Fingers brushing the hair back from my forehead I opened my eyes sleepily.
"Cas? What are you.." my words were cut off as his warm hand found my exposed stomach, the moment his mouth covered mine all thought was lost.
"Bree?"
Ugh!
Not now Dean.
Shoo...
"Bree."
With a sudden jostling to my shoulder my eyes flew open, for real this time. I didn't know whether to cry or scream.
"What do you want." I snapped, deciding frustration fit best.
Why was it that bad dreams always played themselves out until the very end, while with good ones it never failed you were woken up by one thing or another before the really good stuff...
"Well I did come in to ask if we were suppose to fend for ourselves seeing as its now almost lunch time."
He stared at me with an inquisitive look in his eyes. Flipping back the covers I scrambled through the dresser for a pair of sweats. Quickly pulled them on and started combing through the riffraff that littered the top of the nightstand for my hairclip.
"But you were making some serious happy noises there. You weren't dreaming about me where ya?"
A hopeful smile lit up his face. Catching his gaze in the mirror I rolled my eyes.
"Hardly. Sorry to burst your ego there champ."
Shrugging it off he tried again, "Sam?"
Twisting my hair up off the back of my neck and fastening it I choked out a laugh at the doubt in his question. Maybe some women liked the womanizing type, but I wasn't one of them.
"While highly more likely than dreaming of you, no."
I turned around finding myself face to face with him, a smile of satisfaction that at least where I was concerned his brother would fare better than he.
"Well Bobby is a little old for you, and it couldn't have been Cas so..."
The second Cas's name was mentioned I knew the look on my face had been a dead giveaway. I hadn't been prepared for him to keep trying, let alone show so much interest in my subconscious world.
"Seriously?"
So after umpteen tries he'd hit the nail on the head.
Big deal.
It wasn't like he was going to go tell him hey Cas, you know Bree had a sex dream about you?
He was more likely to go lick his wounds from being the last one I'd dream about.
"Y'all can fend for yourselves. You do remember how to do that right?" Patting him on the cheek lightly I went out for a morning run.
My feet pounded against the sandy shoreline until well past noon before most of the frustration had relinquished its hold over me. Perhaps that's all it all boiled down to. Being the only woman surrounded by four men I was bound to end up sexually frustrated. Wasn't I? Of course there was always the option to take matters into my own hands. Knowing my luck however it would have the reverse effect and my sex drive would kick into over gear. Weighing my options I didn't think it worth the risk. Suffering, however minor, never hurt anyone and I wasn't dumb enough to poke that bear with a stick!
I walked for another ten or fifteen minutes to cool down before slinging the small pack to the ground and resting. Darkening clouds to the west told me a storm was headed our way, as if to prove itself the winds had picked up sending stray leaves scattering about in the woods behind me. Closing my eyes as the cool breeze washed over me I found myself wondering what the guys were up to. Given the current situation it was anyone's guess. What did normal people do if faced with the knowledge that their life could end so soon? A pang of grief hit when I thought about the possibility of some of us making it through this unscathed, albeit some of us would most likely not. Disheartened I returned my water bottle to my pack, rising I dusted the sand off the butt of my pants and started my journey back.
Embers in the grill still smoldering, I was greeted by the aroma of steaks and barbeque ribs still heavy in the air. Sam sat atop a cooler at the Impala's side, a half finished six-pack at his feet. Dean was busy tinkering away underneath the hood, a grease smudge across his left cheek. Wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his arm he nodded before turning his attention back to whatever he'd been doing. Sam rose and grabbed a cold one from the ice and tossed it in my direction.
"Thanks."
He tipped his head in acknowledgement and returned to studying his brothers work. Making my way to the porch I collapsed in exhaustion on the steps and nodded at the other two.
"We saved you some food, should still be warm." Bobby informed me, patting his stomach. I'd learned years ago that when it came to men and red meat they almost always nearly ate 'til bursting. Chuckling a bit to myself I cracked open my beer and took a sip.
"Maybe later, not really hungry right now. Who cooked tonight anyways?"
"He did." Castiel groaned, proving my whole men and meat theory while casting an accusing glance at the older man.
"Explains why the place is still standing." I teased throwing a wink in Bobby's direction.
After washing up I scrounged through my closet for something casual to wear, and decided my baby blue tank and a pair of jean shorts would do. Rejoining the boys I found them all as I had left them.
"Sam, you got a minute?" I asked walking far enough away from the others so our conversation would be private.
"Sure." He bent over to get a fresh can from the cooler and held it up.
"Make it a water this go, please."
With legs as long as his it didn't take him long to reach me.
"Thanks."
Snapping the lid off the top I took a long drink while trying to put my jumbled thoughts into words.
"Day after tomorrow huh?"
A dark shadow fell across his face as he remembered the worlds impending fate rested on his shoulders.
"I believe in you Sam. I know everyone else is probably going to tell you to go down swinging, and no matter what at least you tried. But I know if anyone can do this it's you."
He looked doubtful at my unquestionable faith in him.
"You just need to believe in yourself. Look at the life you've lived, and the fact you're not some mumbling nut job in a padded room after all the insanity. Everyone needs to know someone believes in them, I just wanted you to know you've got me."
Pulling me into a hug he lowered his mouth to my ear, "I needed to hear that, thank you." I squeezed his hand, the only reply I could give him.
"Storms moving in fast." Bobby said as I took the empty seat between him and Castiel.
Castiel's eyes closed I leaned over to check that he was still alive. There hadn't been death by steak overdose that I knew of, didn't mean it couldn't happen. I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched the steady rise and falling of his chest.
Kicking his feet up on the porch railing Bobby leaned back and rested his eyes. "You smell like a cookie."
My girlish giggle carried across the yard. "Warm brown sugar, courtesy of Bath and Body Works."
How I loved that place. I could spend hours there and still never tire of it, was as close to heaven as I could possibly imagine. Being among a group of men such as these I had to do something to keep my femininity, however small an attempt.
"That funny feeling in my chest is back." Cas said as he stood and stretched.
"Welcome to indigestion. Common causes greasy foods and eating like a pig." I shrugged nonplussed.
"If that were the case it wouldn't happen only when you're around." he retorted glancing at me before averting his gaze.
Deans hearty chuckle startled me. Wiping his hands on a rag he then tucked into his back jeans pocket. "That would be good old hormones there Cas, welcome to my world."
Rising from his chair Bobby shook his head, "Oh brother..." he grumbled before the door closed behind him. Sam looked back and forth between the three of us before deciding whatever was going on didn't need his input and followed Bobby's cue.
"Last time I checked hormones would affect something a little further down than the chest area Dean." I stared him down long and hard, telling him with my eyes if he so much as breathed a word of earlier today I would make him regret it.
"You're absolutely right Bree. I guess since the odd feeling radiates from his chest he should consider it a heart issue." His proud smirk told me he'd ignored my obvious signal and whether I ended up making him regret it later or not what he was about to say would be worth it in his book.
Gripping Cas's shoulder the two men looked at each other, Castiel still in the dark about what was going on. "Try the L word on for size." he patted his shoulder before leaving us two alone.
He'd hung me out to dry! My mouth wide open in disbelief, I quickly snapped it shut and scrambled for recovery.
"That's absurd. He's crazy. Spending all day with his head up the back end of a car... all those fumes. Too much to drink..." I was rambling and stumbling over my words which so wasn't helping my cause. "There's Tums in the medicine cabinet in my bathroom, those should help."
He just continued to stare out at nothing in absolute silence. "Yeah." Without looking at me he turned and entered the house. My shoulders slumped as I was left alone with my thoughts. I'd done the right thing. Hadn't I?
Part of me wanted nothing more than to pack up my few belongings and disappear into the night while they slept. I just wasn't wired to run when the going got tough, so instead I found myself once again over thinking anything that could be thought. The what ifs were endless so I turned my focus to the bigger picture. If my life was going to end the day after tomorrow I wasn't going to be left with regrets. So where did that leave me...
As the gentle rain turned into a steady downpour I let myself go and the bittersweet tears flowed freely. Cupping my face in my hands I sobbed loudly, a mixture of pain from the past and the pain yet to come. The downpour slowing to a steady drizzle a warm hand squeezed my shoulder comfortingly. He'd been there awhile. How long I wasn't sure, but I'd felt his presence once the storm of my tears had subsided.
"So that's what you meant by trouble?"
When I didn't answer he turned me to face himself. I hadn't even had time to pull myself together and having to do this so soon... Closing my eyes I took a deep breath and kept my eyes averted to the ground. "Yeah."
"How did you know? Why me? Why are you acting as though this emotion you raved about is so terrible?"
Already feeling like a train wreck his rapid fired questions weren't helping.
"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! How did I know how you felt? I didn't, how could I? As for how I feel I was in denial until just recently. And why not you? This isn't something a person plans you know, sometimes it just happens."
Turning away I sought answers in the darkness that surrounded us. The rain was still coming down, my emotions were raw, and I wasn't quite sure what he expected from me.
"I'm acting like this because its both a blessing and a curse. When you let someone in like that, if they hurt you hurt for them and with them. You always pray things will end up happily ever after, but they rarely do so you wonder which day its all going to just poof and vanish before your eyes."
A shooting star blazed a trail across the pitch black sky, and like I had since I was a child I made a wish. The irony wasn't lost on me. If he felt anything we had a lifespan about as long as that already gone fallen star had. We'd never make it further than it had, and all the pondering in the world wouldn't help me decide what the right choice from here was.
"Dean was right. Bree, I..."
"Don't. Please... just don't. Jeez Cas, what do you want from me?" I spun around to face him in a sudden blaze of white hot fury. "Do you want me to tell you how truly unfair I think this is? Or how despite everything I wish things were different because I'm in love with you and the thought of losing you..."
His lips pressed against mine hungrily, swallowing up the rest of the tirade I would have thrown at him. A spark not unlike that of a lightening bolt flowed through every atom of my body, and I knew that if this wasn't right I didn't care. He was it for me, there would be no other love after...
"Say it again." he said coming up for air.
"I love you Castiel."
"God I love the sound of that." his smile gleaming in the moonlight.
"Good, because you're going to be hearing it an awful lot."
Waves crashed against our legs almost knocking me over and without thinking I hopped up, locking my legs around his waist. A low guttural groan came from deep within his chest and I whispered something in his ear. One last human experience was about to be knocked of his to-do list. By the time we'd gotten to his bedroom and shut the door that smile was the only thing I saw.