flashback

I spent the next few weeks keeping myself busy by tidying up the place while the guys where out doing their thing. It was always something it seemed. More times than not at least one of them came back with at the very least a bruise, the worst some pretty nasty cuts that one of the other guys would stitch up. There was never a shortage of laundry to be done and as the only non-hunter it was the least I could do.

I had no idea how they'd made do without someone around just to do what I guess you could call motherly duties. By the time I'd finally finished the mountain of laundry I had a plan. I needed to get out for a bit, and not my normal walk down the beach, but really out. So I grabbed my keys after jotting a quick note and hit the road. I didn't expect to be so far from a real grocery store let alone any decent clothing stores, but a few hours later I hit pay dirt. After all laundry duty had its perks as well. I'd snuck a peak at everyone's sizes, and I had a pretty good idea of each mans personal taste and style by now. Although I did take it upon myself to humanize Castiel's wardrobe just a smidgen.

Besides... I was curious to see him in something other than a suit. He could tone it down a bit, especially when "off-duty".

After picking up some last minute items I started the long drive back in a better mood than I'd been in. This weekend was going to be different for all of us. Not only was I tired of being left alone, but all the hunting talk and four sulky men had wore on my nerves. If the end of the world was around the corner these guys deserved at least a small glimpse of normality. This weekend we would at the very least pretend that evil didn't exist in the forms we very well knew were out there lurking somewhere.

By the time the guys came home that night I had everything where it should be and sat waiting at the kitchen table.

Time to put my game face on.

I waited patiently as they all took a seat and sat waiting for my cue. This might not be so easy convincing any of them to go along with my plan. I hoped to have at least one of them on my side, but then again as defeated as they already seemed it might also be much easier to convince them that this was the right thing to do.

Start off easy...

"As you may have noticed I took a little trip today. On each of your beds are bags with new clothes."

I bit my lower lip nervously before continuing.

"Like it or not this weekend you're ditching the suit Cas."

Castiel shifted in his chair while Dean cast an unsure look in my direction.

"The rest of you should find your new wardrobe to your tastes."

An audible sigh came from the other three.

It was now or never...

"I'd like everyone to please place their cell phones on the table in front of them."

After a brief pause they all complied and circling the table I grabbed them all up, shut them off then pocketed them. Raising one hand to stop the questions I knew were coming I grabbed a cold six-pack from the counter I'd had waiting, cracked one open for myself and sat the rest in front of them.

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

They followed suit and seemed to calm down a little.

"This weekend is ours. The way I see things you're all ready to go down fighting without stopping to take a moment, no matter how brief, just to have one last good memory to take with you. This means no hunting."

My eyes flitted from face to face as I let that sink in expecting a near riot at any moment now. But there was none.

"See, this is exactly why you all need this! You've all been running on auto-pilot and it's depressing as hell to just sit back and watch. You need to live for once in your lives. I'm sure you think that sounds selfish, and maybe you're right. But after all you've done being selfish just once is nothing. You've helped save countless peoples lives, killed one evil thing after another and for what? You need to do this. If for no other reason that life owes you this much and I think that if all of your lost friends and loved ones were here right now they'd say the same thing."

Drawing in a breath after that speech I saw Bobby nodding in agreement.

"Let's eat, drink and be merry then." Dean said sarcastically before heading to his room.

"He'll come around." Bobby assured me patting me on the shoulder before calling it a night.

Sam stood up giving me a weak smile. "He's not used to taking orders from a woman, no offense."

He wrapped me into a sasquatch hug, "I'll have a talk with him in the morning. G'nite."

"Night Sam."

I wasn't offended, nor was I sure that any amount of talking would change the fact that every fiber in Deans being went against my idea. With Bobby onboard I knew he wouldn't go against it, worst case scenario he camped out in his room throwing a tantrum akin to a teenage girl. The images that brought to mind amused me as I turned my attention back to Castiel who was the only one who hadn't left.

He wasn't seriously sulking about wearing jeans for a change was he?

I sat my empty on the counter by the sink and grabbed another cold one. I wasn't much of a drinker, but I thought what the hell. I'd just asked the guys to go against the grain and cut loose so I might as well shake things up a bit.

Of course there was the slight problem that I was very much a light weight when it came to alcohol, and if I really pushed the limits I'd pay for it later, but you only live once right?

"Grab your trunks, and meet me at the shoreline."

When he didn't budge I wasn't sure if he'd heard me or not.

"Earth to Cas..."

"I'll be there." he said still not looking at me.

I shrugged and walked out the door a skip in my step.

Tossing my shorts and t-shirt in the sand beside my towel I walked back and forth at the waters edge. Earlier I'd slipped my new two-piece on before putting on some fresh clothes. The navy blue made my tan stand out more than usual, the white stars were just a cute little touch that sealed the deal on that sale. I readjusted the ties at both hips for the umpteenth time, sure enough time had passed that I was going to have to take a midnight swim alone.

Normally I'd dip my toes in first to test the water temp before jumping right in. Tonight I didn't care as I waded in until I was waist deep. The salt water was cool against my skin, but not cold. Night sky blanketed with countless stars I took a deep breath and dove beneath the deep blue. As I surfaced I spotted a silhouette out of the corner of my eye.

So he finally decided to join me...

Took him long enough...

Waves carrying me back to shore I stopped when the water was just shy of being shoulder high. As I neared the shadows fell away from his face, his body, and I suddenly found myself very self-conscious. The fact that he'd decided against wearing a shirt of any kind was not lost on me. I felt a part of me that I thought had took a permanent vacation reawakening. I'd seen plenty of shirtless men over the years, but none had ever had this effect on me.

Stepping into the water like a man with a purpose he strode towards me steadily, while everything in me screamed RUN! I could no more do that than form a coherent thought. Those eyes burning with such intensity, and I realized with instant clarity what I was feeling.

Vulnerable...

It wasn't the sight of his half naked body now glistening with ocean spray, but those eyes...

That mouth...

Stopping just a few inches in front of me a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You have a crush on me don't you?"

Ohboy...

"What makes you say that?" I said sounding more flippant than I felt.

"You get this sparkle in your eyes that's not there when you talk to anyone else."

What can I say to deflect just how close he is to the truth?

"Must be the moonlight playing tricks on you."

Splashing him I swam away my laugh echoing far into the otherwise silent night.

As the cool water pelted down on me in the shower I closed my eyes and replayed the night in over in my head. We'd swam for a couple of hours wordlessly and I found it oddly comforting. I hadn't felt the need to fill the quiet gap with mindless gibberish as I normally felt compelled to. It all seemed surreal. Like some sort of connection had come from our shared silence despite no words being spoken. The only comfortable silences I'd shared in my past had been with lifelong friends, before Todd came into the picture. Yet tonight a part of me felt like I'd known Castiel all my life.

I slipped into an old baggy t-shirt and shorts and finger combed my hair before heading down the hallway. Pausing at Cas's door I decided against knocking for fear he'd already fallen fast asleep.

I tiptoed downstairs to the den and channel surfed, hoping for either a decent movie or something that would bore me to sleep. Stretching out on the suede couch I cruised through infomercial after infomercial before stumbling upon the end of The Wedding Singer. Up next Anger Management, another Sandler flick.

Hmm...

Must be a marathon...

Awesome for me being a huuuge fan of most of his movies.

Wasn't so keen on Punch Drunk Love...

Hearing footfalls coming down the steps I turned and could just make out Cas's still wet hair in the dim light. "Mind if I join you?"

"Only if you're not going to make me move. Took me forever to get comfy." I said looking over the back of the couch at him.

Glancing around the room he noticed I'd taken the only seating area and looked as though he was about to head back upstairs.

"You could sit on the floor here in front of me. If you're a good boy I'll even scratch behind your ears."

"Funny." He didn't hide the smile that so wanted to come out as well as he thought he had.

"Or you can sit here," I said patting the cushion under my feet, "so long as you don't mind me using you as a footrest."

He took a seat as I repositioned myself and turned my attention back to the movie. Or at least I tried to. Being in such close proximity to him made it hard to focus on much else.

"Nice socks..."

"Hey now, don't mock the fuzzies!"

So I had a slight sock fetish when it came to the fuzzies as I called them. I had dozens of pairs of them, plain colors, bright colors, striped, spots, you name it if they sold it I probably had a pair of 'em.

"I wasn't mocking 'the fuzzies'. They're interesting."

"They are crazy soft and cute thank you very much." I said smugly.

He ran his hands over the top of my feet that sent a shiver through my entire body. "I guess."

From the moment he'd entered the den it had been impossible to fully focus on anything else. There was this almost gravitational pull that seemed to lure me in and I knew that if he were ever near I would be able to sense it because of that.

"So what's it like?"

"Heaven?"

I nodded.

"You know I can't tell you that."

"Ah, and give away the punch line eh?"

"Something like that." He sighed heavily and I knew he was picturing it by the furrow on his brow.

"You ever wish you were like us?"

"I've never really thought about it. Why do you ask?"

"Just seems there's so much you miss out on."

"Like what?"

"Food, music, movies, emotions... sex..."

"Doesn't seem like such a sacrifice to me."

"How can you say that? What's a life without living and experiencing?"

"I have a life of servitude and obedience to God. I don't see the point in wishing to be human simply to feel. What's the point in happiness if it also comes with such suffering and misery?"

"That is the point. Without the bad you wouldn't know how great the good parts are. Nobody enjoys the sour moments in life, but they are there to teach us a lesson or make us stronger for things yet to come. Do I wish my daughter was still here, of course I do. But that just makes the memories that much more meaningful and I wouldn't give those up for anything."

"And her father, did you love him?"

"We were young... and I guess I loved him in the way that every teenager thinks they love their first crush. But looking back it wasn't that moment where you know they're the one you're meant to be with for the rest of your life. I loved him without being in love with him, if that makes any sense to you..."

He listened intently, nodding as he took it all in. It was then I understood how strange this all must seem to him. How strange we and all our habits and activities must appear, and though he didn't show it he must have felt like an outsider trying to fit in.

We took the stairs back up while the sun was just starting to rise. We stood side by side watching the sun come up, and then I yawned. Probably the first all-nighter he'd pulled. Chalk another new human experience under his belt.

"You were wrong you know."

"About what?"

"Your crush theory."

"Oh. Then what would you call it?"

"Trouble.." I mumbled before yawning again.

If he said anything after that I didn't hear it. As tired as I suddenly was I was lucky I hadn't slipped up and said what had been on the tip of my tongue. Sliding under the sheets I fought against that thought to no avail. There was no denying the fact. I was falling for him.

I groaned in frustration.

This was happening too fast.

All this tingly, bubbly stuff inside of me...

If that wasn't trouble I didn't know what was.

I wasn't going to say the L word...

Besides that'd be crazy right?

Me in love with an angel...

Ohboyohboyohboy... talk about trouble with a capital t...