Whisphers of the Heart
Lisa wasn't at the house when Dean got his stuff and really, he was glad for it. He just didn't want to deal with whatever would have happened if she had been. It was quick work to gather his clothes and a few other items; he'd never really 'settled in', too many years of conditioning prevented it. He took one last look around a house that was never really his, or ever really felt like it could be, and left.
The motel room was quiet when he got back, dumping his duffel and the bag of food from Veet's somewhere he could get them later. Cas stared after Dean as he moved around the room, Dean ignored him, and Sam continued on oblivious to the world. He ate because he had to, then went back to the search. A few contacts had emailed him some information and Dean went through them one right after the other, hoping for something, anything, that would work. Bobby called once he hit the halfway mark, asked how things were, then hung up, leaving Dean once again with his own thoughts.
Dean fell asleep beside Sam again, because he needed the rest. When he woke up, it wasn't as disorienting as the last time. There wasn't any light through the curtains, he'd moved the clock earlier, and could easily see the time. Only two hours had passed since he layed down and Dean rubbed his eyes hard. He shifted to get up, but froze when he saw the other bed. Instead of just Castiel sitting there, a woman was sitting next to him, conversing quietly. Cas turned and frowned at Dean.
"You should sleep some more," the angel informed him. Dean snorted and stood, stretching and popping bones.
"Can't, got things to do." He turned to the woman who was staring at him thoughtfully. "Who's your friend?"
"Dean, this is Jophiel, the angel who brought Sam out of Hell," introduced Cas with a rather formal tone. Jophiel inclined her head in greeting.
Dean's eyes lite up at a thought. "Did you find something to help Sam? Is that why you're here?"
"I don't know if it will help, but I do have something," she said in a sweet voice. Her brown eyes flicked over to Cas. "Castiel? Would you mind going to get the items I told you about?"
Cas stood. "Of course." Turning to Dean, he said, "I'll return shortly." With that, he was gone.
Dean stared at the angel he was left with before resuming his position again at the chair. They stared at each other for a long while until Jophiel broke the gaze and turned to Sam. Some auburn hair fell over her shoulder and she brushed it back as if out of habit.
"So...who exactly are you 'borrowing'?" And didn't Dean feel like a bit of an ass for that bit of wording?
"I'm not. Angels who are powerful enough can create their own apperances and still keep their power from hurting humans," Jophiel explained.
"Then why didn't Michael and Lucifer...?"
"Even though they had that power, they still needed hosts to have complete use and control of their abilities." She looked at him. "It takes a lot of concentration to appear like this and they didn't have the luxury of that." She looked back to Sam.
Oh. Well, it didn't exactly make complete sense, but it did make a kind of sense so Dean let it go. He turned his attention to the laptop, looked at a few sites, and alternated between watching Sam and Jophiel. She kept watching his brother with a thoughtful expression, like she was thinking extra hard about something. Dean could only hope it was a way to make Sam okay.
"He is okay," she said somewhat suddenly. Dean jumped a little and turned to her.
"What?"
"He is okay," she repeated without a trace of annoyance or irritableness.
"He thinks he's in Hell and is being tortured, killed. How, exactly, is that okay," asked Dean between clenched teeth.
"He knows he's not in Hell," she informed him and Dean blinked. What? "He knows it on a certain level but he can't seem to deal with the sudden change of being there and then not. Of course, Samuel's memories will be horrendous at best once he does realize and we shall have to deal with that."
She sounded so clinical it made Dean on edge. "It's Sam, not Samuel."
For the first time since he'd met her, Jophiel's smooth expression became a frown. "I never understood the reason why humans were so eager to shorten beautiful names, especially those with God in them. I tried to give him a name that was just as good as his given one, but it was difficult. But, I thought it worked very well."
"What? No, it did not work very well! You shouldn't have given him a different name at all! His name is Sam Winchester, just like it's always been, not Jadon Nash," Dean fumed. Jophiel faced him and looked a little offended. Oh, great, way to go.
"Names are important Dean. Not only do they tell others who you are and help you define yourself, they can help you get closer to the divine," she said patiently, like she was explaining something to a child.
"I think me and Sam have had enough of being 'closer to the divine'," muttered Dean. He hoped Jophiel would drop it, but she was persistant that he understand.
"Really Dean, I couldn't give Samuel his real name; it would confuse him badly, mix the old with the new and then he would be a blubbering mess." They were silent a minute. Then, "What's wrong with the name Jadon?"
It was like a child asking why the pet dog died. Dean sighed. "As long as he was Jadon he wasn't Sam."
"No, he was more like an answering."
Okay, when were angels going to learn to speak clearly, without hidden meanings and smoke and mirrors?
This time it was Jophiel who sighed, and that release of air was like all the millenia of her existance had finally caught up. "Like I said, names are reflections of the person, and the meaning of names is important in that definition, just like any other word. The name Samuel is Hebrew, and means 'heard God' or 'asked of God'. I think your brother has more than lived up to that, don't you?"
He didn't reply, but he did agree. Jophiel went on.
"When he was in the darkest bouts of Hell, he prayed," she said softly in reverance. "It was amazing to me that someone could do that. It's not unusal, of course, as souls pray all the time for deliverance but Samuel...his prayers were different. He didn't plead for himself, but instead pleaded for Adam, for you, for your friend Robert, even Castiel. He asked God to keep you from that place. I heard him in Heaven and it...the human spirit is not something I completely understand."
Dean was in shocked wonder. His little brother had prayed for his family and friends? He'd asked for God to take care of them, rather than to ask God to be taken out? He smiled at Sam, still sleeping.
"That was why I thought Jadon would be appropriate," Jophiel went on.
"Why's that," he asked, voice a little thick.
"It means, 'God has heard'."
Yeah, that was appropriate, not that Dean would ever admit it. "What happened to Adam?" Dean felt like a douche for not asking earlier, but at the time he'd been trying to deal with Sam's unexpected return.
"He was sent back to Heaven with his mother. It was what he wanted the most."
More silence. Dean searched again and Jophiel continued to stare at Sam. Her eyebrows furrowed.
"May I ask you a question?"
"Why not, you will any way," Dean said under his breath.
"Why don't you let your brother continue on as Jadon Nash," she asked and it was like a punch in the gut.
"What?"
"As Jadon, he has a good job, a woman he loves, and a good future. As Samuel, he has broken memories, a brother who is almost as broken as himself, and enough guilt for three lifetimes. Wouldn't it be better to let him live the rest of his life as Jadon?"
Dean searched her eyes, but didn't find any cruelty; she was honestly curious and didn't mean any harm.
"Even if his life is better as Jadon, I know for a fact that if he had a choice, Sam wouldn't want it. Sam wanted to come back to me, I'm sure of it, and that means that you can't decide for him any more than I can," Dean said.
"Fair enough," smiled Jophiel. She went back to watching Sam and he went back to the computer.
Dean didn't know how much time had passed since Cas left, but it was much later when he returned, carrying a two large bags and looking a little harried and rushed. The sight of a disheveled Castiel was enough to make Dean snicker, but he said no more. Cas set the bags at his feet and inclined his head to Jophiel in greeting.
"I have everything you asked for," he told her.
"Wonderful." Jophiel stood. "Shall we go and try this spell then?"
Black-Angel-001: so this was a BS chapter but we're getting somwhere now. the name samuel does mean what is up in the chapter, and has an interesting history which i won't get into here. the book i have on names says that jadon means 'god has heard' but in other places i've found different meanings...i like this meaning better...and in case you were interested somehow, 'dean' means 'leader'.