Further Down The Road

(Chapter Six: Expecting The Unexpected)

"Say something," Olivia said staring at Elliot across the bed.

"What do you want me to say, Liv?"

"I don't know. Say it's great or it's wonderful or it suck's, anything. Say you're scared, too."

"Why would I be scared?"

"This is a big thing, Elliot. And it kind of snuck up on us without warning. We didn't plan this, it just happened. And now we have to figure out how to face it. I'm scared."

"My God, Olivia. You talk like it is the end of the world."

"And you act like nothing has changed."

"Nothing has changed!"

Olivia stared at him shaking her head. "Forget it!"

She climbed from the bed and walked down the hallway to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water then went into the living room to sit on the couch.

She felt horrible for the way she felt, but those were her true feelings and denying them would only be lying to herself. She took a deep breath and twisted the cap off the bottle. What the hell did he know anyway? He was always the optimist, glass is half full, kind of person. Leaving her to be the level headed realistic truth seeker, who had no choice but to see things for what they were in life. And this was quite a wake up call.

"What are you doing sitting in the dark?" Elliot asked flipping the switch on the wall to turn on the lamp beside her on the end table.

"I like the dark," she replied stubbornly as she reached up and turned off the lamp.

The room was silent for a moment as Elliot heard only the sound of her exhale in frustration. He walked across the room in the dark and sat beside her on the couch. He could see only the shadow of her in the dark as she sat with her knees raised to her chest.

"Talk to me."

"I tried to talk to you, Elliot and you just want to pretend that everything is perfect."

"I am still a little shocked that this could even happen."

"I don't know why you would be. We have two kids together already."

"I know. But with Hannah, you missed your pill. And it took us months of trying to get pregnant with Abby. I just figured you were on the pill….did you miss one?"

"No! I didn't miss anything! Except my period for the last two months! Apparently my birth control pills are no match for your super sperm!"

"Well, excuse me for trying to be a little happy about the fact that I am going to be a father again. Do you not want this baby?"

Olivia raised her tear filled eyes and stared at him in the dark. "Don't be ridiculous!" She stood and walked back into the kitchen to sit at the bar.

Elliot leaned over the arm of the couch and turned the lamp back on. He could tell by the way she was sitting she was crying.

"So you are angry at me because you are pregnant?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Olivia, being pissed off is not going to help the situation any."

"You know what? Don't! Just don't talk to me right now!" She walked back into the bedroom and closed the door.

Elliot followed her, but the door was now locked. "Olivia, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to bed," she said through the door.

"What about me?"

She opened the door and handed him his pillow. "You're sleeping on the couch."

"You are kidding me!"

"No, I need some space! Besides if you sleep in this bed I am liable to get knocked up again before morning!" She pushed the door shut again and crawled in to bed.

The night was long, cold and lonely. Neither of them slept well at all. Olivia finally gave up around five o'clock in the morning after hours of cat naps between tossing and turning. She was so frustrated and scared and angry at him for not even trying to understand how she felt. And her morning sickness was about to kick in again. She stood up and walked quietly into the living room. Elliot laid sprawled out in a most unattractive manor across the couch with his pillow over his head and his blanket hanging off into the floor. Olivia shook her head. She walked around the counter into the kitchen and pulled a package of saltine crackers from the cabinet. She started the coffee and headed for the shower.

She got the girls up and dressed then sent them to the kitchen for breakfast. Hannah woke Elliot as she climbed onto him on the couch for a "monster hug" before breakfast. Olivia cooked breakfast, but did not fix him a plate like she normally did. After she fed the kids and got them cleaned up she grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

Olivia dropped Hannah off at school and Abby off at her nursery school, then headed for work. She was still so angry with Elliot it was unreal and they had not said two words to each other all morning and only exchanged a few not so pleasant looks. This was the first big fight they had really had, but it really bothered her that he was not at least trying to be more understanding of her feelings. He was so quick to judge her and assume she was trying to get rid of this baby and it hurt that he made such accusations.

She walked in and hung her jacket over the back of her chair. Tossing her things onto the desk she made her way to the coffee pot. Remembering the tiny organism now developing inside her, she poured the coffee out of her cup and filled it with hot water. She had just settled at her desk to enjoy her breakfast of saltine crackers and hot decaffeinated tea, when Fin came in talking about some guys across town he needed to question for a case.

Olivia looked over at Elliot's empty desk. He was running late this morning and was not in yet. Munch had a court appearance this morning and wouldn't be in until later either.

"Would you care if I rode along?" She asked pulling the tea bag from her cup and tossing it into the trash can.

"Elliot's not gonna miss ya?"

"Nah, he's running late. I'll catch up to him later."

"Sure."

She poured her tea into a travel mug and grabbed a few crackers from the package as they headed out the door.

Three hours later, Olivia walked into the bullpen and headed for her desk completely ignoring Elliot as he sat at his. She had made it a point to avoid Elliot all morning and had been working with Fin running down leads. Elliot focused his attention on rubbing the crick in his neck he got from sleeping on the couch. She was still pretty steamed about their argument the night before and could not believe that Elliot was not a leas attempting to understand her feelings about their current situation. He was being so pig headed about the entire thing.

Fin watched as she circled completely around her desk and headed back to the coffee pot. Elliot spun around in his chair to watch her as she made herself another cup of decaffeinated tea. Olivia gripped a stack of files in her hand and walked back toward her desk sitting her coffee mug down on it.

"You still not talking to me?" He said staring her down.

Fin and Munch looked at each other then over at Olivia. Both wondering what was going on between she and Elliot. Both smart enough to know better than to ask her.

Olivia tossed the stack of files down on the desk causing a loud crashing noise and shot a pissed off glare at her husband across the desk. She walked into the locker room and slammed the door shut behind her.

"Damn Elliot, what'd you do to her?" Fin asked with a confused look on his face.

Elliot looked up and scratched the side of his head as Fin and Munch stared at him with questions in their eyes.

"I knocked her up!"

Elliot got up from the desk and walked back into the locker room in an attempt to make peace with his wife. This childish fight had gone on long enough and was not helping anything at all. He opened the door and stepped inside leaning against the wall to stare at her across the room sitting on the bench with her hand on her stomach.

"Olivia, tell me. Do you not want to have this baby?"

"Don't be an ass! I don't believe in abortion! You know that!"

"But you don't want another baby?"

She rubbed her hands over her face and exhaled deeply. "I can't believe you are even asking me this!" She lowered her hands and stared at him with tears in her eyes.

"But if we had the choice…if things were different and you were not already pregnant, would you want another baby?"

"No." She crossed her arms in front of her and stared up at him.

"No?"

"God damn it, Elliot! Can you please, just for a moment think realistically about this? We can't afford another baby! We can barely support the two we have now! You are working all the time and we hardly ever see you. I am trying to balance work and still be home early enough to spend time with them before I have to put them in bed. I don't have enough time built up for maternity leave, not to mention our apartment is not big enough for another child! We are barely making it as it is! And babies are expensive. Abby is barely a year old and is not even out of diapers yet. And my body has barely recovered from being pregnant with her. We are in no way prepared for another child!"

Elliot was not sure what to say to her. He sat down on the bench beside her. "So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Have it."

"Do you want to give it up?"

"I don't want to, Elliot. But I cannot help but wonder if…"

"No way is my kid going to be raised by total strangers!"

"That is not what I meant."

"Then what do you mean, Olivia?"

"I just feel, so overwhelmed. I feel like by having another baby we are taking away from them."

"That is not true, Liv. We will make it work. I will find a way to provide for this family and our kids, all of our kids will have everything. I promise. This just came as a surprise and was a little unexpected. It is kind of scary, but it is also exciting. We're going to have a baby, Olivia. And who knows, this one may even be a boy. Honey, try not to worry. Just let yourself be excited and happy."

"I am excited, Elliot. I just worry, too. Our kids deserve the best. All of our kids," she said placing her hand on her belly as a tear fell from her cheek. "I just want to know that this kid gets everything he or she deserves. And it scares me, because I am not sure we can give it to him."

"Him?" Elliot smiled.

Olivia laughed nervously as Elliot wiped a tear from her eye. "I am just saying, this pregnancy is exciting and of course this baby is good news. But it is also going to be a lot of work. Things are going to be a lot harder with three than they were with two. And I am scared."

"Liv, it's okay to be scared. As long as you know that you will be okay. We will be okay. I am your husband and the father of all eight of these kids. I will find a way to make sure that this entire family is well taken care of. I promise. Now can you do one thing for me?"

"What is that?"

"Show me your pretty smile."

Olivia looked at him.

"Aww, come on."

She laughed a little and smiled.

"Now, don't you feel better?"

"I do, actually. I hate us fighting."

"So do I." He sat down on the bench beside her and leaned her back into him to hold her for a minute. Elliot kissed the side of her head and smiled. "We're gonna have a baby," he said softly.

"In July," she said softly.

"I love you," Elliot said hugging her as he smoothed his hands over her soon to be baby belly.

"I love you too, El."

He kissed the top of her head softly.

"I think we should go ahead and start looking for a bigger place."

"We can't afford…"

"I will take care of it. I will get a loan. We can buy a place and rent out this apartment. That will give us a little extra income."

"I want to stay in Manhattan."

"Then we will. Baby, it will all work out. You'll see. Just take a deep breath."

Olivia looked up at him and smiled. "We should tell the girls tonight."

"Well, Abby is not really big enough to understand just yet. But Hannah will be very excited."

"We can invite the other kids for dinner Sunday after church and tell them then."

"Sounds good."

"I need to call my doctor and make an appointment."

"Let me know when and I will take you."

She stared into his eyes. "Elliot."

"Yes?"

"There was never a moment when I didn't want this baby. I need you to know that. I never considered having an abortion or giving the baby up."

"I know that."

"I was…am just scared."

"I know sweetheart, but we are going to be okay. We all are."