DISCLAIMER: Based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling

A/N: There are two more chapters to come after this one, then an epilogue. The delay is due to wanting to mess about with the last few chapters a bit more, hoping to get them right.

The Neville Trilogy thunders towards its cataclysmic conclusion at breakneck pace

NEVILLE FALSUS

chapter eight

everyone's favourite weasley

Neville and Lavender made their way down a dank, deserted corridor, while Neville tried desperately to think of something terribly clever to say that would make her throw herself at him. Girls thought dimly lit rooms were romantic, right? Would there ever be a better chance for him than this?

Neville took the lead, feeling that as the gentleman he ought to take the force of any Death Eaters or horrible monsters that might charge unexpectedly towards them.

After ten minutes of walking along in awkward silence Neville decided to make his move.

"Your hair looks nice today," Neville said.

Lavender, despite popular belief, was not a total idiot. She saw right through him. And judging by the look on her face, she was not pleased about it. She gave no response. Neville cringed a bit as he continued walking down the corridor.

"Aren't you going to make some comment about my breasts then?" she asked. Neville turned bright red, and was very glad the corridor's only light source was his wand.

"What happened, Lavender?" he asked. "Last year you were all over me, and this year you seem like you couldn't care less. Is it something to do with becoming a werewolf? Do I have some sort of repulsive smell or something?"

"Oh no, you smell fantastic for a man," she replied. "It's just that it suddenly became obvious to me that you're totally in love with Ginny Weasley."

Neville stopped suddenly and Lavender walked straight into his back. They both clattered to the floor.

"Wha – what?" Neville choked. "I'm not in love with Ginny Weasley!"

"Oh, please," Lavender replied. "You love her, like, so much. You're just totally in denial."

"I'm not in denial! You're in denial!"

"Mature," she said flatly. "Are you going to, like, help me up or what, pretty-boy?"

Neville did not like being called pretty-boy, but he helped her get to her feet anyway. She made to walk down the corridor but Neville stop her by latching onto her arm.

"I'm not in love with Ginny."

Lavender rolled her eyes. "Keep saying that. Maybe eventually it'll be true." She shook off Neville's grip. "But you are totally in love with her and, whether you know it or not, you always have been. And you two are, like, totally going to end up together."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're perfect for each other. Deep down you're still this insecure little fat boy who thinks he's a total loser, and you need constant reassurance and affection. Ginny is the only person alive who can give so much undying devotion to a single person. And you're good for Ginny because you're the only person on earth who can see any worth in her. All I can see is this plain, boring, silly little girl who seems to have no skill at all in life and I can't imagine why she's got it into her head that she'd have a shot with someone as dreamy as you, but apparently she has."

"Hey!" Neville snapped. "That's not fair. People are always putting Ginny down but she doesn't deserve it! She's smarter than you give her credit for, and she's a really good cheerleader too. She's strong willed and dedicated; you'd have to be to pursue Harry all those years when he doesn't even notice you when you're talking to him. And she's beautiful. Sure, not in quite the same way as a supermodel or something, but she's got a really sweet smile and her hair is a wonderful shade of red. When she's embarrassed she gets this really cute pink tinge to her cheeks as well. And now she's got breasts, she's perfect! So I don't want you saying any bad things about her any more!"

Neville had expected Lavender to look at least a little ashamed of herself, but she was just grinning at him. He groaned.

"Oh God, I'm in love with Ginny Weasley." He banged his head firmly against the wall. He quickly regretted that decision and wondered just why he had thought it would ever be a good idea.

"Come on, lover-boy," Lavender said. "Let's got defeat You-Know-Who so that you and your girlfriend can finally settle down and have all that passionate sex she's always going on about."

Neville had to admit the idea sounded quite appealing now.

###

As soon as Harry was confident that he and Hermione were out of earshot of everyone else, he quickly pressed her up against the wall and began kissing her quite passionately. This was clearly what their relationship had been missing before. Kissing, somehow, made all those little arguments about her flirting with other guys disappear.

Unfortunately for Harry, Hermione eventually managed to regain her composure. He was not particularly enthusiastic when she broke the kiss, removed his hands from her chest and asked if he thought they should go on. Harry reluctantly agreed.

They'd gotten a little way down the dark, dank corridor when Hermione decided to use her Walkus Talkus spell to contact the others. Just Harry's luck; the first person she called was Snape.

"What do you want now?" he demanded.

"It's been so long since we talked," Hermione replied. "How's things? Did you do anything exciting today?"

All Harry could hear was Snape giving a loud groan.

"Everything's fine," Snape told her. "The corridor is dark, long and there doesn't appear to be anything on it. I fully expect to die at some point in this endless corridor."

"That's lovely," Hermione said. "How's Ginny?"

There was a long silence before Snape finally answered.

"I thought I'd forgotten something. How on Earth did she manage to get lost walking down a perfectly straight corridor?"

"You'll have to go back for her," Hermione said, but she didn't even convince herself that she thought it was a good idea.

"I'm probably better off without her," Snape decided. "She's not the brightest one, as I recall. I'd probably be better off in a fight if I didn't have to look after her."

"How do you know she's not smart?" Hermione asked. "What are her Potions essays like?"

There was another awkward pause.

"Even her essays are so unremarkable I can't remember them," Snape replied at last. "How could someone so pointless be allowed to exist?"

"I remember Mrs Weasley once told me how disappointed she was in Ginny," Hermione said. "Apparently she'd always wanted seven boys. It was the worst day of her life when Ginny popped out."

Snape suddenly shushed her. "Stay quiet. I think someone's coming."

Hermione kept the Walkus Talkus charm going so that they could listen to what was happening to Snape. They heard some footsteps through the spell, but they stopped.

Harry was growing impatient.

"SNAPE!" he roared. "What's happening?"

"There's someone there!" a voice they didn't recognise shouted.

"I'll kill you Potter!" Snape called, then suddenly there was no noise coming through the spell anymore.

"Snape? What's going on?" Harry asked. "Snape? Snape? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!"

"He's dead," Hermione whimpered. "I don't believe it. He's actually dead."

Harry gave her a reassuring hug and copped a feel in what he hoped was a reassuring way.

"Don't worry, Hermione. He died doing what he loved; screaming death threats at me."

Hermione cried for a full five minutes, which Harry thought was a bit much given how she'd never even liked the bastard (he knew better than to say that out loud, at least).

"We must push on," Hermione said. "It's what he would have wanted."

Harry had no doubt that Snape would very much have wanted him to walk straight into a Death Eater fortress and get himself captured, tortured and eventually brutally murdered by a load of Death Eaters. He probably would have gotten quite a kick out of it.

"Let's go," Harry agreed. Whether Snape wanted them to or not, he still had a Dark Lord to kill.

A little further down the hallway they came to an unremarkable wooden door.

"It's a door," Harry said helpfully. Hermione went in to examine it and several spells before she came to the same conclusion. Sometimes it paid to be safe with magic.

Harry opened the door (after Hermione had performed seven or eight spells on the doorknob) and peaked his head around. It was a darkened corridor very much like the ones found in Hogwarts. He supposed that meant they were in Voldemort's Fortress. He crept out into the hallway. At one end of the hall there was a corner, and a light seemed to shine from it. Harry crept along the shadows of the wall, gesturing to Hermione that she should follow.

Then, suddenly, a Death Eater appeared around the corner. He stared straight at Hermione and Harry, and was about to open his mouth when Hermione raised her wand.

"Stupefy!" she whispered. The Death Eater suddenly slumped to the crowd. Harry and Hermione had a quick victory snog before another Death Eater came around the corner. This one did not look at them, but instead looked down at his poor friend.

"What's wrong? Are you alright? Are you hit? Are you hurt? Are you alright?" he asked his poor friend, and thought it rather rude that his friend gave no reply.

Harry raised his wand and cried, "Reducto!"

The spell blew a hole clean through the Death Eater's face and sent bits of brain flying against the wall behind him which they struck with a splat!

"Cool," was Harry's response to the first time he ever killed a man.

He wandered over to poke the Death Eater's body with his wand. It was still twitching a bit, and Hermione was sobbing again, for some reason. Had he not been busy poking the body with his wand, he might have noticed the horde of Death Eaters now charging around the corner at him.