Me: Jace. THERE ARE SO MANY OPTIONS.
Jace: I hate these people.
Me: No you don't, silly. They are your fans. You live for them.
Jace: Then I'll just die.
Me: -smiles- no you won't. You're too conceited for that.
Jace: True, true.
Me: Okay, so there are waaaay too many options.
Jace: Maybe we should defy them and DO NONE.
Me: Heck no. I think we should do them over time, so everyone is happy.
Jace: I can't wait to kill you.
Me: You watch out. I just saw James Bond and Knight and Day. I'm well prepared for your wrath.
Jace: I can't argue with James Bond. He's a legend…especially with the woman –me gagging- but Knight and Day? Really?
Me: It was funny!
Jace: You wouldn't be able to live a day as a Shadowhunter.
Me: I know. I'd live a lifetime as one.
Jace: You are insufferable.
Me: The trait you love best about me!
Jace: …
Me: Anyways, I'm thinking we can do Alice first.
Jace: NOT TWILIGHT RELATED. DIDN'T I TELL YOU?
Me: Maybe…if I can recall correctly…
Jace: cliff…you…falling…piranhas…
Me: So romantic.
-silence-
Alice: Hey, Jess! Who's this cute, sullen boy over there?
Me: That is Jace. He is thinking about throwing me off a cliff…so I don't know why he doesn't look happy…
Jace: I just realized that you'd probably survive.
Alice: Hm. You are cute. But you could use a new, edgy haircut…and maybe a bronze sort of skin tone...
Jace: Touch me and you'll be sorry.
Me: Yeah, Alice, you will be. His acne is just disturbing.
Alice: -laughs- c'mon Jace. I don't bite. Well, I won't bite you.
Jace: I'm bringing my stele just in case.
Me: Oh, no you don't –takes stele- TAKE HIM, ALICE!
-Alice drags Jace to bathroom-
THIRTY MINUTES LATER
Jace: -still in bathroom- I LOOK LIKE A MALE BARBIE!
Me: Like Ken? LET ME SEE!
Alice: -comes out- I'm proud of my work.
Jace: I'm not. –slowly comes out-
-silence-
Me: OH. MY. GOSH. OH. MY. GOSH. OH. MY. GOSH. OH. MY. GOSH. OH. MY. GOSH.
Jace: -to Alice- You broke her.
Alice: She's just in shock. She should be.
Me: YOU LOOK….YOU LOOK…LIKE A BLACK KID! (Not being racist! No offense to any!)
Jace: Thanks. –pinkie up- I was going for dark Asian, but Alice wouldn't let me.
Me: Good choice, Alice. I also like the cut. It's…surfer like.
Alice: Thank you! I thought it would bring out the good in him.
Me: Well, as far as I can tell, he's still the annoying, vain boy. But you cover that up very well.
Jace: -looks at self- Hm. I can probably blend in at night.
Me: Maybe with trees also. You can be like, CAMAFLOUGE MAN.
Jace: Okay, scratch that idea.
Alice: Oh! I'd stay longer, but Jasper is waiting. He needs his own hair cut.
Jace: Vampires grow hair?
Alice: We might be dead, but we aren't bald.
Jace: Wait. What?
Alice: Bye Jess and Jace!
Me: Bye!
-Alice leaves-
Me: That was such a nice visit, what do you thi—JACE! DO NOT WASH OFF YOUR BRONZER! –wrestles Jace-
Jace: You—will—not—stop—me—
Me: -bites Jace-
Jace: -yelps- What was that?
Me: That was me trying to stop you.
Jace: You are officially insane.
Me: Um. Duh. Who'd want to be normal?
Jace: NORMAL PEOPLE.
Me: Name one person who's 'normal'
Jace: …
Me: Told you.
Jace: Shut up.
Me: Ugh. Okay. NEXT AND LAST PERSON…FOR NOW!
Jace: Who is it?
Me: The adorable, the amazing, the awesome PERCY JACKSON!
Jace: Damn. That kid?
Me: Yes. That brilliant kid.
Jace: Don't put words in my mouth.
Me: Too late.
Percy: Hey guys. Hey Jess.
Me: -giggles- Hey Percy. This is Jace, from Mortal Instruments. I'm watching him, because he's unstable.
Jace: IS NOT!
Me: See?
Percy: Ha, yeah. So, what's up?
Me: Nothing. Jace is boring. How's saving the world?
Percy: Same as always –winks- Good thing about being the son of Poseidon is that you never get hot.
Me: -mutters to self- only in one way.
Jace: You never ask me how it is to save the world!
Me: Because you don't.
Jace: Um, yeah. I do. Valentine anyone?
Me: He doesn't count.
Jace: -about to combust-
Percy: Um…
Me: Sorry Percy. Jace thinks he's all that.
Jace: I AM ALL THAT! I AM!
Me: See?
Percy: Yeah. So, Jess, what have you been up to? I haven't seen you for a while.
Jace: You know him?
Me: Duh, Jace. And you know, this and that. –Smiles-
Jace: -says loudly- you don't like Percy, do you Jess?
Me: Hold on Percy. I have to take care of this guy. –drags Jace to basement-
Jace: I never knew you were so aggressive.
Me: I will kill you and make sure no one knows, if you embarrass me again!
Jace: You like it.
Me: -punches Jace- I WILL…I WILL… -smiles evilly- I will tell him about you-know-what if you don't stop!
Jace: -give me a horrified look- You wouldn't.
Me: I so would. –goes back upstairs- Sorry, Percy. Jace just needed to go to the bathroom, and he's scared to go downstairs alone.
Percy: Oh. Well, isn't that awkward.
Me: I know, right?
Jace: I will kill you very soon Jessica. Very, very soon.
Percy: Is that part of his condition? Death threats?
Me: Yeah. It's sad, really. That's not even the worse of them.
Percy: I'm so sorry. –gives me a hug-
Me: -smiling hugely- me, too.
Jace: JESSICA. I NEED TO EAT. MY TUMMY HURTS.
Me: -gives Jace an evil glare-
Jace: -smiles sweetly-
Percy: I guess I'll go.
Me: Okay, you wouldn't want to watch this anyways –winks- Call me?
Percy: Anytime –winks back-
-Percy leaves-
Me: -turns to Jace-
Jace: -smiles until he sees my glare- uh…Jess…haha…wasn't I convincing?
Me: -advances toward Jace- You are SO dead.
Jace: Whoah there Nilly.
Me: -tackles Jace-
FIVE MINUTES LATER
Me: Well, that was fun.
Jace: Ech. Yew 'urt meh.
Me: All I did was punch you…slightly…in the jaw. You've beaten monsters! Sorry if I didn't know a girl punching you would disable your speaking abilities.
Jace: I 'ate yew.
Me: Your love is all I need.
Disclaimer: I don't own Mortal Instruments. Only this sort-of plot.
NEXT TIME THERE WILL BE TWO MORE GUESTS! Get ready… ;)