A/N: Ooh, look at that, another little one just popped out. This moment is when Alice goes to visit Bella in Forks after her vision in New Moon.
3. (JASPER.)
We rarely fight, because there are very few things I feel more passionately about than making Alice happy, so I'm usually more than content to go along with whatever she wants.
I'm not used to being concerned with what I want. The very concept of wanting is foreign to me. So daring and selfish and luxurious it feels uncomfortable in contrast with the simplicity of obeying, getting on with things, accepting one's lot. Back in my time, people rarely wanted for things. It wasn't done.
The only thing I ever remember wanting badly, despite myself, was Alice, and I got her, so I am content with whatever comes after.
Since before I can remember, in my human life, I followed orders. I served my country. After I was changed, I served my maker. Everything I did was for land. I never had time to learn how to want, I spent all my time on earth perfecting the following of orders, the dedicating of myself to my purpose.
Now, Alice is my country. It's comforting to still be able to use my patriotism proudly, in my dedication to her. It's the kind of love I know how to express more readily than the flimsy romantic sentiments that I hear falling from Edward and Bella's mouths.
I'm learning to have small desires for myself, like the urge to read or hum a tune. But more than anything, the purpose of my life is directed at making Alice happy.
Alice knows this, so when I disagree with her she knows it's something very important to me.
That's why I don't understand why she went back to Forks without me. I have a sneaking suspicion she's trying to protect me. I know her emotions better than my own, and I think there's more in store for her than just the trip to Forks. She knows best; her visions have never led us wrong, and I trust her with both our lives. But it still breaks my dead heart and claws at my cold chest not to be able to be the protector this time.
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