DISCLAIMER: Based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling
A/N: Okay, I said I would be faster than this posting, but ran into the slight barrier of actually finding a job and discovering that this takes up a lot more time and energy than you'd realise.
The Neville Trilogy thunders towards its cataclysmic conclusion at breakneck pace
NEVILLE FALSUS
chapter ten
the final showdown
"As disgusting as this is," Snape said. "We have the small matter of the Dark Lord Voldemort to deal with. If it's convenient for you to go and destroy him now, of course."
"What if it isn't?" Neville asked from his position on the floor, where he had gotten Ginny's shirt off and was struggling valiantly to remove her bra.
"PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON AND GO DEFEAT THE DARK LORD!" Snape roared.
There was plenty of grumbling but the group gathered together, fully clothed again, to prepare to confront Lord Voldemort.
"Does anyone have anything deep and meaningful they'd like to say?" Harry asked, looking around the group. Everyone glanced at each other.
"Well, I for one -," Lavender began, but Hermione cut her off.
"I – I – I would just like to say how much all of you mean to me..." she said with a sob. "Even Lavender, who almost makes me look like a little bit less of a slut. Thank you all for following me and my beloved Harry on this epic journey. I know he'll do us all proud."
"Wouldn't it make more sense for us all to gang up and beat Voldemort by weight of numbers?" Neville asked.
"You know, James would have not have stood for that," Sirius slurred. "He would have spouted some nonsense about an honourable fight and all that bull. Then he would have gotten killed. I'll never understand why he and Lily didn't just team up to take on Voldemort. They could probably have won easily. They were both awfully powerful..."
Unfortunately the moment Harry heard what his father would have done he instantly decided to do the exact same thing, no matter how stupid it was. Neville had learnt that over the summer when Sirius had stated that James would have been willing to eat that mouldy green thing they found behind Neville's Gran's sofa, which was probably been in her house longer than Neville. Harry had been hospitalised.
Today he didn't have much more sense. He opened the door and charged straight through.
"Face me Voldemort, ye villainous cur!" he roared.
Hermione quickly rushed to follow.
"Your days of wicked deeds have passed, and your hour of judgement is come!" she cried.
Ron wandered in after them, feeling like he really ought to. He stood and struggled for a moment to think of something to say.
"I have to pee."
"My brother, ladies and gentlemen," Ginny announced. "I am sooooo proud."
After the trio had their attempt at looking like Charlie's Angels the others wandered into the room at their own pace.
"Harry Potter," Lord Voldemort hissed. "We meet again at last. All I ever did was try to take over the world, murder your parents in cold blood and then try to dispatch you in the same way before you could walk or talk, but you had to go and make it personal."
"I'm going to kill you, Voldemort," Harry told him. "And not just for myself, though I won't pretend not to enjoy it immensely. I'm doing this for all the people you've killed. Like my parents and Cedric."
"Didn't Ron technically kill Cedric once as well though?" Hermione asked. "Should we kill him a bit too?" Harry pretended he didn't hear her and just raised his voice a little.
"And for all those Hufflepuffs whose names I don't remember or care about," Harry went on. "Oh, and some old Muggle. And Ginny Weasley!"
"Harry, I'm still alive," Ginny said. Harry spun around to look at her, his eyes wide with shock.
"I thought you died in the Chamber of Secrets!" he exclaimed.
"No, you saved me! Remember?"
"You mean you've been hanging about for five years and I didn't even notice?" Harry asked. "Bloody hell."
Harry turned around to face Voldemort again while Neville struggled to stop Ginny from strangling Harry, however much Neville thought he probably deserved it.
"Now, Harry, we must choose our seconds," Voldemort said. He cast a dark look at Wormtail. "I suppose I'll take Wormtail then. Not like I have much choice."
Harry turned around to likewise survey his options. He was taking a good long look at Snape when Hermione started bouncing up and down (which naturally attracted everyone's attention).
"Harry, I think it's so sweet that you've decided to pick Ron, your best friend, as your second," she said. Harry looked extremely put out.
"Actually, I was thinking Snape would know plenty of dark spells-."
"Thank you, Harry, my brother," Ron said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I'll do my best to make you proud."
"And Neville's quite handy with a wand," Harry said.
"Oh, doesn't such affection just bring a tear to your eye?" Hermione asked.
"Even Sirius would be a better choice, and he can barely stand!" Harry exclaimed, now getting quite angry. Sirius wobbled and took a sip from a bottle as he and Lupin had somehow managed to find yet another bottle of whiskey from somewhere.
"I think that it's the sweetest thing ever," Hermione stated more firmly this time. "And such a good friend would definitely score tonight if he did it."
Harry was, for once in his life, utterly speechless. Eventually he managed to turn to Voldemort and say, "Let's do this then."
Harry stepped forward and bowed to Voldemort, who returned the gesture.
"On three," Voldemort said. "One..."
"He's going to cheat," Neville called to Harry, who seemed to ignore him and didn't even bother taking a duelling stance before Voldemort fired a Killing Curse.
"Avada Kedavra. Two!" Voldemort said proudly. "Avada Kedavra. Three!"
Either Voldemort was an appalling shot or Harry was the luckiest bastard in the history of the universe, because both curses flew well wide of their mark, failing to harm even Harry's group currently lined up against the wall. Even so, Neville (rather heroically in his own humble yet gorgeous opinion) stepped out in front of Ginny to protect her should a stray spell head her direction.
Harry finally sprung into action and he and Voldemort exchanged volleys of spells. Some clashed harmlessly against the wall. Voldemort managed to parry a fair few of Harry's efforts, but Harry just seemed to be staying alive totally out of luck, with every single spell missing him by inches.
But luck would not last. One of Voldemort's stray spells ricocheted off of the wall, a lamp, a passing mirror beetle, an Orc shield, another wall and Wormtail's outstretched shiny hand to smack Malfoy unexpectedly on the chest.
"Oh no, it can't be!" Hermione shrieked as Malfoy slumped against the wall.
"What is it, Hermione?" Ginny asked.
"That shade of green! It's too bright to be Avada Kedavra and not bright enough to be a Bat-Bogey Jinx. It can only be one thing!" She slumped to her knees beside Malfoy and began to sob.
"Well, don't keep us in suspense!" Snape roared at her. "Hurry up and tell us so Potter can get his head back in the game and notice that the Dark Lord has been flinging curses at him whilst he stands there like a pillock waiting for you to inform his under-developed brain!"
"It can only be the Slow Death Curse!" Hermione wailed.
"Yeah, my day just gets better and better," Malfoy grumbled.
"And there's no counter-curse!" Hermione sobbed.
"Then what's the point of it?" Neville demanded. "Why not just use a normal Killing Curse?"
He was ignored. (In fact, I want even you to forget he ever said it).
"Nooooooooooooo!" Ron shrieked, charging over to Malfoy. "You can't die, my beloved!"
Malfoy looked at Snape. "Please, just put me out of my misery before he tries something silly."
"I have an idea!" Ron exclaimed.
"Please, Snape, kill me now!"
"I'll do what Neville did! One good snog and my love will bring him back from the dead!"
"No, Weasley, you buffoon! Get away from me!"
It is unknown whether Malfoy was killed by the eventual effects of the Slow Death Curse or if he suffocated on Ron's invading tongue. It doesn't really matter which actually finished him off, but know that his demise was not gentle and was definitely more painful to him than anyone could ever imagine.
"You're a bastard, Voldemort!" Harry screamed. "I wanted to be the one who finally got to kill that miserable little shit!"
"How noble," Snape muttered.
"Pathetic," Voldemort hissed. "Reminds me off your mother. She dropped to her knees and wept for your father. Pathetic slut."
Harry suddenly tensed up.
"You know she wasn't half bad, for a Mudblood. I've often regretted that I never gave into my... base instincts with her. As they say, she was no show pony, but she'd have done for a ride around the house."
Harry's hands were shaking. He was practically growling now.
"She had a nice pair of tits on her too. Shame about the ginger hair though. Maybe I could have found a spell to get rid of those disgusting, ginger pubes."
Neville couldn't help but wonder if Lord Voldemort was totally unaware of the massive career mistake he was making by taunting Harry like this. Surely he could recognise that look of pure fury on Harry's face.
"She'd probably have loved every minute of it as well, the dirty bitch."
Voldemort seemed to have at last realised his mistake because his face went even whiter than it had been before. Harry didn't even bother using his wand. Instead he pulled back his fist, and pooled all the anger in his body that he could muster into his little fist. He thought of the evils Lord Voldemort had done, all the people he'd killed, all the times Malfoy had taunted him, all the House Points Snape had taken from him and all the things Ginny did that annoyed him (mainly having the nerve to exist) and focused them all into a that little fist that started to glow red hot.
"FALCON..."
"Oh shit," Lord Voldemort muttered.
"PAAAAAAUUUUUUUNNNCCCCHHHH!"
The force of Harry's punch was enough to propel him a few feet forward to strike Lord Voldemort square in the face...
And the world went white.