In the animalistic frenzy that ensued my wardrobe was down a shirt as was his. From the moment his lips had touched mine behind closed doors I didn't want them anywhere else. He soon learnt that lesson for each time he tried to pull away I gently nipped his lower lip. The after effects I'd be feeling tomorrow were worth it. Even the brutal beating my shoulders had taken from being slammed against the wall. My skin still tingly where his touch had lingered, I unwrapped my legs from around him and lowered my feet to the floor. Both panting for air I was waiting for the verdict.
Would this human act surpass his expectations...
Or would he have found me lacking in some aspect...
Wouldn't that just take the cake, his first time and to have a dimmed by a mere human...
"So that's what all the hype was about?"
I punched him playfully in the midsection, "Very funny."
"Is it always like that?" he asked curiously.
Like what, terrible?
Now of all times my insecurities would have to flare their ugly heads.
"Umm.." I stammered, "honestly I don't know. That was... WOW..." finding no other word to sum up the experience.
Todd had been my first and recalling all his fumbling and focusing on only meeting his needs I knew I was missing the whole experience. Contrary to popular belief, just because I'd become pregnant my senior year I had not been around the block. I was still trying to wrap my mind around what had just happened, and how he'd been so... well lets just say if I'd had any socks on they'd have been more than blown off. How he'd known what to do, and done it so well was astonishing.
Finding my panties amidst the heap of clothes on the floor proved easier than I assumed. Once I'd slipped those back on I did a quick look-see of his closet and snagged one of his dark button down the front dress shirts. Trying to avoid looking at him as he was still standing there buck naked proved most difficult of all and I ended up having to rebutton his borrowed shirt more than once. Kissing him lightly on the cheek I left his room, his worrisome gaze following me.
Padding quietly through the cabin I made my way to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. I stood peering through the small window over the sink to find the rain had finally come to a halt.
A low wolf whistle startled me and the glass I was holding shattered in the sink.
"Give me a break Dean, most swim suits covers less."
He came over to help pick up the pieces of broken glass while tracking me out of the corner of his eye. Running cool water over the cut in my finger he took my hand and accessed the damage.
"Won't need stitches at least." he said as though hoping to make matters better. He pulled a clean towel from the kitchen drawer and gingerly wrapped my hand to stop the blood flow.
"So would that be considered a three-sum?"
Ignoring his question, he snatched the half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels from its hiding place and poured two glasses, sliding one across the counter at me. "It'll help with the pain."
"Pain from what, your bad jokes?"
"Touché."
His question did bother me more than I let on. What exactly did happen to Jimmy while Cas had control? More importantly was he aware of the going ons, and if so did that make Deans question a little more valid than it first appeared?
Tossing back the liquor in one swig I contemplated the ramifications. I had to know, and the only way was to ask. Castiel seemed closest to Dean, so he ought to know.
"Jimmy isn't awake in there somewhere freaking out...sort of like I am at the thought he could be. Is he?"
My question took him by surprise and he sputtered on his drink trying to hold back a laugh.
Please just this once be serious Dean...
"I was only giving you a hard time Bree. When an angel takes a vessel its not like when a demon possesses someone and they're aware of everything yet have no control. With Cas what you see is Jimmy, but apart from his looks that's all Cas. Jimmy, well think of him as in a vegetative state. If or when Cas doesn't need him as a vessel any longer he won't have any recollection of anything."
"And if Cas gets his powers back?"
"Then he'll return to the emotionally unattached robot he was before." Uncapping the bottle he refilled my cup to the brim. The pain that had surfaced however briefly in my eyes hadn't gone unnoticed by him. "Sorry."
Me too...
Feeling suddenly very queasy I made a mad dash to the bathroom just in time for my stomach to empty itself of every last content. Trying to still my rapidly pounding heart and nerves I prayed that nastiness was all over. A soft rapping on the door sounded just as the first wave of dry heaves hit.
Lovely...
I hadn't had that much to drink yet here I was... hunched over praying to the porcelain god...
And about to have an audience to boot...
"Go away."
"You okay?"
Duh.. do I look okay to you Dean?
I grimaced as my stomach lurched again and again. Lifting my head slowly I waited for the room to stop spinning around me. After a few minutes had passed I felt good as new, apart from the nasty taste in my mouth and needing to wash my face. A wet washcloth dangled in front of my face.
"Thanks." Wiping my mouth before turning to face him only to find that he'd already gone. I guess he'd been here more than his fair share of times and understood nobody cared to be watched during that horrendous experience, much less while one cleaned up after.
Turning the facet in the bathtub I poured in some bubble bath then brushed my teeth while waiting for the tub to fill. Lighting three candles around the sink I flipped the lights off before sinking beneath the suds. After dressing I grabbed a notepad and pen from the nightstand and headed back to Cas's room.
"Get dressed, we're going somewhere." As he dressed I sat on the floor and used the trunk at the foot of his bed as a table and began to write.
Bobby, Sam & Dean,
I'm not even sure of where to start. Thank you doesn't seem adequate for all you've done for me. You saved me in more ways than one & for that I'll be forever grateful.
Bobby, you showed me a quiet patience & understanding that I needed in order to come to terms with things. I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time, but if it means anything I've always looked up to you. The boys are lucky to have you & I'm lucky to have gotten the chance to know you over the last several months.
Dean, I'm sorry we haven't always seen eye to eye & butted heads more than anything. Perhaps that has to do with the fact we are more alike than either one of us cares to admit in some aspects. You've had a great weight on your shoulders for a long time that I don't envy & many couldn't carry. You don't have to carry it alone... but I think you already know that. Thank you for allowing me into your little group. If the circumstances were different perhaps I'd have time to rectify having always kept you at arms length.
Sam, whatever happens tomorrow is what's meant to be & nothing anyone does is going to change that. Sometimes faith is just in knowing that. Accepting you've done all you can possibly do & let fate takes its course. Thank you for helping me through some rough nights & patches. Time to have a little faith in yourself for a change.
There are a couple of places I need to go but I'll be back in the morning. Don't go anywhere without me. You guys are all I have left & if its end game I'm not going to be left sitting on the sidelines.
Love y'all,
Bree
I jotted down my cell phone number at the bottom in case an emergency of some sort came up, grabbed my keys and walked out the door. Castiel followed with a look of puzzlement upon his face. Glancing back at the cabin from the rearview mirror it dawned on me that tonight was possibly the last night any of us would see that place...