—Interlude—
Chapter 16: Naughty, Naughty, and More Naughty
Narrator: Flash back to about a year before any of this insanity ever happened…
We see Planet Portania, where the downward spiral of future villain Zoroark began.
Narrator: It all started when a single Monster Fox Pokémon named Zoroark started reading about the famous exploits of Team Pecha…and got to the part about Darkrai…
Zoroark: Man, this Darkrai dude is soooo friggin' wicked! HE was the one who wanted to destroy time? AND space? And that's what his world of darkness would've looked like? DANG! He really should've won. Looks like a place where I could actually live.
Narrator: Many Pokémon began to suspect something around this time, but no one ever thought he would've even dared to do such things as attack other Jigglypuff's and Chikorita's, denounce all-female teams everywhere…and even destroy Quartzite Cave!
A bunch of Graveler and Golem hurriedly try to piece the cave back together while Officer Magnezone is busy investigating the scene of vandalism.
Narrator: Then one day he went too far. Posing as Dialga and then Palkia, he launched all out attacks on both Temporal Tower and Spacial Rift, respectively. The real Dialga and Palkia managed to barely avert disaster in time.
In Treasure Town, there's a room that looks very much like a modern courtroom. Zoroark, restrained by two Machamp, is standing trial, while lots of other Pokémon witnesses crowd the stands. Officer Magnezone floats right next to Dusknoir, the presiding judge. He doesn't need a gavel to bang onto his high table.
Dusknoir: Zoroark. Due to your dangerously high levels of power and questionable moral decisions you have displayed thus far…we hereby sentence you to banishment in outer space!
Officer Magnezone: I concur, ZZZT!
Zoroark (spits in their faces): —! *tch*… (Outer space, huh? This won't be the last they've heard of me…)
Narrator: Though Palkia personally dumped Zoroark on an asteroid about to be sucked into a black hole, Zoroark easily escaped. He could turn into Palkia and escape by himself! He flew around the universe, finding new alien civilizations, and trying to conquer them…but the end result was always the same. They subdued him and kicked him back out into space.
He is sitting on an asteroid, under the shadow of a cave overhang, glaring at the ground, muttering to himself.
Zoroark (getting more and more bitter): It's all their fault. It's all their blasted fault. Amy…Chikorita…and that blasted Grovyle, too! If it weren't for you three, none of this…I mean, NONE of this…would ever have happened to me! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!
Narrator: Yes, he eventually came to despise the three heroes. And it would've been that maybe, just maybe, he would've given up all hope of becoming the #1 villain in the galaxy…if it weren't for that fateful day…on Planet SR-388!
Planet SR-388. A forsaken planet with no trace of civilization on it. Once the home of the parasitic Metroids, it now has a disjointed ecosystem. Zoroark is sitting in the middle of a bunch of rocks and alien vegetation as well as random pieces from a space station that recently crashed, still railing and bellyaching on about how his life sucks, but this time, only in his head. He hears footsteps approach behind him, but it doesn't really surprise him, either.
Zoroark: Okay…who the heck is it now?
The mysterious visitor shoots an Ice Beam at him. He quickly dodges and shoots some Dark Void attacks of his own, which she promptly leaps over. She scans Zoroark's power levels.
Zoroark: Whoa, dang! Do you, like, know me?
?: Ooooo…I could use you.
Zoroark: Wait a second…who ARE you?
?: You don't know ME? The most famous bounty hunter in the galaxy?
Zoroark: Well, I'm the most famous sadistic would-be-planet-conqueror in the galaxy. Do you know me?
?: I believe we have something in common. Very well. My name is Samus Aran.
Zoroark: I'm Zoroark. Now what do you want, lady?
It's true; the lady standing right in front of Zoroark looks exactly like Samus Aran, complete with Power Suit, Arm Cannon, all 8 bajillion (okay, only 8) visors, Ice Beam, Diffusion Missiles…you get the idea. She sits down, ready to discuss things.
?: I can sense it. You are just like me. You wish to conquer this pathetic galaxy…but they keep foiling you. I know how you feel. I'll let you in on a little secret.
Before he can move, she whips her Grapple Beam at his arm and drags him in to whisper in one of his giant fox-like ears.
?: This body…I'm not really Samus Aran. I copied her…the accursed hunter who denied me of a prize I realized would come to me, a prize more glorious than I could've ever imagined.
Zoroark: What the frack are you talking about? Let me go, you—!
? (tightening her grip): I can infect creatures, kill them, and copy every memory they've ever had. I can do it to you right now unless you cooperate.
He nods, intimidated. She slackens her grips and continues explaining things.
?: Now let me explain. I am the Queen of the so-called X Parasites. You can call me Queen X. Ever since Samus Aran wiped out those accursed Metroids for us, we've been able to finally conquer this planet. And then the day came when one of my subjects happened to infect her. Those Biologic Space Lab fools sent her to their research station, where she broke out and continued my legacy for me. We conquered the whole station, and it turned out that some Galactic Federation ships were going to land soon. We could've killed them, absorbed their memories, left the station, and went on to conquer the galaxy for ourselves!
Zoroark: …So? Why didn't you?
Queen X: Because of…her. Samus Aran figured it all out. So she sent the station on a collision course with this planet! You can see the wreckage all around you right here.
Zoroark: Ooooh. I wondered what happened here.
Queen X: A great number of my subjects perished, but many more survived and returned to me, allowing me to gain all of this knowledge…and the powers of that accursed hunter. So you see, I am forced to sit here and do nothing but regret the past, knowing that if only I had some way to turn back time, this galaxy would've been mine by now. But you can get me off this forsaken rock, correct? That's where you come in.
Zoroark: Look, pal. I'm a one-man planet-conquering band here, so if you think I'm gonna help you, you've got another thought coming—
She freezes him with her Ice Beam, and then shatters the ice with a particularly nasty Super Missile. Zoroark survives the onslaught, but just barely. He is left twitching on the ground, with health at near-zero.
Queen X: I've already proved that I'm the alpha here. Now if you want to avoid any more excruciating pain, why don't you tell me your story? I'm sure we can come to some agreement here.
Zoroark (weakly): …...Okay.
So he tells her everything, from finding out about his hero Darkrai, to being driven to this place.
Queen X: I knew it. You are a fellow biomorph. I believe I understand that if you were given a chance to make this Amy, Chikorita, and Grovyle suffer, you would take it, yes?
Zoroark: Heck, yeah!
Queen X: Then we have a deal. You get me off this accursed rock, and I'll help you inflict as much pain on them as possible.
Zoroark: Now we're talkin'!
He morphs into Palkia and lets her jump on. But before he can take off into the air,, a Dimensional Hole opens right in front of him. He screeches to a halt.
Zoroark: WHOA. THAT WAS CLOSE. I WONDER IF DARKRAI IS GOING TO COME OUT…?
Queen X: Nope.
Out of the hole comes a tall, floating, ancient being with eight bright, glowing wings.
?: Do not be so hasty, Zoroark…and my queen. I must warn you about your impending doom.
Zoroark: WHO ARE YOU?
Queen X: "My queen"? Wait a second…are you one of my subjects?
?: That is correct. I have copied a being from the future. His name is Kel-Zich, one of the smartest of the Ylla in the universe, so you may call me Kel-Zich-X. I know everything that will befall you.
Queen X: Oh yeah? Prove it.
Zoroark: UH…YEAH! WHAT SHE SAID!
Kel-Zich-X: That I shall. Here, my queen. Absorb my knowledge.
For half a second, Zoroark sees who their true forms are: A Core-X inside the Ylla, and a mass of Core-X's welded together into one being inside of "Samus". Some gelatinous X Parasites fly out of the Core-X, and Queen X absorbs them. It was only a split-second, but enough to convince Zoroark that these creatures are not to be trifled with. The X Parasite copy of Kel-Zich explains everything while Queen X reflects upon her newfound knowledge—and power. Yes, eight new wings emerge from her back, dripping with power.
Kel-Zich-X: In the future, Zoroark's enemies—Amy, Chikorita and Grovyle—and your greatest enemy, my queen—Samus Aran—will team up with each other. They will easily wipe you both out as if you were nothing but a tiny little microorganism. But through Kel-Zich's brain, I have discovered the reason why. It is because of the being that controls everything that happens in this universe. Her name is Amy [you know who].
Queen X: And she is…?
Kel-Zich-X: A human from another dimension.
Zoroark and Queen X just stare, dumbfounded. Then they laugh.
Kel-Zich-X: I am not kidding. The girl is more dangerous than you can possibly imagine. Her mind controls everything that happens in this galaxy. As long as she remains in her home dimension, you two, whom she has personally classified as villains, are destined to always fail.
Zoroark: OTHER DIMENSIONS DON'T EXIST! …OR DO THEY?
Kel-Zich-X: They most certainly do. So I want you to do this. Zoroark? I want you to pull the girl out of her home dimension and set her up in the path that I have devised for her.
Zoroark: WHICH IS…?
Kel-Zich-X pulls out a hologram projector and hands it over to the past Queen X, who opens it and reads it voraciously. Zoroark reverts back to his original form so he can squeeze next to the past Queen X and read it too. Yes, he learned how to read English from the many planets under Galactic Federation jurisdiction that he visited. As they read, their eyes grow wider and wider, and finally, they finish.
Queen X: Okay, let me get this straight. You want Zoroark to take me to Planet Portania first, while he does all the work?
Zoroark: And I go 500 years into the past, pull this girl out of that dimension of hers, have her join that accursed Team Pecha on their space adventure which will happen two months from now, somehow steer her to Capital Planet today, infiltrate Galactic Federation HQ, copy Samus Aran's boss-man, tell her she's fired, order these Space Pirate dudes to attack but don't kill them, ambush them at this Axiatomic Link on the off-chance they actually go, and the rest will take care of itself?
Queen X: All I do is absorb this girl? And when I do, I should go into the past at these intervals to make sure this all happens? What the heck kind of plan is that?
Kel-Zich-X: That is all precisely right. You see, my queen, I was lucky to get away from them with my life. So now I shall give you a chance to make everything right. The first thing you shall do is go to the Space Pirate Homeworld and conquer the indigenous Space Pirates. They will help provide the means to make this all possible.
Queen X: Okay…if you say so. But I don't get why the girl has to stay with our enemies for that long.
Kel-Zich-X: Zoroark. Your enemies, Team Pecha, have always been but a tiny Jigglypuff and Chikorita. Have you not always wondered why, against all odds, they have always won?
Zoroark: Not really. Wait…are you saying…?
Kel-Zich-X: Yes. The girl loves those two the most, so of course she shall find a way to make them win no matter what. If you pull her out of her home dimension, she shall no longer have any control over you two, or any of them. But she will still befriend them all extremely quickly, because she knows them the best.
Queen X: You said she knows everything…but not what we're planning at this very moment, right?
Kel-Zich-X: Correct. Specifically, she knows everything that ever happened in the lives of her friends, and she is smart enough to not reveal her knowledge. I want you to make that knowledge her undoing…force her to reveal everything to her friends. Make her friends crush her! I want you both to make her suffer like never before! Understand?
Zoroark: Yes, sir!
Queen X: You are an excellent subject.
Zoroark: By the way…if you're from the future, why are you telling us all of this?
Kel-Zich-X's eyes widen and he suddenly starts flickering out of existence in a mass of yellow light. Oddly enough, he's smiling.
Kel-Zich-X: I shall sacrifice my life to allow my queen to succeed. Now that I have changed the future, I shall go. Farewell, my queen. Farewell, Zoroark. Long live our X Parasite Empire!
And he disappears, leaving Zoroark and Queen X to stare at each other in confusion.
Queen X: Okaaay…So, uh…Permanent truce?
Zoroark: Permanent truce.
Zoroark morphs into Palkia again while Queen X somersaults on. Zoroark warps the two of them into outer space and instead of going to Planet Portania in the past like he originally planned, he travels to Capital Planet.
Narrator: As the first part of their new plan, Zoroark and Queen X infiltrated the Galactic Federation Headquarters to check on Samus Aran's employment status. There wasn't much time.
He's crawling in the ventilation system, peering down into the room below, along with Queen X. It's Commander Tierney's office. The 62-year-old commander man is sitting at his desk, crushing a piece of paperwork in his hand in anger. He's talking with one of his subordinates over the hologram "phone".
Commander Tierney (getting furious): What, really? She did that? Our Samus Aran did that?
Zoroark: (I see…so that Samus Aran is in some hot water with the top brass already.)
The call ends. Commander Tierney slams his fists on his desk.
Commander Tierney: That [b$?#!&]! What the [h*!#%] was she thinking? Does she think we're a bunch of [f&*!#%]-ing simpletons? [D#?%!$&]! Crashing it like it was a piece of [s&*#]? Does she realize that it cost us $979 bajillion bucks to build that thing? Does she? We have to fire her.
Zoroark: (Sheesh…naughty naughty. Language. But according to the plan, we can't have her fired…yet. Let me fix this.)
Narrator: See, if the real Samus got word of the fact that she was fired upon her and Adam crashing the BSL station, their plan would be all over.
He kicks the vent cover down and hits the commander on the head, then pounces on him! He uses the Dark Pulse and knocks the commander out. After he ties up the guy, he drags the guy to a secret room in the back and locks him up. Finally, he transforms himself into an exact copy of Commander Teirney, sits at the desk, accesses the Galactic Federation files, and revokes Samus Aran's terminated employment status…for now. By then, Queen X jumps out of the ventilation system to confirm that Zoroark did everything correctly.
Zoroark: This looks good, right?
Queen X: Perfect! Now let's go. I want to see my new loyal subjects.
He and Queen X then go to the Space Pirate Homeworld to conquer it.
Narrator: And so, Zoroark's terrifying ability to morph into anyone (especially legendary Pokémon), combined with Queen X's even more terrifying ability to infect the entire population of Space Pirates with her X Parasites, allowed them to conquer the entirety of the planet within a week. Zoroark then promptly snuck Queen X onto the ambush point on Planet Portania, the Forgotten Wasteland. He then spent the rest of the month training the troops, hiring "replacement bounty hunters"…
Zoroark is presiding over an "audition", so to speak, of Space Pirates, all of whom are trying out for the role of being Samus Aran's replacements.
Zoroark: Next!
Two Space Pirate guys swagger in, chuckling. The one on the left, who speaks first, is taller and thinner, while the one on the right is shorter and fatter.
Zark: Whoa-ho! I'm Zark!
Zork: I'm Zork!
Zark: & Wii r…Redi, boys? 3, 2, 1, hit it!
Wii r teh pirates, who don't do nothin'...
Wii just stay home, & lie around,
& if u ask us 2 do anythin',
Wii just tell u…Wii don't do nothin'!
Zoroark would've immediately shouted "NEXT!", but their language struck him as being somehow familiar. He listens to the whole song and sees that these guys can display competent capture and destructive abilities too.
Zoroark: (Now where have I heard their type of voices before? Wait a second! This is like Team Skull, those dudes who really annoyed the [c*#$] out of that accursed Team Pecha! That means they'd probably annoy the [c%!#*$] out of that girl, too. On one hand, this song and dance is stupid, but on the other hand, they're pretty good with those cloaking devices and reflector shields…)
By the time the song is finished, he has come to a decision.
Zoroark: You boys…are hired!
Zark: Say wha…?
Zork: *gasp*! OMG! U serious?
Zoroark (switching speech styles): Can u dooshebags not heer me? I sed…U…R…hired. H-I-R-D.
They whoop and start cheering.
Zark and Zork: Wii did it! Wii did it Wii did it Wii did it!
Zark: U rule, Boss-Man!
Zork: Yeh, Boss-Man! U r so l33t!
Zoroark: (Boss-Man? Hmm…I love the sound of that!)
Narrator: With Zark and Zork hired, Zoroark spent the next month placing the Space Pirate troops into position over Capital Planet. After Queen X asserted herself as their leader (which wasn't hard, as Samus' appearance and Kel-Zich's wings combined to remind them of Dark Samus a long time ago), Zoroark helped her find a perfect place to hide on Planet Portania: The Forgotten Wasteland. Soon enough, everything was in position. The Space Pirates were ready. Queen X was lying in wait, and hungry. Zork, Zark, and Zoroark continued to make sure Commander Tierney didn't escape and ruin their plans.
Samus' purple ship leaves Capital Planet en route to Planet Ceres. After morphing back from Commander Tierney, Zoroark climbs to the top of the Galactic Federation building. He has morphed into an alien with a big antenna that can hack into radio frequencies, and hears the following conversation.
Adam: Okay, here's our only chance to prove our loyalty to the Galactic Federation. Our mission is to infiltrate and destroy the new Space Pirate base on Planet Ceres at Quadrant 9, Section 012, Area 84. It's unusually close to that old research station where they researched the last Metroid and—
Samus (a bit more curtly than she intended): Adam. I get the point.
Adam: Very well. Any objections, Lady?
Samus: The only things I'd object to are any more of those reminders of the past, Adam. You know that.
Zoroark: (…It's time!)
The ship engages the hyperdrive and blasts off. Zoroark talks into his walkie-talkie thingy.
Zoroark: Fleets C-31 and G-82, engage the operation now, and prepare the Dimensional Wormhole. The accursed hunter is coming. Over.
Space Pirate over the radio: Wii redi, Boss-Man. Over.
Narrator: So Samus Aran successfully infiltrated the hastily-constructed base, defeated all the Space Pirates there, and activated the self-destruct mechanism, successfully escaping just in time. But en route back to Capital Planet, the real fleet ambushed her and Adam and, in the midst of the battle, pushed them into the wormhole going straight into the past…forcing them to crash-land on Planet Portania. As for Zoroark, he had one final plan of his own…which, if it didn't work, would make all of their hard work worthless.
Zoroark opens a dimensional hole and enters it. He looks around the time tunnel for the dimension where the girl lives, and finds it. The device he's holding beeps loudly, confirming it.
Zoroark: (That must be her. These energy readings are off the charts. Queen X and that Ylla dude said that this was the most dangerous part. If I remember correctly, due to the difference in fabric of her reality, I can only pull her into this dimension though her dreams.)
Seeing that she is in the midst of a dream, he turns into Palkia and crosses the dimensions, entering her dream.
Zoroark: (Jackpot. Prepare yourself, Amy [you know who]! You shall never control my life again. As of now, your life…is mine!)
—The End of the Interlude—