A/N: Hey, sorry it took so long!

This is only checked over by me, so please excuse any mistakes. My beta wasn't available and she might not be for a while but I still want to thank her for all the help she has given with this story! Nobody's paying her to be a beta, so I think that deserves credit, right?

A little Dimitri to help you get over the shock, tell me what you think... Things start to get naughty next chapter! Mwhaha.

Chapter 33

Dimitri's POV

Song: Be Still by Kelly Clarkson

When I woke up, it was early morning; the sun was still out in the sky, so none of the Moroi would be awake.

It broke my heart to remember Rose... from the past few weeks, from last night. But seeing her asleep beside me, holding my hand, I tried to stop thinking of the pained expressions on her face last night.

When I'd been watching her, it had been killing me emotionally. I could see how sad she was, how close she was to doing something irrational. She had no one in her life to keep her balanced, no structure, so why was no one helping her? Couldn't they see past her fake smile? It was so foolish for her to keep smiling when there were people who would have been helpful to her if they'd only known. Like Christian. I tried to tell her, to convince her, to talk to him, because he is so strong and talking to Tasha I knew he'd be able to understand from experience. But obviously, in the haze of shadows clouding my judgement I hadn't done a very good job.

At least I was here now.

Hopefully.

The shadows hadn't left me, I could still feel them brewing inside me- Whispering at my mind. You can't hear scars on the soul. But maybe after time they'd fade... Maybe after time with Rose.

Rose seemed to have lost her belief that anything was possible, it used to be so strong in her and now it had dissolved, because of me probably. She had believed she could fix me, and then she hadn't had a chance: I'd forced her to kill me.

I had become the monster she had claimed I was and I would have let her kill me yesterday if it hadn't been her. If I hadn't seen what killing me once had done to her, I would have been selfish enough to make her do it twice. It wasn't just losing me that had destroyed her; it was the fact that she had been the one to kill me, that no one else would have killed me if she hadn't.

I didn't blame her though, I loved her for it. That she had the courage, the selflessness, to kill me, was amazing.

I had to fix Rose, she thought she had been healing before I came back into her life but she hadn't been. It's like a broken bone that starts setting before its put back in place.

Unfortunately, I had to wonder, what next? Because I could go back to the school, I couldn't be around her all the time. No matter how much I loved her, it was impossible for me to go back.

Whether it was the shadows or my own doubts, I don't know, but some things I was did know.

I knew Rose would go back to Adrian when she woke up.

I knew that it'd break her heart to be alone again, even if for a few hours.

I knew that no matter what I did, Rose had a few scars of her own.

I knew some part of her resented me as much as I resented myself.

I knew I'd have to figure out a way of getting her to talk to Christian or for him to talk to her.

She needed more help than I could give her in the precious time I'd get with her.

That was if she ever came back, she had been pretty upset last night. I sighed, was this ever going to be easy?

Eventually my jealousy won out and I went back to thinking about how she would go back to Adrian when she woke up, because he could give her the endorphin rush she desired. The thought of him touching her was repulsive. Yet I couldn't bring myself to hate him. He made her happy, he cared about her, and he had stopped her from sleeping with him. But he didn't know Rose well enough; he had to have Christian tell him she was only pretending to be okay.

I rolled over to look out the opposite window and distract myself from Rose – which was nearly impossible but I had to try. Her grip moved to my wrist and tightened and not being able to see her face I didn't know if she was talking in her sleep or if she was awake.

"Dimitri... you were right. You said once that... you'd throw yourself in front of me and not her..." She murmured trailing off.

What was she trying to explain? I was baffled.

"Then that day... in the woods... when you were..." She continued and I decided she was asleep.

"You were right. That day, you threw yourself in front of me, not her..." She was whispering now, "You were going to kill her... but some part... of you, didn't let you... kill me."

I smiled, it was a sad smile, I couldn't decide if I was happy or sad with her revelation. She knew I had always loved her, but she also remembered that day and what I'd said.

I hadn't been watching Rose constantly since she got back; sometimes I had watched her friends or simply stayed away. The time she started crying in the gym, I had run away, I had had to fight not to break down myself or go to her.

I rolled back over when I saw the sun starting to set and gently shook Rose's shoulder.

"Mm..." She mumbled.

"Rose... Time to wake up..." I cooed in her ear.

Her eyes flew open, "Dimitri?"

I laughed softly, "Yes?"

"You're here...?" She mumbled.

"Yes, in the cabin. Which is why I was waking you, you need to get back to your room." I explained.

"Oh." She frowned, her eyes incredibly sad.

"People are waiting for you out there Rose. You need to get back before they notice you've been gone. Lissa will be worried and Adrian will be expecting his t-shirt back I assume. You should talk to Christian, I mean, don't tell him I'm here... But you should talk to him about the depression and the addiction to the Endorphins. He'll understand. I know its strange advice, but trust me." I sighed.

"I... But..." She started, distressed.

"I'll be waiting for you here Rose. But the people who are waiting for you out there are more important. You have a life ahead of you, a future. I can't give you that." I don't even have that, I thought.

I sat up, watching her as she stood up, ran her fingers through her hair and straightened her clothes.

"I'm sorry, Dimitri. I love you..." She said, sighing.

"Go live your life, don't worry about me." I reassured her.

"Don't give me your guardian mask. This isn't the end, I'll be back. I will always come back for you." She said, coming over and running her hands through my hair.

"I should... get some more sleep. Have a great day, Roza. Don't worry about me... Just give Lissa a hug, she's missing you, give Adrian his t-shirt and talk to Christian. Learn how to be the best guardian ever. I love you." I said, and then I turned onto my side, facing away from her and pretended to be asleep. She didn't need me in her life anymore, but here I was.