CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Thought and Sensitivity

Kanda almost never thinks before he reacts. Occasionally however he is faced with a situation so dumbfounding, that he cannot even react on reflex. "What?" was probably uncharacteristic of him, honestly, he expected the words "Where the hell do you get off tellin' me what to do old man?" to come out of his mouth. But they didn't, instead he wore a bewildered expression and spoke in an equally bewildered tone. And of all the darn words that could have come out of his mouth it was the word what. Considering how strange Cross was acting however, he could let it go as an excusable slip of the tongue.

Kanda makes several faces, not exactly sure how he should react, he settles on an annoyed look and then says "Not that I'm really against the idea, but… why?"

"Well, for starters, you're both guys—"Kanda's expression quickly turns into one of disgust, so the perverted man had something against that? "—not that I'm prejudiced against that, but I don't think the kid has ever thought about what he's getting into, and I don't think you have either"

The Japanese groaned. He didn't want to think about it, thinking makes everything more serious, and he just wanted this thing with the bean to stay physical. "Being sex friends doesn't need much thought does it? You should know."

"Don't talk like you know me brat" Cross flicked him between his eyebrows.

Kanda flares up "Did you just flick me?"

Cross ignores him "I know about how it's like being a sex friend, yes, I also know one party gets serious about someone else, and eventually it falls apart and ends badly…" he flicks Kanda again on the same spot, looking apathetic about it "…friendship lost"

"You fucking did it again!" he didn't really seem to be listening anymore, what with the flicking

"What'd you do this time dad?" Allen says as he's nearing their table, his tone weary and irked

"I flicked him" Cross says simply

Allen blinked "Wow, and you're still alive?" he says to his stepdad

"Please, you know this brat's got nothing on me"

The Englishman shrugs, "Hmm, true" and he ignores the glare Kanda gives him, and proceeds to sitting himself down again. "Why'd d'you flick him anyway?"

"He was talkin' like he knew me well enough" Cross says, looking at Kanda while at it

Before Kanda can give a violent reaction Allen asks "And how did he manage to give you that impression?"

Cross just loudly slurps his soda, Kanda grits his teeth.

"What did you guys talk about!" Allen says laughingly

"Books" says his stepdad, ever so nonchalantly

"You don't honestly think I'd believe that do you?"

"He was sayin' the book adaption of "The Pacific" is shit, but I think he's just bitter they lost that war" Kanda glares at him for that

"You're insulting my fucking heritage now?"

Cross turns to Allen "See kid? He's puttin' words in my mouth"

"What the hell!" the Japanese gives the shorter boy beside him a pointed look "Don't you fucking agree with him bean you heard him insult me"

Allen shifts uncomfortable "Uh, well, he didn't exactly—"

"Ha!" Cross flicks Kanda in that spot between his eyebrows again "Hear that? He sides with me punk"

"You fucking flicked me AGAIN!"

"You have no witnesses"

Kanda grabs Allen by the arm "SAY YOU SAW THAT"

Sighing, the Englishman says "Dad, you're obviously baiting him, you know he's testy, hell everyone knows that"

Cross doesn't respond.

"I still don't believe you two were talking about books, I highly doubt Kanda read or watched "The Pacific"."

"Shows how much you know about him"

Allen turns to look at Kanda, who's let go or his arm in favor of tearing tissues in his rage "He's bluffing right?"

"Shut up" yep, real helpful bloke this Kanda

Allen frowns, pauses a while, then says "I'll take that as a yes then" he turns to his stepfather "You're acting weird, like you're against this" he moves his hand rapidly in the space between him and Kanda

"And I am against it"

With a grimace on his face, Allen replies "Are you going to spout ethics on me?"

Cross snorts "Ethics? Me?"

"Yeah, I thought so. What's this about being against this then?" the Englishman huffs

"He says we're not really thinking about this" says Kanda, and Allen gives him a weird look, keeps the look when he turns to his stepdad

"Since when do people think about matters with sex friends?" he asks

Kanda restrains himself from saying "That's what I said" because it seemed so… disgusting to be on the same page as the bean.

"People don't, and that's the problem" Cross says, he's reaching into his coat pocket, Allen just knows he's reaching for a cigarette

Running a hand through his white hair and huffing in frustration once again he says "Look, I don't get it, this isn't like you, you're Cross Marianne you've had so many sex friends I don't even know what to say to you sometimes, no, most of the time. On top of that you smoke, you drink, you gamble—"he grunts "—look, why the hell are you meddling with my business?"

Whilst lighting a cigarette Cross replies "Cause I'm your dad"

"That's the same reason you gave me when I asked you 'Why do I have to pay your bills?'" says Allen "It's never been convincing"

"It's a sad day when you have to convince someone to believe the truth" he puffs smoke at Kanda's direction, the Japanese glares at him while trying to fan it back with his hands "And aside from the fact that I don't like this brat, I think you like him too much for your own damn good, and who will you be running to, crying, when he dumps you?"

'Not you that's for sure'Allen thinks, then he says "So just because it's troublesome for you, you want me to stop" the irony in that of course, is that Cross made him stand so many bothersome things back in the day. Memories of such things are at the moment, really pissing Allen off.

"You could say that" and before Allen can interject he continues "Food for thought kid, how would you feel if pretty boy over here sleeps with someone else?"

The Englishman's mouth opens, but he says nothing, he cannot seem to find the words.

"Hnh, alright what about you then brat?" Cross turns to Kanda "What if Allen slept with someone else?"

Without batting an eyelash, Kanda replies "I'd stop sleeping with him"

Two pairs of eyes widen, neither of them really expected that answer

"Ok, why then?" Cross presses further

Strangely, Allen feels hopeful. Hopeful that for once Kanda will say something nice.

"Wouldn't all sane people do that?" Kanda's eyes narrow "The bean warned me about your morals perverted old man, didn't think it'd be so true" and then, he looks sort of disappointed in himself

Horrifyingly, Allen discovers that he finds that look endearing.

Cross sighs "See that's the thing though, I don't think either of you are the type to go and look for someone else, this guy's attached—" he gestures to Allen "—and this guy's so anti-social this is probably his only chance at getting laid"

"What the hell! I've had—"

"Oooookay Kanda, that's enough!" the Englishman laughs nervously, not quite ready to hear about Kanda's sex life. "Anyhow dad, how is that that 'the thing'?"

"Well, I just don't think it's smart, or normal, to stay sex friends forever"

Allen doesn't reply for a moments, looks as if he is deep in thought "Kanda, do you mind if dad and I step out for a moment?" when the Japanese shrugs, he stands "Come on then dad"

Cross looks at him warily, but then follows anyway.

Once they're out of the restaurant, Allen says "You know, what you just said back in there? It sounded like a good thing to me, like, you think we'll be together as sex friends forever, and like, we'd maybe even have something more"

Scratching the back of his head, looking tired of conversing all together, his stepfather replies with "That's not what I meant"

"Then what did you mean?"

There is silence after the question, and then a sigh "Look kid, the time will come when you'll want something more, and he won't be ready to give that. On top of it all, you're both guys, you do know that'll make it even more complicated seeing as you don't even love each other? It's like insulting queer guys everywhere"

"Well it's… It's not like we're two straight guys getting together for fun, I've always been bi"

"You've never been bottom"

"Well I—" a pause "Wait… how the fuck do you know that?"

"I didn't, I just think that guy doesn't respect you enough to let you top, looks like I hit the mark"

"It's not like I want his respect, I don't even like him" Allen mumbles

"Normally I'd believe you, but you see him every day, you sleep with him, you hang out with his family… Knowing you, you're in deep right about now"

"I am not"

"Keep telling yourself that, and it just might become true"

…..

"When you think someone's being insensitive, can it actually be because you're being too sensitive yourself?" The question comes as a total surprise to Lavi actually. He greeted Allen good morning, the Englishman greeted him back, he opened the door for him, but then, Allen stopped in his tracks, backed up, looked Lavi in the eye, and asked that question.

"Uh, well when you think someone's being insensitive about something, it's really because you're sensitive about that subject I think"

"Yeah I think so too" Allen answers solemnly, as he starts staring at his apparently very interesting shoes

"Why the sudden question?"

"It's just—"he really looked like he was about to say something, his mouth was agape and there was no hesitation on his face, and then his eyebrows furrow, and he shuts his mouth, pressing his lips together till they formed a straight line. "Never mind" he then says, and walks off.

'That—" Lavi the doorman thinks "—was weird"

…..

(A/N: This has actually been sitting around for a while but I didn't have the time to post it, I'm going to fill in the holes in this chapter in the next couple of chapters. Anyway, it's back to school for me (summer here where I live is April-May see), and I think I'm going to have one hell of a semester, thus, I don't really expect to get much chapters done. But I will try to update as soon as possible.

This chapter reminds me of how conversations go in my life, one moment it's serious, the next you totally forget what you were talking about and it gets silly. But then actually, most people I know like to dwell on these conversations afterwards. I don't know. As for Cross, well, his intentions have not been entirely revealed. Even in the manga, I always think he's joking half of the time and serious half of the time, so it's really hard to know if he means what he says or not.

ON ALLEN'S AGE AND THE SETTING: THANK YOU ALL FOR GIVING SUGGESTIONS. I have decided to follow the suggestion in Snow Leopard Pasha 's review, I'll set it in southern Canada. Thank you all again for the suggestions, I really appreciate them. )