"Okay, we really need to get this going again," Duskstorm said.
"We are doing a show tonight, so shut up. It's about to start," Jackalpaw told her.
"Starting in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… ACTION!" Scourge shrieked.
"Hello, and welcome to The Lake's Funniest Home Videos! I'm Dawnfire, and this is Duskstorm, Hollyleaf, and Jackalpaw. Burt's taking some time off," Dawnfire said to the camera. "We're sorry that there was a delay, but there was an incident involving a crashed computer and an otaku. Anyway, we're starting off with Loststream's video, 'The Cat Who Tryed to Eat Her Mother the Traitor'."
*on TV*
Hollyleaf: *is roasting Leafpool on a stick* traitor for dinner!
Leafpool: I command you to let me go!
Hollyleaf: you're not my mother!
Leafpool: yes, I am!
Hollyleaf: right...
Loststream: appears out of nowhere, blasts Leafpool with a bazooka*
Leafpool: ow
Hollyleaf: high-five!
Loststream: *high-fives Hollyleaf* now I have to drag you off to an Asylum!
Loststream's Dogs: *drag Hollyleaf to the asylum*
Hollyleaf: curse you!
*end of video*
"Next, from The Jackal, Revenge!" Duskstorm yowled.
*on TV*
Tigerstar: Hn...so you found me, Firestar...now that you see me before you, do
you hate me?
Hawkfrost: Well, you did some pretty bad stuff to him, killing you will only
make him feel better...
Tigerstar: JUST SHUT UP!
Firestar: Actually, I just wanted to know why you killed Bluestar...
Tigerstar: So we're cool?
Firestar: NO...no I hate you NO...I just wanted to know what your story
was...
Tigerstar: You want to know why? Because of my pain...do you wish to see it?
Firestar: ...sure *shrugs8
Tigerstar: *sobs like a baby*
Firestar: Wtf?
*Sasuke Uchiha appears out of nowhere*
Sasuke: I WILL KILL YOU NARUTO! *stabs Firestar*
Tigerstar: I WON! H* YEAH!
*end of video*
"Next, from HP and WC fan, 'Graystripe's Fury!" said Jackalpaw.
*on TV*
Blackstar- Millie, you are a useless kittypet!
Graystripe- SHOVE IT UP YOUR CRACK!
*end of video*
"I never knew Graystripe had such language," Dawnfire chuckled. "Next, also from ShadeyKat, 'Jayfeather's Possessed!'."
*on TV*
Jayfeather- *using Leafpool's stero with headphones and singing lyrics to Caramelldansen* Oo Oo Oo Wawua!
Drunken Leafpool- Oh my gosh he's being haunted by the Dark Forest or some crap like that! *stuffs yarrow into his mouth*
Jayfeather- *pukes*
Leafpool: *hits him on the head with a beer bottle to snap him out of it*
12 minutes later
Jayfeather- What the heck did you do to me?
Leafpool- You were speaking in tongues.
Jayfeather- Speaking in to- HOW COULD YOU NOT HEAR OF CARAMELLDANSEN! Anyways, how does giving a cat herbs to make them VOMIT and then hitting them with a blunt object drive an evil spirit away?
Pause
Leafpool- The yarrow was for the evil spirit, the beer bottle was for using my stereo.
*end of video*
"Haha, Leafpool is funny," Jackalpaw laughed. "Next, from Tigerflame, The Lake has gone cuckoo!"
*on TV*
Leafpool: Hi is anyone here?
Crowfeather: *disguised as a bush* No.
Leafpool: Oh well, I may as well mate with Thorntail.
Crowfeather *jumps out of disguise* No Leafpool I love you!
Leafpool: "Tricked you!"
*50 archers jump out from behind bushes*
Leafpool: Now give me 10 bucks or die.
Crowfeather: I thought you loved me *hands the money over*
Leafpool: I do honey, but i love money more! *counts up her money, gives him a
kiss, and walks away*
*end of video*
"Next, from Jason Southwell, Pump It!"
*on TV*
Layla: They said they would be here...
*Pump It starts playing & The Forest Eyed Peas exit the car*
Seth, Layla, & Li: O_O.
*They get beaten big time, by Jayfeather & Lionblaze*
Then they get to the Laundomat.
All the people in there: O_O.
Then in the circle
*The Forest Eyed Peas dodging attacks*
Jayfeather: *Kicks a bowling ball he dosen't see coming back by a back flip,
then runs on everyone*
Lionblaze: Come on baby, do it.
Dovepaw: La Da De Da De Da *Repeats many times while dodging attacks*
Later, All are fallen.
Jayfeather: Okay, day out of the forest over. *Sighs* Our jobs suck.
*end of video*
"Next, from dawn, 'The real reason Jayfeather is blind'," Dawnfire announced.
*on TV*
Jaykit: I'm bored *walks to Firestar's den* what the! are those posters of Tigerstar,Graystripe, Dustpelt, and Ashfur?
Firestar: *kisses Ashfur poster* I love you. Oh you too Tigerstar and Graystripe. Dustpelt why did you mate with Ferncloud?
Jaykit: MY EYES!
*end of video*
"Next, from xxxjayfeatherxxx, 'Icecloud Lost in Liontown'!"
*on TV*
*ThunderClan camp*
Icecloud: I'm in Liontown. All my workers look like Lionblaze.
Lionblaze *Looks bewildered*: Uh...
Hollyleaf: OBEY THE WARRIOR CODE!
Leafpool *snickers*: Yeah right!
Icecloud *sits with her kits*: Time to become apprentices my little Lionkits.
Lionkits: Uhh... Our names are Ravenkit, Hollykit, and Spiderkit.
Icecloud: No they aren't. Their Lionkit.
Lionblaze shakes his head: That cat has issues.
Hollyleaf: YOU DISOBEYED THE WARRIOR CODE!
Tigerstar appears with silver stake: DIE DIE HOLLYLEAF DIE!
Hollyleaf: *dies*
Tigerstar: I RULE NOW!
*end of video*
"Why does everyone catch the videos of me dying?" Hollyleaf asked sourly.
"Oh, suck it up," Dawnfire and Duskstorm said together.
"Next, from Mistyfang ShadowClan Cat, 'Don't Steal My Fish!'," Jackalpaw said.
*on TV*
*Riverclan Territory*
Graystripe: *Wandering around and sees Pile of Fish* Oh Look! Pile of Fish!
*Eats*
Leopardstar: *Comes out of no where* HOW DARE YOU! *Fires laser at
Graystripe and he turns into a pile of soot*
Graystripe: Bleh!
Leopardstar: MUAH HA HA! *Runs back to Riverclan*
Purdy: *Randomly walks by* Oh Look! A pile of soot! Looks tasty! *Eats Graystripe*
Graystripe: NO!
*Thunderclan Camp*
Jayfeather: *Dressed as Legolas* I feel a disturbance
Firestar: *Dressed as Aragorn* Gondor is under attack and Gimli is missing!
Lets go!
Squirrelflight: WRONG BOOK GUYS!
Lionblaze: *Takes Camera down* This isn't working. I'll try Shadowclan.
Brambleclaw: *As Gandalf* NO! *Leaps at Lionblaze and misses*
Lionblaze: *Sighs* Nevermind. *Walks off with Leafpool, Berrynose and
Cinderheart, dragging the camera.
*Twolegplace*
Purdy: *Belly Groans* Uh oh... *Explodes*
Graystripe: *Jumps out of Purdy's belly* I'M FREE!
*end of video*
"Next, from Incognito. Anonymous Incognito, 'Have You Seen The Little Kitties'."
*on TV*
*Somewhere in BloodClan territory...*
All Cats: We're the Cats of the Round Table, we dance when we're able, between our quests, we sequin vests and impresona-
*Scourge comes rushing in.*
Scourge: ...NOW JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
Random Kit #1: We're practicing Monty Python and the Holy Grail!
Scourge: What's that?
Random Kit #1: It's something from TV!
Scourge: Sh. We're cats, we're not supposed to be tech-savvy.
All cats: A one and a two and a one two three four! Always look on the bright si-ide of-
*Scourge pounces on a random lackey and rips its throat out*
Scourge: DOES ANYONE ELSE WANT TO HAVE A LITTLE SING?
All cats (Except Random Lackey #2): ...
Random Lackey #2: Urgh...*Dies*
Scourge: GOOD.
*Scourge turns to leave*
All alive cat lackeys: *Quietly* ...Eric the Half A Bee...
Scourge: THAT'S IT!
*Scourge chases his lackeys through Twolegplace, down to Antarctica, around China, and finally off a cliff*
All Cats (Except Scourge): AH-SPLAT-
Scourge: That's more like it...
*Tigerstar runs up*
Tigerstar: HEY! DON'T I GET A PART IN THIS TOO?
Scourge: Why yes you do. You get to be roadkill.
*A random motorcycle appears out of nowhere and Scourge hops onto it*
Tigerstar: HEY! NO FAIR! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO DRIVE!
Scourge: Shut up.
*Scourge runs over Tigerstar*
Tigerstar: *Dies!*
Scourge: Ah.
*Scourge rides into the sunset...And promptly gets burned into an ash by the sun.*
*Scourge and Tigerstar arrive in the afterlife, where they wear ugly XL white robes, plastic halos, and carry stupid little shepherd crooks.*
Tigerstar: I hate you.
Scourge: Shut up. I hate you more.
*Scourge whacks Tigerstar on the head with his shepherd crook and knocks him
off the cloud*
*end of video*
"Next, from Fluff, 'Firestar + Explosives = Total Destruction'."
Fluff: This is gonna be great i got an HD video camera and i planted a big ol fat pile of TNT for firestar to find so he can blow himself up oh heheh! *is hyper and recording*
Firestar: *walks along in the forest, and finds a strange pile of many different kinds of long red things in a big fat pile* Oh what is this? It looks fuunn! *is hyper from coffee break*
Leafpool: Um, Firestar, that's-
Firestar: SHINY
Leafpool: Firestar, don't-
Firestar: *gets match* What will happen if I throw this into the shiny red pile?
Leafpool: NO FIRESTAR NO! YOU'LL DESTROY THE-
Bluestar: *randomly appears* Whatt's up?
Leafpool: *praying to Starclan*
Icepaw: *faints*
Bluestar: *looks around*
Firestar: *lights match*
Leafpool: NO! *slow motion*
Firestar: *throws match in slowmotion*
The Patrol and Bluestar: *slowmotion* NO!
Match: Whiff. *goes out*
Firestar: NO! I wanted to seh what wuz gonna happen!
Everybody: phew! *wipes brows*
Match: HAHAHAHAHAHAH! NOT! *lights*
Firestar: YAY! *claps*
Bluestar: Any last words, anybody, before you all join me in eternal depression?
Thornclaw: WAHH! I WANT MY MOMMY!
Everyone: *Stares*
Thornclaw: *defensive* WHAT? It's true.
Icepaw: jelahvweilryqio;auvyrobweia;byvweia;rwbvyi;awvorvy
Leafpool: *rolls eyes*
*hissing noise in background*
Everyone: *gulps*
Bluestar: Mommy?
BOOM!
The following explosion was too graphic to put in words. Please stand by. *screen goes black for five minutes*
5 hours later...
Whitewing: Where's Firestar, Thornclaw, Leafpool, and Icepaw?
Brambleclaw: I dunno, let's go! *summons a patrol* ?
Brambleclaw's Patrol: SIR YES SIR! *march out of camp*
2 minutes later...
Everybody: !
*a burned and blackened plain is visible, with no trace of anything or anybody*
The Patrol: *gasp*
Sandstorm: *looks around* hey wheres Brambleclaw?
Squirrelflight: Over here! by the pile of shiny red things!
Fluff: *snickers* More TNT for Brambleclaw!
Ivykit and Dovekit: Meep.
Brambleclaw: Oh what is this? It looks fun!
Leafpool: *coughs, and staggers over the hill*
Squirrelflight: Leafpool! You're alive!
Leafpool: *sees Brambleclaw with a match by the dynamite, and runs for the
hills*
Squirrelflight: Leafpool wait!
The Cats: *in dongs on them that the red things are dynamite and they're
about to be blown up* oh no
BOM!
*end of video*
"That was funny," Hollyleaf giggled. "Our next video is from Swiftfire102, 'Feathertail isn't a virgin'."
*on TV*
Crowfeather:*snuggling with Feathertail's spirit* Oh Feathry
Feathertail: Crowfeather I'm pregnat.
Nightcloud: *overhears* She's what?
Leafpool:*at ThunderClan camp* My Crowy senses are tingling one of the other
ones are pregnant!*runs to WindClan*
*Misson impssible theme plays as Leafpool sneaks around*
Leafpool:*peeks in and whispers* Feathertail! I knew it.*goes to Moonpool*
Bluestar:*eating pizza*What?
Leafpool: Feathertail isn't a virgin!
Bluestar: So?*bites pizza*
Leafpool: As of the books she'a a virgin!
Bluestar:*bites pizza, steam comes out of her head as she thinks* Feathertail! Silverstream!*claps paws*
Feathertail: what Bluestar?
Bluestar:You broke your vow of chastity(viginity)
Feathertail:Who told you?
Bluestar:*finishes pizza* Leafpool
Feathertail: Have you forgotten Leafpool is a medicine cat that broke her vow I'm a warrior.
Silverstream: Those kits will kill you if I don't first
Bluestar: Crookedstar get yo' daughter!
Rainfeather(Silvy's mother): Silverstream beef jerky!
Silverstream: BEEF!
Everyone else:...
Bluestar: Leafpool you know you're going to HellClan right?
Leafpool: What?
*end of video*
"Next, also from Swiftfire102, 'Jayfeather did it again'."
*on TV*
Jayfeather: *singing "Oops I did again"*
Cinderheart: Jayfeather I'm pregnant
Jayfeather: What!Poppyfrost said that yesterday and Willowshine said that the day before that! How am I suposed to pay all this child support?
Cinderheart: I'm getting an abortion *slaps Jayfeather*
Jayfeather: No!
*end of video*
"Poor Jayfeather," Hollyleaf said.
"Finally, from XxRandom NemesisxX, Muffins!"
Firestar: *Reading Harry Potter*
Jayfeather: *Runs into Firestar's den* HELP! THE MUFFINS ARE COMING!
Firestar: *Continues to read book*
Random Nemesis: *Runs by chasing Hawkfrost with pitchfork* I WILL HAVE REVENGE!
Firestar: *Still reading book*
Hollyleaf: *Runs into Firestar's den* MUST FOLLOW THE WARRIOR CODE OR WE WILL DIE!
Firestar: *Still reading book* OMG! Harry just kissed Cho!
*end of video*
"Anyway, that finishes episode two of The Lake's Funniest Home Videos. We will post the next one as soon as we can, but no guarantees, because of limited computer access. Send in your videos and see ya soon!" Dawnfire said.