do understand something. You're more of a dysfunctional reject than I have ever imagined."

"Get out." Sasuke spoke calmly.

"I don't need an invitation, I was on my way anyways." He said opening the door to exit. "Ah, and Sasuke, I forgot to tell you. You know what is absolutely heartbreaking? I never got to break it to you since we had some other… stuff… going on…"

Sasuke only remained as silent as before awaiting the answer.

"She's blind enough to still love you."

The closing of the door seemed harsher than he would have imagined.

The darkness filled him completely. He sighed deeply as he took a seat on the edge of his bed, his head in the palm of his hands thinking.

About today.
About Suigetsu.
About his mistakes.
About her.

Neji's voice brought him back to reality. The young man came over his shoulder with a medium-sized glass in his hands.

Sasuke grabbed the drink instantly, drinking it halfway.

"Damn, Sasuke, slow down." Neji warned "I think you had enough for the night."

Shino agreed sending the Hyuga a worried look.

"You know what they say…" the dark haired man said between a zip as he got up from his chair "you got to get a little messed up so that you can step up."