Chibi-Kari: Here's chapter two! Thanks for joining me. Now before the critics come out of the woodwork: Rachel always was a people pleaser and wants to fit in. We see this in Bad Reputation. A little peer pressure can go a long way with her. Also, she's not used to a faster lifestyle. It still will be St. Berry at the end. I've based on the art school activities (don't tell me they're unrealistic) on my friend's experience in a Chicago performing arts high school. I am unfamiliar with the New York transit system, but I did wikipedia it and do my best. I don't own, but leave me a message after the button!

Trade yourself in for the perfect one. No one needs to know that you feel you've been ruined. Trade yourself in for diamond eyes. Watch the stars collide as you're lifted from your burden.

I know you can't feel a thing. It hurts to feel anymore.

-"Trade Yourself In" Shinedown

Hope. Or maybe it was hopelessness. Rachel wasn't sure she could tell anymore. Her life was such a mess and even the bright lights of New York lighting up the black sky like beacons of light in the encroaching darkness coming closer didn't seem to help her. She placed her head on the cool glass of the airplane window as they circled another time over the city that held all of her dreams.

Seeing Jesse and Shelby like that was too much for her. Rachel caught a glance of herself in the window and cringed slightly. She looked like hell warmed over a match. Hell, not even warmed over. Her eyes were red and puffy and her hair was a mess. That could all be blamed on the crying jag from Dayton to Detroit. As soon as she landed there she abruptly stopped crying. Much to the shock for the poor twenty something man sitting next to her. She felt vaguely bad for him the entire time as he looked awkwardly at her periodically as if he had no idea what to do. Which was probably the truth.

The elderly lady next to her now seemed to give her the same type of looks, but she wasn't crying this time. She had just stuck in her iPod and leaned back letting the sad story of Spring Awakening wash over her. Her life wasn't as bad as theirs at least. She could take solace in that.

The plane landed with a jolt and Rachel's head banged slightly against the Plexiglas. She pulled back immediately and rubbed the sore spot, "Well welcome to New York." She mumbled bitterly at herself.

The old woman glanced at her again and she smiled brightly in response. The woman just eyed her carefully before gathering her things.

Rachel cursed herself slightly. Now even the little old lady next to her thought she was crazy and a mess. Probably thought she was a cokehead. They pulled to an abrupt stop and Rachel grabbed for her bag that was roughly stuffed under her cramped seat. She grabbed the strap before just leaning her head on the seat in front of her. She would wait to be last. She just couldn't muster up the strength to fight with the crowd to get off the plane.

She jumped slightly as she felt a hand fall on her shoulder. Turning her head slightly she looked up at the little old lady that had been seated next to her on the flight.

She wasn't looking at her, but her hand was firmly rested on Rachel's shoulder, "Things will get better. Don't let whatever this is bring you down. You need to learn from your mistakes otherwise you'll just start a cycle."

She nodded once to herself before taking off down the aisle leaving Rachel leaning on the seat in front of her. She suddenly had the urge to laugh at the wisdom of the elderly. Logic at its finest was always what the elderly thought the young didn't know, but logic had been eluding Rachel for the past few months. Hell all year starting with Finn. She had lost what had made her Rachel Berry *.

She just wouldn't, couldn't, let anyone get to her anymore. She would be someone different. As Lady Gaga said, 'She's got to love nobody.'

With a sudden sigh she stood up pulling her shoulders back before walking off the plane onto the ground she was meant to dominate.

By the time she had exited the train all of the remaining luggage was sitting off of the conveyer belt and she quickly claimed hers before a voice rang out near the doors.

"Rachel Berry!"

Rachel spun around to see a beautiful girl running towards her. Her black hair feel gracefully down her back as she ran forward.

Rachel couldn't stop herself from smiling, "Alicia Anderson! Just as pretty as always."

The girl stopped a foot from her while scowling playfully, "Pretty? How about beautiful?" She looked over Rachel once before her face took on a real scowl, "I would say you look beautiful, too, but your clothes are hideous. Is that a cat sweater? Oh no, girl, you cannot wear that at all." She tugged on her cousin's sweater pulling it quickly over her head.

Rachel made a grasp for the fabric as it was pulled over her head, "Hey! What if I had decided not to wear anything under that?"

Alicia shrugged slightly before turning to walk back out the doors stopping only to throw Rachel's sweater in the trash, "You did. Come on now it'll take awhile to get home and I don't want to be out here all night. We have to get on the AirTran and then catch the Long Island Rail and get the subway out to Williamsburg. So keep up, cuz."

It was a whirlwind of movement before Rachel even realized it they were sitting on the small seats of the train car going towards her aunt's place. She glanced at her cousin who was currently staring disinterestedly out the black window.

Rachel shuffled lightly, not one for silence, "So Daddy told me that you had a walk-on in Law and Order-SVU."

Alicia scoffed lightly, "If you call victim number five a walk-on roll."

"That's still really awesome, Ali. Everyone has to start at the bottom and work their way up." Rachel nodded to herself. She wasn't stupid she wouldn't just walk into a massive roll. She had to work her way up and maybe attach herself to a big up and coming before she could tackle her three rolls.

Alicia turned to Rachel wide eyed before shaking her head slightly, "You really are naïve aren't you?"

"Don't worry about it, Ray." She looked up suddenly as the train slowed, "This is our stop. It's only a short walk from here."

They were up and walking before Rachel could even realize what was going on and moments later they were walking into a rather large studio apartment and Alicia calling for her mom. Rachel shook her head. Her day seemed to drain everything from her and everything was moving a lot faster than she had ever thought possible.

"Rachel! Oh you've grown so much since last year!" Aunt Sherry had her daughter's hair, but her eyes were a darker shade of brown. She came forward wiping her paint speckled hands on her apron.

"Aunt Sherry!" Rachel tried to muster her best smile as she looked at her aunt.

"Oh my, my brother wasn't kidding when he said you would look a mess!" She tisked lightly. "You can't let people get to you especially those that can't see you're a star."

Rachel smiled slightly. Everything about her aunt was rushing back and she was immediately relieved. All those things she thought she got from Shelby she could have easily gotten from Aunt Sherry and it was more likely she did. Aunt Sherry was the one that started calling her a star. It was a term of endearment for both Alicia and herself. And her determination and heart were always being compared to Sherry. While her supposed naivety was always said to be like her Daddy's. The relief she felt because of that was intense. She loved her aunt even more for that right now.

Her hands shot up automatically as she caught clothes being thrown at her face. "What are you trying to do, Ali? Kill me?"

Her cousin immediately rolled her eyes, "With good fashion? Maybe. Now get ready we have to go meet some of my friends in," she glanced down at her watch, "twenty minutes. Hop to it."

"Twenty- what? Alicia, I've had a busy day. I've been up since six and been travelling. I need a rest after my vocal exercises. I can't risk catching some disease. My chances have already increased exponentially by the sheer number of people here!"

"Oh, please. Just change and I'll do your makeup." Alicia walked back into her room leaving Rachel speechless in the main room.

"You should go, Ray. You need a distraction and you only live once." Aunt Sherry gestured to the clothes lightly.

Rachel sighed. This wasn't her day. Nothing was going right. Why couldn't she just be left to her thoughts? She wouldn't cry anymore, but dissecting the situation could help her figure out where she needed to be. Or what she needed to become. "I just don't feel up to it, Aunt Sherry."

Her aunt's eyes softened and she shook her head slightly, "Ray, you're transparent. Don't go walking outside like that. I know you're hurt, but you can't let anybody see that. That's how you get taken advantage of. Go have fun with Alicia. You can't change anything so don't focus on it. Be a kid for the night. I know what you're like and you could use a little lightening up."

Rachel sighed again before she joined her cousin to change. Maybe her aunt was right. She did need to live a little. Plus, every experience was another she could use later on.

A half hour later Rachel found herself in front of a large house. She could hear the music pumping from outside and she contemplated hiking back to the subway station herself to save her hearing. Losing her hearing wouldn't be good for her pitch.

"Don't think about it. We aren't in the safest part of town." Alicia called over her shoulder as she strode up the small yard.

Rachel could see that. There was graffiti on some of the other houses and the chain link fence was rusted. "Why are we here? Why would anyone be here?"

Alicia laughed lightly flipping her dark hair over her right shoulder before looking closely at Rachel. Rachel subconsciously tugged at the bottom of the black halter top that Alicia had forced her into. Her outfit was plain and something she wouldn't normally wear, but she had to admit changing in the skirts for a pair of jeans wouldn't be a bad thing.

"A party of course, Ray. Billy's parents own this piece of crap as a second place. I think they're trying to force this area into becoming the next up and coming place to live."

Rachel found herself nodding blankly as her cousin reached back and pulled her up the last few doors and into the house.

Rachel was shocked by what she saw around her. There were beers everywhere among other substances she chose to ignore, "Ali!" She whispered scandalized.

"Oh, please. You know your high school parties are the same."

Rachel wasn't sure as she had never been to one, but when she was dating Puck he had talked about getting completely smashed at a party the weekend before. She shook her head. Maybe it was normal, but she had secretly thought it was only in teenage movies.

"Here."

Suddenly she had a Bud Light pressed into her hands and she tried to shake her head at her cousin, but the other girl just shook her head and pushed the beer closer to Rachel.

"We shouldn't. We have to be able to navigate home later." She tried to reason with her cousin, but it didn't seem to be working.

"We aren't going home tonight, but do you really think I haven't made it home wasted? I could use the subway with my eyes closed. Actually, I might have."

All Rachel could do was stare wide eyed at her cousin. This wasn't the same little girl that she had grown up with. She wasn't the same girl that lived with her for five years while Aunt Sherry was divorcing her father. She wasn't the same girl that dreamt of being a star with her.

They continued to walk through the crowded house until they got to the living room. Rachel wiped off someone's sweat from her arm with a scowl on her face. This was no way to spend a night. It was hot, stuffy, and people were perspiring on her. The whole situation was disgusting. And the offbeat rap that was playing wasn't her first choice in a musical experience. She had no expectations coming into this, but all of this wasn't what she expected at all.

Someone bumped into her throwing her into a nearby wall. By the time she was standing up again she realized she couldn't even throw a glare at someone. It was like people were faceless here. Everyone was just another body. The anonymity washed over her and for a moment she found herself enjoying the situation. It was a clean slate and she was a good type of nobody here.

The tuning of a guitar grabbed her attention and she focused on the boy that had just taken a seat in front of the crowd on the makeshift stage.

"Glad we didn't miss it." Alicia mumbled.

"What?" Rachel turned for an explanation.

"Oh, that's Ryan. He's one of my friends. We go to school together. He does some great covers."

"He plays the guitar?"

"And sings." Alicia looked at her closely before laughing, "I go to a performing arts school in New York, Rachel. Don't look surprised that I have talented friends."

For a moment Rachel had forgotten her cousin got into a performing arts school. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind, actually. "Are all these people from your school?"

Alicia shrugged lightly, "Most everyone from my school's here, but nah. There are a lot of other people here.

Suddenly the guitar started sounding and Rachel was sucked into the boy feet in front of her.

"Save Me. Great first song choice." Alicia muttered to herself nodding slightly.

"Huh?" Rachel could barely drag her vision from the boy in front of her. His voice was haunting and he felt every word he sung. It was like he connected to everything. He was beyond amazing and she found it hard to breath.

"Save Me by Shinedown. Great song."

"Oh." Her mind had officially stopped singing as soon as he looked up.

His blue eyes found Alicia's before shooting over to hers. It was like all the air had been sucked out of the room and she suddenly wished she could listen to him forever. Anytime Jesse sang she wanted to join in, but with Ryan she just wanted to listen to him. Let him tell her a story. Just by looking at him she could tell he was world weary and knew things she could only dream of.

The set was over quickly and he was standing in front of them. "Who's this, Li?"

Alicia rolled her eyes at the nickname before gesturing to her, "This is my cousin, Rachel. She's visiting for the summer. She has a set of lungs on her if you even need a female voice."

He nodded slightly, his shaggy brown hair bouncing slightly, "Cool." His eyes ran over her body and she immediately felt exposed and fidgeted. He turned back towards the makeshift stage, "I need to help Jeremy setup. I'll catch you later."

Rachel didn't notice Alicia turn and study her until her voice broke her from her reverie, "Don't be afraid to hit that. I have."

The idea snapped Rachel back to reality faster than a bucket of cold water. She could never think of having casual sex and the idea that her cousin did shocked her, "I would never."

Alicia studied her again before shrugging lightly, "Sure."

Rachel looked at her cousin closely before scanning the room before her. It was a big deal. It was just like she told Jesse. It was a big deal for a girl. She had never had a hard time withholding, especially after that experience with Finn in the auditorium. Sex should be saved for a committed relationship. But right this second she was having a hard time convincing herself that.