A/N: Based on part of an EL interview. *will list down below* Finally, one with Chuck's POV! XD Enjoy. Please review.

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

"Chuck is going to be quite smitten with her [Eva] but his heart is not available right now. He treats her right, he is sincere but I think he loves what she represents, a way to escape his past. She doesn't know the old chuck so he can't be himself with her. He is attracted by the quiet life without problems of this French student. He sees with her as a chance to have a new life."

–Ed (on Chuck's feelings about his new girlfriend – early S4)

It hit him hard like a rock tumbling down a steep hill with himself as the only target, the one that wouldn't – couldn't – move. He should've known, he scolded himself now. He should have knownknown he'd only been fooling himself, that he could never get over Blair. Being with Eva made him feel justified in being alive, like he wasn't the worst person to ever walk the earth. She was wonderful too; it wasn't just what she represented. He liked her, a lot. But, the representation of what she was did weigh heavy on his thoughts more than he wished to admit lately. There was no doubt in his mind that he was crazy about her. But the feeling multiplied by a hundred every time he saw Blair, and then it was directed at her. His heart squeezed more horribly tight when Blair refused to acknowledge him, to pretend they never were and never had been, than the fact that he'd been lying to Eva about his past since the moment they met. He should have felt guilty for that, and he did. But it hardly mattered. He still wanted Blair.

He'd been a haze those three months following the shooting. He'd met Eva and everything had seemed to fall into place. She'd been a breath of fresh air, just what he needed to keep her going. He might have even called himself lovestruck, but somehow that seemed impossible. If it had any connection to being in love with her, there was no way it could be true. He just knew down in his gut that he could never fall in love with someone other than Blair Waldorf, and if he did, it wouldn't be as deep, as meaningful. It would seem like perfection, but it wouldn't be. It wasn't as if he was even considering Eva as his end all, but it had become painstakingly clear that he was betraying her, and him. The possibility that he was betraying Blair was a serious understatement, even if she didn't take it that way. He didn't know if she did. He didn't know what she thought anymore.

It was his fault Eva didn't know who he really was, what he'd all done in his life. She had helped him after the gunshot wound. She was beautiful and smart and sexy, and she gave him a fresh start. She brought him into the sunlight when he'd thought he would be stuck in perpetual gloom. He knew she would be nothing short of disgusted appalled if he told her how he'd lived his life before ending up in Prague on that God-forsaken night, stumbling through a near deserted alley and losing the last part of Blair he'd been allowed to keep.

Eva was a crutch. He'd been lying to her since day one so she'd be with him, just like he'd lied to Blair about Jenny Humphrey so she wouldn't shatter his heart again into a million pieces. Nothing had changed except for his very real, undying passion for Blair Waldorf. He just couldn't do it anymore. If he was going to try and change himself, be a better person, he had to do it honestly.

"You're breaking up with me," she said, confirming the fact. It was clear that she had accepted it and Chuck was almost startled with how fast it happened. Anyone that had known him would've seen it coming a mile away, but Eva had only known him mere months. The leaves were still green on the trees.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. She looked deep into his eyes, seemingly searching for something. He remembered their conversation when they'd finally settled on board the plane leading to the great U.S.

"That was her, wasn't it?" she asked curiosly. It was clear she already knew the answer to her question.

"Hmm?"

"That girl. She was the one that broke your heart."

He wanted to sigh and tell her everything. He wanted to tell someone everything. He wanted at least to correct her in telling that it had been him who'd broken Blair's heart, even if he did get wounded in the process. But he couldn't. Then he'd lose her. And then he'd have nothing. He needed something. At least for awhile.

He forced a tight smile, lips stretched thin. "Yes."

She sighed and leaned back in her seat. Her fingers lightly traced the curve of his arm. "I know you're still in love with her, Chuck…"

He turned to her quickly and grasped her hand gently, too gently for the ferocity he now felt exploding inside of him. He wanted to tell her she was wrong, but he knew it wasn't the truth. He had lied too much already. "I'm with you, Eva. I like you a lot."

She smiled gently, understanding – and dare he say, pity? – filling her gaze instantly. "I know."

"I…I…" He just couldn't seem to get out the words he wanted. Tell her he was still in love? Tell her deep down he didn't want to get over Blair Waldorf? Tell her he somehow feared she was a crutch, his little blonde angel? "My heart's not ready yet," he said finally.

Her soft smile remained in place. "I'll be waiting."

"Maybe I should have seen it coming," she laughed lightly. He could hear the sadness in her voice though, hope more than anything that she wasn't about to cry.

"No," he said softly, taking her hands in his own, rubbing circles over the back of them with his thumbs. "No one could have seen it coming, Eva. I thought we were done."

Her brows furrowed in confusion, and then it dawned on him that the two of them weren't in sync, not in the way that he'd been with Blair. He'd just thrown the harsh truth in her face now. His face felt hot and sweaty with guilt.

"What are you—" Her eyes widened in realization. She took a step back and removed her hands without force. He let them slip away. "Blair," she said point-blank. He avoided her crystal blue eyes. "This is about Blair. This is about not being over her. That's why you're breaking up with me, you want to be with her again."

"I'm not going to fight for her," he told her very seriously, though his mind mocked him as he said it, mocked him for saying another lie, both to himself and to Eva. He tried to ignore the pounding in his head and the rapid beat of his heart.

"I would have waited as long as it took," she told him. Her eyes watered with tears and he hated himself, knew the truth was going to slip out before he opened his mouth.

"My heart would have never been ready."

The words pained her, but she turned her face away to wipe the tears onto her hand. Then, she snatched up her purse and turned back to him. She embraced him tightly, and he wondered why she wasn't angry, making accusations like she'd been a tool the time. He wondered if she'd thought it before and just cooled down or if she was going to think it later that night. For that moment he brushed the possibilities aside and just held her.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into her hair. He heard a breath catch in her throat. Slowly, she pulled away from him, tears streaming down her face. He felt like he'd just been informed that he slaughtered children as a hobby and enjoyed doing it. And was trying to recover, to turn his life around. The illusion was not far from the truth.

Her lips pressed to his for a very long, lingering moment.

"I love you, Chuck," she breathed, and then she was gone.

He stood there a long time, memorizing the moment as if it would be forgotten the second he moved. Finally, he walked towards the giant window and stared out at the tall skyscrapers looming all over Manhattan. He would fight for Blair. He had to. He wouldn't hurt any more girls trying to move on, not when his heart had stubbornly chosen only to stay with its first true love. All the bullshit about first loves never lasting just didn't apply in his case. He was Chuck Bass and she was Blair Waldorf. They fit, and whether she liked it or not, he was going to come after her and show her how they loved. They didn't belong with anyone else. They were meant for each other.

….

Blair tapped her high-heeled enclosed foot rapidly on the metal legs of the table. She sat across from Serena at another old Parisian outdoor café. She hadn't been paying attention to what her best friend was saying since she sat down five minutes ago. She'd landed in her sleep, requested Serena tell her how her date with what's-his-name had gone earlier in the day, and been unable to concentrate. In all truth, she hardly tried.

Her mind was swimming with Chuck. And who she'd seen him with, and how they'd acted towards each other. The brief contact they shared scared her past what she thought she could bear. She wanted to handle it, to move on like she hadn't seen anything. But angry, sad, frustrated, desperate emotions clawed at her all over again. It was as if the world of denial she'd been living in all summer vanished a heartbeat, like it had never been there to begin with.

Somewhere over the last two and a half minutes, Serena had stopped talking.

"B."

Blair suddenly stopped moving her foot and focused her attention on the blonde, who was looking at her expectantly, the gaze bordering on concern and amusement.

"What? I'm listening," she informed her. Serena was even more amused, but she decided not to test her best friend this time. She folded her arms over each other on the table and looked directly at her.

"What happened, Blair?"

Blair pursed her lips fiercely, debating at an incredibly impressive speed whether she should give in and tell Serena what she'd seen or if she should just deal with it and make some ridiculous story that her best friend probably wouldn't believe now anyways. Her lips blew open in a big huff.

"I saw Chuck."

Serena's eyes widened, her lips parted in shock as she instinctively reached across the table to hold her hand. "Oh, B…"

"He was with a girl." She swallowed hard. Serena actually smiled. She shook her head and Blair knew immediately that she didn't understand the seriousness of the situation.

"B, he's with girls all the time. It's how he copes. You know this. Besides, why do you care so much? I thought you were done with him."

Blair blinked in how ridiculous Serena was sounding. Yes, she was done with him. She would never forgive him and he knew that. Serena knew that. Dan probably knew that too. But the part of her that would instantly push him even more out of her life had not kicked in yet. For that whole afternoon she knew she wouldn't be able to jog her denial and traces of feelings away. They had too quickly fallen away with one glimpse of him and that girl.

"He's dating her," she said, ignoring all of Serena's well pointed out facts. The blonde looked at her in disbelief.

"B, Chuck doesn't date. He only dated you, and both of us know how long that took to happen."

Blair sighed, putting a hand to her head as if she suffered from a massive migraine. "I know, it doesn't make sense to me either. But, he didn't know I was there and they were holding hands, kissing, being all coupley." She looked up from the table to look into Serena's now worried eyes. "He wasn't trying to make me jealous, and it isn't a fling. I…I saw…" She paused, looking out into the distance, not seeing a single thing in sight. It was all a blur as her mind raced against the thoughts that wouldn't leave her alone, that she'd somehow kept at bay all summer. "I saw how he looked at her."

She turned back to Serena who had clearly just swallowed hard, trying to gather her thoughts and be the strength she knew her best friend needed in that moment. There was a huge part of her that wanted to keep this vulnerable Blair out in the open for as long as she could, so she could get to the bottom of the story. She hated when Blair hid herself when all she wanted to do was help. The barrier was usually up again before she could do anything again. But there was another part of her that just didn't want her best friend to hurt. She took a deep breath and closed her fingers tightly around her best friend's.

"I've seen how he looks at you, B," she said softly. Blair gazed at her intently. "He could never look at anyone else like that."

Blair wanted to deny her statement but somehow it struck a cord with her. A lot of the pain she'd felt with seeing Chuck with that new bimbo had been covered up. She nodded subtly once, and smiled softly just a little. She came around the table and hugged her best friend. She sighed against her.

"Thanks, S."

Serena sighed again. "Oh, B."

….

A/N: I think I'm done for now – with this chapter I mean. XD I was going to do one final thing of Chuck challenging Blair amidst of confrontation if she would have even gone to see him if she'd known he'd been shot – which I found out via the episode summary, she had no clue – but I want to be done with this chapter and I've done so many CB bridge/street confrontation already. XD ha. Maybe I'll squeeze it in during some other scenario. Lol. Please review! =D I was only initially planning on doing one drabble. So, the second one doesn't apply to the interview quote. It's going off the thought that at the end of the first episode – before CB officially meet up – she sees him with Eva.