Smokey and the DiNozzo v1.1, I fixed some typos and grammar. ;)
Tony is awoken by the ringing of his phone, he quickly leaped to his feet, but unbeknownst to him, he had been wrapped in a blanket like a new born baby. He struggled, but lost his balance, falling forward, flipping over the coffee table, hitting his head on the floor, his feet now in his recliner.
He tilted his head up, looking up at his legs, he started to laugh, it was either that or crying, plus it was pretty funny, "Jeez, how much did I drink last night?" Tony tried to think, but it hurt too much, "Ugh...Ziva? You here? Guess not."
The phone continued to ring until his answering machine popped on, "I'm not here or I'm dead, so, I may or may not get back to you. I hope I'm not dead." BEEEEEEEEEP!
"Junior, we're having a little pre-wedding dinner party tonight at Carmine's at 9. I can't wait for you to meet Savannah."
Tony rolled over, fighting his way out of the blanket. He stood up, stretching and cracking his back, letting out a huge yawning grunt, "Savannah? Is she smiling?" He grinned, then groaned as he started to rub at his head. He took a step, but one of his feet got tangled in the blanket and he fell forward, thudding back to the floor, "I've fallen..." He moaned to himself, "...and I really don't want to get up."
Ziva stood in the middle of a dressing room, she was wearing a light blue summer dress with pink and white flowers. Abby stared at her, tapping her foot, "I don't know...turn around." Ziva turned around as Abby moved up behind her, placing her hands on her hips and patted downward, "Turn."
Ziva turned, facing Abby. Abby lifted her hands, pressing Ziva's breasts together, "Do you have a strapless push up bra?" Abby moved around Ziva, cupping her breasts from behind, looking at Ziva in the mirror, "Yeah, you need a push up bra."
"Uhh, Abby, a little handsy, yes?"
"They're just boobs, Ziva...and sometimes you gotta let the girls out to play, no matter what size they are."
"Hey! I like my boobs." Ziva frowned, holding her hands over her breasts.
Abby moved around her, hugging her, "Awww, sweetie, they're adorable."
"Then why must I make them bigger?"
Abby pulled back, "Men are visual creatures and this dress allows you to show some cleavage and when it Rome, Ziva."
"Act like a Roman?" Ziva squinted, hoping she gave the right answer.
"Show some skin! You want Tony to notice you, don't you?"
"Why would I want Tony to notice me?"
Abby laughed, "Said the women who called me and said she had an emergency, that turned out to be about a dress, that just happened to be about a wedding she's going to with WHO exactly?"
Ziva's cell phone started to ring and she was happy it did, she definitely didn't want to answer Abby's question. She moved over to a hook on the wall, taking her phone from her pants pocket, reading Tony's name on the phone's display, "Ooh, it's Tony." She flipped her phone open, "Tony?"
"Hey, Ziva, my dad invited us to dinner party tonight, so I thought maybe we'd drive up to New York this afternoon...or you know, we could just skip it, that's cool, too."
"No, that sounds fine, what time were you thinking about leaving?"
"Couple hours or so, if that's okay with you."
Abby pressed her hands against Ziva's breasts, "32...A?"
"Abby! Enough of touching my boobs." A growing more annoyed Ziva called out, she went to cover her phone, but it was after the fact. She sighed.
"Sorry, I'm just trying to help." Abby disappeared through the dressing room door.
"Huh?" Tony said, "Abby is doing what?"
"Uhhhh." Ziva laughed nervously, "But, uh, dinner tonight, that's great...I will call you in a couple hours when we are done."
"We? What are you and Abby doing?"
"I, uh, have to go, umm, bye." Ziva snapped her phone hard, starting to get upset as she felt Abby holding up a bra to her chest.
"He's definitely going to love this!" Abby gushed with a huge grin.
"Wait, you were serious about that?" Ziva asked.
Abby nodded, "So, you're going to dinner now? Lets see, find the perfect dress, plus hair, nails and makeup in a couple hours?" Abby took a step back and looked Ziva up and down, "Yeah, I think I can do it! McGee, I'm gonna need another caf-pow!"
"Alright, I'll be right back." McGee answered, sounding less than thrilled.
Ziva reached out with her hands to Abby, frustrated, not knowing what to say, but instead of speaking, she just raised her hands to her face, trying to disappear behind them.
"Cheer up, Ziva, it could be worse, you could be going with McGee." Abby smirked.
Ziva snorted a laugh through her hands.
"Oh my God!" Abby grabbed Ziva by the shoulders.
"What is it? Abby?"
"We forgot about shoes!"
Tony stepped through the door into Gibbs' basement. Director Vance was walking up the stairs, "Director."
"Agent DiNozzo."
Tony turned, letting Vance slide by.
"Nice job on the mission, DiNozzo."
"Thank you, Director."
Vance gave Tony a quick nod, he turned to leave, but turned back, "You know, you intrigue the hell out of me."
"Director?"
"At times, you're the best agent I have, then at others, you seem like the worst...why is that?"
"That's who he is, Director." Gibbs bellowed, finishing off shot of bourbon, "And I wouldn't want him any other way."
"I like that." Vance replied.
"What would that be, Director?" Tony asked.
"Loyalty." Vance answered, walking out the door.
Tony watched as Vance left, then stepped down three steps and sat down, "What did he want?"
"The team is yours for a month, Tony."
Tony tilted his head, puzzled, "He suspended you?"
"Mandatory vacation starting monday, I want my team back the way I left them."
"Got it, Boss."
"So, your dad is getting married again, huh?"
"Yeah, lucky number 7."
Gibbs poured himself another drink, downing it, "Crazy bastard."
"Heh. Takes one to know one, huh?" Tony gritted his teeth, "Sorry."
Gibbs gave Tony a quickly glance, raising his ire, "Taking Ziva?"
"Yeah, shockingly, she wanted to go."
"You know the rules, Tony."
"Yeah, I know, rule #9, don't date a knife or was it #12, always bring a co-worker? Heh." Tony pulled a plastic DVD case from his pocket, laying it on the step next to him. He stood up and made his way back up the stairs, "It's Ziva's ceremony, if you want to watch it."
"There's a new rule, Tony."
Tony stopped, looking down at Gibbs, "New rule?"
"Rule #52."
"52? Wait, there's a 51?"
"Fine, rule #51b: 'Just do it already, shit or get off the can.'"
"Okay, interesting new rule, makes sense, I guess, but, uh...what's rule 51a then, Gibbs?"
Gibbs let out a small chuckle, "Not a chance in hell, DiNozzo...now get the hell out of here, go have some fun."
"On it, Boss!" Tony grinned, darting out the door, but quickly ducked his head back through the doorway, "You do have a DVD player, right?"
Gibbs reached back, grabbing a handful of nails and hurled them towards Tony, they clanked against the wall, falling harmlessly on the stairs.
"Heh! Just checking, Boss."
Tony drove up to Ziva's apartment, he hopped out of his 2009 Camaro and ran up to the door and knocked. The door opened, "Get that for me." Ziva said, walking away from the door back into her apartment.
Tony opened the screen door, seeing a large suitcase sitting in the doorway, "Uh, you do know we're most likely coming back to tomorrow, right, Ziva?" He attempted to pick up the suitcase, "Jesus!"
"That is your savior, not mine."
Tony looked up, seeing Ziva holding her backpack, he smiled at her.
"What?"
Tony raised his hand, "You got your hair done." He brushed back a strain of hair behind her ear, making her smile.
"Well."
"Well, what?"
"That suitcase is not going to move itself, Tony." Ziva laughed.
Tony grabbed the handle of the suitcase and lifted it off the ground, letting out a groan,"Let me guess, you're a serial killer and you need me to get rid of the body."
Ziva rolled her eyes, sliding past him, she turned kneeing Tony softly in the butt, "Hurry up, driver, I'm hungry."
"Yes'm, Miss Daisy...I mean Miss Ziva." Tony said in a southern accent, "Maybe we can stop by the Piggly Wiggly and I can buy you a can of salmon for you to munch on for the way there."
"Piggly Wiggly?" Ziva laughed, "Now that sounds kosher."
Tony moved to his car, placing her suitcase in the trunk, "Ziva, I have to tell you something."
Ziva stopped, turning back to Tony, "Yes?"
"You're my favorite Jew since Jesus."
Ziva laughed, getting into passenger seat, "I will take that as a compliment."
Tony jumped into the driver's seat and looked at Ziva, "Now that we have contraband in the trunk, I think it's time for a little music."
Ziva looked at him oddly.
"You a fan of Jerry Reed?"
"Who?"
Tony slid the key into the ignition starting the car, he peeled out as "East Bound and Down" started to play, "Hhhhhha ha ha ha haaaaa!"
Author Note #1 - I must admit, the silliness got to me in this update. Sorry about that.
Author Note #2 - The movie references, too
Author Note #3 - Abby really, really likes Ziva's boobs...and I do, too!
Author Note #4 - Why in the blue hell is McGee STILL there? lol