HEY EVERYONE! So I've been imagining this chapter for a while, mostly just the last bit. I dunno if it's just me, but when I write I like to listen to music, because the lyrics and the melody give me images in my head of what I want it to look like. As I was writing this chapter and the last few before it, I was listening to Heartbreak Warfare by John Mayer and Sparks by Coldplay. They are two really good songs! Go listen to them and see if you agree with me, they totally fit with the mood going on in the story right now.
Thanks!
DAY 3
BELLA POV
I woke up in my own bed, after our flight last night, and groaned. I sat up and automatically called Edward's cell. There was no answer of course, and I fell back against my pillows, that nagging worry again in my stomach, making it hard for me to fall asleep again.
DAY 4
"Bella come on, you've been asleep for two whole days now." I heard Emmett's voice from my doorway, and then the creaking as he sat down on my bed. I grunted in response. He set a cup of tea on my bedside table, which made my throat close up. Emmett was sometimes just the brother from heaven. I sat up and wrapped my arms around him. He did the same, holding me tight, and I let myself cry on his shoulder. He didn't pull away, just sat securely beside me, rubbing my back.
"You're the best brother ever, Em. Thanks." I told him, sniffling and picking up the tea and sipping it cautiously. He just smiled.
"No problem, Bells." He said, standing up and leaving the room.
A WEEK LATER
If I had been upset before, now I was insane. I had never been away from Edward with no contact for this long. I'm always wondering if he'll return. I've been wishing on everything I can that he will. Absence isn't solid the way death is. It isn't solid because you know that somewhere out there, the person you miss is doing something without you. Maybe he isn't even thinking about you. It's more fluid, like language. And it hurts so much.. so, so much. I had begun to get up in the morning and go to school, but I retained nothing from my classes. The empty seat beside me was too much of a reminder that Edward was avoiding me. Without him, nothing I enjoyed before was the same, not reading Wuthering Heights, not that the leaves are finally all orange and crunchy now, not the stacks of uncracked books in the bookstore Jasper and Emmett had dragged me too in hopes of lifting my mood. I felt sort of hollow, like something is missing. Touching him had always been important to me. It was something I lived for. Little, nothing touches. My fingers against his shoulder. The outsides of our thighs touching as we squeezed together on the bus or in the back of someones car. I couldn't explain it, but I needed it. And now that I didn't have it, the realization of how much I depended on it hit me.
We had considered filing a missing person's add, and telling the police we couldn't contact him. But Charlie, as chief of police, had said that with situations like this, you couldn't do much. He hadn't been abducted, he was just not answering his phone. And he was almost an adult who could handle himself, not a child anymore. I hated the way my parents and his parents discussed it, like it was no big deal. Of course, his mother was anxious, and his father was angry that he wouldn't talk to anyone, but they dismissed it, telling each other he would show up.
I suspected Alice had told everyone about what had happened between Edward and I, because no one was questioning it. I had told Rosalie myself, but I got the impression that everyone else knew. I didn't know whether to be mad with Alice for gossiping, or glad that I wasn't the one who had to tell everyone.
EDWARD POV
My temporary home was with Kyle's family, who lived in the residential area of New Jersey. In the short time I had been staying with them, I had learned three things. One, their parents were never around. Two, Kira was a child genius, and three, Kyle loved her to death. I woke up every morning and ate breakfast with them and then hung out by myself while Kyle and Kira were at school. Kyle was being a really good friend to me, by not asking intrusive questions and telling me I could stay as long as I needed too. I was truly grateful to them, and treated them to a dinner out one night, spending the last of my money.
It was the 15th day since the kiss, and all of my worry and emotions were settling down into a boiling pit at the bottom of my stomach. More than anything, I missed my best friend. It was weird not having her around, and it suddenly struck me that if I kept avoiding her like this, I would feel like this forever. I needed her so badly. A pad of stationary sitting on the counter of Kyle's kitchen caught my eye, and I automatically made my way over, pulling the paper towards me and grabbing a blue pen. Without knowing what I was doing, my fingers wrote Bella's name on the page, and soon, I was filling the lines with all I had been wanting to say the past few months.
Bella,
I know you're probably pretty pissed off. And I take complete responsibility. I'm an idiot. I know I was wrong to kiss you like that. But I love you. Not in just a friendly way. I mean I'm seriously and actually in love with you. I think I have been for a long time, I just didn't want anything to get in the way of our friendship, because I value it and you more than anything in the world. Life is better by your side, beautiful. I know this is probably weird, being best friends and all, and I'm really really sorry. I just can't get it out of my head. Isn't this love though? When you notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love her presence? It's like I've been torn away from a part of me. I really, really miss you. I miss talking to you, knowing that you get me. And everytime I talk to someone else, it just reminds me of how much they don't. We fit together, Bells. We always have. I understand if you don't like me that way, and I will always respect your wishes and what you want. I don't want you to be unhappy or confused or conflicted. Follow your own heart and do whatever you feel you need to do. Don't try to make anyone else happy, start with yourself. Whatever you choose, it's okay with me. But I promise you this, I'll always look out for you. I'll never stop being your best friend, or whatever you need me to be.
I just want you to know, that when I say I love you, I mean it with every bit of my body, with every hair on my skin, with every cell making me up, with every breath I take. When I say I love you, I mean I love you with every bad mood you're in, every tear you shed, with every sad story from your past. When I say I love you, I mean I love you with every smile you put on my face, with every laugh I tickle out of you, with every dream you tell me, with every hug you wrap me into, with every touch of you against my skin, with every falling asleep and waking up next to you. When I say I love you, I mean it with every fibre my body is made up of, with every molecule I consist of. When I say I love you, I mean it.
My heart is yours
-Edward
I found an envelope and a stamp, and before I could change my mind, I wrote down Bella's address and threw it into the mailbox down the street. I sighed, wondering what she was doing right now.
Thank you! I want to point out that I used a couple of quotes in Edward's letter that weren't mine. I got them from s we e t e s t s i n – o x . x a n g a . c o m , one of my favourite sites for quotes and writing inspiration. Check it out!
Reviews?
xox