Chapter 26 Shaoran's Decision
As Sakura made her way to the shop where Touya and Yukito worked, Shaoran shadowed her to make sure that she was alright. He knew that she had been terrified like she had never been in her life. He couldn't be there by her side and comfort her during her most trying time so he decided to stay back and make sure that she would be fine and no one was going to hurt her before she arrived at her destination.
With the incident still fresh, the media would want to get her side of the story. Everyone involved at that incident had been so far tight-lipped and refused to talk. The only statements that were made were made by the police and the Ambassador.
The Ambassador had asked that Sakura and the rest of them to be left alone and wait for the official statement and report from the police. He had sincerely wished that everything would go back to normal. Shaoran wanted to make sure that Sakura was alright and that she wasn't going to be traumatized further.
Shaoran watched her to in to the shop and sat herself at the counter, where Touya and Yukito were stationed. There wasn't much people that the time. Lunch had finished and people were either at work or out at some mall or beach to cool off.
Shaoran could see that Yukito had brought Sakura a plate of food and a glass of her favorite strawberry shake. Seeing Sakura smile warmly at them made him feel his ache in his heart that he pretty much couldn't explain.
From the distance, he looked. He then noticed that Sakura had her hair down. He noted that she had been letting her hair down a lot lately. It suited her. But then again, no matter how she wore her hair, it cannot hide the fact that she was really very beautiful. Though, having her hair down somewhat brought this hidden beauty he hadn't seen out.
His thoughts came back into focus when he noticed someone enter the shop. Shaoran's mind needed only a second to process who he was seeing. It was Eriol. Since Sakura had her back to the door and was conversing with Yukito, she hadn't noticed him come in. Eriol had walked up to Sakura and covered her eyes with his hands. Sakura touched his hands and removed them. She turned and Shaoran's heart almost sank when he saw Sakura's face light up when she saw him. She quickly stood and hugged Eriol. He smiled at her and hugged her too.
Greetings were exchanged. They all sat back down again as it seemed that Yukito asked Eriol if he wanted anything. They were talking. Shaoran decided to head home. Knowing that Sakura was already safe, it wasn't he could be of much help anymore so he decided to leave.
Inside, Sakura said, "I thought you said you'd be back in two days."
Eriol smiled at her and replied, "Niigata isn't that far. Besides, I told dad that I needed to get back to help a friend. When he found out that it was you, he agreed so fast that the next thing I knew was that I was on a train back here." Sakura smiled a little and returned to her drink.
"So how exactly are you?" Eriol then asked.
Sakura was fiddling with the straw and couldn't help but share eye contact with Yukito. She gave a small smile. She then replied, "A little shaken up to be honest but I'm working on that."
Eriol nodded. Touya then joined the conversation. "You guys can stop worrying now. She's going to be ok. She just been able to step foot at the embassy again. I'm guessing that in a day or two she's back, the same old annoying monster." Touya said. Sakura started laughing. Yukito and Eriol grinned.
Eriol then stood up. "So you ready for dance practice? I did tell you that once I got back, I'll take you dancing." He said.
Sakura gave out a sigh and smiled a little, "Is Mikagami-san going to be there?"
Eriol started to laugh and shook his head. Sakura gave him a smile and stood up, "Good. I'm a little rusty. I'm not in the mood to start dealing with his eccentric ways right now." She said. Eriol grinned and offered his hand. Sakura took it.
Eriol said before they left, "Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on her and I'll bring her home safe and sound."
Touya smirked as he got back to work. Yukito smiled as he bid farewell to both Eriol and Sakura. "They are getting pretty close, Touya. It's getting a little difficult to see who Sakura would give her heart to." Yukito commented.
"I already know, Yukito. I'm just wondering when she will figure it out." Touya answered.
Yukito started laughing. He then said, "Well it would be a little amusing how things will start to turn out from here on end, especially since Shaoran saw just how close Sakura is getting to Eriol, not to mention Ryu."
Touya smirked. "So you noticed too huh? Well, right now they both stand on the same ground…confused." Yukito started laughing with Touya's comment.
Yeah. Shaoran was pretty much confused alright. He couldn't quite understand why he was hurt the way he was. He knew that he missed his best friend a lot. He missed talking to her. He missed being with her. He missed her smile. He missed her laugh. He missed having someone understand how he felt, how he truly felt. He missed being with somebody whom understood him for who he really was, no pretense, no walls, just the truth. Not even Rika could fill in that gap.
Shaoran headed to his room when he arrived home. He lost his match that day. He knew why. It was because he was distracted. He was distracted much lately. With all the things that were happening, it was just difficult to focus on one thing. His mind was all over the place and he couldn't bring himself to understand why. Or was it because he was just too stubborn to admit the truth to himself?
Shaoran laid back in his bed. He stared up at the ceiling while the afternoon sun entered his room. It was quiet. It was almost and deafening silence that was there. Shaoran then started to reminisce. He had been thinking about a lot of things lately but now it seemed that his thoughts were the most unsettled than they have ever been.
He closed his eyes. Sakura came to his mind. He started to hear her voice in his mind. All those times that they hung out and talked, hung loose came back to him. He could almost picture her smiling at him now and tell him that everything was going to be fine and that his thoughts and feelings would be settling soon. It wasn't that hard to imagine because that was what she always did when he was in some sort of trouble or feeling low about something. Sakura had always cheered him up. How he wished that she was there to cheer him up at that moment?
Images started to race through his mind's eye. Memories he shared with Sakura all came rushing back. Aside from his mother and his sisters, Sakura was the only girl whom she was really close to, whom he wasn't afraid to be himself around. At first, it started out like that with Rika but as time passed and she started to change, he found himself unable to reach her so he drifted away from her.
Shaoran could remember when Sakura first had a crush on Yukito. He smirked then as he listened to her. He hadn't said anything but he knew that somehow it wasn't going to work out and that it would remain like this 'brotherly love'. Actually he was the one who encourage Sakura to say something about it to Yukito. He could remember her blushing face and her telling him that it was crazy. She said that it was only an innocent crush and she didn't really think that she was in love with Yukito or anything. But because of him, she was able to tell Yukito and moved on after that. She got over her crush and got a lot closer to Yukito.
Shaoran then tried to think of the one time that he saw Sakura really devastated. He was surprised that he found it very difficult. It was just Sakura always had this smile on her face that could brighten up anyone's day. Who could have thought that she was really troubled deep down? Even he had a hard time seeing it though he could usually felt it. He cursed himself that he wasn't able to do that these couple of months.
The only memory that Shaoran had of Sakura completely down was when her mother died. They were very young then. She was four and he was five. That was the only thing he could remember during that part of his childhood aside from when his father died earlier. Even though he knew how he and Sakura have met and played together as children, that memory was the only thing that he could truly remember without anyone telling him what was happening then. Yes. He could remember that very clearly.
Before she went away, back home here to Japan, he had given her something so that it would somehow make things easier for her. Through the years, she had told him that she had lost it. It didn't matter much really since it was just this small thing that he treasured as a child. It had already served its purpose so he didn't mind it being lost.
Shaoran then started thinking of Sakura when they were children. He could remember that her personality hadn't changed throughout those years. She was still very caring and perceptive when it comes to others. She would gladly put other people's interests first before her own. That much about her hadn't changed. She always had a smile on her face that seemed to be very contagious.
But she was also very different now. Before, she would hesitate about reaching for her dreams. She was this shy, timid young girl who didn't have much confidence in herself. She would easily get scared of things and would find herself in tears if something happened that she thought was her fault. As time passed though, she was still shy and timid but it didn't define her now. She had this inner confidence that made her focus on what she wanted to achieve in life, to make it on her own. She was still very sensitive with people's feelings so she would do everything in her power to make sure that she gave a fair ground for everybody so that everybody would be heard. She would give so much of herself without asking anything in return.
She blazed her own path with this fiery passion that Shaoran rarely saw in others. She wasn't afraid to make mistakes and fall down. Rather, she welcomed it and took it as a learning process. If she had hurt someone, she wouldn't hesitate to apologize and try to make it right. She would always weigh the consequences before pursuing a decision.
Sakura became much like her role model, her brother. She would never openly admit it unless circumstances required it but Shaoran had known ever since they were younger that Sakura's biggest role model was Touya if not her father. She wanted to be as strong and kind like her brother even if he was a little difficult to get along with sometimes because she knew that no matter what happened, if she needed him, Touya was always there for her. She wanted to be like that.
Unlike before, she wasn't afraid to take a path on her own and see where it went. Just like the internship at the embassy, it had been a long time dream of hers and when the opportunity presented itself, she just went through it. Now, to have the courage to smile and start to walk among people again in a short amount of time after being hostage and almost losing her life was something that only proved how Sakura had grown as a person. Shaoran was proud of her for that. Though he knew that if she hadn't been that way now, then it wouldn't be really Sakura.
Shaoran's thoughts then drifted to the months that had passed. He remembered lying in bed and hearing his phone ring. When he finally took it, he realized that it was Sakura calling him. She had invited him to go out the following day. She had told him that it wasn't his fault. He remembered being a little confused with her statement. It wasn't your fault, she had said.
The day's events then replayed inside his head. After meeting her at the coffee shop, going out to the movie and going to Eriol's concert, he remembered that when he walked her home, she had said it again, it wasn't his fault. She had told him that whatever happened between him and Rika wasn't his fault. She kept of telling him that it wasn't his fault and that he shouldn't worry because things were going to get better and that it was going to be alright.
The next day after that, Rika got back with him and Sakura started to speak to him or acknowledge him less and less. She started to give her energy into numerous things that filled most of her time. It kept her busy that when he would approach her and tell her that he needed to talk to her, she would apologize and say that she was running late and that she needed to go.
Then it hit him…Sakura blamed herself for the time that Rika had broken up with him. He had been so down and out during that time that he hadn't noticed. Shaoran closed his eyes again with so much frustration in himself. How could he not have seen or detected that? She was right. Her feelings never crossed his mind.
He hadn't even noticed how much she hurt or how much she had grown. Watching her skate before when Tomoyo took him to see what Sakura had been up to for a while, it seemed to him that Sakura had just started to bloom into this delicate, beautiful, talented person that he had a hard time reaching already.
He hadn't noticed that the pureness of her talents and dedication made her into this special person that everyone was drawn to with much admiration and awe. He was stupid to have thought that she was just his best friend who was always at his side and not change. How wrong he was to assume that?
Sakura had grown a lot and he hadn't noticed. She started to spread her wings and show the world what she was capable of and he hadn't noticed. Her strength and courage rubbed against every person she met and interacted with, making them believe that they too could reach for their dreams. He had said it once that she was a beautiful person inside and out but at that time it sounded a little scripted and flat. But now, he understood the weight of his words. She was indeed a beautiful person inside and out, no trace of fraud or malice but simply this pureness that made her carefree. It wouldn't be like her to look at herself and boast. She would rather just look at the world and the people in it to see the beauty of life rather than look at herself. He knew that to her, she was just simply Sakura Kinomoto, a simple person who walked among magnificent men and women of the world.
Her smile. Her laugh. Her voice. She gave her best not just for herself but for other's benefit. Now that he was thinking about it, she simply started to exude this radiance he hadn't noticed before. She was letting her hair down a lot lately, walking with grace and confidence without being arrogant or shy. She had shown the world her true self.
Then the truth hit Shaoran hard. His heart was pierced by it. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. All this time, he was simply hiding and refusing to acknowledge what his heart had known for a very long time. He was in love with Sakura. He was in love with his best friend. Admitting the truth finally to himself, gave this air of relief that it seemed for the first time in months, he could breathe. He basked in the truth that he finally was able to realize. Maybe that was why he was so frustrated with Rika and why he was so distracted a lot lately. There was no other explanation. He didn't simply miss her. He loved her.
Shaoran got up from bed. He was decided. He couldn't keep fooling himself and Rika. They were all hurting and that would continue if he didn't do something to change it. He knew that he was going to hurt Rika but he was hurting her anyway. It was better to break it off so that she could move on and find someone who could really love her the way she deserved.
Without another thought, and before his courage failed him yet again, Shaoran headed to Rika's. He had resolved himself to making things right. Surely he wasn't going to back out now. He walked to Rika's and soon was in front of her door. He knocked. He didn't have to wait long before Rika opened the door. She was surprised to see him there but she let him inside.
"Listen I can't stay long." Shaoran said. Rika said nothing as she faced him. "Listen I-"
Shaoran started but Rika interjected, "Don't say it, Shaoran. I knew this day would come. Please don't say it…because I know…" Rika then stepped forward and held his face with her hands. Tears started rolling from her eyes. She then said, "I am not as blind as you have been. For the past months, I started to see. I have lost you a long time ago but I never stopped loving you. I tried to hold on as long as I can but it seems that this is the best way for the both of us."
Rika then let him go and gave him a small smile. She then said, "Go to her, Shaoran. Tell her how you feel before it's too late. She needs you."
Shaoran said nothing. His eyes could register emotions that Rika saw and understood. He nodded and turned to leave. Before he opened the door and left, he decided to say, "You know, I never lied to you. I did love you, Rika." With that he left, Rika broke down and cried.
It started raining but Shaoran didn't seem to mind. He had to tell Sakura. He needed to see her. He didn't want her to keep hurting herself for his sake. He wanted things to at least get back to the way they were. About from her house, he saw her with Eriol. He had brought her home. She was smiling at him. She thanked him and hugged him goodbye before going inside. Eriol then left. Shaoran stood there at the rain, hadn't been seen by anybody. His heart almost sank.
He decided to walk back home. His mind was racing inside his head. He thought that maybe he was already too late. It was hard. He started walking when he noticed a small kid was running after his ball. He then noticed that he was running to the street. He saw that the traffic light had just turned green and that cars were beginning to drive by. With the rain and the roads being slippery, he knew that it would be hard to stop. Shaoran quickly ran after the boy and pushed him out of the way. Shaoran turned and saw lights fast approaching. Then nothing.
(to be continued…)
Like a few chapters back, I'm reserving my comment for the next chapter. Thanks. Please do review. I would really like to know what you think. Thanks.
Michiko