Chapter 7: Finding Sam

Kurt waited at Sam's locker for the whole of recess, but Sam never turned up. Kurt didn't know what this meant and even though he was pretty sure that it meant nothing, he couldn't help feeling dejected at the fact that he'd waited for Sam for nothing and that Sam hadn't even bothered to tell him he wasn't coming.

However, bad feelings aside, Kurt knew that Sam probably had a good reason so he avoided getting terribly angry and went to his next class with the pretence of talking to Sam about it.

But Sam never turned up. Kurt spent the lesson looking from the teacher to the classroom door, hoping that Sam would dash inside and mutter something about being late, but he never did. What was going on? If Sam had gone home sick, why wouldn't he just text Kurt and tell him? Unless he didn't have any credit, which meant he couldn't text him – Oh, what was Kurt thinking? It wasn't like Sam was his boyfriend or anything; there was no law that said Sam had to tell Kurt where he was going, because they were just friends weren't they?

Kurt shook his head and sighed. He still couldn't get rid of that feeling of disappointment. He'd really thought that he and Sam had been getting closer and closer the last week. So close that right now kind of felt like he'd lost his best friend (and perhaps potential boyfriend).

When the bell rang, Kurt walked right over to Finn's locker. Finn turned up a few minutes later and grinned happily at Kurt, basically skipping towards his locker.

"Guess what, Kurt!" he half-yelled, as by a way of greeting.

Kurt just looked at him, waiting for him to say the thing that had apparently gotten him so excited.

Finn didn't seem to notice that Kurt was completely uninterested and he burst out happily: "I got C on my English Assignment! Me, a C ! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!"

Kurt smiled a little; this was a big thing in the world of Finn. "That's great, Finn, really great. Before we know it you're going to be off in New York studying journalism."

He tried to sound happy and like his usual sarcastic self, but it didn't work on Finn. Finn's smile faltered and he stared at Kurt in concern. "What's up, Kurt? Is something wrong?"

Kurt sighed. "Not really, I just – have you seen Sam around by any chance?"

Finn smiled a little and replied, "oh, have you lost your lover boy, then?"

Kurt glared at Finn. "He's not my "lover boy", but if you put it that way, I guess I have lost him. Him being my friend, you know."

Finn nodded and said, "yeah, yeah I know, but you really, really want him to be your lover – "

"Oh, shut up!" Kurt snapped. "I'm serious. Just answer me. Have you seen him at all today?"

Finn frowned and scratched his head. "Actually, no, come to think of it, I haven't."

Kurt crossed his arms. "He was meant to meet me at his locker at recess, but he never turned up and I haven't seen him since this morning. And he was acting all weird in Spanish and maybe a little weird when I talked to him before our next class. He said he was late, but… I feel like he's avoiding me for some reason… and he hasn't even text me or anything to tell me where he is!"

Finn sighed and looked at Kurt in concern. "Look, bro, I really don't think Sam would avoid you like that, for whatever reason. Even though he did do it to me that time, after – "

"NOT HELPING, FINN!"

"Oh, right, yeah," Finn said, looking sheepish. "Anyway, I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason why he hasn't contacted you. He might be vomiting so hard that he can't even use his phone or something."

Kurt sighed. "I suppose your right."

Finn nodded. "Wow, I'm having a pretty good day today in the smartness area, aren't I?"

Kurt smiled a little. "It's happened before."

Finn grinned. "I know!"

Kurt tried to smile more but his smile just turned into a frown.

Finn's smile faltered again and he patted Kurt on the arm. "Kurt, don't worry about Sam. He's probably fine, but if it makes you feel any better, we can go and check up on him after school."

Kurt nodded, "Cool, thanks, Finn."

So, Finn and Kurt drove around to Sam's house after school, but to no prevail. They knocked and knocked on the front door but no one answered, all the doors were locked (and the windows too, though Kurt didn't want Finn to know he was quite that desperate so he investigated those while Finn was absorbed in trying to climb a tree to see into Sam's bedroom window) and the lights were out, too.

So, they just had to come to the conclusion that nobody was home or that they were and the said person just didn't want to talk to them for whatever reason and was ignoring them.

Either way, Kurt was feeling more and more terrible. He just felt that whatever Sam was doing right now, it had something to do with him. Even if Sam was vomiting, it would definitely have something to do with Kurt, like a really bad response to Kurt's jumper or something. He just had that feeling that this was his fault and he couldn't shake it, no matter how hard he tried.

Finn tried to cheer him up all night, but it never really got anywhere. Over dinner, Finn told his most dreadful (and usually incredibly funny, in a strange- Finn way) jokes, but Kurt didn't laugh like he usually did. After dinner, Finn handed Kurt over the remote so Kurt could put on whatever "dumb" show Finn hated on, but Kurt just shook his head and went to his bedroom. After Kurt sulked for awhile, Finn came in carrying a whole load of face products and asked Kurt if he'd like for them to do facials together and even though it was so sweet of Finn, Kurt just couldn't get into it.

In the end, Finn just ended up sighing and patting Kurt on the shoulder before he went and got into his bed to go to sleep.

Kurt had a restless night. He just couldn't sleep. And for whatever reason, he kept on looking at his phone as though he was waiting for something. But nothing came. All it made Kurt know was how little sleep he was getting and how slow time seemed to pass. 11:00… 11:15…. 11:20…. 11:30…..12:00….12:03…

Kurt must have dozed off somewhere after 1am in the because he was awoken a loud beeping noise. He groggily sat up and looked at his clock, thinking for a second that it was his alarm going off. His clock said 03:30 am and he groaned and closed his eyes.

But the beeping wouldn't stop and there was this weird light in the room so it wasn't dark enough to sleep… And that was when he finally looked over at his phone and realised what was happening.

He blinked for a second, staring at the name on the screen, before quickly scrambling up and grabbing his phone and hitting the answer button.

"Hello?" he said, quickly.

On the other end there was silence, except for that distinct sound of crackly breathing.

"Sam?" Kurt whispered, gently.

"H – Hi" came Sam's voice.

Kurt sighed glad he'd at least said something. "Are you okay?"

There was silence for a moment and then a quiet voice mumbled, "No, I'm not okay."

Kurt seemed to clutch his phone a little harder. Sam sounded so miserable, it was heartbreaking. "Where are you? What's wrong?"

Sam hiccoughed. "I – I'm sorry about today, Kurt. I freaked out and… then, I – I drove all the way to New York… and back,"

"New York!" Kurt said, a little loudly. "Why'd you drive all the way to New York?"

Sam sighed and mumbled, "Oh… I had to sort some things out… anyway… Kurt, I know it's…. uh…. 3 in the morning, but…. I really need to see you right now."

Kurt swallowed. "Right now?"

"Yeah. Right now. Please…. It's an emergency." Sam said sounding a little high pitched.

Kurt swallowed again. "Uh… alright, I can see you right now, Sam. Where do you want to meet?"

"Just come outside. I'm outside," Sam mumbled, before he hang up the phone.

For a second Kurt sat there in the darkness of his room before he shook himself and jumped to his feet. This wasn't a dream! Sam had called and he needed help!

He was so annoyed at himself for not going to Sam fast enough that he ran as fast as he could towards the door and whacked right into it. Shaking his head a little, he grabbed his dressing gown and slippers and as quietly as he could he left his bedroom and walked through the house and to the front door. The whole way he crossed his fingers in hope that no one would hear him, but he seemed to be in luck because he got outside with no problems at all.

And as soon as he got out, he saw Sam sitting on the front steps with his back to the door. Kurt took a deep breath and went and sat down beside Sam.

He'd expected Sam to jump but instead he just turned his head and smiled shyly at Kurt.

"Hey, Kurt thanks for meeting me."

Kurt smiled back. "Well, we are at my house. I could hardly say no."

Sam grinned and looked away.

"So, why are you calling me at such hours, Sam?" Kurt asked, tentatively placing a hand on his arm. Kurt expected Sam to flinch or something, but instead Sam gently reached over and put his hand over Kurt's.

Kurt looked at Sam quickly in surprise and Sam smiled at him nervously before he opened his mouth to speak.

"I realised something today, Kurt. Something that, I think, I've been running away from for a long, long time…. My entire life, really."

Kurt stared at him, entranced as Sam looked away and continued speaking. "I went and saw Ms. Pillsbury after class today… and she said some things that… made me realise who I really am… and then I decided to drive to New York, where everything sort of began for me. I had to see some people there that I never had the guts to talk to… and just being with them for a couple of hours made me realise, again, exactly who I am… and who I want to be."

Kurt nodded. "And who is that?" he asked, after a moment of silence.

Sam swallowed. "Ever… Ever since I moved here and joined Glee Club and… and met you, the truth has been…I guess, presenting it self to me."

"Presenting?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah… umm… see, the thing is, Kurt… well, I don't really know how to say this…"

Kurt waited and Sam slowly looked towards Kurt, looking extremely nervous. Sam's hand on his clenched a little.

"I've… I've been having these feelings…" Sam mumbled. "Feelings…. That I've never experienced before…about…y – " Sam swallowed and quickly said " – boys!"

Kurt drew in a breath and stared at Sam, hardly daring to believe what he had just heard and not wanting to either, especially because of Sam's use of the plural "boys."

"Boys?" Kurt asked, quietly.

Sam nodded and in the dark Kurt could see that he was turning redder and redder. "Uh… yeah… you know… like, liking feelings…"

Kurt nodded. "I know what you mean."

"Right," Sam muttered. "And so… today, Ms. Pillsbury… she told me… she told me that… you're homosexual…"

Kurt nodded and turned a little pink too. Sam stared at him for a second before continuing.

"…and she said that she thought… that… that I thought that I… am, too."

Kurt couldn't speak for a moment, but after a little silence where they both just stared at each other, Kurt spoke up in what he hoped was a controlled voice. "So… um… are you?"

Sam nodded and smiled a little, sighing. "Yes. I think so."

Kurt swallowed. "And how does that make you feel?"

Sam thought for a moment. "I don't know… it makes me feel like I've only just met who I really am… after all this time… and it scares me that… that I like boys."

Kurt nodded. "Yeah, well, it scared me, too. But you get used to it. You have to… you have to be proud of who you are."

Sam smiled. "I know… you really amaze me, Kurt, you know that?"

Kurt blushed and cleared his throat. "So, umm… what are you going to do now?"

Sam sighed. "Well…. I was hoping… maybe you could help me a little… see, I don't really know… what I'm doing… or how to go from here, you know…. I'm still feeling a little bit lost…" Sam looked at Kurt and tilted his head. "Do you… do you think you could teach me how to be homosexual?"

Kurt laughed. "You're reminding me of Finn right now. It's not something you can be taught in a lesson, you know."

Sam blushed and shrugged. "Yeah I know… but, I just need your help, Kurt. I just need you to show me how I can be the real me and be proud of it."

Kurt smiled and nodded. "Of course I can help you, Sam. With anything at all, I'm always here to help."

Sam beamed back at him nervously and the pair sat there under the dark blanket of sky, just talking, until the birds started chirping.