4. SURRENDER
NOT WILLING TO CONCEDE GRACEFULLY, EDWARD STALKED OUT OF THE ROOM AND
out the front door, slamming it behind him hard enough to make the glass shake in its frame. Bella looked after him, hesitating.
Renesmee looked from the quivering door to the floor, slowly eyeing her mother in her peripheral vision. I could feel sadness and guilt seeping into her happiness. Now that the argument was won, the defiance was draining from her like water from a sieve, quickly replaced by remorse. I could feel Alice nearly bubbling over with suppressed curiosity, but she had sense enough merely to bounce with quiet excitement in the corner of the dining room. She kept her mouth shut, at any rate.
"Maybe I should --" Bella began, taking a hesitant step for the door.
"No, I'll go," Renesmee said softly, placing a firm hand on her mother's arm. Bella nodded and Renesmee tilted her chin in contrived self assurance and strode toward the door. Jacob made as if to follow her, but I grabbed his shoulder.
"Let her go. Give them a minute."
Jacob looked after Ness and the closing front door in agitation, but then sighed loudly and fell into in his usual seat at the table with a huff of resignation. His presence would do nothing to soothe the situation now. Edward and Renesmee needed to work this out for themselves.
This quick assumption was instantly called into question as the angry shouts from Edward and Ness hit the walls of the house. Everyone tensed, glancing out back windows or at the muted television, everyone uncomfortable but knowing it was not our place to intervene. Esme looked unhappy, Carlisle distressed. Bella's skin was even whiter than usual as she wrung the dishtowel in her hands with immense force -- enough to make her bleed had she been human. Jacob fidgeted in his seat, completely unaware of the chicken and mashed potatoes before him. He made as if to rise a half dozen times, then sat down again, unable to decide what he should do. I knew it was nearly maddening for him to leave Renesmee to any danger -- physical or emotional -- without doing everything in his power to protect her. Only the constant glares from me reminding him to stay out of it kept him from dashing through the door full tilt and interrupting.
"How could you possibly know that?" Edward was shouting, "You have no experience to base this on! For God's sake, Renesmee, you haven't known one other man you're not related to -- that's not a mongrel, that is -- in your entire life! That hardly qualifies as an informed decision!"
Jacob cringed. He knew Edward was right. I started to feel his self-doubt, wondering, I was sure, whether his actions were actually what was best for Renesmee. I laid a hand on his russet arm in assurance. Experience or no, Jacob was who Renesmee wanted. I doubted playing "Bachelorette" with every male on the planet would change that.
"Dad, you're not being fair -- you don't understand --"
"What don't I understand?" Edward snapped, "You are a six-year-old child who's never been out of Washington! You're trying to tell me you are mature and worldly enough to make a decision that will affect the next five hundred years of your life?"
"That's hardly fair -- I'm not really six--"
"Ok, for argument's sake let's say that you're not. We'll go with your physical age. How old do you think you are now? Nineteen? Twenty? Teenagers are historically renowned for making foolish decisions, clouded by passion and hormones--"
Now it was Ness' turn to be furious. Her patient, pleading tone abruptly changed to a livid shout.
"Passion. And. Hormones!" she nearly screamed, "Is that what you think of me? I'm some hormone-driven human --" I had never heard her pronounce the word with such utter disdain before, like it was the blackest of insults, "-- some dumb, teenaged, ingènue with bubblegum and a Jonas Brothers poster, losing all reason and intelligence when the first boy shows any interest in me? Is your opinion of me really so low? And when I think what Mom and I have put up with with you for the past six years -- all the demands, all the ridiculous orders -- and then you call me immature --"
"Jasper, maybe you'd better--" Alice started, but I was already at the door. This was getting ugly, fast. Jacob's interference would only make matters worse, but I could calm this battle down before any irreparable damage was done with a snap of my fingers. Well, an ease of calm, that is.
I left the door open and stepped out onto the porch, easily locating the two enraged figures in the sea of ferns, both looking like flaming angels of destruction, each alight with the glow of battle and self-righteousness. I took a deep breath. Neither of them was going to be happy about this later. Edward probably wouldn't speak to me for weeks. I built the calmness up in my chest, preparing to transmit it through the atmosphere to the two burning figures before me.
"Dad, look," Renesmee began. I hesitated at the sudden calmness within her. Not my doing, not yet. Edward shook his head, face distorted into a mask of rage, preparing to roar again.
"Let me show you," Renesmee insisted, and before Edward could open his mouth she pressed her hand to his cheek.
Immediately I felt a rush of emotions from Edward, a furiously-paced mingling of feelings that almost made me dizzy. I knew what this was like. Renesmee had showed all of us her thoughts and visions before, putting her ideas into our heads with her touch. It was a strange feeling, almost like losing your own will. From others' descriptions, it was much the way everyone felt when I forced emotions upon them. You couldn't feel the way you wanted to feel, you couldn't react the way you wanted to react. You could only feel what I wanted you to feel. I supposed it was a heady power, but I had learned long ago not to abuse my gift -- it made life too surreal. I knew people's reactions weren't their own. I had earned true love here, both romantic and familial. Why on earth would I want to substitute that with fabricated emotions?
This loss of will was how I had often felt with Renesmee. You couldn't see things the way you wanted to perceive them when she was inputting her thoughts into you brain, you only saw and felt them as she wanted you to. I had never had cause to be irritated by this reaction before, but I saw now just how infuriating it could be. Edward was hell bent on remaining staunchly opposed to Jacob and Renesmee's union, at least at this point in her life. It must be very inconvenient indeed to be forced to look at this from Renesmee's perspective.
Edward remained tense and scowling for a full three minutes. I could only imagine what Renesmee was showing him, and I tried to align the possible images with Edward's emotional reactions. Somewhere in my head it occurred to me that maybe I should go back inside, as I was boorishly close to eavesdropping now, but I was riveted. Partly because I was sure the fight could go either way once Ness had finished -- Edward could easily decide to revert to his stubborn denial once his thoughts were his own again -- and I needed to be here in case things got out of hand again. But partly I was intensely curious and concerned as to how it would all turn out. I wanted this to work out. It needed to work out, for all of us. The tumult of emotions swirled in my chest, in my head, in my stomach.
Innocent joy. Maybe one of Renesmee's many games with Jacob as a child; maybe the time she had constructed a saddle out of Esme's couch cushion and tied it upon Jacob's broad back, climbing halfway up a young spruce to be able to mount her "steed" independently, waving the priceless bronze Etruscan sword she had pilfered from Carlisle's collection as she bounded off to war.
Complete safety. Perhaps one of the nights she had lain under Forks' seldom-seen stars in the baseball field curled up against Jacob's warm fur, his slow, rhythmic breathing and steady heartbeat completely reassuring, knowing that nothing could hurt her; Jacob would never let it. Mischievous excitement. The time she and Jacob had "redecorated" Bella and Edward's cottage for Halloween, complete with a dozen dexterously carved Jack-o-lanterns, a bubbling witch's cauldron with real eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and -- I wondered at Jacob's scruples here -- tongue of dog, and, the final prank, an authentic human skeleton "borrowed" from the Quilieute High School biology department, sitting nonchalantly in Edward's chair, wearing Alice's favorite fedora and Rosalie's prize diamond cross pendant as he held Bella's weathered Romeo and Juliet in his bony hands?
Then a slight nervousness tinged with confusion and something I couldn't place. I felt an odd sensation in the pit of my stomach as the borrowed emotion reached me. I inexplicably linked the feeling with Alice. It took me a moment to realize that it was the beginnings of love or longing. That odd nervous-but-excited sensation one got when around a person they might be interested in. I had no idea what memory went with this emotion. A stray touch or glance, perhaps? A slight moment in time when Renesmee had the hint that Jacob was more than just a friend and protector to her? I wondered how old she had been when that emotion struck her. Had she known what it was? What it might mean?
The nervousness was stronger now, swirling with excitement and pleasure. Was this perhaps the motorcycle ride today? Jacob's hand upon Renesmee's as he instructed her how to use the gears and throttle? Chocolate eyes meeting deep hazel as glances were exchanged? A jabbing elbow or teasing jibe, once purely joking, now flirtation? I felt like the thoughts were in my head, or at least that my will was not my own. I didn't particularly want to think of Renesmee and Jacob's tender moments, flirting and touching and staring into each other's eyes, and yet, I couldn't quite pull my thoughts away. I saw it as clearly as if I were sitting on the road beside them.
Pure joy, overwhelming happiness and excitement and ... love. I knew what this must be. Jacob's proposal. Renesmee realizing that this was the man she wanted, this was the future she wanted. She loved Jacob. Not just as the best friend she had known since birth. Not just as the protector that would die before letting any harm befall her. Not just as the prankster and partner in crime and loyal companion that adhered to her every whim. She loved him, as Jacob, as a man. She wanted to be with him. Forever. She wanted to share his life, his name, his joys and sorrows. She wanted to touch and kiss him. She wanted every part of him, forever. And what was more, she wanted to belong to him, as he had always belonged to her. She wanted to be his, as she would never be another's. She wanted to be one, now -- now and forever. Jacob and Renesmee. Renesmee and Jacob. Bound by love, by destiny, by undying vows. She wanted it so stridently and so completely that it came as no surprise when Edward's shoulders finally slumped, his muscles finally relaxed, and his own emotions -- pressed behind the wall of Renesmee's -- became lighter. Not joyous, not yet. More ... resigned. Edward had finally surrendered.
"All right," he said at last, looking his daughter in the eye with a stare so intense I wondered that Renesmee didn't look away, "All right. I -- I understand," he hesitated, took a deep breath, then continued, "I give you my blessing."
"Thank you, Daddy," Renesmee whispered, wrapping her arms around her father's neck. With a sigh of defeat Edward returned her embrace, kissing the top of Renesmee's head. I could feel a great loss swelling in him, a heavyhearted self-sacrifice. He was letting her go. He would not force her into anything foolish, like an elopement. He would not cause her distress or anxiety when he could prevent it. He was giving her up. Giving her away. I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned to go back into the house. I heard the whispered words from father to daughter as the door swung shut, muffled by Renesmee's bronze curls.
"I love you. Forever. More than my own life."
* * * *
"So tell us all about it!" Alice squealed, dancing forward and taking Renesmee by the hands. She led her over to a chair at the table and pressed her into it. Jacob was grinning broadly, finally intent on the reheated plate of fried chicken Bella had prepared for him, ready to dig in. Renesmee's smile was blinding.
Carlisle, Esme, Bella, Alice, and I were gathered around the dining room table. Now that the danger of a father-daughter blood feud was behind us, curiosity and excitement were the overwhelming emotions. I wondered vaguely what Edward had thought of the proposal. Having already seen it through Renesmee's eyes, and, I was sure, not quite ready to face everyone with the composure that was his trademark, Edward had walked nobly off into the forest, chin high, back straight, after he and Ness had come to their understanding. Rosalie and Emmett were still upstairs -- I wondered how long it would be until they surfaced. They had been known to remain locked in their room for days at a time.
"What do you want to know?" Renesmee asked coyly. Alice nearly stamped with impatience.
"Everything!" she cried, "I want to know every single minute detail! It's terrible not being able to see you two -- I've missed it all!"
Renesmee smiled and patted her aunt reassuringly on the hand.
"Calm down, Aunt Alice. I'll tell you everything I remember -- some of it's kind of a blur. Jake, you can fill in the holes, okay?"
Jacob nodded, stuffing a great forkful of potato into his mouth. Renesmee grinned fondly.
"So, you know Jacob took me down to La Push to test drive my motorcycle," she began enthusiastically, leaning forward with excitement. Bella and Alice nodded as Carlisle and Esme gathered closer. "It's such a great gift! You and Auntie Rose really did a great job," she smiled at Jacob who returned the expression, beaming with self-satisfaction.
"Well, we rode around for a while -- down the same dirt roads you learned to ride on, Mom -- and it was so much fun! I see why you like the Ducati, Uncle Jasper. They're just so fast! It was great!
"So as the sun was setting we stopped by the cliffs --" Bella cringed slightly. These were the same cliffs she had leapt off of years ago, setting the events in motion that led Edward to ask the Volturi to end his life. It was not something she was proud of, and even now the thought of the dark cloaks, the sinister calm, the righteous cruelty of the Volturi caused her fear. I concentrated decidedly on Renesmee and her story.
"--and we were just watching the ocean for a while. The waves, the clouds, the sun. It really was beautiful," she said dreamily, staring at a spot above our heads. Alice's impatient toe-tapping broke her reverie and she giggled, aquiescing.
"So as twilight was coming Jacob said we should be getting back before Dad had a heart attack. I wanted to tell Auntie Rose how much I loved the gift, too, so I agreed and we trekked back to the road. I climbed on my bike and shoved down on the kick start, but nothing happened."
Jacob smirked, still focused on his food.
"I tried it again and again. I hadn't had any troubles starting it before, so I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong," she smiled at the memory. "Finally Jacob told me to stay still and he'd take a look at it. He bent down and he was examining the kick start. And then -- " she broke off, looking adoringly at her new fiancée. It was a look I had never seen on her face before. She had always loved Jacob, always adored him, but not like this. She had always esteemed him in the way a child adores a devoted pet -- Jacob was hers. This new look made me feel a strange mixture of happiness and discomfort. I wasn't sure how I felt about this whole situation. It would take some time to get used to the idea, even if I had already had six years. I hadn't seen the visions colored by Renesmee's emotions, after all.
"--he was already down on one knee, and I hadn't even noticed," she whispered, "I had no idea. But he, he suddenly held up a ring -- the most beautiful ring," she held out her perfect hand, admiring her finger. The she smiled again, sounding as if she might cry, "and he said..."
"I said, 'Renesmee Carlie Cullen, would you make me the most unbelievably lucky guy in the world and do me the honor of being my wife?' " Jacob continued. He was smiling that huge grin again, almost too big for his face to contain. He chuckled, "She was speechless. I don't think she was expecting that."
Ness rose and seated herself in Jacob's lap, throwing her arms around his neck. She had done this ever since she was a child, but there was a new weight to the action now. It made me a little uncomfortable.
"I was completely shocked," she admitted, laughing, "I suppose I always knew we'd end up together someday, but I guess I didn't really think about it. I stood there with my mouth open for a good five minutes."
"At least," Jacob teased, wrapping his long arms around her waist, "I was starting to think you'd gone into shock. I was wondering if I should call Carlisle."
Renesmee smacked him playfully upside the head. "Well, it's not as if we'd talked about it or anything. I just didn't know what to say. I -- I hadn't really realized I thought of you that way. It took me some time to get there," she looked down at Jacob apologetically. He seemed unruffled.
"I was beginning to think maybe I should have waited another year, given her some time to get used to the idea. I started muttering something about it being too soon and to forget I'd said anything --"
"And that snapped me out of it. Even though I hadn't been looking for it, the thought of him rescinding the offer was unbearable. Who knows when he'll change his mind?"
We all rolled our eyes at that, Jacob included. Everyone knew there was absolutely no chance of Jacob willingly being parted from Renesmee. The thought of him with anyone else was ludicrous. Why, then, was I having so much trouble accepting Renesmee with him?
"Yeah, she perked right up then," Jacob snorted, touching Renesmee's rose cheek, "I couldn't get her to shut up! She was screaming, 'Yes! Yes! Yes!' at the top of her lungs. I thought we'd have half the reservation up there to see what was going on -- actually I'm surprised you guys didn't hear her up here."
Ness grinned, unashamed, "All of a sudden I realized it was everything I'd ever wanted, you were offering me my dream. What the hell was I thinking giving you the chance to make me wait another year? I figured I'd better strike while the iron was hot."
We all smirked again, Jacob more brightly than anyone else. His smirk transformed into a brilliant, beaming grin as he looked into Renesmee's chocolate eyes. They stared at one another for a long moment, the rest of us looking away uncomfortably.
"So, you're getting married!" Alice finally interrupted, unable to contain her excitement, "Oh, you have to let me plan the wedding! I did your mother's, you know, and it was beautiful, wasn't it Bella? And you're going to have a June wedding -- oh, a June bride! So romantic! It's too bad Forks is so gloomy in the summer -- I don't suppose you'd consider a destination wedding? Somewhere tropical, maybe?"
"Aunt Alice, I think we want to have it here, somewhere Grandpa and Billy can go. We were thinking La Push, maybe..."
"They could go to Hawaii," Alice argued.
"Somewhere Charlie could go and not have a stroke when he sees the human disco balls in the sunlight," Jacob amended, still grinning, "and I use the term 'human' loosely."
Renesmee punched him again as Alice frowned -- I was certain at the location restriction rather than the insult -- but she didn't press the issue.
"Oh, baby," Bella whispered suddenly as she rushed over and took her daughter in her arms. Renesmee rose from Jacob's lap to embrace her mother tightly. Bella hadn't said much throughout the whole ordeal, and I was beginning to wonder how she felt about it all. I could feel the mixture of emotions, but it was hard to tell which was winning out.
"Are you ... okay with this, Mom?" Ness asked softly, pulling away and looking into her mother's eyes for her reaction. "I know Dad is furious, but I was hoping ... I thought you might understand --"
"Oh, darling! I am so happy for you! I will admit it's a little ... strange. I mean, after all, you are only six -- we haven't had a lot of time to get used to the idea that you're an adult now. But we did always know this was coming, and if you can stand him," Bella smiled weakly, looking at her best friend, " no one will take better care of you than Jacob will. As strange as it all may be, you two were meant for each other."
"Thank you," Ness whispered as she hugged her mother again. Bella wiped the tears from her daughter's eyes.
"And don't worry about your father, he'll come around. He knows as well as I do that no one will love you more than Jacob will. It's just harder for him to ... let go. He fought so hard to keep you safe, to protect you. The thought of you being under someone else's protection, out of his hands, makes him panicky. It's not personal," she added to Jacob.
"Sure it's not," Jacob muttered, shoveling another bite into his mouth. Bella sighed. We all knew it was a little personal.
"So, La Push then," Alice pressed doggedly, "What sort of a dress were you thinking? I don't know if a train would survive La Push..."
Renesmee chuckled softly at Alice's undeterrable enthusiasm. Everyone settled around the table to discuss the wedding plans and contemplate internally what they would mean for each of us. Our little girl was grown up. She was getting married. Leaving. I vacillated between sharing Edward's ire and giving in to the euphoric happiness radiating from Jacob and Renesmee. It was just too weird. Our baby. Our miracle child.
I decided to distract myself immediately.
"So did you ever find out what was wrong with the motorcycle?" I asked, turning to Jacob. Everyone else continued with the wedding plans as though they hadn't heard me. Jacob snickered.
"Yeah, when I had helped her off the bike I disconnected the starter," he chuckled again, "She had no idea. She may be a genius, but she's about as oblivious as Bella when it comes to anything with a motor."
I laughed too. "So you really had this all planned out, huh? How did you keep Edward from knowing this whole time?"
"Well, I'm sure he knows I've been thinking about it for a while, but I hadn't really set my mind to it until two weeks ago. Ness and I were in Port Angeles and she was trying on some dresses and the dressing room happened to be near a jewelry counter. I saw some of the rings and it started the wheels turning, you know?"
"You bought her a ring there?" I asked, trying not to concentrate on the horror Alice would feel when she learned her niece's ring was purchased at a department store.
"No," Jacob snorted, "Do you think Alice or Rosalie would ever let me live it down if I did? They would have ripped that thing off her finger and chucked it into the woods."
I laughed a little too loudly. Everyone looked at me curiously and I tried to stifle the laugh, managing only to cough awkwardly instead. I could just see Alice and Rose doing exactly that. Edward might have had two more people on his side...
"No, I went to Seattle with Billy last week -- when I said I had to take him to the doctor, remember? -- and we hit up every jewelry store in the city. Nothing seemed quite right for her, though. All the new sparkly rings just seemed too ... ordinary. I was starting to think it was a sign or something when we finally passed this antique shop. Billy suggested we go in and I was getting desperate by this point so I said okay. The guy showed me about twenty rings, and they were all beautiful, but none of them was Ness. Finally he said, 'Wait, I have just the thing,' and he went into the back and came out with the most perfect ring I could have imagined. It was antique gold with this beautiful diamond surrounded by deep green emeralds. They reminded me of the woods, and the gold was so warm and bright... There's even an inscription inside in French, which -- according to the owner, so I hope he's right -- says, 'Eternity with you is heaven on earth' or something. It's a little cheesy in English, but it sounded very poetic when he said it in French..."
I nodded, trying not to smile again. It was a very romantic sentiment. I said it to myself in French,
Etérnité avec tu est paradis sur terre
It was just the thought of Jacob and a "poetic" French inscription that I found slightly comical. Just another tally on the "Things I Never Thought I'd See Jacob Black Do" list. It was sweet, though.
"It does suit her," I said after a moment, studying the ring on Renesmee's finger. He was right about the gold -- far from gaudy or garish, the warm hue accented her creamy skin beautifully. "I think Alice and Rose will be proud of you -- though Rose will never admit it."
Jacob grinned. "Thanks. I certainly did my best. And she seems to like it, so," he shrugged, and I knew that sentence would be finished, So who cares what anyone else thinks. He was right, though. Renesmee seemed to love her ring, and that was really all that mattered, even to Alice and Rosalie.
"So how did you keep Edward from knowing?" I asked again, still curious. It was nearly impossible to keep secrets from Edward.
"Oh yeah, well, don't tell anyone," Jacob winked, looking around us conspiratorially, "but I've actually gotten pretty good at keeping things from Edward. You just have to be really careful to focus on something else and what's going on around you. Maybe it's harder for you guys," he shrugged again, noting my quizzical expression, "I mean, supposedly there's a lot more room in your heads to fill up, so it's probably harder to block out specific thoughts. But I've gotten it down to a science, as long as I'm concentrating. I think about whatever I want him to hear, and then that last little bit of background thought I fill with concentrating on whatever's going on around me -- conversations, movements, opinions about what people are saying or might be thinking... It's worked pretty well so far."
"Hmm," I said, my brow furrowed. I wondered if that would work. There weren't usually any secrets I needed to keep from my brother, but once in a while it would be nice to have some mental privacy. It would be fantastic to actually beat him at wrestling or Chess or something.
"You'll have to give it a shot sometime," Jacob chuckled, scraping the last remnants of potato from his plate and rising to put the dish in the sink.
"I'll start practicing," I grinned. Poor Edward. We really did gang up on him sometimes.
"--what about a band? Not one of those cheesy wedding bands, more like an orchestra? You could have a harp and a cello and violins... It would be so beautiful--" Alice was rambling on. I smiled at her sheer determination and patted poor Ness reassuringly on the shoulder as I rose to exit the room. Now that I had heard the story of how the engagement had come about, I had to admit I wasn't really all that interested in the particulars of the actual ceremony. I was sure I'd hear endless details about it from every female in the house for the next ten months -- it would be all Alice would talk about, and I was suddenly envious of human couples who needed to sleep at least a few hours a night.
"She'll rip my throat out for this, but you can always tell her no," I whispered in Renesmee's ear as I touched her shoulder. Alice glared at me so darkly I was suddenly sure that my "winnings" from our bet were off the table. I kissed Alice quickly on the head, though she tried to duck out of the way, and strolled briskly out the back door. Maybe I would find Edward -- his choice of activities for working off a little of that emotion might be very entertaining. I smiled to myself as I raced off into the woods following his scent. I'd start practicing right now.