A/N: Just because I felt bad about the previous pathetic chapter...

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Chapter Eighteen: BPOV

I opened my eyes and regretted it instantly. I forgot to close my curtains last night and the offending light shone brightly into my bedroom.

I struggled into a seating position. I swear I wasn't this sore yesterday.

Why was I still dressed?

And why were my clothes trashed?

Why was my comforter covered in blood?

What the fuck had happened last night?

I tried to remember but my head felt fuzzy. Like I had cotton wool stuffed in my brain.

I figured a shower might help me remember the previous evenings activities.

Or at the very least help me feel less yucky.

Slowly walking over to the bathroom across the hall I noticed that I really was in a lot of pain.

I couldn't walk on my leg properly not without it giving way under my weight.

My head was banging, and my side felt like a boxer was using it as a punching bag.

I remembered that I had hurt myself the other day.

Well I hadn't hurt myself but that's beside the point.

But had I been hurt this badly?

I tried to get my brain to work but it was having none of it. It was like I was looking at the previous day through muddy water. Everything was distorted and wrong.

I ran my hand through my hair and winced when I touched a sore spot.

Running my fingers over the spot once again gently I felt a pretty nasty gash, but not the same one before.

Had I hit my head?

That explained a hell of a lot.

Jumping in the shower I rinsed my body off and was a bit worried when the water ran red and brown.

After I was clean and my hair was washed I stepped out of the spray and looked at myself in the mirror.

I hated doing this, it was just more evidence of my failure.

But it wasn't as bad as I thought, no new injuries that I could see. Except for my head.

Smiling softly I wrapped myself up in a towel and went to get dressed.

I checked the calendar and saw that it was only Tuesday. I couldn't remember going to school yesterday which was odd.

Shrugging on my jacket I walked past my mother on the sofa, with a blanket over her shoulders.

In the same position I had left her in last night...

It all came rushing back.

Edward. The Meadow. Jake. Charlie. The Kiss. Him Running Away. Walking. Fainting. A Mirror. Blood. Vomit. A Car. James and an uneasy feeling.

Tears pricked in my eyes.

Edward Cullen had kissed me.

He had kissed me then left me in the woods.

Left me for fucking dead. He knew I couldn't walk, he knew my deepest secrets. But he still left me.

I felt a stab of pain in my chest so acute it left me gasping.

Edward...

Even thinking his name caused me pain. I shouldn't feel like this I barely knew the boy!

And he clearly doesn't care about me.

I knew all this but it was too late.

I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

And it fucking terrified me.

How I made it to school was a mystery. I felt like I was falling apart. I wrapped my arms around myself hoping that might help keep me together.

How could I face him?

He was obviously repulsed by me. I couldn't face him after that.

I swallowed back my tears. I had decided to keep my promise.

I would not shed another tear for Edward Cullen.

Taking a deep breath I left the comfort of my toasty truck cab I headed toward the school. I had loitered in my truck for long enough that I had barely enough time to make it to my class with my limp.

No one stopped to help me. But then again I didn't really expect them to. Who am I just plain old pathetic Bella Swan. I doubt anyone here actually knows my na...

"BELLA!" I heard a high pitch screech from behind me and saw Alice come bounding toward me.

"Oh hey Alice! How are y-.." My cheerful greeting was cut short when I felt her hand collide with my face.

She had fucking slapped me.

If I wasn't so used to being hit I think I would've fallen. Alice might be feisty but she's no Renee.

Tears welled in my eyes regardless though and when I looked up again I noticed a few blurry shapes gathering around.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" she screamed at me.

"Alice..what?" I hated that I was crying and the words came out as a strangled sob.

"My. Fucking. Brother. Is. Fucking. GONE!" she was clearly seething "And it's all your fucking fault!"

If I had the energy I would've argued, I would've told her how wrong she was.

I would've told her that her brother broke my heart.

I would've told her that and a million things more.

But I was just so fucking tired.

"Okay Alice" I turned my back on her and limped off to English.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING WALK AWAY FROM ME. WHERE'S MY FUCKING BROTHER!" I heard her squeal but I didn't look back.

I carried on walking simply calling back

"I don't know..."

My head was trying to convince me that Edward being gone was a good thing.

My heart on the other hand was splintering.

Edward...