Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately.

So... Eli's POV. It had to happen. I didn't think this story would be so popular... honestly. ROFL. I only wrote it to appease and ease my troubled mind. Was only supposed to be a oneshot, but that didn't happen. XD ANYWAY. This chapter's got a bit EliClare. Because I can't not write it. I might conclude this story in another chapter or two. :)

OHMYGOD PROMO FOR NEXT WEEK! KISS. D: FINALLY. BUT ELI. AND THE MUCH MUSIC PROMO... UGHHH. ALSO. ZANE. ;o;

HOLD ON TIGHT

I need to see you. Meet me at the Dot in 10?

I raised an eyebrow as I read and re-read the text from Clare. Is everything alright? I snapped my phone closed, pulled Morty's keys from my pocket and ran towards him. Up until now I had been just sitting at one of the benches, postponing going home. I hate going home. But Clare marks a perfect distraction.

Starting the ignition I threw it in drive and sped out of the school parkinglot towards Degrassi's main hangout. Parking in front I noticed Clare sitting at a booth against the front window. She looked worried. Once in park, I turned the car off, locked the doors and walked into the Dot. At the sound of the bell above the door, she turned and smiled nervously at me.

"Clare?" I slowly sat across from her and grabbed her hand. She didn't pull away. "Are you okay?" This girl changed my whole life, made me care, made me feel alive again. And seeing her sad pulls something in my stomach, a sickening feeling, twisting my insides. She couldn't look at me.

"Adam..." she said, so quietly I could barely hear her, but I heard nonetheless. Oh God. Was he alright? Did Fitz get to him? I swear to whatever god there is that if anyone layed a finger on Adam - "He -" she bit her lip so hard I could see a small amount of blood surface. Subconsiously I reached over and touched it softly, like she had done with my cut lip. She cringed away. "He - kissed me," she let out a heavy breath and my world crashed around me. Adam kissed... Clare?

I must have looked insane because her hand in mine tightened and her blue eyes, so deep and beautiful, soothed me into calming my breathing. "It wasn't like that! He -" she paused for a moment, nibbling her lip again. I wish she'd stop. Though with her lips swollen like that she looks so kissable. But if two boys kissed her in one day she might go into cardiac arrest. "He was thanking me, Eli."

I raised an eyebrow, unable to find words. Her fingers rubbed soothing circles along my forearm. "I found him... burning himself," she choked out, tears threatening to spill. "With Gracie's barrette, I -" Swallowing, she looked away. "He's scared, Eli. So scared. He was going to give up being Adam, being himself, to make everyone else happy, I just couldn't..."

Now tears really fell from her eyes and I stood up, walked around the table and sat next to her, arm around her small shoulders. She continued, "I told him he shouldn't change for anyone. He doesn't have to. Everyone else does," she hiccupped and I soothingly rubbed her back. I was at a loss for words, all I could do was hold her. I can't even be the slightest upset at Adam for kissing her. Clare is amazing. I would have done the same thing had I been Adam.

"Clare," I said finally, threading my fingers in her hair. She made a small noise that I took as 'Continue'. "It'll be okay. We'll help Adam get through this." I just hope that I can get through this... I don't like the thought of someone else kissing Clare before I got the chance. "Don't worry."

Her head fell softly only my shoulder and I felt her nod slowly. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, "You're not... mad?"

I almost cringed. I wasn't mad, I was just a little upset. Adam knew that I've had these feelings for Clare the moment I set my eyes on her. So technically this counts as betrayal. But I really am not mad. Clare is beautiful, anyone would kiss her if given the chance. I just hope it never happens again. But the real question is...

"I'm not mad," I said finally, after a heartbreaking silence. "I do have one question, though, and I want a serious, true answer." I pulled away from her, grasping her shoulders on either side. I held her at arms length and made sure her eyes were locked onto mine. Locked so tight she couldn't look away. She was entranced by me and I wasn't too far behind. "Do you feel anything for Adam?"

Her body gave a quick jerk at the sudden, unexpected question. The silence that followed made me fear for the worst. And believe me, I wasn't far off. "...Yes," she said, voice breaking. My hands slid from her shoulders and landed on my sides. I - Clare - Adam - This. I just. I could never in a million years... fathom that this beautiful girl - the one that's been haunting my every dream every night these past few months - could ever like me, for any amount of time and then just... stop. I can't believe the complete shit hand that was just dealt to me. I have every right to take those cards, tear them up and burn them. Take Clare back.

As if she was even yours to begin with, Eli, the sudden voice in my head said, and I jerked back, just now aware of the tears running down Clare's face, of the tears blurring my vision.

I could take her, it would be easy. I could grasp that dainty wrist, tug her from the booth roughly and drag her to Morty. I could drive, and drive, and drive, without any destination whatsoever. Go anywhere, just so that it's her and I. I could start a new life, with Clare Edwards. We could start a new life. And she would be mine. Forever.

But I won't do that, no. I would never do anything that could jeopardize our relationship (whatever it happens to be nowadays). I would never do anything - force her to do anything - that would make her sad.

And as much as it would hurt me to see them - Clare and Adam, happy together - I could never say goodbye to her.

For now, though, I need to get away.

I stood up abruptly, but a small, gentle hand grasped my wrist and held me firmly in place. Her touch, now that it means something completely different, burns my skin and I want to wrench my hand away. But I don't. I wait it out. Wait to hear whatever explanation she has, whatever excuse to cover up my heartache. Her fingers release my wrist for a second, then trail down, feather-light against my skin until she locks our fingers together. They linger there and she speaks.

"I feel something for Adam, yes." Great start there, you're not mending my heart very well, Blue Eyes. "But Eli, I feel something for you, too. Something... more. And I -" she pauses, and I finally look at her to see the steady flow of tears falling from her eyes. "I can't, Eli!" She shakes her head violently and I can't help but lean down and wrap her up in my embrace. "I can't choose..."

My heart stops for a fraction of a second. Clare is shaking in my arms, sobs wracking her body and I hold tight, unsure of what I should be feeling. But all I know is... I didn't want to let go.

Didn't mean to butcher Eli... D: