I'm so glad people like this story. I'm updating this so much faster than my other story, which I really should be updating more often. And to those who are upset that I killed Peeta, sorry. It makes me sad, too. But you never know, the Capital is mighty tricky. Could they have a trick up their sleeve? You'll just have to keep reading to find out.
When I wake up I immediately feel under my pillow for the letter to make sure it wasn't a dream. I read it again and then put it back under the pillow for safe keeping. My muscles are stiff, and my throat is dry, but other than that I slept pretty well. I didn't even have any nightmares, which surprises me. My stomach growls, but I don't want to get up. If I head to the cafeteria I'm just going to get more sympathy and be crowded around, when all I really want is to be left alone. I just lay there for a few minutes, but eventually I'm so hungry I have to get up. Without even bothering to change, I make my way to the cafeteria. I'm glad that no one but Finnick is here yet, and he won't bomb me with questions. I sit down next to him, grabbing a plate of food.
"You're up early," he says.
"Hmm. I didn't even know it was early," I say. If I would have thought about it I probably would have been able to guess. It explains why no one else is here.
"Did you sleep well?" he asks.
"Actually, yes," I reply. "I didn't even have any nightmares or anything. I was sure I would."
"It's ironic, but I think you're handling Peeta's death better than the rest of us," he says. "I hardly got any sleep last night." This strikes me as odd, but I don't comment.
"Believe me, I'm handling it way worse than you. I'm just not showing it," I say. "It feels like my heart is breaking."
"I'm sorry," he says gently.
"It's not your fault," I say. "It's my fault, everything is. He would be here now if it weren't for me." Finnick opens his mouth to say something, but just then Prim comes in and sits down next to me.
"Hello, Finnick," she says. "Hi, Katniss. What do you want to do today?" Cry. Scream. Collapse on the ground and die. These are all perfect answers, but I can't tell Prim this. It will make her upset.
"I don't know," I reply simply. I look down at me half eaten breakfast, and it transforms before my eyes. Where there once was an egg, there is now a loaf of bread, and it's fresh. I look up to see if anyone else saw, and see Peeta. He's standing a few feet away, a bottle in one hand and a baby in the other. He sees me watching him and comes over, setting the baby on the couch. He kisses me…
"Katniss? Katniss, are you listening to me?" I snap back to reality and look up to see Prim watching me.
"Sorry," I say. "I was day dreaming. What were you saying?" She frowns slightly.
"I was saying you should go see mom today. She's been kinda worried about you," she says.
"Well actually, I kind of need some time to think. You can tell mom I'm fine, and that she doesn't have to worry about me. I'll see you later," I say, getting up. Just as I'm about to leave the room, I hear Finnick talking to Prim.
"She's trying so hard to make it look like she's taking this better than the rest of us, but inside she's hurting worse than anybody," I hear him say. I cover my ears, not wanting to hear what else he is telling her, and keep my eyes on the ground. I don't know where I'm going, just anywhere away from there. After I'm far away from the cafeteria I take my hands off my ears and slow my pace a bit. The day dream comes back to me, and leaves me confused. It had been so real, and he had looked just like the Peeta I love. I hold back the tears that threaten to surface. Is that really how I felt about Peeta? Did I really want to marry him? Suddenly, I run into someone going the other way. I'm knocked to the ground and look up to see Haymitch.
"Sorry," I say. He offers me his hand and pulls me up.
"Don't worry about it," he says. "Where are you heading to?"
"Nowhere. I'm just wandering the halls," I reply. "I need some time to think." He nods.
"I think Gale is in the conference room, if you need somebody to talk to," he says.
"Thanks," I say, and start heading to the conference room. Love new people, Peeta had said. I know he meant Gale. He always thought Gale and I had something going on, that we were in love, but in truth, I don't love Gale like that, not like I loved Peeta. Gale is sitting in a chair all alone in the conference room. He looks up at me as I enter and smiles.
"Hey Catnip," he says. I smile slightly at my nickname.
"Hi," I say, and out of nowhere I start to cry. Maybe it's because I've known Gale for so long that provokes the tears, because I know he won't think of me any differently for doing it. He gets up quickly and pulls me into his arms, which just makes things worse. My throat is tight and my chest aches. I can hardly breathe, and Gale's arms around me just remind me of Peeta. I push him away and take a deep breath.
"I have to go to the bathroom," I lie, and run out of the room. I run down the hall, not really caring where I go. I round a corner and see my mother walking in my direction. She sees me and runs to me, pulling me into her arms. I sob into her shirt and she strokes my hair.
"I feel like I'm dying," I mutter. She holds me tighter.
"I know, I know," she says softly.
"How did you survive it?" I sob.
"I moved on," she replies, and I look up at her. I wipe my eyes.
"I don't think I can move on," I say. She gives my hair another stroke and sighs.
"I know," she says. "It's hard. I think Haymitch was looking for you."
"Where is he?" I ask.
"The cafeteria," she replies. I pull away out of her arms, muttering a thank you, and run down the hall. It's time to be that fierce little hunter that hides her emotions again. I reach the cafeteria and spot Haymitch. I sit across from him and he looks up at me.
"My mom said you wanted to talk to me," I say.
"Yeah. We're burying Peeta tomorrow," he says.
"No," I say. Haymitch sighs.
"Katniss, it's no use keeping a dead body. He's just going to sit there and rot," he says. The thought of Peeta rotting makes me shudder.
"Fine," I say. "At sunset."
"That's kinda late, Katniss," he says.
"I know. Please, Haymitch. Sunset," I say, my voice pleading. He hesitates.
"Fine," he says with a sigh.
"Thank you," I say, getting up. I head back to my room and lay on my bed, closing my eyes. I start to day dream again, beautiful, wonderful dreams where Peeta is healthy and happy again, and alive. As I start to drift off, I imagine him hugging me close to him, the way he used to when I had a nightmare. Imagining this fills me with peace for the first time in days, weeks maybe, and I know that tonight I won't have nightmares.
Ok, hope you liked it! Many thing will be revealed in the next chapter, so keep reading, and remember to review.