Drapion heard sounds of high-pitched, incessant chatter coming from the kitchen. It wasn't promising.

"What's going on?" he asked, walking into the room.

"Oh, Drapion, darling," said Illumise, turning to face him. "We were just talking about you."

Drapion scanned the room. Illumise was turned around in her chair to face him, but opposite her were her two best friends, and Drapion's worst nightmares: Misdreavus and Bellsprout.

"Oh, hey Drapey-kins," said Misdreavus. "Looking good, as always," she said with a wink.

"Sup fag," said Bellsprout. "Nah, I'm jokin'."

Drapion gave a grunt of displeasure as way of greeting. He could think of no people he hated more than his wife's friends. Well, he probably could if he tried, but right now they were closest. He headed towards the fridge and began to look through it for anything that would fill his mouth enough to excuse him from speaking. To his annoyance, he noted he needed to go shopping.

"Goin' shopping, Illy," he announced, moving towards the door.

"Wait, wait, I must come with you, you always buy the wrong brand of butter."

You're the only one who eats it, thought Drapion.

"Dre and Bell, you will come too, oui."

"Awesum," said Bellsprout.

"Ooh, shopping trip with my besties," said Misdreavus. Drapion could make out the tildes dripping from her words.

Drapion's mouth curled in distaste. "I thought I'd go alone, leave you three to your…" He clacked his claws a few times. "…Whatever it is you're doing."

"Nonsense," said Illumise. "You're prone to unfaithfulness. If I don't go with you, you'll probably end up in the arms of some harlot before the day ends."

Drapion frowned. "If I had wanted to, I would've done it already."

"What about Croconaw?"

Drapion slammed the fridge shut. "Never speak of him," he said quietly, tears brimming in his eyes.

Illumise stared at her husband for a moment. "Oui…" she said at last. "I'm still coming with you."

"Fine," said Drapion, surrendering.

"Wa-pish," said Bellsprout quietly. Drapion shot a venomous glare at her.

Heh, venomous, thought Drapion to himself. Good one.

"You're staying here, crazy legs," said Drapion. He turned to Misdreavus and pointed at her. "You too, uh… I don't have a derisive nickname for you, but you're not coming."

Misdreavus shrugged, which Drapion had to admit he was impressed with. "Whatevs, whiner. Me and Sprout'll just hang here, Illy, if your husband's gonna have a period about it."

"Buy Midol," chimed Bellsprout. Drapion took a swipe at her, and she responded by falling off her chair.

"Nice fall," said Drapion.

"It was a dodge," said Bellsprout. "."

Drapion shook his head and moved towards the door, Illumise flying close behind him.

"It would not hurt you to behave a little," she hissed once they were outside.

"Wouldn't hurt your friends to not be bitches," Drapion retorted.

Illumise frowned. "Oui, true. But still. If you keep this up you shall sleep on the couch."

Drapion grunted.

"Pardon?"

"Yes, dear."

"Very nice."

Drapion could hear a faint "wa-pish" in the back of his head. His frown deepened.

"That look is very unbecoming, dear. It makes you even uglier."

"You wake up to this face every day."

"Oui, and I am still not used to it."

Drapion wasn't sure if she was kidding or not, but turned and grabbed her in his arms anyways. "I love you too," he said, kissing her.

Illumise smiled and kissed him back. "Oui, oui, of course. Now come along, I don't want them to wait too long."

Drapion cast a glance at some bushes along the side of the road. "Maybe they could wait a few more minutes?"

Illumise gave him a heavy-lidded smile. "I think so, dear, oui."

Drapion gently took her hand and led her to the bushes. "After, you, my dear glowbutt."

"Thank you, my sweet drapes." Without a second thought, Drapion descended upon her.

Misdreavus and Bellsprout waited for an hour before finally leaving.