Chapter 8: Sam in New York

Approximately 13 hours ago

Sam parked his car in the car parks outside his old school. For the extent of his journey back to New York, he'd been panicky and nervous, but now that he was here, he felt much calmer and practically ready to face who he really was.

Kurt's homosexual, Sam.

You can learn a lot from him. He's had a hard life, but he know's who he is and he's proud of being it

Ms. Pillsbury's voice kept on repeating in his head (it had been ever since he left school) as he got out of his car and walked towards his old school's entrance. It was difficult not to get rid of her voice; it was like a bullet to his head, because hearing someone say that aloud had really made him see that what he'd been secretly thinking about himself was maybe true.

He just had to do something that he'd always thought he should have instead of running away from it. If he'd faced these people many years ago, by now he would already know and be comfortable in his own skin. Not that he expected that these people he was going to see were going to help him be comfortable; they were just going to show him once again, like Ms. Pillsbury, the harsh, harsh truth. Kurt was really the only person that could help him; Sam knew that in his heart because he trusted Kurt and… well, he wasn't going to think of those… those feelings just yet… All he knew was he'd have to go and see Kurt as soon as he got back from New York.

School hours were almost over so Sam went and stood near the entrance to school, waiting for the students to start piling out. After a few minutes of silence, the loud bell finally rang and Sam could hear the school suddenly burst into life as students walked out of classrooms and ran down hallways, chattering madly and slamming lockers.

Sam kept standing where he was, keeping an eye out for the group of students he needed to see. He was crossing his fingers that he didn't come across any of his old Jock "mates" because he didn't particularly feel like joining forces with those knobs again. Wow, the old Sam would never have thought that!

Finally, Sam saw the distinct red head of the one boy he especially needed to talk to. The one boy that had once, for the briefest moment, been Sam's friend in Primary School before Sam had ditched him to hang out with the "Kid Jock's."

Taking a deep breath, Sam rushed around the crowd piling out of the door and tapped the boys shoulder. The boy looked at Sam in shock for a second before his face fell back into the same blank look that he'd looked at Sam like for years.

"What are you doing here, Sam? I thought you were off in Lima Land," the boy asked, a little coldly.

Sam swallowed and tried to smile. "Uh… hey, Charlie…"

Charlie just looked at him. "What do you want?"

Sam wringed his hands. "Umm…. I came…. I drove here… to ask a favour of you."

"And why would I do anything for you?" Charlie asked, turning away. "After all of the things you've done for me!"

Sam sighed. "Look, Charlie… that was years and years ago… and I've changed… because, you know, people do change."

Charlie turned around and raised his eyebrows. "Do they? So you're not some Jock –worshipping Lunatic anymore?"

Sam grinned. "Nope."

Charlie smiled at him a little bit, but he still looked a little unsure. After a moment he shrugged. "How long are you going to be around?"

Sam shrugged. "A few hours… I just came to talk to you and – "

"Me and my band of misfits, I suppose?" Charlie asked, rolling his eyes but smiling a bit.

Sam nodded. "Yeah. I thought you guys could help me out."

"With what?"

Sam sighed, "Just finding out who I really am."

Charlie looked at him. "I already know who you really are, Sam. And I think you know, too. I don't think you need help with that."

Sam stared at him, a little shocked.

After a moment, Charlie turned around and beckoned his hand. "Come one. We're all going out tonight… come and hang out. Follow me in your car."

Sam smiled to himself and followed Charlie back towards the carpark and their cars.

An hour later, Sam was sitting in Max's lounge room. Max was one of Charlie's closest friends and probably the most out there (and that was saying something).

Sam was sitting next to Charlie and his eyes kept on moving around the room looking at all the different kids that were there. There was Max and seriously, back in Lima they seemed to think Tina was hard-core, but Max was something else altogether. He had so many piercings and one of those full –on pink Mohawks, that was actually, get this, bright green! There was Annabelle, who looked a little like Pippy Long Stockings and was also blind so it obviously didn't bother her. There was Ben and it was clear by looking at him that he was a bit of a bad boy with a drug problem (not to say he wasn't nice, because he totally was.) There was Sarah, who looked like she could be a cheerleader but she'd never been cast as popular because of her extremely high pitched voice. There was Claire, who was an Art-nut and liked to dress in smocks and vintage clothing. It was amazing how unique they all were. Nothing quite like this would ever be in a place like Lima and even though Sam knew he really belonged with the Glee Club now, he couldn't help feeling guilty for not making friends with some of these guys before.

But next to him were the two people he was most interested in talking to. Charlie sat there in his black Skater gear and with his blazing red hair, his arm wrapped around the boy next to him, his long-term boyfriend, Aaron. Sam couldn't help continuously looking over at the pair of them in the corner of his eye. He saw how they looked at each other so happily and lovingly and even catched them kissing a couple of times. As he watched them, Sam couldn't help himself imagining himself doing that with a boy… but not just any boy… with Kurt…

Sam sighed loudly, trying to calm himself down because his heart rate sped up so much whenever he thought about Kurt. It was overwhelming; he knew Kurt was a boy and he knew that he liked Kurt… he just still wasn't sure what he was supposed to do about that.

For the next hour or so, Sam just sat there observing and listening to people's conversations. He'd gotten a couple of hello's at the start of the night, but no one seemed quite into talking to him. Sam didn't mind. He could understand that "misfits" could be against "popular kids," too.

Finally though, Charlie turned to Sam and asked him simply, "so, do you want to go and chat for awhile?"

Sam nodded thankfully and they got up, followed by Aaron, who smiled at Sam and the three of them walked off into the garden. Outside, Aaron and Charlie lit up cigarettes and looked out at the sunset.

Sam went and stood next to them and Charlie turned towards them, blowing a little bit of cigarette smoke in his face. Sam coughed and Charlie frowned. "Oh, sorry, man. I always do that to non-smokers. I forget, that's all."

Sam shook his head, waving his hand at the apology.

Charlie took a drag before speaking again. "So, tell me why you really came, Sam. In your own words and all that."

Aaron laughed and muttered "whose else's words would he use?"

Charlie shrugged. "Sam's been using words that aren't his all of his life."

Aaron frowned and looked away.

Sam cleared his throat. "I… I went and saw my new schools guidance counselor today… and lately… I've been having… having…"

Charlie interrupted him. "Sam, man… that's not English I'm hearing there. It's more like gibberish. Let's start again, what did you come here about?"

"I – I – "

Charlie sighed and squished his cigarette on the ground with his shoe. "I know you, Sam. You can do better than that. I've heard you give those speeches."

Sam smiled, unable to stop himself, before taking a deep breath and whispering. "I think I'm gay."

Charlie looked at him and smiled. He reached over and patted Sam on the back, saying, "well, duh, I already knew that. We all did, didn't we, Aaron?"

Aaron nodded.

Sam stared. "How did you know when I didn't?"

Charlie shrugged. "It's much easier to lie to yourself than to lie to others."

Sam thought about this for a moment and then nodded. "So… what do I do now?"

Charlie laughed. "How would I know? Just keep on living, Sam. That's all you've got to do. Just live."

Sam sighed. "I don't know how to do that."

Charlie smiled at him, a little sympathetically. "Got any love interests?"

Sam stared at Charlie, but he didn't have to answer. Charlie knew. "Talk to him. He'll be able to help you out."

Sam nodded. "I know… thanks."

Charlie smiled. "I didn't do much did, I? You already knew all this."

Sam shrugged. "Guess I just needed telling."

Charlie nodded and stared at Sam for a moment as Aaron came over to stand between them, heading back towards the door to inside. "Do you want to come back and hang out some more?" Charlie asked him.

Sam hesitated but shook his head. "I should probably head home. Long drive, you know."

Charlie nodded and Aaron raised a hand towards Sam in good-bye before sloughing off into the house without Charlie.

Charlie held out his hand towards Sam and said smartly, "pleasure doing business with you."

Sam laughed and shook Charlie's hand. "Pleasure's all mine."

"Clearly," Charlie said, but he was laughing. He cleared his throat. "We should do it again sometime."

Sam smiled. "Sure."

Charlie nodded and after one last look, he turned around and went back into the house.

Sam stood for a moment looking after him before he went out the front towards his car, on the way to beginning his next journey. First stop: Kurt's.