A/N: As always, thanks for reading. Only 2 chapters and an epilogue left.

"These twisted games we're playing
We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The space between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain"
- "The Space Between" by Dave Matthews Band

***Bella's POV***

Palm trees above my head, the majestic ocean all I could see in front of me, and white sand beneath me - the setting was more peaceful than heaven itself. But my mind was still racing.

I looked to Jasper who lay next to me reading a book. It was the fifth and final day of our vacation together. We had spent it together physically, snorkeling, swimming with dolphins, typical tourist attractions, but we were both somewhere else mentally the entire week.

I wanted there to be something else between us. I didn't want to lose him. I reached out to touch his bare chest, trying to be romantic and sexy, but failing miserably.

"Want to go back to the hotel room?" I asked trying my best to be sultry. I never was a good flirt.

"Sure," he shrugged. Not exactly the response I was hoping for, but I took it.

In the hotel room a chill ran through me. The ocean view, the chaise lounge, it was all too eerily familiar. I needed to push the memories away, but they came and haunted me wherever I was. Creating new memories would be the only way to truly rid myself of the originals.

I kissed Jasper, pushing him on the bed. It was the first time we had been together in what felt like months. Straddling him, each of my knees on each side of his hips, I was in control of the situation. I grabbed at his swim trunks hastily, seeking him, seeking who we both used to be. There was nothing I needed more in this world than to escape the monster I had become. I shed my bathing suit and I wished I could shed my skin to free myself from my sins.

My touch was brash and rough, my teeth biting his lip. He matched my rhythm perfectly, desperately seeking the same as I did. I needed this, I needed him and I felt his need for me too.

They were desperate desires, the clawing, the biting, in the end it was futile. Nothing I did brought me back to who I used to be. I was no longer Bella Swan, Jasper Hale's soulmate.

I was a woman broken by previous temptations. I could no longer enjoy the simple pleasures in life that my former self did, like being with who I once thought was my one true love.

What started so heated, ended so lackluster. With his final thrust I could feel an end, metaphorically and physically. I rolled over and a single tear rolled down my cheek onto the pillow.

My heart ached to go back to a simpler time, when I knew my future so clearly. Everything seemed fragile and unsure. If I stayed with Edward, how long would it even last? Would he break up with me for the first hot thing that walked past him? Ever since he told me about his past rendezvous with other women, I became self conscious and worried about out own quasi-relationship.

Jasper's arm snaked around my waist and I knew I needed to end it with Edward. Jasper meant too much to me, for too long to let go of him just like that.

We left for home that night and I typed up my two weeks notice. The only way to move on would be to cut Edward from my life completely.

0000000000000

The click of high heels along the marble tile echoed loudly in the hall. They were almost as loud as my heart beat, as I walked to Edward's office.

I came to his door and it was open, so I knocked on the door frame. He was deep in thought at his desk, his face all scrunched up and he jumped when he heard the knock.

"Bella," A sudden peace spread across his once furrowed brow.

"Edward," I would've been lying if I said it didn't feel nice seeing him again. Those eyes held me captive yet again.

"Come in, please," He invited me and I followed his command, closing the door behind me for privacy.

"I have something to give you." I handed him the resignation letter.

Cautiously, he opened it and read it. His once peaceful face flashed with anger.

"What is this?"

"I'm quitting. I'm sorry, but it's the only thing I can think to do right now." His eyes flitted side to side reading the letter again.

"You can't. You're not quitting," He stood up and put the letter through a paper shredder beside his desk.

"Yes I can."

"Did you sleep with him?"

"With who? Jasper?" He nodded slowly. "I really don't see how that's any of your business. Don't you realize that you're the other man, Edward, not him. He did nothing wrong."

Edward placed his hand on his forehead and then began to run his fingers through his messy hair.

"Bella, you can't do this to me. I can't be without you, I've learned that this week."

"Oh bullshit. You haven't learned anything. I bet you slept with some random woman the night I left. You don't own me, Edward, I'm not your property that you can tell what and what not to do." I was seething. He wasn't making my difficult decision any easier. "For the past month you have treated me no better than some whore you picked up off the street and I'm fucking sick of it. I have been with Jasper my entire adult life. For six years I've done nothing but love him and he's loved me. That's not something you just throw away. And you know what? I will never have to worry if when he doesn't come home on time that he's cheating on me. I can't say that for you. This was an affair, not some long term relationship. It was always going to end at some point. Right? Until the next Tanya could fill the void in your life?"

I never threw his past in his face before, but it sure felt good to do it then.

In an instant he stood closer to me, his lips tight with anger, nostrils flaring. I had hit a nerve.

Then his face crashed into mine, his lips softened slightly to kiss me. Each of his hands held tight to either side of my face. It was forceful, but still there was something hidden beneath the tension. He pulled away from me and placed his forehead against mine, taking a ragged breath.

"I love you, Isabella Marie Swan. The last thing I want to do is hurt you."

Hearing those three words sent my entire world crashing down. I pulled myself from him, smacking his hands away as he reached for me.

"You can't… just say things like that thinking it makes everything alright." I couldn't catch my breath, dry sobs rippling through my chest. "You can't fuck with people's emotions, especially mine."

"I love you," He repeated softly. Biting his bottom lip, his eyes so sad. He collapsed gently into his desk chair. "I've never said that to anyone before and actually meant it like I do now. I can't make you believe that I mean it now. Can I?" He sighed and his head sunk into his hands. "I've never regretted anything I've done, until now. I wish I never met any woman, but you. My heart skips a beat when I hear your name. I get fucking butterflies when I know you're near. It's corny as hell, and I thought it was something that existed only in stupid romance novels or movies. But, you have to know that I feel that for you. I. Love. You."

My heart was ripped in two. One half belonged to the fading love that I held for Jasper and the other half belonged to this all consuming love lust I had for Edward.

I had to close my eyes. I couldn't look at him anymore. He kissed me again unexpectedly, this time more passionately. Every emotion, every feeling I'd had for him poured from my lips to his and I could feel his love.

Love, it had hit me then. The electricity, that spark from the moment we met; it was love. It had always been love and I never knew it until then.

The kiss ended soft, he pulled his head away just enough so that his lips were but a whisper on mine. I could feel them move as he said "I love you," again.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. So close, but I couldn't let the moment completely devour me. I had to make a choice, a choice not only fifteen minutes earlier, I thought I made.

"I can't do this." I pulled away from him completely and I turned my back on him and walked out the door.

I could hear him call after me, but I did nothing.

I needed time. The time to discover who I really was, without the influence of a man in my life. I realized that for my entire adult like thus far, I had been with Jasper. I never even met myself, found out who I really was. Most people do that in college, but I was with Jasper all through college. How was I really to know anything about myself with someone else in my life at all times.

I wasn't going to leave Jasper for Edward, I was going to leave both of them for myself.

I went straight to the apartment, hoping Jasper would be there.