18 November 2003 :

"A long time ago, Edward showed me a box and didn't tell me what it was. He always teased me, that I would never get to see them. He looked like if it was like the pandoras box, in his hand. His face was just making me die of curiosity.I don't know what they are, but I was always intiruged to find it out."

"Ah typical, Edward. My little boy, the mysterious, the one that can keep a secret to his grave..." Carlisle trailed off when he realised what he said. Pain crossed his face and he stared behind my shoulder again.

"It's okay. It was a mistake." I placed a hand on his shoulder, but he didn't seem to notice it because he stared at his hands.

"I wish God took me instead of Edward. He was so young, and he had a bright furure that awaited him." Carlisle whispered. His voice was filled with so much full of wretchedness, sober. Those eyes fortunatly were avoiding mine because I would cry my eyes out right here.

"Don't say things like that. And you know Carlisle, he wouldn't be afraid because his so reckless and is so over-protective!" I said, but placed a hand over my mouth when I realised what I said. I trigured something inside Carlisle and he asked the most basic and unavoidable question. I just gave myself away and I know what will follow. Ooops, I thought.

"How could you possibly know that?" Carlisle shot me a suspicious look, I turned away and gave up.

"You don't or anybody else, especially Charlie doesn't know is that I nearly drowned once-" I said slowly as I emphasized each word but before I could finish I was interrupted by Carlisle. Worry filled his eyes, and I fought the urge to stop myself from hugging him, because he cared about me.

"What? Why didn't you tell us?" Carlisle asked.

"This is exactly why. Overreaction is what is called. It wasn't extreme and I made Edward swear not to say anything about it."

"Bella!" Carlisle gasped. He truely looked hurt and offended that I didn't tell them about my near death experience.

"Im sorry Carlisle!"

"Ah, Bella! How did it happen?"

"Me and Edward were hiking and we lost each other. He was shouting my name for me to follow and I was running fast. The trees broke off into a small clearing and I didn't see that it was a cliff. So when I saw the ocean I tried to stop but it was too late. I fell off the cliff and dove into the ice cold water."

"Oh my..."Carlisle trailed off and stared at me in dissappointment. I now noticed that keeping this a secret was a stupid idea! Edward was right. Like always. "And just how are you alive right now?"

"Edward. He saw me fell and came after me. Im telling you, that stupid brain of his never comes up with brillant ideas!"

"You both were immature and stupid. Didn't you realise you both could have been killed?"

"Its in his nature to make stupid mistakes! His cocky confidence and stubborn personality is sometimes unberable and that was one of those times! When I told him he was just as stupid as I was, he just screamed at me for not looking at where I was going and blamed me for almost killing myself! I know that deep down he thought I must have committed suicide." I murmurred the last part.

"Bella..."Carlisle spoke in total daze.

"I'm sorry."

"Is that why he didn't stay alone or go places with you for a month?"

"Yes. That little over-protective, over-recative, stubborn jack ass thought he was a danger to me. He wouldn't come near me or go places with me! And when he did it was usually when Alice was there and Edward gave her full power of our day out! Imagine hours of torture in the mall!" I threw my hands up in the air and chuckled nervously. I saw a smile crack up in Carlisle face and turn slowly into laughter when he couldn't hold himself any longer.

"Yes, yes. The worst torture someone can ever endure! That little pixie knows how to get her ways!" Carlisle laughed hard again. I felt proud that I was the one to make him laugh. He was in so much pain and remorse that it was hard to look at him. But now he looked calm and himself, even for a few seconds. Because he quickly remembered something and squeezed his eyes shut. He bit his lips numerous times.

"You know, what? He always teases me that I have a really bad luck, but once he triped over a stone and I was the one that SAVED him!" I explained smile filling my voice and face. He looked at me confused but also thought that it was funny.

"You did? The girl who trips every five minutes saved the boy who always kept her face away from kissing the floor? That is quite hard to believe."

"OMG! Carlisle? Not you too?"

"I'm sorry Bella, but its not your nature to save people from having dates with floor! You usually have them constant dates with them yourself" Carlisle fell into hysterics. He placed a hand over my shoulders and pulled me into a hug. His hug was similar to Edwards. Warm and strong but not like a friend or a lover. It was fatherly. Something Edward wished he could have experienced. But it was too late. Too late. Edward only wanted a man to be his father, and Carlisle was just what he wanted. But Carlisle was only not the type that can easily open up about his feelings. I knew he feared that whatever he did Edward would take it diferently and remind him of his old adoptive fathers. Carlisle only wanted to bond with Edward, but he was too afraid the opposite effect may take place. Because Edward did give that vibe out to his family. Hew made them feel as if he hated them and didn't want them, but he changed and I knew Charlisle regretted not taking chances at bonding with his son who he loved dearly. Carlisle love for his son was not because he was a boy with a past that no one would ever want to endure but Edwrad was a reflection of Carlisles youth, even though he doesn't admit it. Not appearance but more of how they see the world and the way they cope it. Before Edward entered Carlisles life, Carlisle gave himself into his work. He buried himself with patients after patients that he was at the urge of loosing sense of his emotions. Esme and Carlisle fell apart with Esme being sterile and not being able to conceive children but it didn't draw them apart. It made their love strong as ever and it made them realise that they were meant for each other. No matter how they felt, they couldn't live with the silence at home without the sound of chidren, but instead it was filled with shame that both Carlisle and Esme shared. And when Edward came this looked like the hope that Esme and Carlisle prayed for. A part of it was yes, because they worked hard together to understand a six years old. The young Edward would be nothing but a mystery to them but they would use each others company to get past the hurt Edward would cause them to feel. Even if it wasn't intentionally done, Edward would show his hatred and pain but never speak of it. But on the other hand, Esme and Carlisles constant fights were inevitable because Edward was the topic. His pain truelly hurt Esme as her fragile heart would break everytime he saw Edwards face and when she couldn't find the help she seeked in her husband, she was alone. Carlisle into what he did best, and Esme thinking what she could do, to help the child of her dreams. The child that she waited for many years. That's why Edward hated hurting Esme. She was so good hearted and innocent it broke Edwards heart ten times more than its shattered shape. He hated seeing tears in her eyes or seeing her not smile. Her fragile heart that was big enough to fit everyone to be loved, was Edwards bigest nightmare. Causing Esme to be unhappy, because she did deserve happiness. This was one of the reasons why Edward hated himself. A reasone why he thought he was like a bloodsucking vampire, because he sucked the happiness and life out of his family. No matter how much I loved and protected Edward, I couldn't pass this behind me like the other things he did. Esme and Carlisle was nothing but loving to him and the way he treated them was like a chewng gum stuck to his shoe. He would insult not verbally but physically about their existence. However Esme and Carlisle was nothing but understanding so they finally broke down Edwards hard exterior and Edward was just their little son. He was kind and passionate to them but he never spoke. I sighed and buried my head against Carlisles chest.

"I miss him so much, it hurts to even breath without him around." I spoke to Carlisles chest,and wrapped my arms around his waist. Calisle just held me, his arms strongly around me. I could hear his heart beat against his ribs.

"I know Bella. I'm not trying to make everything worse but I have to tell you something." Carlisle said and I pulled back to see his face clearly. His expression was the expression of a man who lost everything at gambling. His money, his life, his family, his possessions. He had tears in his eyes, and they followed through. Those happy eyes were now pitch black with heavy loss. It was so painful and undescribable, I looked away.

"What it is?" I asked if I didn't know what he was talking about, absolutely oblivious. I squeezed my eyes shut. I knew this would come, and I had thought I was ready. But I realised I wasn't. I was starting to tremble, eyes stung with tears. My hands shook with fear and my legs were like jelly. Carlisle started rubbing my back but it was no help. I was shaking as if I was in the Antartic, with only a bathing suit on.

"I'm so sorry Bella." Carlisle kept on repeating. His voice was soothing and soft but also had urgency; pain. When I was at the edge of calming down the truth would hit me again, and I would start to tremble all over again. Edward died. His body was found burnt in his own house, while he fell asleep because he was so tired of doing extra shifts and companying patients all month. His heart stopped beating and he died in agonising pain. Every screams he let out, made him an inch closer to death. Every time he struggled in the couch as fire crept around his body and put him into flames, it hurt him thousand times more. The house was lke Hell, and Edward was the unwanted guest. So they kicked him out, by removing him out of existence. Taking the meaning out of my life, and crumbling my world down. No more Edwrad, no more of his sweet lavender and cinnomon smell. No more of Edwards beuatiful compositions filling his house, no more of his velvet voice. No more, of his crooked signature smile, or the way he would dazzle me with it. But most of all no more of his company or his touch against my pale white skin. I could no longer feel as different emotions filled me up. Anger, loss, pain, fear, betrayal, love...These were filling me up so fast, I couldn't control my breathing and it was hard for me to breath. It felt as if I was suffocating, and everything I breathed it seemed as if I was breathing in poison. Poison of the world. My eyes were blurry with tears but for some reason they didn't come down like a river. My heart shattered for the umpteenth time, and I fell on to my knees. My shoulders were dropped down in shame, and my hands were wrapped around my arms. I tore my gaze from the floor and looked into Carlisles grey eyes. They were filled with deep grey clouds, I was losing myself in them. I flew inside them and I felt a sence of deja vu. This was how I got lost in Edrwads green eyes. I would stare at them for hours and let myself run through the forest. Those emerald green eyes, were like a green forest with no ending or start. It was like a maze, that I never found the way out of. Except one. Alice screaming and waving her hands in front of my eyes when she was around. But when she wasn't that was Edwards job. To undazzle me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I wish I could tell you the oposite but the main reason I came here to tell you was that they comfirmed its Edwards body. I'm so sorry, Bella. Please forgive me."Carlisle pleaded with everything he had in him. He was so sad I didn't dare to look at him any longer and I stared at the doors leading to the morge. I sighed and spoke, which was a relief for Carlisle because he sighed of relief.

"I should have known this was coming. I just played the fool to think that maybe a miracle might happen and it wouldn't be him. I just lead myself on, like he would come. I'm so sorry."

"Shh."Carlisle said as he took me into a embrace. He rubbed my back and I felt calm and collected. I aparted myself from Carlisles hold and quickly stood up, but I regretted it because I had a really huge head rush, and everything became into twos. It was as if I just came out of a really fast rollercoaster and everything was still turning. I tried to walk but couldn't because my feet felt like stones. I tried to move them but it felt as if I was stuck on concerete. I took a shakey step but my legs gave in and fell head first on the floor. Everything turned black and my mind became completly silent.

The last thing I remember was a small puddle of blood beside my head.