Flight Plans

Ianto cherished these moments. Back wedged into the damp corner, legs spread out before him and Jack' s head lying snugly on his lap. The odd phosphorescent glow illuminating the lower levels providing sufficient light for him to watch his lover as he slept.

Jack seemed to collapse into himself during quiet, intimate moments. Rather than an exuberant sprawl over the bed, he was curled like a comma along Ianto's legs. The small smile gracing his face a shadow of his normal bonhomie grin; a precious confirmation of the trust Jack gave him.

It was rare for these times to last so long and Ianto had almost entered into a meditative state when Jack broke the silence, "Like what you see?"

"What I see," Ianto ran his hand lightly across Jack's shoulder and ghosted over a nipple.

"What I feel.." He leant down to pull the nipple gently into the warmth of his mouth.

"And what I smell." Fixing his grip lightly with his teeth, Ianto twisted to look at Jack through his eyelashes. His eyes darkened and his face softened as their eyes met and held.

Gently Ianto released his hold and swept his tongue over the nub, soothing the hurt. Smiling he whispered, "Don't forget the smell."

Jack surged towards his lover, arm hooking around Ianto's neck as he fused their mouths together. His body seemed to be trying to merge into Ianto by sheer force.

Calmly the Welshman gentled his lover with long strokes down his back, which gradually shortened until his hand was cupping the back of Jack's head, exerting pressure as a counter point to the desperate grip on his own neck. Ianto gently pushed into Jack's mouth; possessing and calming in equal measure with sure strokes of his tongue.

Jack gradually relaxed, following Ianto's lead as their tongues danced ; gentle, erotic movements that found them perfectly in tune. Ianto slowed and pulled away insistently. Jack froze and then capitulated, settling against Ianto so that the back of his head rested against his lover's shoulder. He lifted one of Ianto's hands and began playing with the fingers.

"I guess you have to?"

"Needs to be said, Jack."

"Thought we covered it all last night."

Ianto instinctively increased the pressure of his hold as his lover's body tensed.

"I need to know you that you understand it all, Jack. Truth between us, please?"

Ianto held his breath, wondering why the need to have Jack acknowledge the situation was so strong. After a long moment, Jack finally relaxed into him, unconsciously signalling acquiescence to Ianto's lead. At the same time as his hands locked in a death grip on Ianto's forearms, wrapping them around him.

"It's not going to be a long time, Jack."

"I know."

Jack smiled, lifting a hand and bestowing a kiss, nuzzling with his cheek. Love and sorrow and inevitable loss captured in one fleeting moment then locked away, denied existence by sheer force of will. Yet the silent scream accompanying that movement was so loud it shattered Ianto's soul. Gently he pulled away, forcing Jack to sit up so they were facing each other; Jack's eyes were resolutely downcast.

"It's going to be short and sweet, Jack, and you need to know," Ianto stopped, demanding Jack's attention. The silence extended until, eventually, Jack submitted, meeting Ianto's eyes, giving mute permission for him to continue.

Ianto's smile struck through Jack, lighting the room and casting darkness away, yet he lowered his head again, unable to bear the intensity of the moment. Slowly Ianto spoke; one careful, measured word at a time.

"I would not have missed it for the world."

Jack's head snapped back up, his eyes locked with Ianto's and the depth of love shown took the younger man's breath away. In an instant Ianto surrendered. Leaning forward. as Jack initiated a gentle kiss that deepened and lingered, denying Ianto escape.

Finally Jack relented, leaning back and watching him intently. Ianto raised his head and, almost in a daze, cupped Jack's cheek closely, possessively reasserting eye contact ,

"It will be alright Jack," Ianto paused, took a long breath, "It will be OK, as long as you can say," again Ianto's voice hitched and he stumbled. Jack's painful intake of breath and his tight grip on the younger man's arms steadied him. "As long as you can say I done good, it will be OK."

Jack' s whole frame shook and Ianto gripped his shoulders, holding him tightly as if trying to ground him by force. Slowly the tremors lessened and Ianto ran a hand rhythmically over Jack's hair. Jack stilled and he demanded,

"Finished now?"

Ianto grinned. Sometimes it really was like living with a petulant child, "Yep."

Jack surreptitiously wiped his eyes, "Sure?"

"Yep"

Another pause. Jack looked up. Ianto smiled, quirking his eyebrow. Jack released a breath, relaxed. Tentatively he smiled back, faltering a little as the look of mischief inside Ianto's eyes intensified; it really was time to lighten the moment.

Reaching under the mattress for the ever ready stopwatch, Ianto clicked it into play,

"One minute and counting!"

Taking Ianto's lead with much more fervour this time, Jack scrambled off the bed and headed for the ladder. Ianto shook his head; perhaps in exasperation or maybe to dispel the almost girlish squeal that accompanied his Captain's departure.

And months later Jack remembered.

"It was good, yeah?" Desperate eyes pleading for affirmation and forgiveness.

All Jack could push out was a strangled, "Yeah," but inside there was an agonised cry, "Yes, yes, you done good, " and all the while another voice wailed, "No, not yet, not yet. You promised!"

But the light died and he was left behind.

Jack remembered and he knew. It was all his fault. It was all too late.

He remembered - and all he could do was run.