EPILOGUE
"SO DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TAKE THE BLUE ONE OR THE PINK ONE?"
Renesmee held up two identical silk blouses, one in each buttermilk hand as she cocked her head toward her new husband.
"I dunno, what's the difference?" Jacob shrugged, flipping through a stack of photos before shoving them in an envelope and tossing them into the suitcase. It could hardly be called a suitcase, really -- Jacob himself could have squeezed inside it, and still had room for a dozen blouses.
Alice sighed in exasperation and snagged both shirts from her niece, folding them neatly and placing them in a corner of the case in the blink of an eye.
"You can never have too many clothes," she retorted as I raised my eyebrow at her. "You'll want options, Ness," she added, grabbing three more shirts and two dresses before Renesmee could decided against their necessity. Jacob and I exchanged glances and chuckled, and Renesmee sighed dramatically in amused resignation and plopped down on the bed next to Jacob.
Everyone was packed and all the boxes and suitcases and trunks were loaded in the moving van, Esme doing a final sweep of the house as Bella and Edward said their goodbyes to Charlie. Renesmee alone had left her packing until the last moment. I wasn't sure exactly why, but I had felt a confusion of feelings within her for the past two weeks. She was excited -- there was no doubt about that -- but she was also nervous, a little sad, a little scared. She would be leaving behind everything she knew to start a new life, a new adventure, somewhere else. I was acutely relieved that I got to embark on this adventure with her -- she so easily could have left us all behind. I was supremely grateful she wanted us around for the next leg of her life's journey. I reclined against the wall by the door watching Alice fuss about the limitations Ness had emplaced on her wardrobe with amused content.
"Our place is small, Aunt Alice," she had insisted, placing over half her closet's contents into the "storage" pile to be boxed up and cached for later, more spacious living quarters. "I won't have room for a tenth of this stuff."
"You could always keep it at the new house," Alice had retorted, pulling two skirts and three pairs of designer heels from the pile and curtly placing them in Renesmee's giant suitcase.
"There's really no point in arguing with her, Ness," I chuckled, dodging the high heel that flew at my face and catching it neatly with one hand. I tossed it back into the suitcase, grinning.
"I guess you would know," Jacob snickered, cringing in melodramatic fear and yanking a giggling Renesmee in front of him like a shield as I made as if to rise and retaliate. We had been jibing each other since the honeymoon about the other's submissiveness to the whim of our women. Jacob liked to pretend that of the five men in the house, I ranked only above Emmett on the "Whipped-o-meter." I usually let him have his "triumph" -- it was an empty victory. We all knew no one was more attuned or responsive to the impulses of their wife than Jacob.
"Give me back that heel, Alice," I growled in mock anger, "Or better yet, don't you have a boot or something, Ness? Every dog needs a sound beating with a boot once in a while."
"That's not funny," Alice chastised as she seized another stack of clothing from the storage pile and folded it into impossibly tiny corners of the swelling suitcase, though she couldn't keep the smile from her face.
"That's right, animal abuse is no laughing matter," Jacob smirked, toying with the laces of one of Renesmee's snow boots, "It's really cruelty to animals to let Jasper follow you around like a lost little puppy, Alice--"
Renesmee squealed and dodged out of the way as I tackled Jacob upon the expansive four poster bed and wrestled with him, dislodging the covers and nearly taking off the mattress in the shuffle. I had him pinned in about forty-five seconds, though, no real damage done. It was a good thing Edward had thought to get an iron bed all those years ago.
"Who's the pup, now, mongrel?" I chuckled, my right forearm across Jacob's broad shoulders pinning him against the edge of the mattress, my left hand holding Renesmee's boot out of his long reach.
"Yeah, yeah, sensei, you're the master. Let's see how you do when my bark's as bad as my bite."
"Oh, that sounds like a challenge, young Daniel-san," I grinned, releasing his shoulder and jumping to my feet in one lithe movement, "We'll have to break in the new woods in Hanover some time..."
Jacob returned my grin, rising from the bed and pretending to dust himself off. Jacob wasn't as skilled as Emmett yet, but fighting him was a nice change of pace anyway. At least he was less predictable. A few decades of skirmishes and he might shape up to be a nice adversary, I thought.
"Just make sure Esme hasn't planted a garden," Renesmee giggled and I threw her a disparaging glare.
"Are you guys ready yet? Bella and Edward are back, and I'd like to get that hunk of junk on the road before the semester starts," Emmett called up the stairs, stomping upward as he spoke. Emmett wasn't thrilled that Rosalie had volunteered him to drive the moving van. I couldn't suppress the widening of my grin.
"Maybe I'll let Em have first crack at you once we get there," I chuckled, tossing Renesmee's boot at Jacob. He caught it deftly, raising an eyebrow and pursing his lips as he dropped the boot into the suitcase. Jacob didn't like fighting Emmett. Emmett took it too personally and would refuse to speak to him for days on the rare occasion Jacob got any considerable hits in. Besides, Emmett never allowed for Jacob's inexperience, and Carlisle had had to set more than one broken bone after their engrossed tussles.
"So, can we get this show on the road?" Emmett grumbled as he strode into the bedroom.
"Oh, give me five minutes," Alice snapped, gathering the rest of the storage pile and squeezing it neatly into the last few inches of remaining space, "Make yourself useful and carry the shoes down."
"Those are all shoes?" Emmett groaned incredulously, eyeing the two large suitcases and one long duffle bag stacked near the closet.
"Be glad you didn't have to haul down our closet," I muttered, striding over to the pile of bags and grabbing the two suitcases. If not for their bulk I could have carried all three -- they weren't heavy to us, after all -- but their immense size made managing even the two difficult.
"I'm not sure there's room for all this, Alice..." Emmett began, trailing off as he caught Alice's vicious glare. I saw Renesmee perk up at the possibility, but quickly capitulate at Alice's next words.
"We haven't even packed up the Porsche yet. Don't worry -- it may not have much leg room, but it will fit all of this just fine," she disappeared into the closet with a triumphant expression. I chuckled, following Emmett out the door as he muttered darkly about "women and all their useless crap."
As I passed through the now-empty living room I noticed a solitary item stranded ominously in the corner. It didn't take a second glance to recognize it as Aro's wedding gift.
"What are they going to do with that?" I asked Emmett, jerking my chin toward the immense iron box.
"Leave it here, I guess," Emmett shrugged, "It creeps Ness out and she said she doesn't want it in her apartment. Can't say I blame her."
It had been a while, the pressing mystery shoved to the back of my mind by my near-death experience and the loss of my beloved Kristalene, but I wondered again how Aro had known about Renesmee's wedding.
"No one ever found out how they knew? The Volturi?" I asked, examining the eerie, engraved metal locker.
"No. Edward and Carlisle have their theories, of course, but we don't know for sure," he surprised me by chuckling darkly, "Do you know what it is? The cup inside?"
"No, what is it?"
"It's a fourth century B.C. Celtic fertility chalice! Can you believe that? Carlisle looked it up in one if his books. The religious elders would give them to a couple on the night of their, ah, union, and they would both drink from it. It was supposed to ensure--"
"Yeah, I get it. Thanks."
Emmett chuckled again, shrugging, "You have no idea how pissed Edward was when he found out! He's barely gotten used to the idea of Ness and Jacob ... together like that, and then here's Aro, trying to shove reproduction down his throat--"
"Ugh, Emmett, I get it!"
"Carlisle thinks Aro really wants to see what happens when hybrids mate, what their offspring will be--"
"For crying out loud, Em, I'd rather not think about it, okay?" I growled, bolting quickly through the door, trying to escape his casual references to our six-year-old baby reproducing with a werewolf. Ech! I couldn't blame Edward for being furious. And what's worse, I knew Carlisle wouldn't be able to keep his own curiosity in check now that it was aroused. Edward would not only have to be seeing Ness and Jacob's love life replayed in their heads, but endure Carlisle's speculation about the possible repercussions of that love life. What a crappy gift to get stuck with!
"There's more?" Esme asked in surprise, glancing doubtfully over the packed moving van.
"You have no idea," I muttered, "Alice said we could pack up the Porsche if necessary."
"I think you're going to have to," Esme advised, "I don't think the van will move if we cram anything more in."
"Great," Emmet grumbled.
I headed to the garage where I could discern Rosalie's M3, Edward's Silver Cloud Rolls Royce and Astin Martin Vanquish, Emmett's Jeep, Bella's Ferrari, and my motorcycle -- among others -- sheathed under thick car covers. Only Edward's Volvo, Rose's new BMW Z4 Roadster, Carlisle's Mercedes, Jacob's Rabbit, and Alice's 911 Turbo were coming with us to Hanover. We would move the other cars over by degrees -- every time we returned to Forks to visit Charlie, someone would drive a car back to New Hampshire. We would still have more automobiles than any family could possibly need.
I set down the bags and popped open the impossibly small trunk of the shiny yellow Porsche.
"What does she think is gonna fit in there?" Emmett questioned incredulously, "Maybe you should put the luggage in the front and make her ride in the trunk -- oof!"
He huffed as I elbowed him roughly in the stomach. I took the duffle bag from him and maneuvered it into the corner of the trunk. Then with a little reshuffling I managed to squeeze one of the suitcases in beside it. I tossed the other suitcase in the microscopic backseat and shut the door, dusting my hands off dramatically. I don't know why I bothered -- Alice was sure to repack anything I put in now, anyway. No point killing myself to try to make things fit.
I heard Jacob shuffling down the steps before I saw him. He appeared through the doorway of the garage, carrying the immense suitcase across his shoulders. He had to turn sideways to fit through the door.
"So where's this s'posed to go?" he asked, setting down the suitcase beside the Porsche and eyeing it as doubtfully as Emmett had, "This thing's almost as big as the car!"
"Oh, move over," Alice ordered, pushing Jacob lightly out of the way. As expected she removed the duffle bag and smaller shoe suitcase from the trunk, skillfully repositioning them and shoving them back in, making room for the other suitcase I had thrown on the backseat. When the trunk was -- miraculously -- shut tight and the backseat was clear, Alice nodded to me.
"Jazz, if you could."
Shaking my head in amazement, mirroring Emmett, Jacob, and Ness who had strolled in behind him to observe the feat of contortionism, I lifted the gargantuan suitcase over the lowered front seat and turned it on its side to squeeze perfectly into the back seat. It fit like a glove -- Alice had a good eye -- though it was good we didn't really require the use of the rear-view mirror.
"You're a miracle-worker, Aunt Alice," Renesmee breathed in awe.
"No, it's dark magic," Jacob chuckled as Alice stuck out her tongue.
"You'll be glad it's all there when you unpack, Jacob Black," Alice countered, a mischievous smile playing around her lips. I groaned in unison with Jacob's expectant grin.
"You couldn't wait 'til I was out of the room," I grumbled, exiting the garage before I could feel any more of Jacob and Renesmee's enthusiastic expectations. I walked quickly over to where Edward was tucking away the last knickknacks and odds and ends into the few remaining crevices of the moving van. Esme must have gone inside for one last walk-through of the house.
"I wish Alice would keep her thoughts to herself," Edward muttered to me, glaring in the direction of the garage.
"Believe me, I quite agree," I concurred, leaning against the edge of the van. "When did she get to be an adult? A married adult?" I sighed. Edward knew I meant his only child, our little girl, our miracle baby.
"I don't know," he murmured, leaning against the opposite side of the frame, "I'm really trying, but you have no idea how ... how challenging it is to try to see your daughter through those eyes, to see her as a woman. It's taking all my self-restraint not to rip Jacob's limbs from his body every time he looks at her, and I actually like the boy."
"I'm sorry," I offered lamely. I could only imagine how abominably loathsome it would be to have to watch your daughter star in someone's fantasy's, even worse to have to see those fantasies acted out. Ech! I would never envy Edward again! Nothing he had was worth those pictures!
"I almost agree with you," he assented, grinding his teeth, "It's not as bad as I thought it would be, though. Jacob seems to be rather good at keeping those particular thoughts from me, for which I am indescribably grateful. Ness is having a little more trouble, but her memories are so colored by love and adoration, it's hard to be upset by them. They're just so pure, if such thoughts can be considered pure."
I tried to take comfort from that, the purity of Renesmee's love. It was only natural that such emotional love would express itself in physical ways eventually. Still, it didn't mean I had to be comfortable with it.
"No. I don't know that I will ever be," Edward agreed.
"So, everything in?" Emmett asked, emerging from the garage flanked by Jacob, Renesmee and finally Alice.
"Yes, I think that's the last of it," Edward answered, reaching up to pull down the heavy metal roll-down door. He latched it shut as Rosalie appeared, iPod in hand, scrolling down her "Cross-Country" playlist. Emmett glared at her sulkily. Rosalie would get to barrel down the freeways at one-hundred twenty miles an hour in her Z4 Roadster while Emmett would be lucky to crawl along at sixty-five, stopping every couple hours to refill the gas tank. I wondered what Rose would do to appease his ire when they finally got to Hanover, then immediately decided I'd really rather not know. I mentally thanked Esme again for strategically assigning Rosalie and Emmett to the rooms on the first floor, on the opposite side of the house from mine and Alice's. I hoped it would be far enough away to keep us out of earshot.
I heard the thick iron window covers descend slowly as Esme appeared at the front door, closing it behind herself and turning the key in the locks.
"Well, that's everything," she sighed, looking a little sadly at the beautiful white house. Everyone was a little sad. We all loved this house, would miss what it represented. It was familiar and comforting and known. Would the new house be so close to the thriving woods? Would it have a rushing river to leap over or dash across, or a sprawling lawn to wrestle in? Would Renesmee really come visit us as often as she promised? Could we really be as happy there as we had been here?
As soon as the sadness appeared, it began to fade, replaced by another emotion that was intensifying with every passing second. Yes, the Forks house was known and familiar, but Hanover was new. It was an adventure. Excitement began to creep over me from all sides.
Maybe a new beginning was just what Alice and I needed. An adventure might be just the thing to help take our minds off the loss of the only child we would ever have. It was a wound that was beginning to mend, but it was still far from healed. Some days Alice and I would just sit by the stream or in the towering spruces, just remembering and grieving the beautiful girl that had been stolen from this life. Some days I thought the pain was so unbearable that I must surely go mad from its torture, and I couldn't see the light of the dawn. But those were only some days. As the weeks had passed, those days had gone from never-ending -- one pain-filled sunrise blending into the next -- to days broken by moments of happiness and contentedness, to slowly, very slowly, becoming merely dark hours that were blemishes upon an otherwise peaceful existence. I could laugh, now, without the muscles around my mouth and eyes feeling taught and strained. I could joke and argue and care about where we hunted and what movies Renesmee wanted to see. I found that, more often than I would have thought possible a month ago, I was able to go about my life much as I had before. And I owed it all to my family.
How foolish I had been to think Alice and I were alone in this. The thought was absurd now. I had actually considered Alice the extent of my family. I would never take my brothers and sisters and parents and niece and nephew-in-law -- now there was a strange thought -- for granted again. They had helped me through this mourning as steadfastly and devotedly as ever I helped Alice. I was inexpressibly grateful for their support. As if I wasn't already eternally indebted to them for everything they had given me, all the kindness they had shown me, the very form of existence I now enjoyed, I was now forever beholden to them for my current state of recovery.
As expected, the strength I had feigned for Alice had taken its toll. Edward had found me one day, huddled against an immense pine three miles east of the house, nearly catatonic. I didn't fully remember the episode, all I could recall was that something about the colossal circumference of the pine's trunk had reminded be of the primordial oak tree Alice and I had circled in Viselkeizedevia as Kristalene watched in amusement at our awe. The tree was really only half of the oak's girth, but something about it had set me off, and I had crumbled into a ball of indescribable agony, freezing solid with the pure anguish of the icy despair, the stabbing cold penetrating through to my very bones. Even Alice hadn't been able to touch my consciousness when she arrived, moments after Edward, seeing my condition in her visions. It had actually taken every member of my family, all gathered around me in distressed anxiety, all emanating concern and support and unconditional love, to thaw my tortured mind and make me ... human again, for lack of a better word. If not for them all, I might remain, a zombie still, huddled against that tree, imprisoned in my mental Hell of memories and regrets.
In fact it had been only two days after that episode that another "intervention" of sorts had been necessitated. Thinking myself over the worst of my mourning I had gone alone into the woods, walking swiftly but aimlessly through the trees, obliviously lost in my own thoughts. I had been trying to think around the tragedy, around the pain. Like scratching at the skin around a healing scab, not wanting to reopen the wound but unable to leave it alone altogether. I should leave it alone. That would be healthier. But I couldn't seem to tear my thoughts away completely.
I wondered vaguely what had become of the Audi Alice and I had rented in Minsk. Had it ever been returned to the rental company? Had some farmer in Viselkeizedevia acquired a shiny but inefficient work car? I couldn't say I really cared that much.
What were the medical reasons behind my "sleeping" in the mine, my head resting in Alice's lap? I thought Carlisle's explanation behind my coma-like state made sense -- I had been practically poisoned to death, after all; certainly my body needed all its energy to recuperate, to fight off the foreign toxin ravaging my system. But to sleep after I had awoken? It was very odd. Carlisle thought my body was still burning off the remnants of the poison that ran through my veins, still needing all its resources to heal and re-engergize me.
Burning. I remembered the burning. Remembered that Hell fire and the vivid nightmares ... and dreams. The big ivy-covered house in Hanover. The children playing hide-and-seek in the front yard. Alice in her dress and pearls holding a baby. Holding my baby. Holding Kristalene...
By the time I registered the smell and realized where I was, it was too late. A small patrol of Sam's wolves, headed by the quick-tempered, attack-first, ask-questions-later, Paul had cut me off, preventing the intended hasty retreat back to the Cullen's side of the treaty line. Apparently the newfound pacifism Paul had acquired after imprinting on Jacob's sister Rachel did not extend to vampires. To be fair I was practically on Quilieute land, though technically still in the loosely-defined "no-man's land," but I still thought Paul's nearly instantaneous attack rather injudicious. We had maintained a steady, if tenuous, peace for nearly a hundred years now; it seemed rather imprudent to risk destroying it over one abstracted and distraught vampire. Still, when Paul had attacked, I had defended. And then as the snapping jaws and mongrel-stench had invaded my senses, something in me had snapped. If I had been human I might have called it Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder; flashbacks. All I saw was that vile monster that had taken my child from me and tried to take my life as well. All the pent-up rage and anger and focusless blame had erupted, exploding like a powder keg. Again, I didn't remember much of the incident, I only remembered fighting Carlisle, Edward, and Emmett tooth and nail as they tried to pry me off the nearly-unconcious Paul. Luckily for me -- and for Paul, I supposed -- Seth had been one of those among the patrol party, and he had taken off after the first blows were exchanged to find Carlisle and Edward. They had, quite wisely, brought Emmett along, and it was only through sheer superior mass and strength that Emmett kept me from tearing Paul limb from limb. And it was only through Carlisle's most avid assurances that I was not myself and I would never, in my right mind, break the treaty, and reminding them that surely Jacob and Sam had informed them of the events in Belarus, that we narrowly avoided an all-out brawl. Even then Carlisle, Edward, and Seth were hard-pressed to stop the altercation before Jacob showed up. Skidding to a halt in front of us, his massive russet form heaving with exertion as he panted and glared at the other wolves, Jacob had certainly saved the day. Neither he nor Edward would tell me whether he had actually given orders to back down -- as the packs had more or less recombined after the Volturi's attempted assault, Jacob's orders usually had to be followed unless they were at odds with Sam's, though Jacob very rarely used this power, and never used it on his own pack -- or he had merely reasoned and threatened until Jared, Brady, and a newer addition, Reese, had wisely chosen to pull back. Carlisle had assured them he would see Sam as soon as I was calmed down, and the five of them had dragged, shoved, and appealed me all the way back to the house, very nearly kicking and screaming the entire way.
That had been the hardest outburst to live down. No one spoke of it for a while, but I noted Carlisle leaving every morning for a week with his doctor's bag in tow, carefully avoiding my gaze. I noticed Bella and Renesmee tiptoeing around me, being very careful to say nothing at all that might upset me. And I noted Edward and Jacob, with furtive glances in my direction, heading off into the woods toward the Quilieute border. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and I demanded Alice tell me what was going on.
"Carlisle's been patching up Paul. I'm afraid you did a good deal of damage, though I think he deserves what he got. And Edward and Jacob are going to meet with a group of the other wolves to try to smooth things over again."
"Again?" I asked meekly.
"Well, yes. Sam has apparently forgiven us, though he made it very clear that if you were ever caught on Quilieute lands again there would be no backing down, no matter what Jacob's orders might be. And of course Seth understood, and Quil and Embry, but most the other wolves were chomping at the bit to come fight us. I gathered Jared and Reese were the worst. Reese is Paul's cousin, apparently, and he's taken it as a personal affront to his family's honor or something that Paul is going 'unavenged.' " She snorted at the ridiculousness of this notion.
I didn't. I felt awful. My own stupidity, my own damned, abominable temper had nearly destroyed the peace Carlisle had worked so hard to maintain, the camaraderie attained through bloodshed and battle. What had I done?
"What can I do?" I cried, jumping from my place on the white couch and starting for the door. I looked helplessly at Alice. I had to do something, but what? I couldn't go to Sam and apologize, I couldn't go to the wolves and explain. They'd rip my throat out as soon as look at me.
"You can't do anything, Jasper! You can't go near them!" There was a slight panic in her voice and it rose through two octaves as she leapt toward me in alarm. It struck me that she was worried for my safety, and I slumped down on the creamy carpet in defeat. Damn it! This was all my fault! And I couldn't do anything to make amends! Even if I could, after everything we'd been through, Alice's peace of mind was worth infinitely more to me than my own guilt or the werewolves' anger -- or even Carlisle's treaty.
"I'm a terrible person," I muttered, my face in my hands. Alice was at my side instantly, apparently all to willing to have someone to take care of, rather than having people hover around, intent on taking care of her.
"No, my love, no. Everyone understands. I don't know how you did it for so long -- how you kept it together -- but we all knew it couldn't last forever. It had to come out some time."
"Great," I mumbled, still not raising my head, "So everyone's been sitting around, taking bets on when I'd snap and try to get us all killed with my weakness?"
Gah! I hated feeling weak! And now my weakness had not only almost exposed us, almost ripped my sister-in-law to shreds, almost led to my brother -- and my wife's -- death, but now it put every member of my family in danger? God! I was a menace! They should banish me!
"Of course not, love, but I'd be lying if I said we weren't all ... wary. Do you know Edward's been following you everywhere you go for the past two weeks? He's stayed out of sight, trying to leave you your pride, but he was worried about you. That's how he got to you so fast with Paul."
Edward had been there first? I didn't remember that. I just had a blurry recollection of Emmett's iron arms around my chest, pinning my arms to my body like a steel cable, while Edward yanked at my waist and Carlisle stood with his body half-turned toward me, half to the wolves, trying to push me back as he talked the wolves down, me kicking and snarling the whole time, desperately trying to break free of Emmett's impossible hold and get back to destroying the wolf.
"He asked me if it was all right," she added, apparently fearing she might have gotten her favorite brother in trouble, "and I thanked him for doing it. I kept watching out for you, but of course it was a split-second thing -- I couldn't see."
"I don't think you're helping," I muttered despondently.
"Jazz, I love you. We all love you. I know your pride might be hurt, and I know you feel guilty, but everything anyone did was because they care about you. And everyone understands what happened, and no one blames you for it."
"No one except Paul," I grumbled.
"He'll survive," Alice snorted again, "Honestly, if he was dumb enough to take you on -- even with three other wolves for back up--"
I stared at her incredulously.
"He shouldn't have attacked you," she said softly, running her long fingers through my hair, "He knew what you were going through. Jacob told him. He knew what was going on, and still he attacked. It was just an excuse. Like I said, he deserved what he got."
I nodded vaguely in assent, but resolved to compose a letter of apology, or something along those lines, that Jacob or Carlisle could convey across the border to Sam and the wolves, maybe even to Paul. I mulled that over in my head, apologizing to Paul. I had nearly killed him, even if he deserved it. What pride did I have left, anyway?
In the end it had worked out all right, for the most part. Paul had healed well enough and although I had acquired a few new enemies -- Rachel Black included -- and was formally banned from Quilieute lands in no uncertain terms, the former feelings of wary peace extended to the rest of the Cullens seemed to have been resumed. I took the shredded letter of apology that was returned to me care of an uncomfortable and embarrassed Seth to mean that Paul did not forgive me, but as long as the treaty remained intact I supposed I didn't really care what Paul -- or any of the rest of them, for that matter -- thought of me. I hadn't undone a century of careful peace with one fell swoop of temper, at any rate, and that was more than I deserved to ask for.
* * * *
"So, is that everything?" Esme eyed Alice dubiously. I couldn't help the twitch of a smile.
"Yes, unless you want to tow the motorcycle?..." Alice turned her wide amber eyes to Emmett with little hope. She had asked him a dozen times already, though I had assured her I could live without the bike for a few months, but Emmett had flatly refused, adding that he might be tempted to take it off the trailer and ride it to Hanover, abandoning the moving van on the side of the road.
"Fine," she said with a little huff, "Then yes, we have everything we need for now."
"For now?" Jacob chuckled, quickly adopting a sober expression under Alice's stern glare.
"Well, then I guess it's time to hit the road," Bella declared a little wistfully. We all looked back up at the big white house, now dark and boarded up. It seemed already a different place this way. No longer the bright, cheerful beacon of family and happiness. That place was in New Hampshire now. We would make it home.
Emmett slumped into the moving van, grumbling under his breath all the way, shooting reproachful glares at Rosalie's back as she traipsed -- I thought a little too joyously -- toward her Z4. I was mostly over my pent-up temper, but maybe I'd let Emmett really take a crack at me when we got to Hanover and get the aggression out of both our systems. It might do us both some good, and, I thought, spare the house the wrecking-ball that was Emmett either in a temper or too-engrossed in Rosalie, whichever outlet his aggression took this time.
Bella climbed gracefully into the passenger seat of Edward's Volvo, Edward closed her door and slid lithely into the driver's side, Carlisle held the door for Esme and then stepped into his Mercedes, and Jacob chivalrously helped Renesmee into the tiny Rabbit before clambering in himself. The engines all revved to life -- the van's chugging ominously -- and one by one the cars began to pull into the long Cullen drive and vanish behind the bends of trees and empty road. The sound of the motors lingered on the breeze as I turned to Alice, circling my arm around her tiny waist and hugging her to me.
"Are you ready, my love?" I asked, watching her as she glanced one last time over the tall white house, the immense glass windows, the wide fern-encrusted lawn, the towering spruces and sitka pines. Alice sighed loudly.
"I suppose so. We're going to like Hanover, but still..."
"There's no place like home." I finished, smiling softly.
She turned her exquisite porcelain face up to me and laughed her silver wind chime laugh. The sound caught my breath and echoed and danced on the wind.
"Exactly," she sighed.
"Well, Hanover will be home too, though--"
"Though I can't see how it could compare with Forks. Think of everything that has happened here, everything that has transpired in this tiny town, in this house," she waved her hand, like liquid alabaster in its fluid grace, at the house.
"True. But we're starting a new adventure, my love. Forks can be our past. Hanover can be our future."
Alice frowned, considering.
"Besides, new house, new school, new clothes," I reminded her, "A mere two hours from New York, a giant new closet for us and the rest of the unwilling family, theater classes with envious little eighteen-year-olds..."
Alice back-handed me in the stomach, but she was grinning. She turned her petite frame to face me, wrapping her arms around my torso as she pressed her body to mine. She looked up into my face, smiling brilliantly.
"Maybe we could take a pre-vacation to New York while Esme gets everything settled in," she winked mischievously, "A few days at the Plaza, a few days on Park Avenue..."
I chuckled as I swept her up into my arms, carrying her toward the Porsche.
"I'm not sure that's worth my while," I bargained.
"I'll bet I can make it worth your while," Alice tempted, and before I could respond she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my lips to hers. She kissed me teasingly at first, just hints of what might await me in New York, but soon the kiss was something else, something more pressing, more important. She left one hand on the back of my neck twisting and caressing the curls. She put the other to my cheek, stroking her fingers along my jaw tenderly. I had no free hands, holding her as I was, so I found my way to the Porsche and set her down upon the hood, her legs over the driver's side. Alice pulled me between her knees, one leg on either side of my waist, as she ran her fingers through my hair and along my back. I held one hand at the small of her back, the other running softly through her jet black mane.
I wanted her to understand how much I loved her, how much she meant to me. I wanted all the happiness that flowed through me because of her to find its way into that kiss. I wanted her to know she was everything. She was my world.
"I love you, Jasper Cullen," she breathed in my ear when I pulled my lips from hers and moved them, instead, down her jaw, "More than I think you'll ever know."
"No, I know," I answered, skimming her cheek with my nose. "We're two pieces of a puzzle, I think, two halves of a whole. Sometimes I think you're more like nine-tenths and I'm the one-tenth, but still, I know neither of us is complete without the other."
She put her hand against my cheek again, but she pulled her face away, looking at me carefully.
"Are we complete?" she asked. I looked down for the briefest fraction of a second, my gaze resting on our entwined forms. What was the point in lying to her?
"As complete as we'll ever be," I confessed. It was the best I could do.
"And you're still sure it's enough?"
Part of me wanted to yell at her. Part of me wanted to shake her until the truth sank in. Part of me wanted to laugh hysterically as though it were some bad joke. Instead I took her face in both my hands, glaring intensely into her liquid golden eyes, so exquisite, so breathtaking, so damnably ridiculously determined.
"I. Love. You." I pressed my lips to hers firmly, not moving my hands from her face. I could feel her undaunted determination. "You did promise you wouldn't bring this up again," I reminded her, "but yes. You will always be more than enough. Most of our kind wander the world, alone, aimless, driven by murder. A lucky few find another to share their shallow existence with, but still, it can hardly be considered 'happiness.' I found you, and by some miracle you love me too. Already so much more than I could ask for. But then, we found Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie. We found an existence that harms no one and frees us from guilt and conscience. Against all odds we got Bella, and we, miraculously, were given Renesmee too. And, to top it all off, we had--"
Alice tried to jerk her chin away, her eyes pained. I held her tightly.
"We had a child of our own. We loved her, and I think she loved us. She changed our lives and she made us better. She fulfilled our dream."
Alice shook her head, opening her mouth as if to speak.
"What else could I want?" I demanded, forcing her to meet my gaze. "What else could I possibly ask for? I have had everything, Alice, everything! There is nothing else in this world that I want!"
I kissed her fiercely, holding her face until I could be sure she wasn't going to argue with me. She held onto her determination for a long while -- she could be so damned stubborn! I kissed her harder, as though I could convince her with a physical demonstration of my powerful emotions. It seemed to work, though. Finally I could feel her body begin to relax, could feel the resignation within her. But there was also a slight guilt, as though she felt she weren't doing her duty by me, as though she felt she hadn't tried hard enough. I tried not to chuckle with relief and amusement.
"Please believe me," I whispered in her ear, running my hand up and down her back, "I could never leave you. I would never want to. I am certainly getting the better deal out of this bargain."
She chuckled reluctantly.
"Yes, I believe you are." Then she sighed and kissed the tip of my nose. "I do believe you. I just want to be sure. I know how much ... how much it hurts me. And I know you blame yourself. I just want you to be happy, Jazz. Whatever that takes, I want you to be happy."
I swallowed once involuntarily before forcing a grin.
"Whatever it takes to make me happy?"
Alice raised her eyebrow, the edge of her lip turning up in a smirk. I knew what she was expecting. In a flash, though, I grabbed the car keys from her pocket and threw her over my shoulder instead.
"There might be some limits," she objected. I patted the back of her thigh as I opened the passenger door.
"No, no, my mental health is at stake here. You wouldn't want me breaking any more of Paul's ribs, would you?"
"Ha!" Alice snorted. Grinning broadly I set her down and she slid gracefully into the leather seat, her arms folded across her chest in a melodramatic pout. I shut the door behind her and walked over to the driver's side.
"Mmm, listen to that purr," I approved innocently. I put the car into drive. "Drives like a dream, too."
"What about what makes me happy?" Alice chirped as I accelerated slowly down the long drive.
"What makes you happy, my love? I already agreed to go to New York -- that's quite a concession."
Alice rolled her eyes. She knew as well as I did that although I had no real interest in shopping, watching Alice's face light up at each new shop window, feeling the pure joy and excitement she felt when she discovered a truly unique or fashionable item, was well worth the boredom and money. I'd follow her anywhere -- and that included Park Avenue.
"Right now," she replied, sliding her hand over mine as it rested on the gear shift. I eyed her suspiciously, "This is what makes me happy."
She pushed the gear into park and climbed over the console, positioning herself strategically on my lap. It would probably be uncomfortable if she weren't so small, the steering wheel pressing into her back, the gear shift into her left calf. She wrapped her arms around my neck again and kissed me rather enthusiastically. The last remnants of my suspicion were lost in the Eden of Alice's arms and lips and skin and breath and scent. In fact, I was fully engrossed in the kiss when I felt her left hand reach behind her and jerk back with the jingling of metal on metal.
"My turn!" she kissed my bottom lip in triumph.
I leaned back against the chair a little breathless. "Succubus," I muttered as Alice helpfully opened the door for me and pulled herself up enough to courteously allow me to exit. I was around the car to the passenger's side in a second and I sighed loudly as I plopped down into the seat. It only took one quick look at Alice's cheerful form and the hot branding memory of her kiss to decide me, though.
"Totally worth it," I grinned as Alice smiled radiantly and revved the engine, setting the car back into drive. I turned in my seat to catch the last glimpse of the big white Forks house before it was lost around a bend in the road.
"Well," Alice sighed, "we're on our way now."
I smiled to myself as I put my hand upon hers in the darkening twilight. The moon, ghostly pale in the deepening shades of the heavens, shone in and out of the arcing trees, like a spirited child playing hide-and-seek. I brushed my fingertips along Alice's jaw, perfectly content in this moment.
"Yes," I agreed, "we're on our way home."