"Hey, Mindy?"
"Hrn? J-James? Is that you?" Mindy said around a yawn.
"Yeah, yeah, it's me." James shifted the phone with his shoulder so that he could free a hand for suitcase zipping. "Man, am I glad you still have the same phone number. Uh, are you still living in San Francisco?"
"Yes…and you're still in Missouri, right?"
"Uh…well that's the thing, I am still in Missouri, but I'd rather not be. Can I crash with you for a little bit until I find a place?"
He could just imagine her waking up a little more at that request, maybe sitting up in bed, knocking aside whatever book she'd fallen asleep reading, and reaching for her glasses. "James…is everything alright?" She finally asked, concern thick in her tone.
James sat down on the suitcase, a pained smile on his face. "Wow, you can hear through my bullshit on the phone even though we haven't seen each other in person in like four years. I'm impressed. Mindy, you're like magic."
"And you suck at conning people who know the real you. Honey, what's wrong? I thought you were happy in Central City."
"I…I was but, um…" His voice faltered. He took a second to try to recover it. "I need to run away again. I got, I got involved with someone and, um, it got really heavy, and then it sort of collapsed and I can't live here anymore."
"That must be one hell of a break up. Just what exactly did this girl do to you?" She asked. He'd bet his flying shoes she'd shifted to a white knuckled grip on the phone. Min had always been a bit of a protective mother-hen type. She'd no doubt at least be fantasizing about slapping whoever had hurt James, even though they'd broken up. God he still missed her sometimes.
"She didn't do anything wrong," James said, already crafting a modified version of the story. He'd keep in all the important details Mindy needed to counsel him, but she didn't need to know he was bi and she certainly didn't need to know he was dating someone who'd been institutionalized. "She just got sick, and I can't help her. And I know I'm weak, and I'm an asshole, but I just can't watch her hurt anymore."
"James, honey, you're not…look, it's really difficult to support someone like that, especially if no one's supporting you. Do you want me to fly out for a visit? I know I'm an ex, but I can reassure this girl that I'm no threat whatsoever, and-"
"She's in a coma." Close enough, anyway. Piper was definitely living in a different world these days.
"Jamie, you're welcome to stay with me as long as you need to."
"Thanks Min."
"But so we're clear, I can't change my routine all that much to accommodate you. I don't have a guest room so you'll be sleeping on the couch in the den. I work early, which means I'm up and moving around before six o'clock most days, and I have a pre-schooler so you're going to have to at least pretend to be a respectable citizen. He sees all adults as authority figures at this age."
"You have a kid? When'd that happen?" James asked.
"When Billy was born of course." The grin in her voice was audible.
"Oh Min, you named him Billy? That's such a boring name! I'm gonna hafta bring him a really cool toy to make up for what an awful name his unfeeling mother gave him-"
"You don't have to bring him a toy James."
"Of course I do. You guys are doing me a favor, opening your house to me. Presents for everyone! Besides, I like toy shopping. Oooh! You should let me kidnap him and take him to an amusement park! It's more fun if you have a kid with you."
"I need to hang up and get back to sleep hon. Can you tell me when I should be expecting you?"
"Yeah, I'll be in tomorrow evening. Can you pick me up at the airport around seven-ish or should I get a taxi?"
Mindy laughed. "What would you be doing if I'd said no, or if I'd moved, or if I'd changed my phone number?"
"Dunno. I didn't need to come up with a new plan since none of that happened. So are you going to pick me up?"
"Yes James, I'll pick you up."
"Cool. Bring Billy with you. I'll take you guys out to dinner."
"He's three, James. He eats at five and he's in bed by eight thirty."
"Oh. Ice cream?"
"Good night James."
"Night Min."
"Hi Jamie. Long time no see," The receptionist greeted as James signed the visitor log. He nodded at her, and continued on his way.
No surprise, Piper wasn't in the rec room. He found Piper curled up on his bed, staring at the wall. If it weren't for the wide-eyed stare, James would have thought he was asleep.
He sat down on the bed and gently touched Piper's hand where it was curled around his skeletally thin arm. "Hey Hartley." James waited, but Piper didn't say anything. "Hartley?"
"Ssh. Head hurts," Piper finally grunted.
"S-sorry. I'll talk quieter. Is that better?" James asked.
Piper twitched in a way that was almost a nod. He sat up and blinked a few times, a dazed look on his face. Some of his hair was sticking up. It had grown out just long enough to be matted and for the greasiness to be visible. Whatever meds he was currently on probably killed his appetite too, since he was visibly thinner. His eyes looked too big for his head, sunken in and lined with shadows, and the whites had an odd yellow quality. Some of the other patients had that too though; it was probably a side effect of the medication.
James quickly looked away from the scrutiny. But Piper continued trying to puzzle him out. "You're not real. The doctors said I made you up, and you said the doctors were going to help me. Go away so I can get better and then we can live together again."
"I-I'm real Piper. C'mon, you know me. I'm James. How can we live together if I'm not real?"
"I-I don't know. My thoughts get wrong sometimes, but that's what they…they said…" He trailed off to silence, then suddenly put his hands over his ears and started rocking back and forth. "Shut up! Just shut the hell up! The thoughts are wrong again but you're not fixing them by being gone and here! So just fucking pick one. Pick one."
"Hartley, calm down." James pried Piper's hands from his ears and hugged him, rocking back and forth with Piper's anxious movements. He thought he might be getting what Piper was thinking, and it had him crying again. "I'm sorry. It's my fault, I confused you."
"You were here and then you weren't, and when I asked they said you weren't ever here and I was confused. And since you weren't here I thought they were right. Who are you James? Are you real?"
"I'm real, but I can't-"
"Doesn't matter, I don't care." Piper snuggled close to him, and James almost gagged at the sudden onslaught of smell. "You're here now. I like that."
James cringed and tilted his head away, but he didn't let go. "Hartley-"
"You have to go, don't you?" Piper asked, clinging to James more tightly, burying his face in his chest.
"Not yet. But I do have to go soon."
"And I have to stay here? Because I'm still sick, right? I…I'm trying not to be. I'm taking my medication, and I stopped asking where you went and I'm talking in therapy. I'll be better soon, I'm sure. I think the medicine's hurting though. It makes me tired."
"But you're taking it anyway, right?" James pressed.
"Yep. It turned my pee orange," Piper looked up at him with a smile so eerily similar to his old self it made James' heart ache. "Skittle orange, almost like those pillow cases you bought."
James laughed. "Th-that can't be healthy."
Piper shrugged, then resumed his burrowing-snuggle hug. "Happens every time my meds get switched. It'll turn normal eventually."
"You sound a little more coherent now," James said, trying not to get his hopes up. "Maybe these ones are working for you." He stroked Piper's choppy hair, oblivious to the discomfort from the hygiene issues.
"M'always tired and heavy though. Some days are better than others. I don't feel fuzzy now though. Feel good, anchored." And quite suddenly, Piper pulled away from the embrace eying James quizzically. "Where'd you go, anyway?"
"I…I was visiting you every day-"
"But you stopped. I need you James. You anchor me."
James chewed on his lip. "It's…it's hard. I just, I hate seeing you like this. And I really don't feel like much of an anchor. Babe, this is the first time I've seen you coherent in a month."
Piper opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and then backed up along the bed, trembling. "Y-you haven't been around. I-I'm getting better. I swear I am, and I miss you, and I want to go home." Great, now they were both crying.
"I want you to come home too, but-"
"But what?" Piper asked, looking frighteningly vulnerable.
James' resolve gave out. Would it really be any better to tell him?
"N-nevermind. Piper, calm down. Just worry about getting better. Don't even think about me. C'mere." James pulled Piper into his arms again and kissed him. Piper all but deflated, sleepily leaning into the embrace.
"I'm sorry I'm so broken. I love you," Piper whispered.
It was exceptionally close to something James had said a few months ago, when he'd had some particularly vicious falling-dreams and woken Piper at odd hours of the night for almost a week. And Piper had held him, and soothed him until he could sleep again every time. He really wanted to be strong enough to do that for Piper while he clearly needed him so much.
But he just wasn't, and he couldn't pretend to be.
He held Piper and whispered soothing things to him until he fell asleep, and then held him a little longer until visiting hours were over. Piper drifted off secure that he had his anchor again, and that whatever the doctors said, he did have a boyfriend who came and visited him from time to time, and he was loved. He could find strength in that.
Meanwhile, his anchor went back to the apartment to finish packing up. James left a note for Piper on the kitchen table.
And then the Crisis hit.
A/N: the next chapter in this series will be posted as Twenty One (the fic title, not the chapter number).