Twelve Days with the Marauders

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Day Seven

"Remus, help me pleeeeease?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pwetty pwease with a cherry on top?"

"NO."

"Oh, stuff this. If you help me I'll give you vanilla ice cream with honey drizzle, a Shepherd's Pie, a bag of Sugar Quills-" Remus was drooling onto his essay, but he didn't care.

"-a whole box of Chocolate Frogs, six bars of Honeyduke's White Choc and Caramel Heaven and two lemon cakes."

"YES!" Remus practically screamed. "GIVE IT TO ME!" James backed away a bit, slightly disturbed.

"Do it first."

"YES! I WILL! YES! HAVE NO DOUBT!" Remus scrambled out of the portrait hole. James sighed. Now how was he going to get all that?

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Remus had altogether thirty two girls that were in his year, on his list. Now to find them. He rounded the corner and found, oh lucky him, six of those thirty two. He whispered "Puncrur." a few times and watched as the beige spell shot towards their targets. The girls didn't feel it when the spell hit them, just had a sudden urge.

Remus grinned. His "army" was almost massed. Oh, he could almost taste the chocolate, the creaminess and caramel…ahhh. Oh! There were the last two girls, the formidable Lily Evans her friend Alice. He quickly fired the spell, and followed them as they headed in a strange direction. He knew they would get to Sirius and the rest of his army eventually.

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Sirius was surprised when a group of six girls appeared and began to follow him. He was even more surprised when, once they got into a two-metre range, they began kicking him.

"Yeowch! What are you doing-hey!" Three of the girls burst into tears.

"I don't know why I'm doing this! I just…had the…urge."

"I'm so sorry Siri! Oh my gosh, so sorry!" one wailed.

"For…for, forgive my Sirius! Oh my…" Immediately after the girls had apologised, their shoes grew a two-centimetre heel, making the kicks more painful.

"SORRY!" One girl was practically clinging onto his leg and somehow managing to kick him in that position. One more centimetre burst out of her shoe.

By the time half the girls had arrived, Sirius was one mass of sores. Ten minutes later, the ones Sirius feared arrived: Lily and Alice. With Remus following behind.

"Save me, Moony, Moony dear, and I'll-oww! I'll-will you stop kicking that particular spot? I'll give you half a box of Chocolate Frogs!"

"Hi, Sirius!" Lily advanced onto him. Sirius cowered. Lily began kicking as hard as she could manage.

"You good for nothing idiot! You sorry-look, Ally!" At the word sorry, her shoe predictably grew its starting two-centimetres. In delight, Lily and Alice began to chant.

"We're not sorry, so not sorry, we love to kick your sorry ass!" They were quite disappointed when the heel would not grow longer than six and a half centimetres.

"Moony! You haven't answered my question ye-e-et!" Remus looked up from the book that had somehow materialised out of nowhere. Sirius wondered if he had learnt how to conjure any book out of midair.

"Hello! Well Sirius, how's revenge?" Sirius gaped. He turned to Remus accusingly.

"What? I was bribed. They can do a world of good. He also told me to make it painful, so don't blame me. Oh what!" Remus stared at the book. "That can't be right!" Sirius and James blinked.

"Mate! I'm supposed to be your friend! Stop them!" James rolled his eyes. "Right." James pointed his wand at the girls surrounding Sirius, but not at Lily or Alice. Their mouths worked silently for a few seconds and they began to sing screechily ("Well, I don't want beautiful music following him around!"):

I hate you

Very much,

We're a non-existent family

(We don't want to be related to you!)

With a dig dak doke

Give Sirius a poke

(At this, the girls poked him with their sharp nails)

I hate Sirius,

More than he hates me.

Sirius' eyes bulged. Being poked by thirty girls, most with very sharp nails, was not very comfortable. Actually, "uncomfortable" didn't even begin to cover it.

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"HELP ME!" Sirius had resorted to grovelling and begging after half an hour of high-heel, poking and scratchy singing torture. Remus had resorted to wearing earmuffs.

"No, you keep suffering." Remus raised an eyebrow. Number six on Useless-Skills-Remus-Lupin-Has was lip-reading.

"Seriously, James."

"Yup, I'm serious." Remus sighed, and pointed his wand at the girls. They immediately stopped doing whatever they had been doing to Sirius. Lily and Alice looked quite disappointed.

"Oh Moony, my dear, my saviour, my-"

"Save it," Remus interrupted. Sirius smiled sweetly.

"So you don't want the thank-you chocolate and everything?"

"YES! I WANT!"

"But you're not getting my bribe," James scowled.

"I've already got it. You put it on my bed, remember? I saw it when I went up there. Oh, and half has already been digested." James swore.