A blood curling scream roared through the cabin and I bolted upright in bed. The knocking of my heart threatening to escape my chest told me it was my own scream that had woken me. Glancing across the hall at Bobby sitting at his desk confirmed that much.
"Another dream?" he asked concern shown heavy on his face.
"Thank you Captain Obvious."
His sigh told me he'd heard despite the low tone of my voice. Of course he had. He didn't have a hammering heart thundering away in his eardrums.
Expecting some kind of wise retort he remained quiet. He didn't deserve my attitude. It wasn't like any of this was his fault. At the very least I deserved a good tongue lashing. Even at my worst all I'd gotten from him was "Idjit". If I'd had it in me at the time I would have cracked a smile, seeing as how I'd often used that word myself. Not that it took much to endear the surrogate father figure to the brothers to me, but that definitely topped the list of reasons I'd grown fond of him.
He'd taken me under his protective wing after the bloodbath back home. It wasn't hard to understand why. Not long before he'd been stuck in a wheelchair and had himself struggled with finding a reason to continue living. The boys weren't used to having an outsider in the group, but they weren't about to question the older mans judgement. So after finding a place far away from anybody else we'd settled here. Not that I knew where here was, just far enough from civilization so my nightly screams didn't justify cause for someone to come check things out.
The sound of gravel under tires and the steady rumble that could only be the Impala sounded as the brothers neared our current little niche in the world. Food run no doubt. Just what I needed. Another greasy burger from some local dive. Extra side of grease please! My stomach turned at the mere thought of ingesting anything. Food was Deans thing, in fact I think the only time he wasn't eating or drinking one thing or another was when he was asleep.
Bet even then he was dreaming about it...
Heavy footfalls sounded as they made their way inside. Dean paused in the doorway only long enough to toss a brown grease stained paper bag at the foot of the bed.
"Eat up. Looks like you could use it." he said before passing out of my line of sight.
Yay cholesterol burger delight!
Bile slowly rose up the back of my throat as the smell hit me. I bit my inner cheek to keep from hurling. Staring the evil bag down I tried wishing it into the nearest trash can. Too bad I didn't hold such powers.
"You're going to have to eat sometime." Sam said suddenly at my bedside.
"Mmm," I managed finally winning the battle against the acidic contents of my stomach. "Make it something actually edible and not leftovers from the bottom of a fryer vat and I'll see what I can do."
He awarded me with a crooked smile at my dry attempt at humor before kindly removing the offensive bag from my room.
Despite my still heavy heart that same smile had managed to crack away my defenses.
You're killing me here Sam...
After four days of keeping myself cooped up in my musky smelling room I decided it was time to take a stab at acting human again. After showering, throwing on an old pair of jeans and tank I took my first steps outside.
I didn't notice the looks on the guys faces as I passed them. Or Bobby telling them he knew I'd be okay, that I was a tough one. By the time the brothers started bickering over who was going to come talk to me I was at the waters edge and out of hearing range. Thankfully for me Bobby made the call that Sam was the better choice.
In four days I'd mastered locking that day up tighter than Pandora's box so I didn't feel anything at all.
Unless nothing was a feeling...
Now as the fresh air filled my lungs I prayed for the waves to take this gut-wrenching pain from my soul. Seriously contemplated just walking into the water and keep going, let it carry me away. That however just wasn't me. As I thought over the past few days, coming to terms with a whole new reality I realized at some point Sam had joined me. The beach sand warm on my feet, the waves having this lulling effect.
"Dean went to pick Cas up from the hospital."
"Why is it that an angel needs a doctor? I mean can't he just oh I don't know... shazam himself better?" I'd been pondering that a lot lately.
He shook his head and laughed. "Well normally yeah. But right now he's just an angel in a human vessel without any of the heavenly perks."
"So in other words he's basically human."
"I guess so," he shrugged, "he can't just magically appear and disappear anymore, he sleeps and eats... and he's not the unemotional robot he is with his powers."
Interesting...
We continued talking until dark. He filled me in on how they'd become hunters. How they'd lost their mother when they were just kids and their Dad had been hunting down old Yellow Eyes ever since... up until he traded his life for Deans. How the same demon had taken his fiancée a few years ago, Deans trip to hell for trading his soul for his own life when he'd died. The ins and outs of some of the monsters they'd chased and killed. Friends and fellow hunters lost over the years. And lastly how they were told that Dean was Michael's vessel and he was Lucifer's in the end battle that was nearing.
I'd lost my own mother as a child and knew the pain from that, but to be burdened with the rest of it... I really didn't know how either of them did it. I guess at least they had each other.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled groggily as I lay my head against his chest.
He wrapped his arm around my back and held me close. "Me too."
His heartbeat strong and steady in my ear. I could have fell asleep like that. Maybe it'd keep the dreams at bay.
"Getting late you two." Dean said startling the both of us. "Cas wants to see you Bree."
"It can wait 'til morning." I groaned. I was still furious with Castiel.
Sam and I walked back inside. At the door to my room he awkwardly shifted his weight from foot to foot. Deans eyebrows shot up as I took Sam's hand and led him into my room before firmly shutting the door behind us.
Let 'em think what they want. I just don't want to be alone tonight...
The next morning I was up before the sun and could feel a change starting within myself. After a quick shower and pulling my hair back I washed my hands in the kitchen sink and started scrounging through the cupboards and fridge. My guess was it'd been quite some time since any of the guys had eaten a home cooked meal, luckily for them cooking was my forte. I set the coffee-maker so it would be done at just about the same time I'd put the final touches on breakfast.
I'd just started on the french toast when Bobby moseyed into the kitchen.
"Sorry if I woke you."
"No worries darling, always been an early riser. Need a hand?"
I smiled at his polite offer.
"Got it covered, but thanks."
He winked at me before grabbing the morning paper and taking a seat in the dining room. Some might assume the older man had just flirted with me. I knew it simply meant he was happy to see I was on the road to recovery.
"No dreams last night huh?" he asked putting the paper down for a second. It'd been the first night I'd went without screaming. Perhaps Sam had been a dreamcatcher of sorts last night. Briefly I imagined that would be my only reprieve from the terrible dreams, but I wasn't going to let that thought manifest itself into a foul mood.
"Nope."
I wondered what he thought about Sam and I last night. Thinking he knew me well enough to know the truth, either way I didn't want him to see me in a bad light. In comparison to Dean my actions last night were nothing, but still...
In the frenzy of whipping up a feast of a meal it was a wonder I could make out just when each man had joined Bobby at the table. French toast, sausage, bacon, ham, eggs made everyway you could make them just in case, strawberries, grapes, three different types of melon and wa-lah! I had timed it perfectly as the coffee finished.
"Smells good." Dean mumbled waking up at the sight of food.
"Thanks." I said beaming a smile at the table of men who all looked shocked.
The real test wasn't how well food smelled, but how it tasted. I knew I was a good cook.
Make that a fantastic cook! Not that I let it go to my head or anything. Just the Gods honest truth there y'all!
Passing Sam before taking a seat between the brothers I kissed the side of his forehead. "Thanks for last night."
Dean did a double take his jaw nearly hitting the table, and it wasn't because of the mountain of food before him for a change. Sam's cheeks turned a rosy hue and Bobby chuckled while Castiel just looked from face to face for some explanation.
Today was going to be a great day...
I'd managed to avoid conversation of any kind with Cas over the next few days. Although my mood had improved I still wasn't ready to have that talk just yet. I wouldn't say I hated him, but as close as a person could get to hating another without actually hating them.
If that made any sense...
Sam had made up his mind to say yes to Lucifer. To be his vessel in the showdown of all showdowns. While Bobby and Cas saw no other alternative Dean was far from onboard with the idea. Not that I could blame him. I mean after all he had sold his soul to bring Sam back to life and spent some time down in the pit. Dean toiled away trying to find a way to outsmart Satan himself, while the other two just rambled about hopelessly.
I preferred the company of the beach over the dread and doom that hung heavy inside the rustic little cabin. Standing at the waters edge I felt the sand squish up in between my toes. That always had the tendency to make me feel like a kid again.
"You've been avoiding me."
Gee ya think?
I bit my tongue from the sarcasm that days before I would have unleashed upon him without pause.
Angel powers or not Cas was still one helluva quiet guy and had snuck up on me. The angel part of him that always seemed to be so stiff had started fading away and as the days passed the more he seemed human.
Taking a seat on the top of the old picnic table I stared at his profile. Drinking in his blue eyes as they sparkled in the sun, his face as if chiseled from marble. I'd never noticed his good looks before. They were more subtle than the brothers, but that didn't mean he didn't outshine them in every way imaginable.
"I was angry." I said pausing a moment to clear my head.
Hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath during the whole once over 'til he'd turned around to face me. I'd been too busy dodging him at every turn to notice how truly breathtakingly beautiful he was.
"You hate me." he said matter-of-factly.
"No..." I answered laughing lightly. "I thought I almost did. Hates such a waste of energy."
I just needed someone to direct all the anger I was feeling on. Blue eyes read my face, as if searching for the truth and sincerity behind my words. Finding it he turned his gaze oceanward.
A fluttering started somewhere in my stomach at this brief exchange. My feelings for this man-angel had nearly switched ends of the hate-love spectrum. This was not the time to go all gaga.
Good grief! I was feeling like a teenage girl with her first crush.
Talk about your complete three-sixty...
"Now I guess I'm just confused." sighing I tore my gaze away from his backside.
"About what?"
Shaking my head I tried to find the proper words to convey the havoc inside me.
"Why you'd risk your life for me. Why you'd save me when the worlds going to end soon anyway..." I had so many more questions but the answers to those two alone would cover all the bases. Hopefully my soul would find solace in how he'd respond.
Staring at the ground at his feet he contemplated what to say. Kneeling down he picked up a few small rocks and tossed them into the water. Both watching them skip across the waters surface in silence apart from the oceans incessant hum.
"Jimmy, my vessel... his wife and daughter were murdered almost a year ago. A rogue angel killed them trying to flush me out, hoping to kill me as well."
Grief etched across his face he hesitated. Clearing his throat he continued.
"Whether or not the end is near matters not. It wasn't your time. Everyone's name in The Book is dated. It was my duty to save you."
His answers had just given me more questions. When he left his vessel, would Jimmy be alive? If so would he remember any of this, or would Cas just sprinkle some magic dust on him and poor Jimmy would be thrown back into the world none the wiser? I knew what he meant by The Book. I'd grown up in a church-going family, and although I was a far cry from a good example I considered myself a Christian. Sure, I was shocked to hear my name was actually in it... but how did checking out ahead of schedule make any difference to anyone, let alone the big guy upstairs?