Author's Note: Grab a box of tissues, this chapter will probably make you cry.

Further Down The Road

(Chapter Nine: Through The Eyes Of A Child)

Twenty minutes later Olivia sat on a bed in the emergency room waiting for the doctor to return. She was still shaking and unsure of what was going on with Elliot. And all she wanted to do was be by his side.

As soon as they had brought him in a woman behind the counter had asked her to sign some forms so that they could rush him in to surgery and get the bullet out. She signed them, then they lead her back here to sit in this tiny little room and wait. Wait. Wait. She hated waiting. She stood up and grabbed her purse as she tossed her coat over her arm. She was done waiting. The doctor had already seen her and didn't act like anything was wrong. If he needed to speak with her he could do it down the hall in the waiting room as she waited some more to find out what was going on with her husband.

Olivia opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. As she did she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Olivia?" Fin called to her.

She turned to look at him, the tears still in her eyes. Fin wrapped his arms tight around her and hugged her. "I got here as fast as I could. No one would tell me where you were so I just wondered around until I found you. How are you? How's Elliot?"

"I'm fine. But no one will tell me anything about him. They rushed him into surgery as soon as we got here. God Fin, he coded twice in the back of the ambulance on the way here."

Fin raised her face to look into her eyes. "Are you sure you are okay?"

Olivia nodded.

"Where are the kids?"

"The girls spent the night with Kathy last night so we could go to that party. We stopped at Starbucks, then we were going to get them. God, I should call her," Olivia whispered. "What do I say?"

"Do you want me to make the call? That will give you a little more time to think of something to say before she gets here."

"Umm. No, she should hear it from me. And I need to check on the girls."

Fin looked up as he noticed Cragen and Munch walking through the door.

"You take all the time you need. I'll hold them off."

Olivia nodded and pressed her lips together as he turned to walk down the hall.

"Liv, if you need anything…we are right down the hall."

"Thanks Fin."

Olivia walked around the hall for a few minutes trying to build up the courage to make the call. Finally she stopped and leaned up against the wall. She dialed Kathy's number and raised the phone to her ear.

"Hello," Kathy's voice echoed from the other end of the line.

"Kathy," she said softly.

"Oh Liv, the girls are fine. They are playing in the living room. Eli freaked out because Abby put his markers in the fish tank, but I think all is well." Kathy laughed.

Olivia closed her eyes and began too cry. She drew a staggered breath. "Kathy," she whispered.

"Olivia, what is wrong?"

"Elliot's been shot. He is in surgery now. It's really bad," she said gasping for air and trying not to break down.

"Liv, I'll be there as soon as I can. Are you okay? What happened?"

"I'm fine. I am just so scared."

"Did you call the girls?"

"No, I only called you."

"Okay. I am going to get the kids dressed and we are on our way there. I don't want you to worry about Hannah and Abby. I am not going to say anything, I will let you explain it to them. We will be there as soon as we can."

"Thank you," Olivia said softly as she ended the call.

She stood there for a few more minutes leaned against the wall and cried before she moved to join the others in the waiting room. By the time she got out there Casey and Michael were waiting as well.

"Honey," Casey said as she moved to hug Olivia.

"Oh God, Case. I can't lose him," she mumbled as she began to break down again.

Casey just hugged her for a minute and let her cry.

"Kathy's going to be here in a little while with the girls. I have no idea what to tell them," Olivia said looking up at her.

"We'll think of something," Casey whispered tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Let's get you cleaned up before your babies see you like this, huh?"

Olivia looked down at her blood soaked sweater and nodded in agreement. Casey lead her down the hall to a small bathroom and closed and locked the door. Olivia leaned against the wall as Casey began to run some water in the sink and wash the blood smears from her face and hands.

"Here," she said pulling her sweater over her head. "I have a tee shirt under it. Yours is stained up."

Olivia shifted her eyes to look at her reflection in the mirror. Casey was right. Her sweater was covered in blood from cradling Elliot and leaning over him to inspect his wounds. She pulled her sweater over her head and dropped it to the floor.

She picked up a few wet paper towels and washed away his blood from her chest. She closed her eyes for a moment and reached for the shirt Casey had laid on the counter for her.

"Did you get checked out? Even if you are not shot, all of this stress is not good on the baby."

"I'm okay, Casey. I just need my husband." Olivia said as she pulled the clean shirt on.

"I know," Casey whispered and hugging her again.

They waited in the waiting room for a while with no news. Olivia looked up to watch as Maureen walked in.

"Olivia? Mom called and said to get here, dad was shot. What is going on?"

Olivia stood up and walked to her.

"Your father was shot. He is in surgery now. It looks pretty bad, honey."

"But he is going to be okay?"

"We don't know yet."

Olivia hugged her tight and they just held on to each other for a moment.

"Mom is on her way with the girls. Kathleen is on some trip with school, she wont be back until next week. But I called her and told her."

Olivia nodded. "Baby, I am so sorry."

"Liv, what happened?"

"We were in Starbucks and it got robbed. When my cell phone started to ring the man tried to shoot me, you father pushed me away and the bullets hit him."

"It is probably a good thing he did, Liv. If you had been shot, you probably would have lost the baby."

"Yeah. Your dad was trying to protect me and the baby. And he got shot."

"You should sit down. Do you want me to get you some water or something?"

"Baby, you don't have to take care of me. I'm okay. I am just really scared for your dad."

"Me, too."

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Kathy arrived a little wile later with the girls. Maureen pulled her mother aside to share with her what few details they knew. Olivia scooped Abby up in her arms and held her tight peppering her with little kisses. Hannah climbed up into the chair beside Olivia and hugged and kissed her mother.

"I missed you too mommy," she said with a smile as Olivia hugged her tight and kissed the top of her head. "But we had fun. And Abby put the markers in the fish tank. It was real funny."

"It was?" Olivia asked fighting back tears. She didn't want to scare Hannah, but she needed to prepare her. This was not something that Elliot would just wake up from and be fine tomorrow. He would need recovery time and Hannah needed to know something was going on just in case things took a turn for the worse.

"Yes. Why are you crying, mommy?"

Olivia looked down at Hannah's big brown eyes staring up at her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as a tear slid down her cheek. She kissed the top of Abby's head and looked over at Casey.

"I've got her. Take your time," Casey said picking Abby up from Olivia's lap and carrying her over to show her to Michael.

"Mommy? Where is daddy?"

Olivia knelt in front of Hannah and stared into her eyes. "What do you say we take a walk? Just you and me. And we can have a big girl talk."

"Okay," Hannah said with worried eyes.

Olivia still found it amazing how much Hannah was exactly like her. She may have only been five years old, but she understood so many things that a lot of grown ups had trouble with. Olivia could not lie to her if she wanted to. Hannah could read her. She always knew when something was wrong with her mother. She was a very smart and very observant child and Olivia knew that she was eventually going to figure this all out on her own anyway. The sooner she explained it to her, the better.

Olivia took Hannah's hand in hers and they walked toward the end of the hall. As they did Fin stood to follow her.

"It's okay Fin. I just need a few minutes with her. We'll be fine."

"You call me if you need anything."

"I will. I think we are just going to walk down to the lobby area, by the fish tank. Maybe get a soda. I just need some time to talk to her alone." Olivia knew he was just worried about her and the baby. "I have my phone. We'll be fine, I promise."

"Alright," Fin said with a nod as if granting her permission.

Olivia walked Hannah to the elevator where they went down to the ground level. Next to the cafeteria was a large glass wall length fish tank. She got Hannah a soda and popcorn and they sat down to talk.

Hannah sat in her chair and stared at the large fish in the tank as Olivia sipped ice water from her cup and tried to think of a way to break the news to her.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Hannah?"

Hannah turned around in her chair and looked up at Olivia. "Where is dad?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "That is what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Our big girl talk?"

"Yes. Hannah, daddy was hurt."

Hannah stared into Olivia's eyes as tears rose in hers. "Is he okay?"

"No, baby. He isn't okay. Daddy was hurt very badly."

"Is he going to die?"

Olivia stared at her in shock wondering where her five year old could have possibly heard about death. And wondering just how much she knew.

"He might. But the doctors here are very good. And they are doing everything they can to help daddy get better."

It broke Olivia's heart when Hannah's eyes began to pour tears and she began to cry.

"Come here baby," Olivia said reaching out to her.

Hannah climbed down from her chair and ran to her mother. Olivia pulled her into her lap the best she could and held her tight as the little girl cried.

"But I don't want daddy to die," she sobbed softly rubbing her eyes.

"Mommy doesn't either. Nobody does."

Olivia rested her chin on the top of Hannah's head as she tried to regain her composure.

"Hannah."

"Yeah, mommy?"

"How do you know about people dying?"

"At school our pet hamster, Brownie, died. Our teacher told us about it. She said that when somebody dies they go up to Heaven to be with the angels. But hamsters go to a different Heaven than people do. They go to the one with dogs and cats. But the cats don't chase them there because in Heaven everybody is good."

Olivia smiled. It was an odd way for her to learn it. But she knew enough to be able to understand what was going on. And enrolling Hannah in a Catholic preschool, had sure come in handy.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, baby."

"If daddy dies. Will he go to Heaven?"

"Yes, I think so." Olivia tucked her hair behind her ear.

"But the people one, not the one for hamsters, right?"

"Right."

"Is that where grandma is?"

"No, Hannah. Grandma lives in Queens. Remember, in that place with all of the big trees and the picnic tables. We went to visit her a few months ago."

"No, mom. That is grandma Stabler, dad's mommy. I'm talking about your mommy. Is she is Heaven?"

Olivia thought about it for a moment. She had never talked to Hannah about her mother. It had just never really come up. And now, when it did, she was not exactly sure what to say.

"I think so."

"Can we talk to grandma? In Heaven."

"If you want to. Some people go to the graves of people they loved and talk to them there."

"And if daddy has to go to Heaven, can we still talk to him?"

"Sure, baby. But you know, we are not even sure that daddy is going to die. We are all really hoping he isn't. Mommy just wanted you to understand what was going on."

"How did he get hurt?"

"He was shot by a bad guy."

"Poor daddy."

"But no matter what happens Hannah, I always want you to remember that daddy loves you very much. Daddy loves all of us," she said as she began to cry again. "Never forget that, okay?"

"I won't mommy," Hannah replied wrapping her arms tight around Olivia's neck.

"Mommy loves you, too."

"I love you mom."

Olivia laughed as Hannah rubbed her little nose against Olivia's. Sitting down and talking to her five year old made things a little more clear for Olivia as well. Though she was still terrified of losing him and worried about him. She closed her eyes and thanked God for bringing Elliot into her life and for giving her all three of her babies.

She held Hannah's hand as they gathered their things and walked back toward the elevator.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Hannah."

"Do fish eat popcorn?"

"I'm not really sure what they eat."

"Oh. Well, they don't eat markers!"

Olivia laughed again. "No, they don't."

"Can we get a fish?"

"We'll see."

"Mom," Hannah said as the elevator door closed in front of them and they began to move back up to the fourth floor.

"Yes, Hannah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too baby."

Hannah slipped her hand back into Olivia's and squeezed it tight. "Maybe if we all keep praying for daddy, he will get better."

"I think that is a very good idea sweetheart," Olivia whispered as her daughter brought her to tears again.