"Yuki!" Ryuichi hissed, slapping his captain. "Pay attention! That last one almost caught you!"
"Whatever…" Yuki replied offhandedly, running a hand through his messy hair. Ever since he'd left the palace six months ago, it had been almost impossible to concentrate on anything. Every time that they were supposed to be stealing something, all he could think about was catching a glimpse of Shuichi, somewhere, somehow.
"You're supposed to be the one in charge, man, come on, pull yourself together!" Ryuichi kept on, trying to make Yuki focus. They still had a full morning if they wanted to feed themselves for the week, and Yuki was going to get them arrested if he wasn't careful. He definitely hadn't been up to snuff after abandoning Shuichi, but he wasn't usually this off.
"Stop telling me what to do!" Yuki snarled, swatting Ryuichi. He hated to admit that he missed Shuichi, and he never would aloud, but it showed clear as day in his work. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, getting into character.
They were stationed in the main street of Agrabah, and they had their sights set on a couple that were passing through the city. They weren't regulars, and they looked loaded. Ryuichi had already robbed the man, and now it was Yuki's turn to move in and distract the other one while Ryuichi stole the fancy purse that was attached to the lady's voluptuous skirts.
Ryuichi and Kuma kept shooing him forward, but he wasn't ready. These days, he had to make sure that there weren't any royal carriages around, that no one had pinkish hair, that his lover wasn't anywhere near him. He scanned the area and sighed heavily; Shuichi wasn't here, just like every other day. He cleared his throat and stepped out onto the street, waiting for the lady to separate from her partner. A few minutes later, she split off to look at a fabric vendor, and Yuki sensed that it was time to move.
"Find something you like?" Yuki asked softly, giving the woman a small smile when she looked his way. As soon as he heard a simpering giggle, he knew that he had her. Even now, with his hair overgrown and his tighter face, he could still make the ladies, and sometimes the men, swoon without even trying.
"No...not really. Not yet, anyway." the woman responded, smiling up at Yuki. "Do you live in this city?"
"Yes, I do, all my life." Yuki replied suavely, putting a hand behind the woman's back and skillfully leading her into the streets, where it'd be easier for Ryuichi to steal her coins without being noticed.
"Wow…we're from out of town, and I've never seen a marketplace like this, it's wonderful…you're…" the lady said, mesmerized by Yuki. "…wonderful. What's your name?"
"My name's…" Yuki started to say, wrapping his arm around the lady's slim waist. He opened his mouth to give her a fake name, but a glint of pink across the way captured his attention. He immediately straightened up and moved away from his quarry, intent on finding out what it was.
"Your name?" she asked again, watching Yuki's face.
"It's Yuki." Yuki answered robotically, not bothering with a lie. The dash of color had turned out to be a flag on a passing horse, and it was long gone now. Yuki shook his head and tried to focus again, turning on a half-hearted smile as he went.
"Wait…Yuki Eiri?" the woman asked, taken aback. The front gate of the city had been plastered in wanted posters, and one of them had had a picture of a thief named Yuki Eiri that looked awfully similar to the man that she was talking to. True, the street rat in the poster had looked better groomed, and maybe a little bit more sane. Hearing the name said aloud had jogged her memory, and the closer she looked at her companion, the more sure she was that he was the wanted thief. Behind her, Ryuichi shook his head and sped up his creeping, intent on getting the money before the screaming started.
"Hmm? Wait, no, that's not…" Yuki sputtered, feeling his stomach drop into his feet. He'd really screwed up this time. He'd never failed to give a fake name before, and he guessed from the woman's tone that she knew exactly who he was now.
"GUARDS!" the woman screeched, clutching her coin purse to her chest, just in time to keep it out of Ryuichi's outstretched hands.
"No, it's not-" Yuki managed to get out before the accusing prey's friend tackled him from behind and sent him flying into Ryuichi and Kumagoro.
"Guards!" the man and woman yelled, pointing excitedly to Yuki and Ryuichi when some came tearing around the corner.
"Dammit, Yuki, what the hell is wrong with you?" Ryuichi hissed, smacking Yuki on the shoulder and grabbing his arm to pull him up. "We have to get out of here, come on, move!"
"I know what I'm doing!" Yuki snapped, shaking off Ryuichi and pelting down the street.
"Obviously you don't!" Ryuichi shouted back, jumping up and standing his ground, waiting for the guards to get closer so that he could unleash a good beaming on them.
"So stupid…" Yuki whispered, falling back into his own thoughts. It took so little to throw him off these days, and he hated every single waking second of it. It disgusted him that he was so dependent on someone else, that even seeing the color of his hair somewhere could rip him out of a con. He grumbled and sped up, unwilling to be arrested for being a heartbroken moron.
He stopped when he reached a deserted alley and sank down onto the ground, listening for the sounds of a successful Ryuichi attack. He could hear some screams in the distance, and he was pretty sure that the mushroom cloud of dust meant that Ryuichi had gotten off at least one good throw. As long as Ryuichi had the guards distracted, he was safe, and could stop to corral his thoughts and catch his breath.
Ever since he'd walked away, he wished that he hadn't. Whenever Ryuichi wasn't hell-bent on keeping him busy, his mind wandered back to what he'd had, and the knowledge that he'd never have it again. It killed him that Shuichi wasn't in his life, but he knew that it was for the best, and that Hiro had been right; he wasn't what Shuichi needed, he couldn't take care of him like he deserved.
He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning back against the wall. Sometime he could feel Shuichi in his arms, feel his hair on his face, some little hint of his lover, and those times haunted him. Even in the bright sunlight, far away from his cold bed, the memories followed him, tormenting him endlessly. He took a steadying breath and tried to hold it together, refusing to let his emotions win this round.
Back in the palace, it had been a shock to realize that he was capable of real feelings, and now that he was away from their source, it was even more a shock to realize that they had only intensified. He loved Shuichi, more so than ever, now that he was gone, and it was slowly but surely killing him. His life didn't feel like it was his anymore, and the fact that he was spiraling out of control did nothing to help him. He was very aware that he was losing himself, and that as each day went on, he became less himself and more a sick façade than anything else.
He was used to relying on his instincts to find his way out of any situation, even when he got stuck in his own head. It had never steered him wrong, and it had been present since he was a kid, since he'd been forced to live alone. Waking up each morning with the realization that he was entirely alone had thrown him almost as much as his lasting feelings. Without his intuition, he felt useless, and it made him sick to see what he'd become. Whenever he tried to reason his way out of his misery, his head got clouded and clogged with emotion, and he had no idea how to rein them in, no idea how to even begin to control them.
He shifted where he sat, trying to stay comfortable while he waited for Ryuichi. Even though he'd been dealing with this for six months, it was still new to him. He'd never dealt with love before, and he felt like a fool, like a puppet being pulled around by strings that he'd never wanted to have in the first place. He sighed heavily and sank a little further down, wishing that he could wake up from his life.
"There he is!" a voice shouted, making Yuki jump up. "Hey! Stay where you are, no sense in running, you're cornered!"
"What the…" Yuki muttered, his eyes widening in shock. He'd heard the explosions, seen the tell-tale signs of a Ryuichi victory; Ryuichi had never failed before.
"Bring the other one around!" the apparent leader of the guards shouted, snapping his fingers a few times.
Yuki recoiled and leaned back against his wall, unsure of how to handle the situation. He was used to Tatsuha following Ryuichi around like a lost puppy, or the other guards celebrating their capture wildly enough for him to simply walk away. He didn't recognize any of the guards this time, and they hadn't seen Tatsuha for months.
"Let me go!" Ryuichi screamed, writhing around. One of the guards had him hoisted up by his waist, and two others were carrying his feet.
"Really? You couldn't use the ropes?" the leader asked on a sigh, looking and sounding completely exasperated. The council had put him in charge while Tatsuha was away, and even though he was loving the chance to usurp his boss, the idiocy of the other guards was overwhelming sometimes.
"Now that's creative." Yuki interjected, deciding that he needed to do something right that day. If they got arrested, that meant that they'd be taken to the palace, and possibly killed. The guards that were holding onto the thrashing Ryuichi were familiar to him, and he was starting to see a glimmer of hope in their stupidity.
"Just use the ropes, and you, shut him up!" the new captain ordered, tossing a rope from his hip to one of Ryuichi's captors and gesturing at Yuki with his other hand.
"HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" Ryuichi squalled when the guards dropped him and started trying to entrap his flailing limbs. A few of the guards started moving in on Yuki, who cracked his knuckles and glared in response. The guards halted immediately, waiting for their captain to back them up; they'd heard horror stories about this pair.
"That's a new one." The captain replied, rolling his eyes and stepping towards Yuki to help subdue him.
"Ryuichi…" Yuki said calmly, straightening up and staring down the approaching captain. "Where's Kuma?"
"They got him, Yuki! It was horrible!" Ryuichi wailed, biting some exposed guard fingers. "I tried to beam them and, and, I did, but then…"
"Ryuichi." Yuki said simply, willing his accomplice to spit it out. His victory was looking less achievable by the second, and without Ryuichi and his bunny-wielding skills, they were most likely doomed.
"They got him in one of those net things, Yuki! It was awful! Kuma's trapped!" Ryuichi said dramatically, falling onto his knees and cursing the skies. One of the guards sensed an opening and jumped forward to tackle him. Ryuichi rolled backwards to evade and then snatched up one end of the rope, tying a few of the guards' feet together. "And now I can't find him!"
"And you won't, unless you cooperate." The captain told Ryuichi, his eyes never leaving Yuki's face. "And you…let's not do this the hard way."
"Afraid?" Yuki said softly, smirking slightly.
"Not of you. Now!" the captain replied, jumping back when he shouted the last word. He'd spotted Yuki lounging a few minutes before, and one of his more competent men had stationed himself on the roof above, poised to drop a sand bag at his command. The bag fell right on target and brought Yuki all the way down, allowing the other men to jump on him and make sure that he wouldn't be able to give them anymore trouble.
"Cheap…shot…" Yuki murmured, his head spinning. He couldn't find his bearings enough to sit up, let alone stand up, so he stayed where he was, content to let the guards lug his dead weight around.
"Yuki, what does co-op-er-ate mean?" Ryuichi asked, sitting on top of his toppled pile of guards and rocking back and forth with his eyes closed in concentration. He'd started attacking their ankles after tying them together, and he'd missed the sand bag ploy.
"Not now." Yuki whispered, trying to make himself as heavy as possible for the guards that were trying to hoist him off of the ground.
"It means that you'd better listen to what I tell you, or you won't see your rabbit ever again." The captain answered maliciously, ready to crack down on the thieves now that Yuki wasn't a threat. If he brought in these two, his promotion was surely guaranteed. They'd been on the wanted list for years, and Tatsuha had let them escape one too many times to blame it on sheer incompetence.
"But…" Ryuichi moaned, terribly distraught.
"Take them to the palace." The captain ordered, dusting off his clothes and heading out of the alley. "They're both under arrest."
"You can't arrest us! Tatsuha won't like that!" Ryuichi said, jumping off of the pile of conquered guards and avoiding all attempts to corral him.
"Tatsuha's no longer in charge, he's out of town." the captain replied, his voice dripping with arrogance. "Just grab him already!"
"Out of town?" Yuki asked groggily, having been forced to stand from repeated kicks to his midsection.
"That's it, hold still or I'll destroy that rabbit! I have royal backing!" the captain snarled, upset that Ryuichi was so adept at making a fool out of his unit.
"Royal?" Ryuichi said slowly, thinking over the meaning of the word while dancing out of the guards' reach. "Shuichi?"
"Don't use the Prince's name so casually! And yes." the leader responded, his feathers severely ruffled. Truthfully, he had no such backing, but he was pretty sure that the Prince would support the execution of a common criminal. He'd been handling middling affairs since the disappearance of the Sultana, and everyone knew that you could get him to agree to anything if you made it sound confusing enough. He was even more out of it these days, if that were possible.
"But he's my friend!" Ryuichi cried, stopping his dancing to start his bawling.
"Such insolence will not go unpunished…I will rip that rabbit apart, you'd better start behaving!"
"But he is! And we played games, and did each other's hair, and told stories, and, and, we played with Cinda all the time!" Ryuichi said, his voice pleading.
"Cinda?" one of the guards asked, enthralled by the drama. "The Prince's elephant?"
"Yep!" Ryuichi chirped, failing to notice the circle of captors closing in.
"Sir, how would he know about her?" one of the older guards whispered to their new leader, his gut telling him that something was going on.
"I have no idea, it doesn't matter. They're just going to be executed anyway." he replied under his breath, not wanting to cause any more uproar.
"There's no feasible way that they could know about the elephant's name unless they've actually met his majesty…if you kill them and they turn out to be some old friends of his, you can kiss that promotion goodbye." The older man said quickly, ignoring the fake look of shock that the captain responded with. "Don't give me that look, we all know that you're gunning for Tatsuha's job. You'd better take this seriously."
The captain stayed quiet for a little bit, weighing his options. If he had them brought in, and taken care of, he'd have glory for years, he would have accomplished something that Tatsuha never had. But on the other hand, if they did indeed know the Prince, and he had them killed, he probably wouldn't be around much longer than his quarry. He sighed and nodded at his advisor.
"Take them to the palace. Not the dungeons, the throne room. We'll see if they really do know his majesty." the captain ordered, his tone resigned.
Yuki opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to decide what sound to make. Part of him wanted to curse Ryuichi, to blacken his name for mentioning Shuichi, but part of him was glad for his companion's idiocy; if he hadn't spoken up, they'd probably have been dead by sunset. He eventually opted for silence and walked along between his assigned guards, his head spinning. He was going back to the place he'd never wanted to see again, and there was nothing he could do about it. Even though he longed for a glimpse of Shuichi, the last thing that he wanted was to be in his presence again; it would be too painful.
He'd heard that the Prince was engaged, that Shuichi had moved on, and now that his advice had come full-circle, he was being forced to deal with it. He sighed and tried to shut down, unsure of what would happen if he didn't.
The guards plowed on, Ryuichi whistled a happy bunny-related tune, and Yuki could feel himself going numb. The closer they got to the palace, the less of himself he could feel, and he was eternally grateful for it.
"Hey, Shuichi, they still need you to sign off on some arrangements for tomorrow." Hiro called across the room, walking down the long promenade that led to the throne. Shuichi had been lounging in it all morning, determined to ignore the world. "Not exactly the best hiding place…"
"Don't judge." Shuichi shot back, an arm draped over his face and his feet hanging off one side of the giant chair. "What arrangements?"
"Seating, I think. They threw the papers at me and ran for it, apparently they're scared of you."
"As they should be." Shuichi said, lowering his voice and trying to sound menacing.
"You're adorable." Hiro replied on a laugh, walking up to Shuichi and giving him a quick kiss.
Ever since the younger man had agreed to marry him six months ago, Hiro had been on cloud nine. He loved every second that he was with his fiancé, and even though Shuichi could still be guarded at times, he'd really opened up in the last weeks. He seemed to be getting over Yuki, and Hiro was glad that he could be there to help him through it. He'd still refrained from telling Shuichi the truth about his lover's leaving, and he planned on keeping it that way. Shuichi would never forgive him for that, he was sure of it, and if he wanted to keep helping Shuichi move on, he had to stay.
"Why do they want me to sign off on these things? I already told them that I didn't care…" Shuichi muttered, taking the papers from Hiro and glancing at them.
"Maybe because it's your wedding?" Hiro asked playfully, enjoying his recently acquired freedom to get as close as he wanted for as long as he wanted. Shuichi had been aloof at first, sticking to himself and refusing to talk about anything, but here lately, he'd really come out of his shell, and Hiro was hopeful that he'd be able to be just as happy as he was before long.
"Lies." Shuichi responded, smiling. He hadn't looked back since saying yes to Hiro, and he'd refused to stay mired down for too long. He didn't regret his decision, as it was what Yuki had wanted him to do, and he was committed to trying to be happy, even though that meant being without the one he loved. "Isn't it a bit late for this though? The wedding is tomorrow."
"Really? I'd forgotten the date…"
"Hiro!" Shuichi whined, laying on the fake drama.
"Majesties?" a courier said timidly, entering the throne room and bowing. "A few of the guards and their captain have some prisoners that they need your help in dealing with…they told me to tell you."
"Prisoners?" Hiro asked, his stomach starting to feel queasy. He knew the chances were slim, Agrabah was a huge city, but still, there was always the possibility that it would be Yuki or Ryuichi.
"Yes, sir."
"Send 'em in." Shuichi said, stretching out and throwing his arms out behind his head.
"Sure, majesty." the courier responded, backing out of the room and giving the guard captain the word.
The guards strolled into the room, dragging Yuki and Ryuichi with them. One of them had Kuma strung up in a net to ensure Ryuichi's continuing good behavior, the captain having decided that having the rabbit as a visual aid worked better than seemingly empty threats to its safety.
"Oh no…" Hiro whispered.
"Hmm?" Shuichi said, looking up at Hiro and then over to the procession coming closer and closer. When his eyes landed on Yuki, he yelled, and toppled out of his chair, completely shocked. "Yuki?"
"We arrested these men earlier today, and we were taking them in when one of them mentioned your elephant, your highness." the captain said, shoving Ryuichi forward.
"Ryuichi?" Shuichi asked incredulously, having had convinced himself that he'd never see either of the street rats again.
"SHUICHI! They're being mean!" Ryuichi complained, throwing off his restrainers and hopping forward to his friend. Shuichi stumbled forward, still in shock.
"So you do know them, then, sir?" the captain asked, hoping that he didn't, even though the answer was obvious. He'd been so excited about catching them, and now it turned out that he'd almost executed the Prince's friends. He could see his promotion flying out the window, and the sudden image of Tatsuha doing a victory dance wasn't helping anything.
"Yeah…yeah, I do." Shuichi said, his eyes wide. Ryuichi was leaning against him and making small animal noises, and Yuki was purposefully staring in the other direction.
"Well…what should I do with them?"
"Let them go, they're my…friends." Shuichi said quietly, reaching behind Ryuichi and untying him, desperate for a distraction now that he realized that Eiri was stoically ignoring him.
"Shuichi, they're criminals…" Hiro muttered, trying to safeguard his position. If Shuichi ever found out about what he'd done, his love would never forgive him.
"Release them…now." Shuichi said, his voice still soft, but edgy. He shot Hiro a glare and waited for his fiancé to bow his head and take a few steps back. He was content to take the backseat in a lot of matters, but this was far from one of them.
"Yay!" Ryuichi sang out, spinning in place once the guards had taken off his ropes. They reluctantly handed over Kuma and backed up, unwilling to catch any rabbit retribution. He launched into an explanation of what he and Kuma had been doing as soon as he was free, babbling while Shuichi watched the guards untie Yuki.
"Eiri?" Shuichi asked after Ryuichi had danced off to say hello to Hiro and the guards had released Yuki from their clutches. The street rat sighed heavily and looked at the floor, clearly unwilling to look at him. He moved closer, and Yuki started shifting uncomfortably. "Yuki?"
"Thanks." Yuki replied tightly, refusing to allow himself even a glance at Shuichi. He wanted nothing more than to apologize for leaving, to beg him to take him back, to hold him again, but he knew that he couldn't. Shuichi was going to marry Hiro, tomorrow, and it wasn't his place to mess that up. As soon as the guards backed off he turned on his heel and left the room, torn between embracing the love of his life or escaping from this new hell.
"Hey!" Ryuichi pouted, seeing his captain fleeing. He sighed after Yuki had left the room, having failed to realize how hard the reunion must have been on him.
"Eiri! Don't…" Shuichi shouted, considering running after Yuki. When it was clear that the thief wasn't coming back he stopped where he was and wrapped his arms around himself, fighting off the tears. He'd thought that he was fixed, that he was fine, but seeing Yuki again had shaken him, and he could feel himself losing control all over again. "Why…"
"I'm sorry, Shuichi, I panicked, didn't know what else to do. I didn't think they'd bring us here. I thought Tatsuha would take care of it." Ryuichi said quickly, walking back to Shuichi and pulling him into a tight hug. "See you around, and…congratulations."
He nodded once at Hiro and then jogged out of the room, eager to find Yuki before something bad happened. His friend couldn't take care of himself these days, and no one knew it better than him.
"Congratulations?" Shuichi said to himself, trying to make sense of the word. He turned around and dismissed the guards, the realization of what Ryuichi had meant hitting him when he saw Hiro standing next to the throne. The engagement had been made very public in an attempt to smooth over Mika and Tohma going insane. He hadn't thought about who was on the outside, hearing about all the grand plans and the Prince's new 'love'. "Oh no…"
"Shuichi?" Hiro asked, concerned. Shuichi looked like he was about to break, and he had no idea how to cope with that.
"Please just leave…I can't…I…" Shuichi stammered, unable to breathe.
"Shuichi, let me help you...anything I can do?"
"NO! You're not him!" Shuichi yelled, slapping at Hiro. "Leave me alone!"
"Alright, I'm sorry. You know where I am if you need me." Hiro replied, putting his hands up and backing away. Shuichi had been taking care of himself since he'd met the kid, and this was no different. He sighed and left the room, wishing that he could help his friend. He felt less confident about his decision after seeing Shuichi's reaction to being in the same room with Yuki again, but he still stood by it. He'd rather have Shuichi safe and taken care of than in danger in the streets, and, after all, Yuki had agreed with him. They both loved Shuichi, and they both wanted to take care of him as best they could, and this was the best option. "I did the right thing, I did the right thing, I did the right thing…"
He tried repeating it to convince himself, but something was still nagging him. Watching Shuichi with Yuki, and hearing the pain in his friend's voice, had kicked off the feeling that was eating him away. It had been six months, and Shuichi still sounded just as raw as he had the day Yuki left. He couldn't begin to fathom how hard this had been on Shuichi, and experiencing it firsthand was opening his eyes to what he'd done, and the consequences he'd never planned for.
The truths that he'd hidden from himself, and from everyone else, were starting to resurface. He felt sick to his stomach the more he thought about it, and he couldn't believe that he was the one responsible. Ever since he'd met Shuichi, all he'd wanted to do was to be his friend, and to be there for him. Now, he was the reason that he was hurting, not the reason that he was happy. Every single smile that he'd coaxed out of his fiance in the last months had been lies, every laugh, everything. He stopped and grabbed a wall for support, hating himself for having the capacity to do what he'd done.
He'd done wrong by Shuichi, it wasn't fair to him for others to be deciding his life for him, and Hiro knew it, but at the time, he hadn't known what else to do. He'd tried to tell himself that he wasn't being selfish, but deep down, he knew that he was. He never should have seperated them, he knew that now, but then, he'd thought it best. He honestly had, and he held onto that thought for dear life. Without it, he was what he'd never wanted to be, and he didn't know if he'd be able to live with himself. He should have given Shuichi power over his own life, he should have told Shuichi how he felt and let him choose, or told him that Yuki only left because of their talk. He could have done those things, and yet he hadn't. He'd lied to his friend, lied to the one he loved, and he didn't deserve half of what he had, let alone all of it.
He stopped mulling over his thoughts and considered coming clean to Shuichi, but he honestly didn't know what that would solve. If he didn't marry Shuichi, the council would find someone else to attach him to, some stranger. The street rat wasn't an option to them, and he'd clearly not wanted to stay. If he told Shuichi the truth and broke it off, he'd be abandoning him. He couldn't stomach that thought, and dismissed it, sighing.
"It's too late…" Hiro mused aloud, feeling absolutely horrible. He felt like a terrible person, even though at this point he was staying to save Shuichi. He couldn't believe that he'd fooled himself so much, that he'd made himself believe that everything he'd done was for Shuichi. He still felt sick, but he knew that there was nothing he could do now. His punishment would be living the lie for a lifetime, and he'd spend that lifetime making sure that Shuichi was as happy as he possibly could be, and that he was safe from the machinations of everyone else in the world.
He ambled down the hallway, feeling numb. He eventually wound his way to his room and collapsed onto his bed, feeling lower than dirt.
Shuichi lay curled up in the large throne, completely vacant. He'd spent the last months ignoring his pain, telling himself over and over again that he'd be happy with Hiro, that he'd be fine, that everything would work out. Now that he'd seen his lover again, been close enough to touch him, close enough to look into his eyes again, he was dying. It felt like he was being stabbed all over his body, like he was being turned inside out, and he hated it.
He didn't know why Yuki had left him, he didn't know what he'd done wrong, but he hated himself for it. Yuki could still do no wrong, he loved him more than his own life, and he couldn't stand the fact that Yuki didn't love him back. He was drowning in his despair, and this time, there was no light to swim back to. There was nothing to look forward to, no childish hope that he'd find Yuki sitting in his room, or waiting for him in the throne room, or out and about shopping in the marketplace. His lover didn't want him anymore, that had been clear today. He hadn't even looked at him, not once, and he felt miserable.
He was crying hard enough to jostle himself out of the throne, and when he hit the floor, the new pain didn't even register. He stayed where he was, bawling like a lost child. He'd told himself that he could live without Yuki, that he would love Hiro, but he knew now that he couldn't. He only wanted Yuki, he couldn't live without him, and he had no idea what he was going to do now. He made himself believe the lie, he'd lived the lie, and tomorrow he was supposed to make it all permanent. He started crying harder at the thought, and felt even worse.
He'd lied to Hiro, too. He didn't love him, and he never would love him like he'd loved Yuki. Yuki was the other part of his soul, his other half, and he was floundering without him in his life. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, he couldn't think, and he wished above all else that he couldn't feel. He'd have given anything to escape the pain that was racking his body, to get out of his head, to leave this life behind.
"How could you…" Shuichi moaned, flopping onto his back.
Yuki had known how he'd felt, he'd told him countless times, he'd begged him to stay, promised him that he wouldn't be fine without him, that he couldn't live without him, and he'd still walked away. He didn't resent him, he couldn't, it wasn't possible, and he only hated himself more the longer he dwelled on it. He hated himself for not being enough.
He stayed still for a while, staring at the ceiling and trying to make himself calm down. If he kept it up, he didn't know how he'd recover, and he needed to stop before he couldn't help himself anymore.
Once he'd regulated his breathing and stopped crying, he started thinking over the next day. He'd promised to marry Hiro, he'd said yes, but his heart hadn't been in it. He couldn't decide which was worse, lying to his friend and to himself, or cancelling the engagement the night before the ceremony. He knew that he'd have to leave if he called it off, or the council would just pawn him off on someone else.
"I can't…" Shuichi whispered, realizing now that he couldn't force himself to spend his life living a lie. The only person that he wanted to be with was Yuki, and if he couldn't have him, he wouldn't have anybody. It wasn't fair to him or Hiro to go through with the marriage, and he didn't want to be the one responsible for hurting Hiro more than he would be by leaving. He tried to stand up, to tell Hiro his choice before it was too late, before he came to his senses and fell back into the role of a good little prince.
"Ahh, there you are. We need to have a little talk." a council member said, leading the way into the throne room. They'd been searching for him for a while, intent on making sure that all the proper paperwork was ready for tomorrow.
"Yeah, we do. I don't want to-"
"No, no, we need to talk to you. Not the other way around." another member chimed in, pulling out several scrolls. "This ceremony has to be perfect, the royal image can't take any more damage after what your stepmother did."
"She's right, you know. Your marriage to Prince Nakano will go a long way to fix things. Now, just go ahead and sign this, tomorrow we'll make it all solid."
"No…I don't want to marry Hiro." Shuichi managed to get out before the female member held up her hand to silence him. "I don't want to marry Prince Nakano. I've changed my mind."
"Listen, you, you don't have a choice now." the head of the council spat furiously, advancing on Shuichi. "You don't marry him, and we'll just put in the substitute."
"I'll be long gone by then." Shuichi hissed, glaring at them through narrow slits.
"We already have several lined up, here in the palace. You turn down Nakano and we'll force one of them on you. We have the law behind us, your majesty." one of the others sneered, handing Shuichi the article that gave them, or the ruling body, the power to arrange marriages. "We don't really need your consent, but I think you already knew that. The Sultana was going to force you to marry that Eiri fellow if he hadn't run off, and before that Nakano was her choice."
"You can't do this!" Shuichi countered helplessly, trapped.
"Yes, we can, and we will. Now, if you still want to turn down Nakano, we'll call down the substitutes and choose one of them for you."
"I…" Shuichi stuttered, unsure of himself now that he'd been cornered. He couldn't decide if it was selfish of him to still marry Hiro when he didn't love him. He knew that he didn't want to end up with a stranger, and that Hiro had said it didn't matter if he loved him or not, that he understood either way, but that wasn't a good enough excuse for him to hurt Hiro. His breathing sped up again and he started panicking, unable to form coherent sentences.
"We'll let you think about it over night, tomorrow you'll be too busy, and we'll sign everything after the ceremony tomorrow." one member suggested, patting Shuichi on the shoulder sarcastically. They all left the room then, closing the door behind them.
"Damn…" Shuichi whispered, shell-shocked. He had no idea what to do, and he didn't have much time to think it over. Tomorrow evening he had to marry someone, no matter what he wanted. He sighed and went back to the throne, steeling himself for yet another night of reflection.
Well, it was looking like the last chapter would be pretty darn long, so I decided to split things up. The next post might not be too horrendously long, but it will definitely be the last one for this story. As always, thank you for the continued support, it means a lot.
See you guys next time,
Amaya