Ok, here's chapter 2! Thanks to Jennie, my one and only reviewer. I'm so glad you like the story. J Please continue to review. It really helps give me motivation to update faster.
Prim grabs my arm.
"Katniss, don't do this. You're going to upset yourself," she says pleadingly. I pull my arm away.
"I have to," I say softly. "You have to understand that, Prim." She bites her lip.
"At least eat something first," she pleads. She looks like she's about to cry, and the last thing I want to do is upset her.
"I'm not hungry," I say gently. "Gale, where's Haymitch?"
"In the conference room, I think," he replies. I leave the cafeteria before they can say anything else. The walls of the hallway flash past, a blur of pale brown. Soon I'm standing outside the door of the conference room. I take a deep breath, starting to get nervous. What if Haymitch is mad at me? What if he won't let me see Peeta? My fist somehow finds the door and I knock.
"What do you want?" A voice calls from the other side.
"Haymitch? It's Katniss. Can I come in?" I ask.
"Come on in," he replies. I open the door slowly and make my way to the chair across from the one he's sitting in now. He barely looks up at me as I sit down. His eyes are red and his hands are curled into fists. For a second I think I've done something wrong, but then he buries his face in his hands, and I know something's wrong.
"Are you Ok?" I ask gently. He looks up at me, startled by my question. If anyone should be asked if they're Ok, it's me. "You look upset," I explain. He sighs and shakes his head.
"You were right," he says.
"What?" I ask, confused.
"You were right. I promised I would keep him alive. I lied to you," he says. He pounds his fists on the table, causing me to jump in my seat. "I could've saved him! He could be here right now, and then no one would be upset! I used you! I used you just like the Capital used you in the games!" I'm surprised by this flood of emotions. He's never been so open before. His eyes get teary, and that's no good, no good at all. I don't want him to be upset, not before I have to ask him this silly request.
"You were just doing your job," I say gently. "You had to keep me alive so that the rebellion could happen and we could over throw the Capital. That's the more important issue right now." It kills me to say the last part, because even though I know deep down that ending the hunger games is more important than Peeta, I can't help but think about all the things we never got to do. I never even told him that I loved him. I'd always had confused feelings for him, and they never became clear until I realized he was gone forever. It's the most horrible time to realize you love someone, after they're gone. I hope that deep down, he knew what I did not, that he always knew I loved him, even though I never had the guts to say it.
"You should be mad at me," says Haymitch.
"I should be, but I'm not," I say. "I have something to ask of you." He looks up at me again, slightly less gloomy.
"Anything," he breathes. I take a deep breath.
"I want to see him. I want to see Peeta," I say softly, embarrassed.
"You want to see him? Are you sure?" he asks. I nod. "Ok, then. Follow me. He's in the infirmary." I follow him out the room and down the hall. We enter the infirmary and he leads me to a door in the back of the room. My stomach churns, and my palms get sweaty. I'm afraid of what I'll see. He could be bruised or broken, damaged beyond repair. Haymitch opens the door and I take a deep breath.
"I'll just, wait out here then," he says. I step into the room and he closes the door behind me. The air in here is stale, and the lighting is dim, making what I'm about to see seem a hundred times more terrifying. There's a table in the corner, and I walk towards it. My heart pounds in my chest, and I almost stop where I am and turn back, but I have to see him. Once I reach the table, however, my fears fall away. He's undamaged, as perfect as he was in life. He looks like he could be sleeping, his features peaceful. I brush the hair out of his eyes and trail my fingers down his cheek. He's cold, so unlike the warm Peeta who helped me fight the nightmares. I trail my fingers further down, along his arm, his chest. I feel tears come to my eyes. He, out of all people, is the one who least deserved to die. Everything he did was out of love, his pure love so unlike mine. He died thinking I never loved him, yet continued to love me till the very end. I can't control my emotions any longer. A sharp scream escapes my lips, and I'm sobbing. I sink to the ground, and whimper in a dying animal way. Why him? Why him, out of everyone in this planet? I reach up, and grab his cold, unfeeling hand. I've never been known to be emotional, but seeing him like this breaks my heart all over again. I'm not the fierce little hunter I used to be. Suddenly, I stop my whimpering, and try to control my breathing. Peeta was in love with that hunter, and that's what I'm going to be for him. I stand up, using the table to steady myself. I look at him one last tiem, every part of him. Then, I notice something sticking out of the pocket on his pants. I take it, and see it's a piece of paper. It's addressed to Katniss Everdeen. I open it and see it's a letter.
Dear Katniss,
If you are reading this, it means that I'm dead. I don't know if that means anything to you, or if you even care, but I want you to know this. I have never stopped loving you and never will. You are my life, Katniss, and I don't know what I'd do without you. That's why you're the one who has to live. Be strong, Katniss. Please, don't waste the rest of your life missing me. Move on, love other people. Your family needs you to stay strong. Be happy. I'm sorry I won't be there to comfort you when you have nightmares. Again, I love you, more than you could ever know. If there really is an afterlife, than I guess I'll see you then. Goodbye Katniss.
Love,
Peeta.
At the bottom of the paper is a sketch of me and Peeta in my house in district twelve. Peeta is drawing pictures of edible plants in my father's book, and I'm watching him. It was the only normal moment we ever had together. A tear lands on the page, but I wipe it away quickly before it can stain. I fold up the paper and stick it in my pocket. I look back up at Peeta.
"I love you, too," I say, and walk back to the door. I open it and see Haymitch standing a few feet away. There are new tears in his eyes, but he wipes them away as soon as he sees me.
"Oh, you're done. Are you Ok?" he asks, coming over to me.
"Yeah," I say. "I'm fine." He shuffles his feet and bites his lip.
"I heard you scream. I almost came in there to see if you were alright," he says finally.
"Oh, yeah," I say softly. "It was just…A lot to take in, that's all." He nods.
"Maybe you should head back to your room and get some rest," he says gently. I nod and leave the room. When I reach my room I sit down on the bed and place the letter under my pillow. I wish I had my pearl with me, but during the explosion I couldn't find the strength to reach it. There's a knock on my door.
"Come in!" I call. The door opens and in walks Finnick.
"Hey," he says, sitting down next to me on the bed.
"Hey," I say.
"Are you Ok?" he asks. I sigh and look up at him.
"I don't know," I say. "Sometimes I think that maybe I'll be alright, but then I don't know if I'll be able to live without him." He lays back on the bed, putting his hands behind his head.
"I know what you mean," he says, and gives a small laugh.
"Annie," I say. He smiles slightly.
"Yeah," he says, and I can hear the worry in his voice.
"I'm sure she's fine. The Capital won't bother her," I say.
"Maybe you're right," he says.
"I hope so," I say.
"Me too," he says. There's another knock on the door and I sigh. "I think I'll go now." He gets up and is just about to leave when I call to him.
"Finnick!" I say. He turns back to me.
"Yeah?" he asks.
"Thanks. For everything," I reply.
"You're welcome," he says, and with that he leaves. As soon as he's gone Gale walks in.
"How are you holding up, Catnip?" he asks, sitting down where Finnick was just moments ago.
"Ok I guess," I reply.
"I talked to Haymitch about your visit. He says you handled it pretty well," he says. I don't think I handled it well at all, but I guess Haymitch was expecting worse. I smile ever so slightly.
"You know, he always liked Peeta better than me," I say.
"Probably because he was easier to deal with," he says, and I look up at him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask teasingly. He smiles.
"Nothing. You're just a lot of work, that's all," he says. I lean my head against his shoulder.
"I miss him," I whisper. His smile fades and he wraps his arms around me.
"I'm so sorry," he says.
"What time is it?" I ask.
"About six," he replies. My stomach growls.
"I think I'll go eat," I say, getting up. Gale follows me to the cafeteria and I sit at a table while he goes to get us food. Finnick and Beetee sit across from me. Haymitch comes in and I wave him over. He hesitates, but then grabs a plate of food and sits next to Beetee. Gale comes back and sits next to me. It's unusually silent. No one wants to risk upsetting me. Haymitch finally clears his throat and we all look at him.
"So, I was thinking we could burry Peeta tomorrow," he says.
"No! Not tomorrow!" I say. He looks at me.
"Why not?" he asks. I bite my lip. I don't feel like explaining to him how when Peeta is buried, his death becomes more official, and then I'll never see him again. I can't stand that thought.
"I just… Not tomorrow. Please," I say helplessly. He must be feeling pretty bad for me, because he just drops the subject, which isn't like him. We all finish our dinner and I stand up, about to leave. Gale grabs my arm.
"Hey, you wanna play cards or something?" he asks.
"Not now. Sorry," I say, and head to my room. All day people have been crowding around me, asking if I'm Ok. All I want now is to be alone. I collapse onto the bed and wrap the blankets around me. They're nowhere near as warm as Peeta, and they don't give me the sense of safety he gives, but they're all I have. I close my eyes, and prepare for the nightmares that are sure to come tonight.
Ok, there you go! This was really sad to write. I hate writing about Peeta being dead, since he's my favorite character. I realize Katniss is OOC, but that's just the way I'm writing her.