Give me strength or give me mercy…..don't let me lose heart. Amnesia ~Elvis Costello
Booth let his finger hover over the 1 on his cell phone for a few moments, contemplating whether or not calling Bones at 2 AM was a good idea. Finally deciding that since she refused to take any of the other dozen or so calls he attempted since their big blow out two days before, it was ultimately her fault he had to resort to this. Decision made, he hit the button.
"Mmmm….what?" He knew he would wake her up, but he never expected to actually like the way she sounded…drowsy, disoriented and sleep-rumpled.
"Bones?"
There was no response from the other end aside from a deep sigh. Taking the fact that she hadn't immediately hung up on him as a good sign, he continued. "Bones. I'm sorry. I wasn't being fair to you."
He heard her shift in bed and closed his eyes to pray for a reprieve…and some control of his imagination. Another beat of time passed as Booth held his breath.
"Well, then I guess that makes us even."
The next night…
"H'lo?"
"Booth?" Came the whispered reply.
"Bones?" He sat up in bed, running his hand through messy hair. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes. I just…I couldn't sleep. And I wanted to tell you…that I'm sorry things didn't work out with Charlotte."
A sigh. "Thanks, Bones."
"You're welcome."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything?"
"How sorry are you?"
A pause. "As sorry as you would be if the situation were reversed."
"Okay."
Three days later…
When the phone rang at 4:47 AM, Brennan was in the midst of a dream about a smoke-filled bar packed with faceless people while she danced, slowly and blissfully, in the midst of it all, surrounded by strong, comforting arms she had no right to be in. She blinked confusedly several times, trying to bring herself back from her safe, comforting fantasy world and back into harsh reality. When her fuzzy eyes cleared, she groped for her cell and hit random buttons until the ringing stopped and his voice cut through the darkness of her bedroom.
"Bo-"
"Booth? Is that you?"
"Booth? Is everything alright?"
"Yeah." A rustling came through the line, followed by the sound of a bottle breaking.
"Booth! Are you okay? What was that?"
"Sorry, Bones. Dropped my beer. I think it broke."
"Judging by the sounds, I'd say so. Are you wearing shoes?"
"Nope! But I am wearing those socks you got me for my birthday last year! See?"
"No, Booth…" Brennan laughed into the phone. "I can't see your socks. I'll take your word for it, though."
"Thanks, Bones! You're the best!"
"Goodnight, Booth. Go sleep it up."
"Off! Sleep it off!" He heard her chuckle again. "Are you doing that on purpose, Bones? 'Cause I'm not drunk! I'm…pleasantly buzzed. S'nice."
She recognized the sound of his large frame dropping onto his sofa. "Get some rest, Booth."
"'Kay, Bones. Love you. 'Night."
She sat listening to him breathe for almost an hour before hanging up.
Four days later…
"Bones?"
"Yes, Booth?"
"Were you sleeping?"
She sighed. Not in resignation or out of any sort of inconvenience, because while Booth was many things to her, an imposition was never one of them. No, she was simply trying to steel herself against the maddening tide of emotions that threatened to sweep her under, as they always did when he made these early morning calls. After they made up in their own way after their fight, things between her and Booth had returned to normal…or what passed as normal for them. They worked their cases, both burying their truths in layers of witty banter and avoidance. But their outward appearance only served to deflect the real issues…something they were both extremely adept at. And the only time they let those layers slip was during these desperate, honesty-laden phone calls…calls both had started to depend on like heroin addicts at a methadone clinic.
"Bones? Did I wake you?"
"No. I was writing. I got an idea and I couldn't rest until I finished writing it down."
"Oh. Well, I'll let you get back to it, then."
"No! I mean…no, you don't have to do that. You obviously called for a reason…"
"It's not important, Bones. Really…"
"Obviously it's important to you if you're calling at…3 AM. What's wrong?"
He paused, uncomfortable. "I just…I was missing Parker."
"Didn't you see him this weekend?"
"Yeah. He left earlier this afternoon. Or, yesterday. Today is Monday, right?"
"Yes."
"Twelve more days until I see him again."
"I'm sorry, Booth. He loves you, you know. Very much. You're a good father."
"I know he does. I just wanted to hear his voice, but since he's sleeping…yours was the next best thing. Thanks, Bones."
"You're welcome, Booth. Goodnight."
"'Night."
Two days later…
"Bones?"
"Were you happier in Afghanistan than you are here?"
Booth sat up in bed, "What?"
"That picture, from the magazine just…You looked happy."
"I looked happy because…" He searched his mind for the right words, "Because over there I was just another nameless, uniformed soldier with a job to do. I was…free of…"
"Me?"
"I'll never be free of you, Bones."
"Is that a good thing?"
Booth smiled in the dark, "I think it is."
Five days later…
"I was wondering when you'd call again."
"Hello to you, too Bones."
"Well…I just…"
"I know, Bones. I'm sorry. I didn't call the last couple of days because I don't want you to think I only call you when I'm feeling depressed or needy."
"I would never think that, Booth. I understand."
"Do you?"
She thought for a moment, while he waited patiently on the other end. "Yes. I believe I do."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. And…I'm glad you call. Sometimes, it's the best part of my day."
His voice was a whisper. "Mine too."
Two days later…
"Hi, Booth."
"Hey Bones."
"Sleepy?"
"Nah, not with you on the phone. I can talk all night." She could literally hear his grin through the phone.
"That's a nice thing to say. You always know what to say. I almost never do."
"That's not true, Bones! You always say the right thing to cheer me up, or to make me understand something squinty, or to just make me smile." At her snort of disbelief, he insisted. "You do!"
"Really?" Her voice sounded suddenly like that of a little girl. He was completely charmed.
"Really, Temperance. You are my best friend for a reason. You keep me balanced, even when you're the reason I'm unbalanced."
"So do you, Booth."
"You think you'll ever call me Seeley?"
She laughed. "Nope."
Three days later…
"Booth, I do not understand this movie you gave me."
"What's not to understand, Bones? They're a married couple who solve crime."
"How are they able discern the important clues when it seems like they drink alcohol constantly?"
Booth laughed. "First of all, it's just a movie. Secondly, it's part of their charm. Like their amusing banter, it's a trademark."
"Oh, so this couple was well-known?"
"Bones! Everyone knows who Nick and Nora Charles are! My mom loved them; she even named her cat Asta."
"Well, my parents watched a lot of old movies but I don't remember this one."
"It's a classic, Bones. The whole series is. I thought you would enjoy it." He sounded a little bit hurt.
"Actually…I am enjoying it. Really, Booth. I especially like Nick, he's very debonair. A gentleman. You don't really see that much anymore."
"I thought you didn't like it when men treated you like a lady."
"I never said I didn't like that, I just don't like it when men try to do every single thing for you because they think you're the weaker sex. When you do those things, it's because you respect me. I know that, Booth."
"So why do you give me a hard time about it, then?"
"Because…it's fun. You get so exasperated. It amuses me."
"Gee, thanks."
"If it makes you feel any better, you remind me of Nick. You're both gentlemen and you make the world better by solving crimes."
"Yeah? That's nice, Bones. Thanks. And you definitely remind me of Nora."
"I do?"
"Sure. You're strong, witty and you also solve crime. Plus…smokin' hot."
"Thanks, Booth."
"Hey Bones…you know what else I have in common with Nick Charles?"
"No, what's that?"
"'Lanky brunettes with wicked jaws.' Nick Charles and I share a type."
One week and four days later…
"Bones? Bones, please…are you there?"
"I'm here, Booth."
"You'd never lie to me, would you, Bones?"
A sigh. "No. You know that."
There was silence on the other end, and Brennan could almost hear Booth gathering his resolve.
"Then, is it me? Is there something wrong with me that prevents me from having a real, honest relationship with a woman? Do I try too hard? Not hard enough?"
Brennan sat up in bed and rubbed her forehead absently. "Booth…there's nothing wrong with you. I know that you're feeling inadequate right now, but please remember…you ended things with Charlotte. You. Not her. I believe that had she been given the opportunity, she would have stayed with you. You're a wonderful man, Booth."
Booth scoffed. "But not wonderful enough, right?"
The silence between them was heavy, but not uncomfortable. They had long ago learned the cadence of their conversations, and this was one of those times where he knew to wait while she gathered her thoughts. When she finally spoke, Booth was shocked by the vehemence in her voice.
"Booth….do you honestly think I don't know what your agreeing to stay in our partnership after that night cost you? How hard it was for you? Believe me…" A catch in her voice surprised him. "I know, Booth. I know how difficult honoring my request was, and I can never repay you for that kindness. I don't know if I can ever fix what I know I broke that night." He listened as she breathed heavily for a few moments. "But I do know I'd like to try."
Booth sat deathly still in the quiet of his bedroom, not quite ready to believe what his ears were hearing. After six years and God knew how many prayers of intercession, was Brennan actually willing to give their relationship a real shot? He had to know for sure, because he was absolutely sure of one thing. He wouldn't survive it if she wasn't completely serious.
"What are you saying, Bones?"
The vulnerability in his voice cut right through her. She took a deep breath and steeled her resolve. "What are you doing on Friday?"
The abrupt change in subject threw Booth off completely, and he fumbled for an answer. "Well…I don't have Parker, so nothing, I guess."
"Nothing at all?"
"No…why? Was I supposed to be doing something?" Booth was totally confused.
Brennan hid her disappointment with a chuckle. "No, I suppose not. I was just checking. Listen Booth, I am about to fall asleep here. Could we talk more later? I am really exhausted."
Still wondering what the hell was going on, Booth heard something in her voice that made him let her go without a fight. "Alright Bones, its okay. Thanks for listening. Get some sleep and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Okay?"
"Alright. Thanks Booth."
"Always, Bones. You know that."
"I do."
Booth heard the soft click of the call being disconnected, leaving him to go over the conversation again in his mind. After the third rewind, he knew he was missing something about Friday, but he was so tired and sad and confused, he just didn't have the energy to figure it out. Maybe tomorrow, things would be clearer.
B&B
The next morning, Booth went into work as usual, having put the conversation with Brennan out of his head for the time being. He knew from experience that if he purged the thought from his mind, a solution to his problem would eventually present itself, so he contented himself with the paperwork that seemed to have bred on his desk like rabbits.
Two hours into paperwork hell, Agent Stevens poked his head in and asked Booth if he wanted coffee.
"No, thanks Mike. I've already had three cups today. I'm going to be bouncing off the walls soon if I don't give it a rest."
"Alright." He turned to leave, and then seemed to remember something. "Oh…Booth? Did you get that outline done for the meeting on the 20th?"
Booth looked confused for a moment, trying to work out what Stevens was talking about. "Oh! Yeah, the meeting about the yearly conviction rate. Yes, I did get that done. Although, since Bones and I were gone until the last five months, it's down this year." He grinned at the other agent, both knowing what Booth had said was absolutely the truth.
"Yeah, yeah…whatever. Well, as long as you have that outline ready for Friday, we're good to go. See you later, Booth."
Booth opened his mouth to respond when the reality of Mike's words finally hit him and his head dropped with a thud to his desk.