The New Isabella Swan

BPOV

Chapter 5: "Are you sure you're okay?" Jake asked for the tenth time. I suppressed a sigh as we quickly drove down to his house on the reservation. I thought I had recovered somewhat since my little breakdown earlier but since seeing the expression on my best friends face, I guess I didn't look like it. "Yes, I'm sure." I said as I pulled my arms tighter around my torso.

He exhaled slowly. "No you're not, not as long as he's here." I stared out the window into the downpour, I knew he was right and he knew I knew he was right but I decided I didn't need to make him worry but admitting to it. "So did he even try to talk to you?" My mind immediately jumped to our brief conversation in biology and his shocked, even- did I imagine it? - hurt expression. I turned to look at Jacob. "Can we please not talk about it?" I said pleadingly.

"Fine, for now." I closed my eyes and decided not to press it. We made it to his house in the next few minutes, Sarah was already outside waiting for us. Jacob quickly strode over to her and kissed her lightly on the lips while wrapping his arms around her slim waist. She really was beautiful, I thought almost jealously, stop it Bella this is what you wanted, I told myself sternly. But she was, truly beautiful.

From far away she seemed to have light brown almost blonde hair, but if you really looked you could see red, orange and every shade of brown and blonde imaginable falling in soft curls around her tan face. Her almond eyes were so dark blue they appeared grey. Her full lips curved up in a smile as Jake but his arms around her waist and whispered. "I love you." In her ear. My heart throbbed painfully at the sight of them, because it reminded me of Edward and me a thousand lifetimes ago.

"How are you Bella?" She asked, concern in her dark eyes. Jake stood up at that and walked over to me. "She's had a hard day." He said. Giving Sarah a look that conveyed a thousand messages. We slowly walked into his small house and into the living room that looked shockingly like his old one. Jake and Sarah sat on the couch together holding hands, I sat on the loveseat in the corner even though it felt the same as standing.

"Well I'm going to start dinner." Said Sarah quickly standing and heading to the kitchen but not before she gave Jake a long look. He then stood and came over to me and sat on the arm of the chair, his large form would have barely fit into loveseat by himself. Then stared deep into my eyes as he said. "You know you can stay here for as long as you want." I knew what he really meant. You can't hide here forever. I glumly looked at the floor. "I won't stay here for long, in fact I think I might go now." I said getting up. Shock flickered across his face. "No." The level of authority in his voice frightened me.

"Jake, he's probably left by now." Left with his distractions, I thought sullenly. I saw indecision in his eyes. I could tell he still had the urge to protect me even though we both knew there was only one thing that could hurt me now. Someone, I mentally corrected myself.

He seemed to physically deflate as he said. "Fine, but you must call me when you get home." The intensity of his stare seemed to burn through me.

"Jake, you're the one that needs protection."

"Sure, sure."

Since Jake had driven me I had to run back- not that I minded- it was still raining so I was drenched within seconds. I set off into the bush and was soon far away from his penetrating gaze through the curtains. I slowed to a human walk then, not particularly happy to go home. I was about half-way home when I smelt something, something eerily familiar, but I was sure I'd never smelt it before, in the middle of a clearing.

It was a track, that much I was sure, I just had no idea what being could have caused it. It had an almost-honey-lilac-and-sun-flavoured taste as I breathed it in. It was familiar yet alien somehow. It reminded me of sitting in my room with Edward. Then it clicked…Edward. I heard the soft footsteps just as I realised what it was.

"Bella." Said hauntingly beautiful, yet husky voice behind me. I spun around in the blink of an eye….Edward.

My heart shattered into tiny pieces of glass slowly tearing me up from the inside. I tried to say something but all that came out was a gurgled sob. Something flitted across his face but it was gone before I had a chance to identify it. He took an almost unconscious step towards me, his arms slightly raised. That shook me out of my frozen state. I took a hasty step back and raised my hands, palms up to him even though we were almost three meters apart.

"Don't" I managed to choke out. He immediately stopped and his hands fell to his sides. "Bella…I." He seemed as unable to get his words out as me. I pushed down a sob at his tortured expression. He then took a long shaky breath and said. "How did this happen?" It was still raining, making him look like his torment had caused the heavens to open and spill his sorrows apon the world.

"This?" I said gesturing to my gorgeous immortal body. He nodded mutely. I laughed without humour. "Hmm I guess it would be quite the mystery, since you weren't there." He winced at my words. "Well since you asked, I became a soulless monster of the night a few months after you left. It was Harry Clearwater's funeral and everyone was the there, including the pack and I…" I stopped at the murderous expression on his face.

"Pack?" He said through clenched teeth. Oh crap, I thought. "Um, yeah. My best friend, Jacob? I was just at his house, yeah well he's kind of a…." I gulped. "A werewolf." I could see the supreme effort he was employing not to lose his temper. "You….were…best friends….with a….werewolf?" I nodded dumbly.

"Why?" The question confused me. What did he mean why? He started to pace the clearing and continued to say why under his breath. I then realised that he was talking to himself. "For the record he wasn't a werewolf when I met him." I said in a small voice. I stopped his pacing and turned to me. "Why, Bella why? Why do you have to be the biggest danger magnet in history?" He ran a hand through his gorgeous hair. "You now seem to even be able to pull extinct monsters back to life."

Ouch. "Me? You really think I was the reason none of those boys got to have a proper life?" Something flashed in his eyes and if I didn't know better I would have thought it was concern. "Edward isn't it obvious? The reasons the werewolf's came back is because the vampires did." I had realised this fact a few weeks after my transformation. Surprise forced his eyebrows up. "Hmm Carlisle will be interested to hear that. Nonetheless, please continue."

"Right, well the pack." I paused to read his expression, waiting for the murderous expression to come back. He seemed calm so I continued. "They were at a tribal elder's funeral and I was on the beach…alone." I saw his hand clench so his veins showed against his marble skin and hurriedly continued.

"I had been walking up and down it for a while then…..then she spoke." I saw him open his mouth so taking a deep breath I whispered. "Victoria." He froze.

It took a while but eventually he hissed. "Victoria was here?"

"She came back a few months after you…..left." Something indescribable flashed in his golden eyes. I grimaced as I remembered that day. Then I told him.

I told him about our brief conversation, my torture- when I mentioned that he froze again- the wolfs coming, Jake and Sam's conversation and all the others I heard while burning, I told him how I awoke but there I stopped. "What happened then?" He asked. Suddenly I was over taken by the memory of that day, the sights, the smells and above all the gut wrenching guilt that I had kept for so long it was apart of me.

Then it stopped. I realised I was on the ground and Edward was holding me in his arms, his eyes frantic as he said. "Bella? Oh God, Bella. Come on." The second I realised where I was, my breathing stopped, in a flash I was out of his arms and across the meadow. His mouth opened and his hand slowly reached out towards me, but he then seemed to realise what he was doing. His hand dropped and he looked at the floor as he said. "I'm so sorry Bella, please forgive me." His scorching topaz pleading as he looked up at me. "You just…ah scared me." He said this like he was confessing an embarrassing secret.

"I'm sorry, it's just…what happened afterwards it was worst day of my life, worst then Victoria's torture or the burning." I would have said his face was murderous but that wasn't enough it was beyond it. And if I had to admit it I was terrified by the sight of it. "What?" He hissed between clenched teeth. "Could possibly be worst then this?" Suddenly he was in front of me, he grabbed my wrist in his iron grip even though I was now as strong as him I didn't try to stop him. Mostly because I was petrified and also- if I was honest- his warm hand around my wrist felt incredibly good.

"Well, it was the first time I'd ever been hunting. I was with Jake, but I was being stupid and ran off ahead of him…We stopped at a glade, for some elk and I was just getting ready to pounce when I smelt it…" I had to stop here, even after seven decades that day and that smell still haunted me day and night. Edward, his eyes bright with curiosity then whispered. "Yes?" I took a shaky breath and cast my eyes down to my feet as I whispered in a voice so quiet even I could barely hear it. "Humans." Just like I expected his entire body went rigid except for his mouth which formed a little O of surprise.

We stayed like that for a while, neither of us breathing, the minuets slowly ticked by. Then like a statue coming to life, he slowly reached towards my face. Then he grabbed my chin and tilted my head so I had to look into his eyes. "Bella do even remember what I told you about my life? You have slipped up once in seventy years, I spent a decade rouge." I knew he was right that my one mistake was nothing compared to his but that still didn't sooth me.

I stepped away from him. His expression became unreadable again. "So?" I asked. "Why does that matter? Why would it matter if every vampire in existents killed someone? All that matters is that I killed two people because of you." That was a low blow, I knew it and not necessarily true but him suggesting that killing two people, taking them away from everything they knew just to satisfy my thirst was any less horrific simply because he had done it had infuriated me.

Once those dreadful words were out of my mouth he staggered back like I had slapped him. Then it seemed like all the fight had gone out of him. His shoulders sagged as he said. "You're right I'm so sorry Bella this is my entire fault." His pain and obvious guilt felt like a knife in my stomach. "I'm sorr-." Before I could even get it out he raised his hand to stop me.

"Don't apologise, Bella. You're right." His eyes lit up with a strange light. "And this." He said swallowing. "This is my punishment." The pain in my chest then ripped wide open, taking my breath away, I wrapped my arms around my middle. He thought that me being alive forever was a punishment. "Well, if that's how you feel." I said turning away.

"Wait!" He said grabbing my hand. Suddenly I was very tired, not physically- I never would be again- but mentally and especially emotionally. "What do you want Edward?" I said closing my eyes. Exactly like I had when I first started to talk to him. I sighed and looked up at him.

He closed his eyes as he said in the smallest whisper. "You." What? What was he talking about? Was he….I froze. My brain seemed to be working very slowly as I pieced it together. I had asked him what he wanted he had said…me. No, no, no my brain tried to reject the information knowing it would eventually just cause more pain and heartache.

"Me?" I asked in a small voice. His eyes opened slowly as he sighed, blowing his sweet breath onto my face. "Bella, I love you. I always have and I always will." I ripped my hand out of his and staggered back. "No you don't….that's why you left." His face suddenly turned haggard, he rubbed a hand over his eyes. Then looking at me I saw the truth. The burning, unquenchable and irrevocable love that I had thought was lost.

"Bella, I lied. I wanted to keep you safe. So I lied." He casted his eyes to the pouring sky. "I couldn't believe you believed me so easily, I thought I would have to lie for hours to even plant a seed of doubt in your mind, I broke my heart when I did but it was necessary for you. So you could have a normal, happy life with a normal human." His face then took a look of deep regret and disgust. "But it was all pointless." I then stepped closer to him and in a small voice I whispered. "No it wasn't."

Then I kissed him.

The End…