Pain, hurt, guilt. These three things filled my body to the point that I was almost chocking on them. The pain of my broken body, the hurting of all the cuts and bruises and the guilt of loosing the one person I could and would ever love. I couldn't tell if I was dead or not, but from the feeling of ache when I breathed gave me the feeling I was alive, why, why am I still alive, I shouldn't be. I should be dead, I deserve to be dead after everything that has happened, I've made others suffer for my sake, if I had know all this was going to happen I would have took my own life years ago and let all those who I care about live on in peace and not pain.
My body was beginning to respond to my pain, I could feel my eyes try to open but I didn't want them to, I wanted to stay in the dark.
"Jasper?"
Voices, who was here, who would be beside me, the one person I love I know for sure isn't. I slowly forced myself to open my eyes, everything was so bright, and white. My eyes stung as they began to focus on the figures in the room, wait room?
"Jasper, can you hear me?" I turn my head slightly, a white coat and bright blonde hair. Carlisle. I opened my mouth to speak, but all that escaped my throat was a gasp for air as my chest bounded with ache.
"Easy, your still in a bad way." he told me in a soft uneasy tone.
"Carlisle, I'm sorry." I whimpered, Carlisle tilted his head and looked at me with confusion.
"For what?" he asked.
"For Alice, its all my fault, if I'd of done something, I could of prevented it, but I didn't." I could feel my eyes sting with the tears that appears in the corners as I chocked on my words.
"Jasper, prevented what? I don't understand what your telling me." know he looked even more confused than before, how could he not know, that his only daughter had died to my incompetence.
"James, he shot Alice and she…"
"Hit her head and passed out." he said interrupting me, I stuttered as I blinked.
"Wait, she's not."
"Not what?"
"Not dead" I asked in an unbelieving tone of voice, Carlisle laughed and shook his head at me.
"Jasper, she's fine, well not brilliant but she will be." he told me, oh my god, she's alive. She's not dead, I sighed out of shear relief.
"Oh thank god." I breathed, I closed my eyes and laid my head down on the pillow of the hospital bed. But my eyes soon shot open.
"So, how is she?" I asked, my voice filled with concern and worry. Carlisle placed his hand on my arm lightly.
"She'll be fine, her surgery was a big success and she was awake last night. I know she wants to see you, but I told her to wait until you came around and when one of you is able to get up." he told me.
"last night? What day is it?" I asked him, as I forced myself to sit up. Putting pressure on my arm, the one that wasn't in a sling, was something I shouldn't do.
"It's Sunday." Carlisle said, I watched as he stood up from the chair he was sat in and walked over to the end of the bed and picked up a chart that was on the end of the bed I was in.
"Now then, how are you feeling?" he asked me.
"Pretty crap, there's a lot of pain." I answered, he just nodded and came back round and sat in his chair.
"Right, well you had some internal bleeding which we sorted out in surgery, we've had to pin your shoulder and your collarbone, where the bullet hit you. The bones were not too badly broken in you hand so we've just plastered it and you fractured four of your ribs, also you have a lot of stitches, mainly in the stab wounds like your thigh, the gashes on your chest and face. There's also five stitches in the back of your head where you cut it open, and everything else is just mainly small cuts and bruises." Carlisle said, naming everything that they did.
"Ok, what about Alice, what did you have to do?" I asked, I didn't really care about me, I just wanted to know how bad Alice was.
"Well, she had a few stitches, she had two very nasty gashes on her face, on her arm and then she had some internal bleeding from the bullet that we had to remove, but nothing's broken apart from those few things she's just battered and bruised. She's not in too much pain if that's what your wondering about, it's mainly the shot wound and her head that hurt the most, she said apart from that she just feels a bit sore." he said compassionately.
"I want to see her." I told him as I turned my body towards him, it hurt but it wasn't anything that would ever keep me from seeing Alice.
"I thought you'd say that, but before I let you get up and go anywhere I just want to do a quick test." he said as he pulled out a small torch from his coat pocket, he shown the bright light in both my eyes.
"Ok, everything's fine there. How's your head, do you feel dizzy or nauseous at all?" he asked me.
"No I feel fine, can I see her now?" I didn't really wait for his reply as I sat up and removed all the wires that were attached to me. Carlisle watched me for a second before he helped me stand up and get to the door. He insisted that I walked down the hallway to the room where Alice was slowly so that I didn't loose my balance.
It wasn't long until we reached the closed door, and behind the closed door laid my Alice, waiting for me. Carlisle opened the door for me and we stepped inside, but Alice wasn't the first person I saw instead Esme almost jumped up out of her seat.
"Jasper, thank god, we were all so worried." She exclaimed as she lightly embraced me, I gently wrapped my free arm around her shoulders.
"Thank you for your concern Esme, but honestly I'm ok, I'm more worried about Alice." I confessed as I hobbled over to the bed. Esme helped Carlisle get me to the seat beside the bed, it hurt to sit down, in fact it hurt to move or breathe, but none of that concerned me what so ever. I slowly leaned over towards the bed, I took her hand in mine. I lifted her hand to my lips and pressed a soft kiss to her soft warm skin.
"Jazz?" she whispered softly, I looked down at her and her eyes slowly opened, she gave me of weak loving smile.
"How you feeling?" she asked me as she sat up gently, at least she looked better than what I thought she would of done.
"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. What about you I mean, Friday night you looked, I thought you were" Alice lightly pressed her finger to my lips so I couldn't finish.
"Shh, it's ok, everything's ok now, it doesn't matter anymore." she whispered to me.
"I love you so much." my voice was a weak whimper now, Alice just smiled softly.
"I know you do." she whispered to me before she gently pressed her lips against mine. I moved my hand up and lightly cupped her cheek, her arms slipped round my neck and pulled herself closer to me, but not to close to hurt me. I moaned softly, before I suddenly gasped in pain, for some unknown reason I had a sharp, burning pain run across my chest, Alice hastily let go of me and pulled away from me. She looked at me for a second, I winced and hissed at the pain.
"Are you ok?" she asked me in a worried whisper, I couldn't look at her as my eyes were tightly shut and I couldn't answer her with words as I clenched my jaw shut to prevent from screaming at the pain. I just slowly nodded, lying.
The sharpness of the pain slowly started to ease, but the burning was still there. I used my useful hand to pull up my shirt, Alice gasped softly as she saw what I saw, a large, extremely large gash running from under my armpit diagonal down to my waist, surrounded by small cuts, grazes and dark deep bruises. The stitches were big, and the cut was red and angry, and the bullet hole would have been visible if it wasn't for the dressing around it, but the blood from the hole was slowly seeping through. And around the dressing was all upraised skin that was bright red, surrounded by bruising. The stitches from where the pins had been placed on my collarbone and shoulder were visible and sore.
"Ok, Ow." I said through my teeth, I soon felt a cold hand slowly rub around the edges of the cut, I looked up to see Carlisle examining my bare torso.
"The drugs must have worn off." he muttered and then stood up, taking his hand away, I watched him walk over to Esme who looked worried. I soon felt Alice place a soft, gently kiss to outside of my wound, I watched her curiously as she slowly leaned back at looked at me. I smiled at her and let my shirt fall back down, covering my hideously damaged body. I lifted my hand and gently ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead.
"Jasper, I think it's time we changed the dressing, and your shirt." Carlisle said in a light tone, I glanced down at my shirt to see small dried droplets of blood stained on the cotton.
"Dad, when can we go home?" Alice asked him, I looked between Alice and Carlisle for a moment before he answered.
"I'll be able to tell you tonight, but hopefully you will be able to go home tomorrow, but I cant promise anything." he answered in a hopeful voice, Esme looked relieved to hear that.
"Jasper, do you want to head back to your room to change your bandages?" Carlisle asked me, Alice looked disappointed to hear the father say that.
"Cant I change them here?" I asked him, he looked at me for a moment.
"Well, I guess so, all the stuff is here, apart from the clean shirt but I'm sure that could wait a while." Carlisle said softly, but his tone seemed a little uneasy.
"Don't worry dad, it nothing I haven't seen before." Alice said smiling at me and her dad, I felt what blood was left in my body rush to my cheeks in an instant, Esme just chuckled.
"I'll go get you a fresh shirt." she said to me softly and then left the room, smiling at Alice before she left. I looked at Alice and she just winked at me, Carlisle got out a few things from one of the cabinets from near the bed. And then put on a pair of latex gloves, I raised my eyebrow at him and he just laughed.
"Don't worry, it's to prevent infections, but I think you might have a little on your main gash but I can put some stuff on that as we get there." Carlisle spoke and he removed my sling gently, Alice helped keep my bad arm out of the way as me and Carlisle took my shirt off, getting dressed in the mornings might prove most difficult. Once my shirt was off Carlisle pulled up a spare chair next to me and slowly started taking the dressing off around my bullet wound, it stung like hell, but Alice helped take my mind of most of it as she kept running her fingers through my hair, minding my stitches as she did so.
But the part that hurt the most was when Carlisle cleaned out both the hole in my collarbone and the gash that covered my upper body, the stuff he used was a form of iodine, and my god did that hurt, it hurt so much that I was actually whimpering at the pain. Putting the new dressing on didn't hurt anywhere as near as the iodine did, and I was glad of that.
Esme soon returned with a clean shirt for me, she walked up to me and handed me the shirt as Carlisle finished up with the dressing, I smiled up at her.
"Thank you." I muttered to her, she just smiled sweetly at me.
"It's ok, I'm just happy to help." she replied and sat next to Alice on the bed, I watched as Alice cuddled up to her mother, Alice shut her eyes and sighed happily.
I was soon able to put my shirt back on followed by my sling, even though it made me feel useless with my arm wrapped up, having it in a sling did help ease the strain. I looked over at Alice in her mothers arms and watched her yawn, I stood up and Alice opened her eyes slightly.
"I'm going to go and let you have some rest, you look tired." I whispered to her, Alice was about to protest but yawned again, I just gave her a look that proved my point. I leaned down and kissed her tenderly, we said our quick goodbyes and Carlisle helped me back to my bed, he then gave me some tablets that would help take the pain away and also help me sleep. I laid flat on my back and closed my eyes, I was able to fall into a happy slumber, know that Alice was alive and still mine was all I needed to know to help me sleep at nights.
When I next woke up, daylight was shining through the window, I slowly sat up and rubbed my sore eyes, my body felt as if it were on fire with pain I ran my fingers through my hair and grunted at my aching body. The door to the room I was in was soon opened and in walked Emmett.
"Hey buddy, how you doing?" he said with a small smile on his face, I noticed he had some of my clothes in his hands.
"I'm good thanks, what you doing here?" I asked him, his smile grew and he sat down in the chair next to the bed.
"I'm here to take you and Alice home, I brought you some clothes. Rosalie's here as well, she's helping Alice get ready." he explained as he placed my clothes on the foot of the bed, I pulled the covers off me and slowly swung my legs over the side of the bed in hope of getting up, then came the difficult part, getting undressed and then dressed again. Where would I start and how would I manage. Emmett must have seen me observe my clothes with a puzzled look on my face.
"Do you want a hand?" he asked me, I just raised my eyebrow at him, he then laughed at my sling. "No pun intended." he laughed.
"Please." I answered, Emmett grabbed my jeans from the end of the bed and helped me get them on followed by my shoes, it felt very odd having my girlfriend's brother help me get dressed. I took my sling off with my good hand and started removing my shirt, Emmett helped me get the material around my broken arm and shoulder. He then passed me the shirt he brought me, luckily it was my silk shirt so I knew it was fairly easy to get on, between us we managed to get my shirt over my arms and I started doing up the buttons. Being able to do up buttons with one hand is a skill that I had mastered in the past, I could feel Emmett's eyes on me as finished the first three buttons. I looked up at him and he blinked.
"Sorry, its just, that is one hell of a nasty gash." he muttered, I looked down at my chest and then got back to the buttons on my shirt.
"Yeah, it hurts like hell as well." I muttered back, Emmett leaned forward and finished off the last few muttons for me. "Thanks" I said to him as he helped me to my feet and then helped me with my sling, I adjusted my arm so it felt close to comfy.
"You ready?" Emmett asked me, I just nodded I was looking forward to getting out of here and seeing Alice again, it just doesn't feel right without her next to me. We slowly made our way down to the reception of the hospital where the girls said they would meet us, Carlisle was there waiting for me with Rosalie and Alice. Carlisle gave me a few things to sign so I could be discharged and then gave Emmett a small bag full of mine and Alice's medication.
"I'll see you all at home later then." Carlisle spoke and gave Alice a quick hug and then went back to work and letting us out the door into the car park and got into Rosalie's convertible. And we were soon on our way home.