The next few days passed in a blur, only leaving the confines of my, what used to be pristine room for one meal a day and even then I would just nod my head at my worried mother before grabbing the plate she offered me and retreating to my room once again. I didn't talk to anyone during my little phase, I had avoided seeing Bella at all costs, putting myself through the agony of hearing her screams every single night. I missed her, now that my phase of uncontrollable anger, which I had taken out on my room as it now looks as though a truck has driven through it, all I felt was my need to be with Bella again. The need to hold her safe in my arms, to protect her and love her was almost worse than the anger. It hurt. I love her so much, but I will not put her through that again. When you love someone so much, it goes against everything to put that person in danger, and that is exactly what I had done. I loved her, she didn't love me and so I won't be in her way. She needs her time to heal. Just not with me.
"Son..." My father knocked on my door, announcing his presence before entering. His face turned to one of shock when he saw the damage done to my room, but quickly turned to sympathy as he took in my form on the bed just staring at the ceiling. "Your mother would scream if she saw the state of this room son." He tried to laugh but seeing my lack of response he simply sighed. "You can't do this to yourself Edward. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but it wasn't my place, she wasn't ready. It was the thought of losing you that made her come out and say what happened, do you know that? She's finally starting to heal Edward but it's a long road to go on alone. She needs you and you need her."
I had to stop him there, she didn't need me and I told him exactly that. "She doesn't need me. I love her but she doesn't love me. I put her in danger and I refuse to do that to her again. No wonder she ran from me..."
"Edward. Son she wasn't running from you. And what do you mean you put her in danger?" He asked me, sitting down on the bed next to me.
"The club..." I couldn't even think about it.
"Edward Cullen that was not your fault. You and your brother and Jasper saved her that night. I think we both know what would have happened if you hadn't have called out to your brothers to get to her in time." We both shuddered at the thought. "You are my son Edward. And I know you would never hurt her or put her in any form of danger. You need to stop thinking the way you are, get up and get dressed because it is your brothers' wedding tomorrow and if I'm not mistaken you six were going out tonight." Groaning I sat up, I had completely forgotten about tonight. I thought over my fathers' words and he was right in a way. He smiled reassuringly at me before leaving the room. "Oh and I would fix up your room before your mother comes in here and haves a heart attack." He said as I threw a sock at him closing the door laughing. I chuckled to myself slightly, raking my hand through my hair remember how Bella would always do it to tame my hair slightly. Bella. Bella...
"Ok, ok let me get in it first though geez Alice." I heard Bella laugh as her door to our conjoining bathroom closed. Leaning up against the door I heard her sigh before the shower started. Smiling to myself knowing that she was basically next to me I stepped away from the door gathering the items I had thrown on the floor in my rage placing them where they belonged. The shower turned off just as I was getting changed into the dress shirt and pants I was to wear tonight. I hurried to get ready so that I would be downstairs before Bella came down.
"Come on Bella, you got to let us see some time." I heard Alice say as I walked out of my room and down the stairs to where the other guys were talking waiting for their girls. I didn't have my girl yet but god knows how much I wanted her back. I didn't even get to take her on our date.
The guys smiled at me and we talked for a bit before Alice and Rosalie walked down the stairs followed by a worried looking Bella. She looked so beautiful in a strapless blue flowing dress that ended at her knees. Her hair was out and wavy just how I loved it. I couldn't take my eyes off her, it had been too long.
"Wow. Bella. You look beautiful." I managed to say somehow coherently. When she looked up at me and I saw her eyes properly for the first time in weeks I couldn't help but smile at her.
"Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself."She said blushing.
"Ok everyone group shot." Esme announced to the group. The two couples stood as they were together and I had to admit it hurt a little that I wasn't like that with Bella anymore. Hopefully I could change that fact soon. Maybe she'd talk to me tonight...
"Come on Bella, Edward. Get in the photo already." Jasper called over to us.
We both walked over and stood next to each other kind of awkwardly while Emmett and Rose where next to us, then Alice and Jasper. "Everyone couple poses." Alice said. Emmett kissed Rose sweetly; Jasper was looking down into Alice's eyes with love; that left me and Bella to be partnered up. I couldn't resist putting my arms around her delicate waist from behind resting my chin lightly on her shoulder. Bella turned her face towards mine slightly placing her hands over mine on her waist.
"Lovely." Esme murmured to herself. She took the photo and everyone went to leave except for us. I tilted my face closer to Bella's as she leaned in, it would be so easy to just kiss her right then and there. I was disappointed and a little sad though when Emmett caught our attention telling us we had to go. I let go of Bella and followed the others out to the cars. Bella was going with Alice and Jasper while I went with Rose and Emmett. It was almost like we were both third wheels.
We finally got there and headed for a table except for Emmett who dragged Bella with him off somewhere. Where were they going? I tried to follow after them but Alice grabbed hold of me telling me to sit down already.
They were back within a few minutes and my mouth wasn't listening to my brain as I asked where they went sounding pretty annoyed.
Emmett just laughed saying "Secret."
I sighed and said I was going to get drinks for us. I took a deep breath as I was walking back. We all just sat at the table drinking and talking when Bella said she needed some air.
I decided to take a chance at trying to talk to her. "I'll come with you if you want." But she didn't want me to.
I watched her walk away, sighing as I sat down. Rose gave me a sympathetic look where as Emmett was literally bouncing in his seat excited over something.
"Hey guys we have a very special performance here tonight. We have a beautiful young lady who's going to sing her heart out to a special guy out there in the audience. I'll just say you're a lucky guy man and don't let this one go." The dj announced over his microphone drawing everyone's attention to the front. There was someone on the little stage but the lights were out so I couldn't see who. "So here she is Miss Bella Swan singing 'Near To You by A Fine Frenzy', take it away girl." He finished just as a soft blue light came on the stage where my Bella was sitting on a stool, microphone in hand and the backing track started playing. She was going to sing? Wait the dj said it was to someone. Who was she singing to?
The crowd cheered and whistled as the music came on, Emmett shouting out 'Go Bella we love you girl'. She started to sing and looked straight at me.
'He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back
Oh god. Was she singing about James or me? Please don't let her love James. I couldn't stand to see her go back to him.
Such pain as this
shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
still a little bit delirious'
She closed her eyes as she sang the emotional lyrics of the chorus. Her voice was so beautiful. She never ceased to amaze me.
'Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.
This time she looked back to me and smiled that angelic smile of hers. I listened to the lyrics more carefully as they flowed out of her lips.
You and I have something different
and I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
to get back to who I used to be
She was singing to me. She chose this song to tell me...
He's disappearing
Fading subtly
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me
Please
She was moving forward. I didn't know what to think. I noticed the others were in awe, Alice and Rose having tears in their eyes even.
Near to you, I am healing
but it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
and you are wonderful
it's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.
What did this mean? Did she... no she wouldn't I knew that much. And yet maybe she...
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are
Bella clutched her hand to her chest, still not taking her eyes off of mine. It was so heartfelt the way she sang it actually hurt.
Near to you, I am healing
but it's taking so long
though he's gone
and you are wonderful
it's hard to move on
I couldn't think. All I knew was that she had opened up to me through this song. I still didn't know or understand... There was a battle going on in my head as I thought through everything.
Near to you, I am healing
but it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
and you are wonderful
it's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.
Yet, I'm better near to you.
The place erupted into cheers and screams as she finished but I couldn't bring myself to look up at her anymore. I heard the dj talking but didn't take any of it in, too lost in my own thoughts.
"Here she comes." Alice said giddily. "Oh my god Bella. That was amazing. I never knew you could sing that well." She beamed out.
"Yeah you were. Wow." Jasper was speechless as was I actually.
"Bells, that was beautiful. I never knew you had all that in you. I know why you chose that song now. I'm so proud of you baby sis." Emmett blubbered out.
"What did I tell you Bella? I think you've found your escape." Rose said. I know was next to say something.
"Bella..." I started to say, then was interrupted by the dj over the microphone.
"Well, well, well. Missy Bella it seems you have a fan club that would like you to sing an encore. Could we possibly get another song out of you before you run off tonight?" He asked over the crowd.
"Go on Bella, sing another song." Alice encouraged. Jasper pushed her forward back up to where the dj was.
She sang the song An Unseen Direction by the Morning Of, this time dedicated to Rose and Emmett who went crazy with their cheering even getting up on the stage to hug her at the end.
It was a good way to end the night for them, I still had a lot to think about but I pushed it aside to think about after the wedding. Tomorrow would be a long and hard day. As soon as we were back at the manor I crashed onto my bed, falling into a restless sleep with only Bella on my mind.
Waking up I only had one thought on my mind. How the hell will I get through today?