Chapter 18 BFF
With the foundation day celebrations fast approaching, Sakura was glad that her class had opted to have a play. She had an excuse to get away from Shaoran without really thinking about it. Another good part about it was that she and Eriol were in charge of the music for the entire play so she could easily do that job that Ryu had assigned her and Shaoran with. She would leave messages in Shaoran's phone about the progress that she would have talking over with Eriol for his concert.
Aside from that, she didn't really need to bother him with anything. She didn't need to come within feet from Shaoran either.
But as the days were fast approaching, it required a more hands-on involvement from both Shaoran and Sakura. She hadn't got a choice but to work with him side by side. At first she questioned why Ryu had given her such a task with Shaoran, especially since he had made it clear that he was seriously courting her.
With Shaoran around, it was going to be hard since it seemed that Shaoran didn't approve of him courting his best friend. But as Sakura thought about it, there was no other explanation aside from the fact that aside from the student council, the only person to know Eriol's secret was Shaoran. Every single student council member already had their hands full so Ryu didn't have much of a choice than to involve Shaoran and have him work with Sakura.
Sakura had to do it since she was classmates with Eriol. She was the one closest to him. She had the easiest access. There really wasn't much of an option there. They had to work together, even if it killed her inside. Sakura told herself that it was the time that she really had to be professional about it. She knew better than to mix her emotions with her responsibilities as an officer.
Sakura had met up with Shaoran during their lunch break so that they could plan how to go about with the advertisement of the concert. They knew that Shinzo Mizuhara name sake was enough publicity in itself but they had to be formal about it. They had to put up advertisements in bulletin boards around school and stuff like that. They had to make sure that everything needed for the concert were booked. They basically had to make sure that everything was running smoothly.
Sakura had to not think of her concerns about the entire thing during that time. She can't let anything hinder their work.
Shaoran tried to hold his tongue. He wanted so much to start a conversation with her but he knew that she wouldn't be talking about anything about it. Shaoran knew Sakura well enough that when she really didn't want to talk about something, she had her reasons and she really wouldn't betray anything easily. He had no choice but to work with her and talk strictly related to work. They were also on time constraint. They couldn't afford to waste time.
As Shaoran and Sakura scrambled around school together, one of Rika's friends spotted them. She quickly pointed out to Rika that Shaoran and Sakura were together again. Rika didn't really want to think about it. She knew that it was nothing. She knew that Shaoran was assigned to take care of the Shinzo Mizuhara concert with Sakura. There wasn't anything else about it. Though somehow she felt this pang of jealousy in the middle of it all. She told herself that she was being stupid. She knew that Shaoran loved her or else they wouldn't have gotten back together. He was best friends with Sakura and they were both officers so naturally they would eventually find themselves working together.
But her friends kept reminding her that she shouldn't be so lenient with her boy friend. They kept saying that Sakura might take him away from her if she wasn't careful. Rika didn't want to listen to them at first. But the more they kept talking about it, the more they kept repeating it and telling it to her, Rika started to believe that maybe they were right.
Her friends were somewhat jealous of Sakura. She was the vice president of the student council. An ace student. A cheerleader. An all around person. Her beauty didn't help too. Every guy in school liked her, while some had a crush on her. She was this epitome of 'perfect' that they felt insecure about themselves in a way. Unlike her, they weren't that popular around school. Some of Rika's friends were considered average, a face easily lost in a crowd. They always had a reason to blame other people for their misfortunes. It was easier that way.
Rika wasn't like that. She was pretty much like Sakura when she entered her first year of high school. She was the new student of the class. She was hardworking in her own right. Responsible. Down right nice. She was intelligent, kept her grades up and had a pleasant face. She chose the wrong set of friends to hang around with.
She did like Sakura. She could remember that she had this crush on her brother during the first year before she was attracted to Shaoran. Sakura had always been kind to her. She always pushed her towards Shaoran. Thinking about it, Rika wasn't even sure how she started to think ill of Sakura. Somehow she felt guilty and remorseful. It was really a total 180 from what she thought of her before.
As Rika watched while Shaoran and Sakura continued on with their postings, she saw Sakura stand on top of a platform as leverage to post a poster up. Rika then noticed that there were first year guys who were chasing each other and weren't really looking at where they were going. They suddenly hit Sakura, rendering her out of balance. She started to fall back and it looked like she had already braced herself for the impact. She closed her eyes but the impact never came as Shaoran had caught her and was holding her in his arms.
Rika and her friends had seen it all. Rika turned away as her friends started to gossip and tried to interpret things that weren't really what it seemed.
When Sakura opened her eyes, she was really surprised to see that she hadn't hit the ground but rather was in Shaoran's arms. "Are you alright?" He asked.
Sakura nodded a little as Shaoran put her down. "Yeah. Thanks." She then cleared her throat, hoping that no one really saw what happened, especially Rika. She didn't want to be another talk of the town.
The first year guys just approached her and apologized. Sakura smiled at them and told them that it was alright and that they should be careful next time. As they left, Sakura and Shaoran awkwardly started on with their work again. How could they have known that things were turning and starting to become somehow out off control?
That afternoon, Sakura was with Shiho and Tomoyo. They were engaged in an animated conversation where they were laughing heartily and was simply enjoying themselves as they carried some files and were bringing it to the student council office. Tomoyo had offered to help them. They were walking down the corridor. They hadn't noticed that Rika and some of her friends were walking towards them.
Rika and the others then stood in front of them. Sakura, Shiho and Tomoyo greeted them. Sakura gave them a big smile but then Rika slapped Sakura right across her face. Sakura almost dropped what she was carrying and staggered back a little. She was stunned. She looked at Rika inquiringly with Tomoyo and Shiho looking on, just as stunned as she was.
They didn't know that from another corridor, the one that intersected the one they were in, Ryu and Kenishiro were also walking towards the student council office and saw what happened from the glass windows. They stopped walking as they too were really surprised with what Rika had done.
"Rika-san…" Sakura started, not knowing what to say or do. She wasn't even sure what it was about.
"How could you, Sakura? I trusted you." Rika suddenly said.
Sakura straightened up a bit, still couldn't follow what she was talking about. Her cheek still was sore.
"How could you do this? Were you just playing with me all this time?" She asked.
Sakura started to shake her head. "Rika-san…I don't know what you are talking about-"
"Bull Shit! I'm not stupid! Stay away from him Sakura. Stay away. You already have Ryu and all other guys in school and you want to take him too? You bitch! Just stay away." Rika said as she walked passed Sakura and the others and pushed her aside roughly. Rika's friends followed her.
"Rika-san!" Sakura tried to call out but she would not hear her.
Tomoyo and Shiho approached Sakura. Tomoyo laid a gentle hand on Sakura's shoulder. "Sakura…" She said.
Sakura didn't look at her. She seemed to be on the verge of tears. "Um…listen…um…I'm going on ahead if you don't mind…I think I want to be alone for awhile…" Sakura said as she quickly turned and ran to the end of the hallway towards the flight of stairs.
Ryu and Kenishiro watched her as Tomoyo and Shiho started to run after her.
But upon reaching the edge near the flight of stairs, Sakura bumped into somebody who had climbed to that level. Sakura and the person dropped the things they were carrying. Sakura quickly got to her knees and started picking the things up. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…I wasn't looking where I was going…" Sakura said.
"You seem to be in a hurry." Came the voice.
Sakura froze and closed her eyes. Oh no… Sakura looked up and sure enough it was Shaoran. Sakura just bowed slightly and quickly gathered her things and stood.
"I'm sorry. I've got to go." Sakura said as she was about to run up the next flight of stairs.
But Shaoran quickly stopped her by grabbing her arm. "Sakura." He said.
Sakura stopped and didn't say anything. She was trying to keep her composure. "Please get out of my way, Shaoran." Sakura said.
Shaoran didn't go but approached her slightly. "Something is bothering you." Shaoran commented.
"No. There isn't. I just need to go." Sakura replied, refusing to look at him.
Shaoran looked at her and saw that her face was slightly red on one side. Shaoran touched her chin to make her face him.
Sakura fought him off. "You call that nothing. You were hit." Shaoran said with much concern.
"I just hit myself when I opened the door. You know, clumsy me." Sakura said.
"You know you cannot lie to me. I can always tell when you are lying." Shaoran said. Sakura said nothing as she motioned herself to continue to go up the flight of stairs. Shaoran held her arm, not letting her go anywhere.
"Please let go of my arm…" Sakura said.
"No. Avoid me, fine. Ignore me, fine. But I'm not going to let you go and keep lying to me that you are fine." Shaoran said firmly.
It somehow broke this barrier Sakura was trying to create around herself. She shrugged Shaoran's arm and looked at him.
"Wake up, Shaoran! Don't you get it? I don't need you!" Sakura said.
Shaoran seemed surprised with her words as well as Tomoyo, Shiho, Ryu and Kenishiro. "What do I have to do or say for you to get it through that head of yours?" Sakura then added.
"I'll never get it through my head because you are my best friend and I am yours. I told you that you can't lie to me. I can tell that you have a problem and still you're being so stubborn to take it on your own. Do you know how it makes me feel? Do you know how it makes me feel that you keep pushing me away and I can't do anything to help you? You don't even think of that do you?"
Sakura took a deep breath to control herself and took a step down towards Shaoran. "How dare you? How…dare…you? You have no right to tell me that…because…I have done nothing but think of how you feel! I have done nothing but consider how it makes you feel even if it's killing me inside. Do you think it's easy? Do you really think that it's so simple to turn your back on your best friend and walk away so that he'd have the space he needed? But I did it. I did it! I…did…it…because I was thinking of you. So you have no right to accuse me of that when you are the one who has never thought about how I feel!" Tears started to fall down Sakura's eyes.
"I've worked so hard until now because unlike you this is the only thing I have. This is it right here. Unlike you I still have something to prove." Sakura said but paused.
She closed her eyes and shook her head. She then looked at him and continued, "I want the people to respect me…the real me. I don't want to be known and respected because I'm the sister of Kinomoto Touya or because of Yukito-san…you…Ryu-san…Kenishiro…Eriol…I want to be known as me, Sakura…I want to prove that I am a worthwhile person who deserves the respect because right now I am the bitch…I'm the slut…I'm the whore…one guy after the other…you're my best friend…you are supposed to be my best friend…but it seems to me that everyone could see and understand that but you…if you are my best friend, you will understand…you will keep away…you will leave me alone…because staying close to you hurts and I'm tired of hurting…I'm tired of crying myself to sleep because I am forced to ignore one person whom I care about very much…I'm tired of being blamed of something I did not do…I'm tired of covering up for you…just leave me alone…" Sakura said before she ran off up the stairs.
Shaoran was stunned but was about to run after her when Tomoyo called out, "No Li-sempai!"
He turned and saw Tomoyo and Shiho running towards him. Ryu and Kenishiro joined them too. "Don't, Li-sempai…give her some space…it's been really hard on her…" Tomoyo said. Shaoran stood there and said nothing as he contemplated.
"I told you…I warned you not to hurt her." Ryu said.
Shaoran turned to him. He seemed a little angry at the comment. "What? You're going to hit me? When you told me not to hurt her, I told you I should be telling you that. But you hurt her anyway. I can't believe you can be so dense even with your best friend. If you want to know the truth, try asking your girl friend, though I doubt that she will tell you." Ryu said as he and Tomoyo ran up the stairs after Sakura.
"Ryu's right, you know. If you still haven't gotten past the truth, it's better if you just stay away from Sakura. She deserves that much from you. For the past months, we have been working with Sakura closely because of the student council matters and we could see how hard she tries and how she keeps all her pain to herself. She doesn't speak of it but we know because we've seen it in her eyes when you come near her. Ryu and I both knew that the responsibility for Shinzo's concert is the most difficult task she faces right now but it's not like we have a choice. If we did, one of us would be working with you right now and not Sakura." Kenishiro said.
Shaoran continued to say nothing.
"Li-san…your girl friend…she slapped Sakura just now and called her a bitch…" Shiho said. Shaoran looked at her with much shock. "I was there by her side when it happened. I look up to Sakura-sempai so much because of her strength, character, everything…when she was slapped and accused like that, Tomoyo-sempai and I saw this raw pain in her eyes that made us feel her pain. You are her best friend. You should be more sensitive to that than us so I know you understand. Sakura-sempai always has a smile on her face to greet just about anyone. I've never seen her that troubled and pained before. She deserves to be really happy. So please…Li-san…for now…just stay away…get the facts straight and maybe by then, you can make it better." Shiho said as she and Kenishiro left Shaoran and followed Ryu and Tomoyo.
Shaoran punched the wall in frustration and sat by the foot of the stairwell. It hurt a lot. His heart felt like exploding. He lost his best friend and his girl friend had something to do with it. He felt lost in his pain.
Ryu, Tomoyo, Shiho and Kenishiro stood by Sakura and let her cry. They didn't say anything because they all knew that she didn't want to talk about it. They were there trying to support her. It was getting dark and they knew they had to go home. They offered to walk Sakura home but she smiled at them a little and refused.
She said that she was going to be fine and she just really wanted to be alone. Besides, she said that she didn't want to alarm her brother knowing that they accompanied her home. She didn't want him to think that there was something wrong yet. Reluctantly, they agreed.
When Sakura got home, Touya, Yukito and a few of their classmates were there doing a project. Sakura smiled at them a little sadly and bowed. She told Touya that she was going to be in her room. Yukito and Touya exchanged glances. They immediately knew that something was wrong with her.
Touya got up and followed Sakura upstairs. Yukito gave him a nod and attended to their other group mates.
Touya knocked on the door before opening it. He didn't wait for Sakura to answer. He just let her know that he was there. "What's up, imouto-chan?" Touya asked as he entered the room.
Sakura sat from her bed and smiled at him. "Nothing much, 'nii-chan. I'm just worn out." She answered.
Touya took her chair and sat in front of her. "Ready to talk?" He asked.
Sakura took a deep breath and said, "I'm just so tired, that's all 'nii-chan. Besides, you're just going to call me stupid again. Why don't we just skip until the end, call me stupid and that's it?"
Touya looked at Sakura stood up and sat next to her on her bed and hugged her.
Sakura started to cry. Touya didn't say anything as he hugged her. He could guess what was really bothering her. He said nothing as he let her pour her heart out. He allowed himself to be her big brother. Touya knew that as much as he wished he could protect her from much pain, he could only do so much. He had faith in her that she would be able to overcome it. But for now, he was there beside her. Sakura then started to tell him the truth of what had been happening for the past months. Touya listened. His heart tightened as he started to understand the truth. He knew that something was up. He hadn't known how deep it ran.
Touya could feel his sister's pain. He hadn't known that she carried that much pain inside behind that smile of hers. He could never have guessed that it ran that deep. He could always tell when something was wrong or was bothering Sakura but she had grown up into this fine, strong woman that somehow it became harder to see the extent of her pain. The thing that bothered Touya the most was that there wasn't much he could do to prevent it. Besides, it was his decision to stay back and watch. He had told Yukito to do the same. Somehow he regretted the decision a little.
Touya held Sakura tighter and told her that it was going to turn out alright. She had to be strong. He told her, "Sakura, it's alright. It's going to be fine. Nothing bad lasts and I know you know that. Right now, you just have to be strong. I know that's pretty hard to do. If you think you can't find the strength, lean on me or Yukito or your other friends. We're here to help you out. I mean, I know I can be a pain but what are big brothers for? It will pass. Remember what I told you when you first entered the student council last year?"
Sakura broke off from him and wiped her tears. She nodded. Touya grinned. "When you think of giving up, think about why you have held on that far." Sakura said.
Touya nodded. He then made her face him, "Remember that, imouto-chan. Never forget that." He smiled at her as Sakura smiled back a little. Touya then kissed her forehead and hugged her again.
"Thanks, 'nii-chan. Even if you're such a blockhead most of the time, you still are the best big brother."
"You've got that right." Sakura started laughing.
(to be continued…)
Hmm…now there is no turning back. Thanks for reading and reviewing up to this chapter. I appreciated and am honored with all the support that you guys been giving. Please do continue sending in what you think and accompany me for the next chapters. There is still a long way to go. Thanks.
Michiko