Yuki hated the feeling of freefalling. He hated being unable to control where he was going, what was going to happen. The fall from the entrance of the cave was much longer than it looked, seeing as the staircase had collapsed. He turned around right before he hit the ground, and was picked up by the carpet. The rug swooped underneath him just in time to save him.
Without ceremony, the rug dumped Yuki on the ground and flew up again. Yuki watched the rug fly up, and saw a dark shape land on it. He thought that he had heard Ryuichi yell something after he fell, but he couldn't remember for sure. He got to his feet as fast as he could, and got ready. The shape could easily be the crazy Vizier.
The rug landed again, and carefully laid its load on the ground next to Yuki. Ryuichi sprang up and dusted off Kuma carefully.
"Kuma doesn't like falling, Yuki." Ryuichi said seriously.
"Ryuichi?" Yuki questioned, eyeing his assistant.
"But…but look! It's so shiny!" Ryuichi said, mostly to Kuma. "See Kuma-chan?"
"What are you talking about? There's nothing shiny about this place…." Yuki said drearily. He looked around the cave, and sighed. There was no way out.
"This is shiny, Yuki!" said Ryuichi. He pulled the lamp out from behind his back and showed it to Yuki. "Ta da!"
"What the…" Yuki muttered, unable to understand how Ryuichi had ended up with the lamp. "How the hell did you get that back?'
"I'm sneaky, Yuki!"
"Apparently…" Yuki returned, still looking for a way out of the cave. "Help me find a way out, Ryuichi…"
"Maybe the shiny thing can help!" Ryuichi squealed, feeling very pleased with himself.
"Stop messing around and help me look!"
Ever stubborn, Ryuichi couldn't let the lamp go. He started to walk behind Yuki, but he was still holding on to the lamp. As he followed his friend, he let his fingers wander over the surfaces of the lamp in his hands. He was busy prying at a partially dislodged ruby when he slammed into Yuki's back.
"Would you watch where you're going!?" Yuki yelled at Ryuichi, spinning around to see what had caused the collision. "Give me that!"
Yuki snatched the lamp from Ryuichi in an attempt to inspire him to focus. Instead, Ryuichi sat on the ground and screamed for the lamp.
"GIMME IT BACK YUKI!" Ryuichi howled at the top of his lungs.
"Knock. It. Off." Yuki replied through gritted teeth. This was the last thing that he wanted. He pocketed the lamp and continued to scan the cave for a way out. He looked up and noticed that the opening he had fallen through was completely blocked off.
"GIMME THE SHINY!" screamed Ryuichi from the ground. When Yuki didn't respond, Ryuichi jumped up and started to run after him. "GIMME THE LAMP YUKI!"
"I'm not giving you the god damn –" Yuki returned before Ryuichi jumped on his back and knocked him over. Yuki tried to throw Ryuichi off, but had no luck. Ryuichi was frantically searching for the lamp and Yuki was trying to stand up. The carpet hovered above, watching the duo fight.
Yuki rolled away and Ryuichi fell off. The two stood up, and faced each other; Yuki was absolutely livid. Ryuichi was still trying to figure out how to get the lamp back.
"It's a stupid lamp! Snap out of it, you idiot!" Yuki snarled, beyond angry with his subordinate.
"IT'S NOT STUPID, YUKI!" Ryuichi screamed back as he lunged at Yuki again.
Yuki tried to dodge Ryuichi's attack, and failed miserably. Ryuichi tackled him again, and pinned him to the ground. Yuki continued to struggle, but Ryuichi was sitting on his chest. Yuki stopped flailing, crossed his arms, and glared at Ryuichi with full intensity. Ryuichi looked taken aback for a few seconds and then his eyes took on a devious glint.
"What are you thinking?" Yuki asked slowly. He knew when to fear Ryuichi. "Ryuichi…"
Ryuichi didn't answer his captain. He leaned back a little bit and smiled maliciously. He was going to make Yuki pay for stealing the lamp and calling him names. He knew exactly what he was going to do. He reached out a finger and inched it towards Yuki's head.
"Don't you dare…" Yuki hissed, again trying to throw Ryuichi off.
Ryuichi continued to inch his finger closer and closer to Yuki's head, and without warning, started to ferociously tickle Yuki's ears. Yuki screamed in a horrid high pitched voice and catapulted off of the cave's floor. When he spun around to face Ryuichi, Yuki was doing a good impression of an enraged bull.
"You're dead." Yuki snarled, advancing on Ryuichi. He no longer cared about whether he lived or died, whether or not he ever saw the light of day again, or anything else. All he wanted to do was to inflict as much pain on Ryuichi as humanly possible.
"Yuki, I got the lamp back!" Ryuichi squealed.
Yuki stared at Ryuichi for a second and got a new idea. Instead of physical pain and torture, he could just take the lamp away and destroy it. He walked up to Ryuichi and snatched the lamp from his hands in one fluid motion. The only problem was, Ryuichi was still holding onto the second half of the l-shaped gun. Yuki yanked his half of the lamp again, but only succeeded in pulling the small, curved piece in the center of lamp.
A loud bang erupted from the lamp and knocked both Yuki and Ryuichi off of their feet. A few rocks fell from the ceiling, and the lamp started to twitch where it had fallen. Smoke billowed out of one end and sparks started to shoot everywhere. Ryuichi stood up and started to dance in place, unable to contain himself. Yuki scooted backwards and tried to stay out of range of the shooting sparks.
Yuki blinked a few times, trying to clear the smoke from his eyes. He could barely make out a shadow moving around inside the clouds of smoke, and he didn't know what would happen next. He stood up slowly, and continued to watch the smoke and the shadows therein. Ryuichi continued to hop around, waiting for whatever was coming next.
Yuki heard some clicking noises and a few hurried footsteps. He started to brace himself, but didn't move fast enough. Without warning, a cold, metal object was pushed against his head and he was shoved into the cavern wall.
"I want answers." A voice said, and the metal thing was pushed harder against Yuki's head. "And you're going to give them to me."
"What the hell…" Yuki managed to stutter.
"Who are you?" the man asked, sounding serious.
"None of your business…" Yuki muttered.
"He's Yuki! And I'm Ryuichi, and this is Kumagoro, and, and this is the Rug Man!" Ryuichi said excitedly, running up the stranger and wringing his other hand.
"Well nice to meet you!" the strange man said, withdrawing his weapon. "I'm K. Mr. K."
"Yay! A new friend Yuki!" Ryuichi said, bouncing over to where Yuki was standing.
"Nice to see you again, man." K said with a smile, walking over to the carpet. They did a complicated hand shake, or hand and tassel shake, and K turned his attention back to Ryuichi. "Well, I suppose you're my master now."
"What?" Yuki asked, startled. Ryuichi should never have control over anything.
"I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to him." K answered, giving Yuki a stern look. He motioned to Ryuichi with the metal object in his hand. "He's the one that pulled my trigger."
"Trigger?" Yuki asked again, looking for some sort of an answer.
"Yes, trigger." K returned. He walked over to Yuki and handed him the metal thing. "This is the safety…this is the trigger, and this is how you shoot something."
With no warning whatsoever, K grabbed the thing back from Yuki and aimed it at his foot. He pulled the trigger and a loud bang erupted from the object. Yuki yelled and jumped about five feet, and when he turned around he was not happy.
"THAT'S IT! I'M SO SICK OF YOU PEOPLE! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!" Yuki screeched, looking rather unhinged. "STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!"
"I haven't tried to kill you, Yuki!" Ryuichi said, running over to Yuki and giving him a hug.
"You're the worst of them all!" Yuki yelled putting distance between himself and Ryuichi. "I…I…"
Yuki stuttered some more, said a few incoherent threats, and ambled off into the cavern. Ryuichi and K watched him go, and after a few minutes of quiet time, Yuki walked back over to the group. His hair was disheveled and his left eye was twitching, but otherwise, he looked pretty stable.
"They were only blanks…" K said, attempting an apology. "Don't get your panties in such a bunch. Just take a deep breath and…"
"And what?" Yuki snapped, not appreciating the 'panties' comment.
"And take a deep breath and yank." K finished, a smile on his face.
Yuki sighed, and turned away, wanting more time to collect himself. He couldn't believe his luck. In one day, he'd been propositioned by a banana, dragged across a desert, attacked by Ryuichi, hugged by Ryuichi, given the sex talk by Ryuichi, attacked by a flying piece of carpet, almost boiled alive in lava, threatened by the same banana, faced with a talking parrot, pushed to his apparent death by a crazy vizier, trapped in a room with Ryuichi, the bunny, and the carpet, and now, the insane man from the lamp thing had tried to kill him and accused him of wearing panties.
Yuki sat down on the floor and waited for something good to happen.
"So what is that thing?" Ryuichi asked, prodding the metal thing in K's hand.
"It's called a gun." K answered, putting the gun back in its holster. "You shouldn't point it at people…especially not Yuki-san."
Ryuichi nodded seriously and glanced over to where Yuki was still sitting on the ground. Now he was rocking back and forth ever so slightly. Ryuichi waved at Yuki, who didn't notice, and turned back to K to continue chatting.
"Where did you come from, K?" Ryuichi asked, curious as ever. "Kuma wants to know."
"Kuma?" K asked, looking at Ryuichi skeptically.
"Yeah! Kuma-chan!" Ryuichi said energetically, hoisting the rabbit up and making it wave at K. "See? Kuma!"
"Right. Well Kuma-chan, I came from the lamp. This lamp here…" K answered, picking up the gun-shaped lamp and handing it Ryuichi. "And because you summoned me from it, you are my master for a time."
"Summoned…I don't like big words…" Ryuichi replied, looking perplexed.
"You pulled the trigger." K answered matter-of-factly. "Oh, and the rules of the lamp stipulate that I give you a preview of what I can do, so…I prepared this little tune during my stint in the lamp…"
At that moment, K took a few steps back from Ryuichi and pulled out his gun. He pulled the trigger and the same smoke show that he had arrived out of showed up. Ryuichi couldn't see him for a second, and suddenly the cavern was echoing with a catchy tune. K stepped out of the smoke, using his gun for a microphone, and dragged Ryuichi into the song.
Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves,
Scheherazadie had a thousand tales.
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeve
You got a brand of magic never fails!
(K produces forty thieves who surround Ryuichi with swords. Ryuichi pulls out Kuma to beam them, and scatters the thieves. K picks up Kuma and hands him back to Ryuichi.)
You got some power in your corner now,
Some heavy ammunition in your camp.
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how,
See all you gotta do is pull that trigger in the lamp,
And I'll say-
(During the last stanza, K makes a ring appear with a bang, and throws Ryuichi into one corner. Another bang occurs and Yuki appears in the opposite corner looking startled. Ryuichi starts to run towards Yuki as K starts to fire on Yuki. Yuki jumps out of the ring as K grabs Ryuichi's hand and shows him how to wield a gun.)
Mister Ryuichi sir,
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order, jot it down.
You ain't never had a friend like me!
No no no!
(K produces a table and chairs, then proceeds to take Ryuichi's order. K is also careful to ask Kuma what his order is.)
Life is your restaurant,
And I'm your maitre' d!
C'mon whisper what it is you want,
You ain't never had a friend like me!
(K hands Ryuichi Kuma's order, a new red bowtie, and then leans in to hear anything else Ryuichi has to say. With a loud bang, he splits himself into four different Ks, startling Ryuichi and causing him to try to run out of the song. K grabs him and sits him back down in the chair to continue the song.)
Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service.
You're the boss, the king, the shah!
Say what you wish, it's yours! True dish!
How about a little more Baklava?
(The Ks give him a haircut and give Kuma a massage, then K goes back to normal and with another bang makes Ryuichi appear in a comfy chair surrounded by the strange treasures from in the cave, as well as real gold. Yuki sneaks over to one the piles and selects a few items for himself. Another bang and suddenly beautiful girls appear and start to fan Ryuichi. He shrieks and tries to run to Yuki, but is again stopped by K. K then makes two columns of delicious food appear, and Ryuichi sits back down.)
Try some of column 'A',
Try all of column 'B'.
I'm in the mood to help you dude!
You ain't never had a friend like me!
(Ryuichi jumps onto the first food column and tries to eat some before it disappears, but fails and has to jump to the second column. He topples off of that and is caught by K with another comfy chair. Suddenly, a small table appears and K makes himself giant-sized. He opens one of his shirt pockets and pulls out a mini-K. The mini-K starts to dance around on the small table, doing all kinds of little tricks. K then pulls out his gun and blasts the little K to smithereens. Ryuichi is dumbfounded.)
Can your friends do this?
Do your friends do that?
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?
Can your friends go poof!
Well looky here!
Can your friends go Abracadabra, let 'er rip,
And then make the sucker disappear?
(Without warning, K grabs his long ponytail and yanks his head off, creating several duplicates. Ryuichi screams, but is pacified when K starts to juggle them. He tosses one to Ryuichi, who Kuma-beams it back to K. Then K combines them again and turns himself into a hat. An arm comes out and he pulls himself, ponytail first, out of the hat. With another loud bang, he turns into a giant robot panda and launches a grenade. Ryuichi ducks behind a gold pile, and runs into Yuki who is still pillaging. Before he can say anything, K comes waltzing out of the grenade smoke, normal again, with the women from earlier. Ryuichi tries to edge away, but the women make him dance.)
So don't you sit there slack-jawed, buggy-eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers
You got me bona fide, certified
You got a genie for a charge d'affaires!
I got a powerful urge to help you out
So what you wish I really want to know
You got a wish that's three miles long, no doubt
So all you gotta do is pull like so, and oh!
(K acts out what he is accusing Ryuichi of looking like and then throws a list of certifications at Ryuichi. He then runs over to Ryuichi and pulls a list out of his ear, like the old magic coin trick and puts it in his other shirt pocket.)
Mister Ryuichi, sir, have a wish or two or three
I'm on the job, you big nabob
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never...had a... friend... like...me!
You ain't never had a friend like me!
(The dancing girls ensnare Ryuichi again, and this time he yells for Yuki's help. Yuki rolls his eyes and walks over to grab Ryuichi when, after a loud bang, the girls' hair colors change to pink. Yuki shoots a startled glance at K, convinced that the genie can read minds. K continues to conduct the antics, completely oblivious to Yuki's look. Yuki shudders, and starts to twitch, his paranoia getting even worse. Before he can become too nervous, however, the girls disappear with another loud bang. K appears suddenly behind the duo and knocks Yuki out of the picture. With a lot of explosions, K transforms the entire cavern. He makes all kinds of elephants appear and they proceed to dance. In the other direction, he makes several other animals appear, and they begin to dance as well. Electric signs appear everywhere advertising Ryuichi's name and the grand finale dance begins. Yuki tries to grab as much gold as he can, but with another bang, K makes everything disappear.)
"Well, what do you say?" K asked, his eyes begging for compliments.
"That was a cheap trick…" Yuki muttered, still a little bit freaked out by the sudden appearance of a Shuichi clone.
"You shouldn't mess with people that can read minds, Yuki-san." K said, a dangerous smile on his face. "What did you think Ryuichi?"
"It was so much fun, huh, Kuma, huh!" Ryuichi said excitedly. "What did you think Yuki?"
"I think you're all idiots. And I'm the one that pulled the trigger, not him."
"Oh really? I think you're lying. You shouldn't be jealous of your friends." K answered, wagging his finger at Yuki.
"First of all, I am not lying, second of all, I am not jealous, and third, he is not my friend!" Yuki responded. Ryuichi gasped and threw Kuma at him as he said the last part. The rabbit bounced off of Yuki's head and Ryuichi considered the matter to be settled. He nodded once and moved on.
"He's right..." Ryuichi said slowly, re-playing the fight over in his head. "He's the one that pulled the trigger…when we were fighting…"
"See?" Yuki snapped.
"Oh…" K said, looking crestfallen. "I can't believe I wasted a song…"
"Whatever. So what do I get out of this?" Yuki asked, wishing that Ryuichi had indeed pulled the trigger and not him.
"No, no, no, Yuki-san! I have to sing you a song too!" K answered, looking much too excited. "I sang it to him, now I'll sing one to you." K clapped his hands and the music started out of nowhere.
"You've had a lot of spare time haven't you?" Yuki drawled, crossing his arms and glaring at K. "And if you sing to me, I'll make you regret it for the remainder of your existence." Yuki glared at K again and the music stopped.
"You shouldn't trifle with cosmic powers. You have no idea what I'm capable of." K responded, looking murderous. He hated when people rained on his parade. "I have an entirely new song prepared just for you, and you don't even want to hear it. With my magic, I could…"
"Right…you could make dancing elephants appear and do other card tricks…very impressive." Yuki answered, looking pleased with himself.
"Yuki! Be nice!" Ryuichi hissed from behind Yuki. Yuki stoically ignored him and continued his dialogue with K.
"Card tricks? CARD TRICKS!?" K shouted, losing his temper.
"You couldn't even get yourself out of that lamp. It's pretty simple really…" Yuki responded, pulling an imaginary trigger to demonstrate.
"I could have gotten myself out!" K yelled back.
"Yeah right. You probably can't even get us out of this cave, can you?" Yuki said back, waiting for K to take his bait. He refused to die here, surrounded by this bumbling band of buffoons.
"Why you…" K stuttered, apoplectic with rage. "Can't even get out of a cave…"
K snapped his fingers and a very large weapon appeared. Yuki crossed his arms again and leaned back on his heels, scrutinizing the display from the sidelines. In the background, Ryuichi squealed something about shiny things.
"This…is a bazooka." K said authoritatively.
He shouldered the bazooka and told everyone to stand back. He pulled the trigger on it, and a large rocket shot out of the end. It flew towards the roof of the cavern. After a loud explosion and lots of dust and rocks falling to the floor, sunlight flittered into the cave. The early morning sunshine was a welcome sight to everyone standing below.
"Hmph. Get on the carpet smart-ass." K said, grabbing the back of Yuki's shirt and tossing him onto the carpet. "Let's blast out of here."
"Woo! Road trip!" Ryuichi yelled, catapulting onto the carpet with Kuma in tow. "Let's go Yuki!"
Yuki didn't give Ryuichi a response and instead settled onto the carpet and discreetly gripped the edges. He could picture this going terribly, and he really didn't want to die at the tassels of a flying piece of flooring. He gulped audibly and shuddered, envisioning his imminent doom. Ryuichi jumped on next to him and K got on the back. The carpet rocketed upwards and flew out of the hole in the roof. Yuki glanced over his shoulder for one last look at the cave where he had spent some of his worst hours. Before he could finish taking it all in, the cave was gone from his sight.
Oopsie...missed a plot hole. Caspian has officially been fired as my proof reader. Thanks a whole bunch to New Light! I wouldn't have found this one on my own, and I definitely don't trust the Bird Man to catch such things. So, thanks again. You get a gold star. ^^
-Amaya