Whisphers of the Heart
It was the need to help Sam that made Dean get up and move back to the computer, starting his search again with new vigor. The message light was blinking on his phone, and Dean went through them rapidly, deleting anything that wasn't from Bobby or one of his contacts. He didn't have the time or patience to listen to Lisa's ranting or his boss's groaning. He kept his phone on silent so it wouldn't bother Sammy and otherwise ignored it.
Hours passed and still nothing appeared that would help. Dean was frustrated, and near the point of tears. Sam was so much better at this, could always find just what they needed no matter what the situation. Well, almost always. The sound of fluttering wings didn't register with Dean. When a hand went to his shoulder in a gentle way, he reacted like he'd always been trained to: he jumped out of his chair and spun quickly, gun raised and held steady center mass on the threat. Training also prevented him from pulling the trigger right off; always be sure that what you're shooting at is your intended target, his father had said repeatedly. It was that constant reminder that kept Dean from blowing a hole in Castiel.
Not that it would have mattered in the end anyway.
Castiel wasn't overly concerned that Dean was pointing a gun at him; it'd happened before and at any rate, it wouldn't have killed him. The angel nodded his head to his friend as Dean lowered the gun and went back to the computer.
"Has he woken up," he asked, moving back to his spot at the bed.
"For a little while, yeah," Dean replied, looking back to Sam. The younger man was beginning to move restlessly, making sounds of pain. Cas reached over, touched his forehead, and Sam settled back into that still sleep from before.
"And?"
It took a little bit for Dean to get the words out. "He thought he was in Hell, but at the dieing point." Dean knew that point very well, but how different was it for Sam, since he had his body?
Castiel nodded even though Dean couldn't see it. "Have you found anything?"
"Just a ritual for temporarily clearing bad memories, but nothing else...yet," Dean added with strong conviction. He was going to find something to help his little brother, no matter what. "What about your end?"
Castiel hesitated, shook his head. "Jophiel is no longer so certain about the method she discovered earlier."
A chill settled itself in Dean as he worked through the implication of that. "So, what, she's giving up? She pulled him out of Hell, scrambled his memories, then after a failed attempt at helping him be Sammy again, she's calling it quits?"
"No, Dean. Jophiel isn't giving up or quiting."
Dean looked back over to the angel. Cas was staring at Dean with strong conviction in his eyes, a promise to help until there was nothing more to try and even beyond then. It made the chill dissipate and he couldn't help but wonder how he'd ended up counting an angel of God as one of his closest friends.
"Where were you, anyway?"
"I was checking to see if a contact I had found anything that would help Sam." Before Dean could ask the results, Cas shook his head slowly.
"Damn it," he fumed. Anything he could find for memory removal, change, or dimming was more along the lines of dark magic and voodoo; Dean's training and finer instinct refused those possibilites in all shapes and ways. His lesser instinct, the primal one that would do anything it took to help his brother, was trying to figure how to make it work, what he would have to do to succeed. There was no way Dean would give in to the primal, lesser instinct...at least, not right away.
But there was nothing. Nothing in the way of helping Sam and it tore at Dean in ways he hadn't experienced in a while (five months, three weeks...) making him want to shoot something, burn something, do something other than sit in front of a computer with nothing. There was a sudden and sharp realization that this had quite possibly been Sam's state of mind when he'd been trying to get Dean out of his deal. It didn't make him feel better to understand, just made him a bit sadder about how it all turned out. But Dean didn't linger too long on those thoughts, or else he would sit in the chair and brood. He'd already taken his brother's role in the research department, only temporarily he swore, and had no wish to take the emo position.
A break. He needed a break. Dean repeated it to himself, glaring at his legs to get up and work. They refused to cooperate. A few seconds more of glaring and willing with the same results. Dean exhaled a breath forcibly and scrubbed a hand over his face, then through his hair and finally rubbing his neck. He couldn't do it. He couldn't get up and go get something to eat, or some coffee, or even step out the freakin' door. He wasn't dumb, he knew why he couldn't. The mind numbing, drop-your-heart-to-your-toes fear that Sam would be gone when he got back. It was ridiculous since Cas was there to watch him and keep him safe and Dean did trust the angel to do it, but Dean trusted himself to do it better. With a low growl Dean surged to his feet. Cas watched him knowingly, a silent promise in his eyes that the hunter acknowledged with a nod. He grabbed his cell phone and stepped outside.
He couldn't put it off and punched in Lisa's number, waiting for the ring. It was after five rings that she answered, with a terse, "Hello."
"Lisa," he said simply, not sure about what else he should say.
"So you finally decided to call huh? Did it just now occur to you that maybe you should have told me before you skipped out of town?"
"I'm still in town," he said, looking back at the motel door as if he could still see Sam inside.
The little bit of silence doesn't last long. "What? Where the hell are you? Why haven't you come home yet? Dean, what is going on?"
"Lisa, Sam's back."
There's a sharp intake of breath. "Dean," she says with pity and Dean can't stand it.
"No, he is. He really is back, and he needs help. I'm going to help him Lisa." The hard edge is a promise to her and himself.
"Then what? You're going to leave us again? Go halfway across the country and maybe give us a call when you happen to think about it?"
"I'm sorry," he says and he is. He's sorry that even though he's happy with them, when they're getting along, he can't be completely happy. When he told Lisa back when it was really going to shit that when he thought about what made him happiest it was with her and Ben, Sam was there too. It probably wasn't healthy that so much of his life, his emotions, revolved around his little brother but it had been just the two of them for so long and he couldn't break that. "I don't know what will happen, I'm just trying to deal with this right now."
The silence stretches and Dean has an idea of what's coming. "I think." Lisa takes a deep breath and starts again. "I think it's best if you came and got your things."
It hurts more than he thought it might, but it wasn't really unexpected was it? He loved Lisa, really and truly did, but she expected things from him that he couldn't give. She expected him to give up on his brother on her timetable, she expected him to completely ignore all the evil shit that was out there, to leave the three of them and the house unprotected. She was always expectant that he give something up and when he did as well as he could, she only gave him disappointment back. So really, it wasn't a big shock that he was being kicked out.
"Alright. Give me two hours."
She makes a sound of agreement and hangs up. Dean closes his phone and for a second he's angry that Sam ruined this for him. The second passes as quickly as it came though because Dean knows better. It wasn't Sam's fault in any way; the blame fell completely on Dean and Lisa. They weren't willing to work out their problems, just content to let them lie and fester even when they, Dean especially, knew better. Dean had no one to blame but himself.
Dean headed in the direction of Veet's to grab some food before he went to Lisa's.
Black-Angel-001: like many of you, i don't like lisa. i think that she's always been in love with her own idea/image of dean and thought that she could change him. so this takes care of lisa. more to come!