8. ACCEPTED

THE DRIVE BACK TO FORKS WAS MUCH MORE PLEASANT THAN THE RIDE TO Denali. Everyone seemed wrapped in the euphoria of the wonderful event, and even the "slowness" of the Jeep didn't dampen Emmett's spirits. He had found not one, but two huge irritated grizzlies before we had left -- though the prize of the largest bear had been mine, thanks to Alice. I had nobly allowed Emmett to choose the game anyway, figuring this would brighten his mood without forcing me to throw a match. It had been wrestling, of course, but it was much more fun watching -- and then participating in -- a fight with Garrett than the many matches Emmett and I had at home. I was going to miss Garrett, I thought as I watched the trees whiz by, thickening with the lower altitude. He had assured us he would make a visit with Kate and Tanya soon. I hoped he would. If nothing else, Garrett was entertaining.

When we arrived back at the big white house, Jacob and Renesmee were waiting for us on the porch. I could see Bella, Edward, Carlisle, and Esme in the living room, watching with anticipation. Renesmee jumped to her feet as we exited the car, holding a white envelope in her hand. I glanced to Alice who was trying to suppress a smile. Of course Alice knew. She must have wanted us to be surprised.

"Guess what?" Renesmee could hardly contain herself. I noticed Jacob held a white envelope in his hand too, but he sat on the porch steps still, looking at his shoes. "We got in! All of us! We're going to Dartmouth!" Renesmee cried.

Rosalie ran and threw her arms around her niece. She was probably more excited than Renesmee. Hordes upon hordes of drooling teenage boys to hang on her every movement -- Rosalie would be in heaven. I smiled broadly at Renesmee in congratulations. Of course, we all knew there wasn't much chance we wouldn't get in -- hell, Bella had bet a house on it -- but I supposed it was exciting knowing for sure. Renesmee was certainly excited, and I was excited for her.

"Big Greens!" Rosalie cheered.

"College bound again," Emmett chortled.

"New school clothes," Alice smirked. She meant it as a joke, but we all knew she was dead serious.

I walked over to Jacob. He didn't seem anywhere near as enthusiastic as the rest of the congregation.

"You okay?" I asked quietly, seating myself next to him.

"Yeah, I guess. This is a good thing, I know, it's just..." He looked toward La Push.

"I know. But everyone will be fine. And we'll visit all the time. Every vacation and three-day weekend -- you know we won't be able to keep Bella away from Charlie for long."

Jacob nodded noncommittally and then looked directly into my eyes. "I'll feel better about it after March, too," he said meaningfully. I nodded. The SAT's were in March.

"Better fake it, for now," I advised, looking at the celebrating family, "You don't want to ruin anything for Ness."

"I know. She sure is excited, isn't she? Maybe we should have taken her someplace else a long time ago. Let her experience something new..."

"She has all the time in the world to go someplace new. Really, she only has a handful of years with Charlie."

Jacob nodded thoughtfully. I wasn't sure if he agreed with me or not, but truthfully I couldn't imagine anyone having a better childhood than Renesmee had had. She was almost overwhelmingly loved, she had every necessity and luxury she could want, she was polite and educated and full of spunk... Other than the danger she was put in for merely being born, half human, half vampire, I couldn't see any negatives in her life. She was a charmed child. We couldn't have done much better by her.

I saw Jacob grinning a little too broadly and looked to see Renesmee trotting toward us. She really was ecstatic. I supposed she had been in one place all her life... We'd never really felt the need to travel far after the incident with the Volturi and the question of her rapid growth had been solved. What was there outside Forks that we needed now? But if she was this happy to get out, maybe we had done something wrong, missed some sign.

"I can't wait to look at housing!" she threw herself into Jacob's lap. I glanced away uncomfortably.

"Maybe Esme can help with our place, too," Jacob suggested. Esme immediately appeared in the doorway, her heart-shaped face lit with a thrilled smile.

"Oh, I'd love to! I suppose you won't be able to be too close to us, but really what difference does a few miles make?"

"None at all, " Rosalie interjected, "We can come over to see you all the time." She looked pointedly at Jacob. Jacob acted as if he hadn't heard her, then looked at me mischievously. The side of my mouth pulled up in a grin.

"Jasper, do you know what you call a blonde with half a brain?" He raised a dark eyebrow at the scowling Rosalie, "Gifted."

I chuckled as Renesmee coughed to hide her laugh. Rosalie turned and flounced up the steps into the living room, muttering, "That's your new material?" I was pretty sure she hadn't heard it before, though.

Unable to be distracted from her news for long, Renesmee grabbed Jacob's large hand and jumped to her feet, pulling him into the house, too.

"Come on, let's go see what they have available."

The rest of the day was spent in various Dartmouth-related pursuits. Renesmee and Jacob were checking out available houses and apartments online, calling every so often when one particularly caught their fancy. Esme was up in her office with Bella's blueprints spread out, making modifications and additions to the Hanover house. Rosalie and Alice were flipping through a handful of magazines selecting ensembles they thought appropriate for modern college students. Carlisle knew he all but had a place at the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center, but he was revising a letter expressing interest in teaching a course or two at the medical school. Bella had gone to Charlie's to tell him about the news. Edward and Emmett were flipping through the course guide trying to decide on majors. I had already declared myself as a Philosophy major -- it had been a very interesting study before I had left to return to Forks for Edward, after the whole Italy incident -- but I watched over their shoulders, sometimes selecting classes that might be interesting. It was a good thing Hanover was so often cloudy or rainy (not like Forks, but we could never hope to be that lucky anywhere else. It was one reason we had stayed so long) or my options would really be limited. Most the classes I liked were during the daylight hours.

Edward was leaning toward majoring either in Religious Studies or Anthropology. Quite the juxtaposition in majors, but, as Edward pointed out, one did not necessarily negate the other. After all, Anthropology was the study of mankind and all his cultures, including religion. And, as Carlisle had noted, even Charles Darwin had been a very religious man for most of his life, always accepting the existence of God. I wondered why Edward didn't simply double major. It wasn't as though he would have difficulty with the course load.

Emmett's choices, on the other hand, were much less defined. He would jump from one major to the next as an interesting-looking class caught his eye. He bounced from Engineering to Germanic Studies to History. I couldn't help but laugh at the enthusiasm he showed for each new selection, convinced on each page of the course guide that this would be his next major.

Bella, of course, had decided on English, and Alice had decided on Theater with an emphasis in movement and costume design. I could hardly suppress a smile when I thought about my little ballerina on stage pretending to "learn" to move gracefully and with purpose. Those poor little Dartmouth girls -- their self-esteem was about to take a blow.

After reviewing every major there was three times over, Jacob had settled upon Native American Studies. Renesmee had suggested half-heartedly that he might want to branch out and learn something new, but I thought this educational path fit him. Knowing, as he did, that there were more to the tales of the Native Americans than just myth and legend, I was sure Jacob could bring a new perspective to the lectures. His knowledge in this area might even help us all in the future. Who knew that all the tales weren't true?

Renesmee had decided to somewhat follow in her father and grandfather's footsteps and major in Genetics (I was sure her own existence, as well as Jacob's, encouraged this educational pursuit), but after some thought she had decided to double major in English as well, inspired by her mother's interests. Renesmee couldn't wait to tell her mother that they'd be sharing classes. It was a little comical -- how many people attended college alongside their mothers?

Esme, as usual, was not going to go to school but would spend her time at home reconstructing the house. Really, the only members of the family left undeclared were Rosalie and Emmett. I thought Emmett should go with the History major, focusing on combat and warfare. Edward had suggested he try something outside the box (for him), like Sociology or Psychology. I had thought to myself that those studies might help him deal with Rosalie's constant mood swings, and Edward had choked down his cough so loudly he had almost made Emmett suspicious. Rosalie didn't seem too concerned in the selection -- she was more interested in the fall wardrobe than the fall classes.

We were all engrossed in our various occupations when suddenly a huge grin broke across Emmett's face. He laughed so loudly Jacob jumped out of his seat and Esme appeared at the top of the stairs in alarm. Edward tried to frown in disapproval, but he couldn't entirely hide his smirk.

"What is it?" Esme asked worriedly.

"I've got it!" Emmett boomed. He chortled again, vibrating the room with his shaking laughter. "Rose, I've got the perfect major for us!"

We all looked at him curiously. He had a wicked grin on his face when he finally held up the course guide for us to see. The page was opened to almost the very end. As I saw the heading I burst out laughing. Soon Jacob, Renesmee, Alice, and Rosalie's giggles and guffaws chimed in.

"What?" Esme asked again, whooshing down the stairs to be in on the joke. As soon as she saw the page she shook her head, trying, as Edward did, to frown in disapproval.

"Women's and Gender Studies!" Emmett beamed, apparently proud of his selection. The thought of Rosalie -- the epitome of male fantasy -- in a class dedicated to the study and advancement of women's independence and rights would have been offensive if it wasn't just so damned funny. And Emmett! Huge, burly, rough-and-tumble Emmett, raised in the Ozarks in the nineteen thirties when men were the breadwinners and women stayed in the home cooking and taking care of the children... Emmett as a Women's Studies major. My god, the faces on the little Theater girls would be nothing compared to the faces on the Women's Studies students when the swimsuit model and the WWF wrestler walked in arm in arm! I'd be surprised if they could pass a class, even with outstanding work. The professors would hate them!

"Oh, that will be fun!" Rosalie laughed, just as wickedly as her mate. "Can you imagine their faces on the first day of class!"

"Promise me you'll take a camera!" Jacob snickered, directing his comment to Emmett rather than Rosalie. Their camaraderie over Renesmee's present was certainly a thing of the past now. Ah, well.

"Maybe you'll learn a few things," Alice tried to sniff disparagingly. The effect was a little undermined by the twitch in the corners of her mouth.

"Well, I guess that's everyone, then," Edward said quickly, trying to redirect the conversation. I nodded, trying to compose my face. It was hard work.

"And I think we found a place, Dad," Renesmee exclaimed, unable to conceal her excitement. She motioned toward a picture on the computer screen, "It's a little house right off campus. We'll be near all the other college kids -- it's going to be so fun! Look, it's got a porch--" She pulled Edward over to the computer and continued listing the selling points of the little house. It seemed Renesmee was really looking forward to being just an average girl. It was a strange thought. Nessie was so far above average it was hard to imagine why she would want to try to be ordinary. But, I supposed, the rest of us had all had a "normal" human existence at one time -- it must be strange to have always been different. She wasn't a human, she wasn't a vampire, she wasn't a werewolf... Where did she fit in? It must be almost a nice escape for her to just pretend to be like everybody else, to have a normal life for once. If she wanted to pretend she wasn't brilliant, wasn't unbreakable, wasn't an artistic genius, wasn't more breathtaking than the most beautiful sunset ... if she was willing to ignore all the incredible things that made her who she was just so she could fit in, it must be very important to her. She must really feel like she didn't belong, really feel like an outsider even among us, the closest friends and family she had. I could feel Jacob and Edward's sadness and guilt, and suddenly it was my own. I understood it. We had all thought we had done everything right by her. It was almost heartbreaking to realize she had never really been happy. That thought stabbed into my chest like the point of a knife. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I mumbled something about needing air and walked out the backdoor. I was across the lawn and over the stream in half a second, walking brusquely into the woods.

I heard someone following so I slowed down. A little someone, someone graceful and light.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked as she caught up to me and put her hand on my shoulder. I stopped and turned to look at her. I couldn't really put my feelings into words, but I felt just ... terrible.

"Ness," I mumbled. Alice's brow puckered and she put her hand on my face.

"She'll be all right. I suppose no one's really that charmed." Somehow Alice always seemed to know what I was thinking.

"But I always thought she was so ... you know, so happy."

"Well, she is. But you always want what you can't have and she's still young. I think sometimes we forget that she's really only six. She'll come to terms with everything eventually."

"But it's so sad," I said, shaking my head. I couldn't excuse failing the closest thing I had to a child as easily as Alice apparently could.

"Maybe we should have exposed to her to more people, more places," Alice conceded, "But we had our reasons. We've done everything for her we could--"

I shook my head again, about to interrupt.

"Look, Renesmee's life isn't perfect. As hard as every one of us has tried, that's the truth. She was born different. We all see her differences as blessings, and I think most of the time she does too. But it's part of growing up to question the things around you, question who you are, try new things. If she wants to pretend to be Jane Doe College, let her. I'd be willing to bet our tuition that by the time she graduates she'll be grateful for all the things that set her apart."

I looked out into the woods, not wanting to admit the wisdom of Alice's words. Renesmee was just a child, after all. Didn't everyone go through a self-exploratory phase? Wasn't college supposed to be the time to grow personally and branch out? And when I thought about every moment of her life until now -- giving her Esme's silver service to destroy just to keep her occupied, carrying her in our arms or on our backs every second she wanted it, smothering her in gifts and attention and love, being willing to give, at any moment, everything we had -- our very lives, down to the last man and woman -- to keep her safe... We really had done the best we could. There was nothing we could do, any of us, about what she was. And if she didn't exist exactly as she did, well, she just wouldn't be our baby.

I turned back to my little angel. She was right. We had all been amazed by Renesmee's gifts from the beginning. Everything about her seemed perfect to us. But it might take her some time to feel the same way, to realize that she was so much better than "normal." Normal had never been much of a commendation in our family. But if you had never felt like you belonged anywhere, normal would seem like exactly what you wanted. She would understand, someday. Alice was right. Someday she would see herself as we all saw her. A miracle. Perfection. Amazing. I felt a little better.

"Thank you," I whispered softly as I pulled Alice close to me.

"Everything will be fine, you'll see," she answered as she pressed her head to my torso. I raised an eyebrow at her. She couldn't know that, could she? After all, she couldn't see Renesmee's future. She shook her head lightly, "I don't need to be able to see her. I do know some things without looking ahead."

She smiled up at me and my chest expanded with relief, hope, love.

"Ok." I said softly as I pressed my lips to her forehead. Sometimes it seemed like Alice had everybody's gifts, not just her own. She seemed to read my mind like Edward, and now she had the power to calm and put me at peace, like I would. Talented girl, I thought as I stroked her choppy hair. My girl.

Yes, it would all be okay. At least Renesmee was safe and healthy. She had decades and decades before her to work out any despondence or melancholy. And we'd all be here to help her and support her. She'd marry Jacob, attend college -- maybe many times -- and we would all be around to remind her what an incredible creation she was. It would work out. Suddenly, I couldn't wait for her wedding. The first step toward making her as completely happy as I had always thought she'd been. As happy as she deserved to be. Alice seemed to realize I was over the worst of my worries. She leaned her head against my arm as we walked deeper into the woods.