A.N: Hey everyone, here's chapter 40, it is in third person, just letting you know, and it's been dedicated to Fran, Hi Fran! This chapter's idea was formed when Fran and I(Brooke) had one of our nighttime phone escapades, ;P Both Katie and I took turns writing it so we hope you enjoy the crack!
Third Person
It was a bright sunny day, the birds were chirping, the air was warm with a pleasant breeze, and all was right in the world. So where was Fran? Trapped inside the Squad Six barracks trying not to go stir crazy while Byakuya did his paper work. You see, all three girls were starting to feel the effects of their new rules ever since the fireworks incident, but none more than the psychic.
Why did she get to be the unlucky one? For the simple reason that she got placed under Byakuya's supervision and that man has a pole shoved up his ass when it comes to rules. Example: he was willing to let his adoptive sister/sister-n-law get killed because of a totally unfair rule. Because of Byakuya's strictness, just knowing where Fran was at all times wasn't good enough for him so he made it so Fran had to be with either him or Renji at all times.
This meant, whenever Renji had to go do something and Fran wasn't allowed to go with him, she was forced to hang out with Byakuya, the man whose about as entertaining as a brick wall. However, this is Fran we're talking about, the girl who can make Ulquiorra smile, an event most people used to think of as a sign of the apocalypse. So obviously, Fran was going to be able to find a way to entertain herself.
She decided to use this 'quiet time' as she called it seeing as Byakuya required her to be quiet so he could work to draw some more Bleach Fan Art that would undoubtedly find its way onto deviantart next chance she got. How couldn't she find so much inspiration when she had so many Bleach characters RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER? She just had to make sure that no one (save Katie and Brooke) ever saw her artwork or that she didn't draw anything that if someone saw would raise questions, like yoai for example.
Of course, you can't draw without music. Well, you can, but it's not nearly as fun. For this reason Fran was listening to her music very loudly and on random so it wasn't her fault when Katy Perry's 'Hot 'N Cold' started playing at a volume where she couldn't quiet hear what was going on around her.
Across the room from the brunette, Byakuya sat at his desk doing all the paper work that comes with being a captain, unless of course you are Captain Shunsui of the Eighth division, then you just make your Lieutenant do all your paper work for you. Because he wasn't Shunsui, Byakuya was completely unaware of the epic distraction that was coming his way all because of some human world pop star who didn't like her men to be indecisive.
"Cause you're hot and you're cold, you're yes and you're no…" Byakuya was slightly startled when his teenage charge started singing at a volume where she still couldn't hear herself thanks to her loud music, but thanks to her strong singing voice, everyone else could. "You're wrong when it's right, you're black when it's white…"
Only a few lines into the song, Fran looked up to find Byakuya looking at her like she was crazy, or at least as close to that as a noble can get. "What?" She demanded, not quiet aware of how loud she had really been singing.
"Please remain quiet so I can work." Byakuya commanded as he returned to work causing Fran to stick her tongue out at him before smirking, she knew how to get back at him. Turning her music up even more, she started singing loud enough that she could hear herself over the music.
"We fight we break up, we kiss we make up. YOU, YOUR DON'T REALLY WANT TO STAY, NO. BUT YOU, YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO GET OUT…" Fran belted out, laughing slightly at how hard the Sixth Captain tried to hide his irritation before turning around and asking her to stop only for her to sing even louder, something Byakuya didn't think was possible, apparently he was wrong.
This battle for power continued on until the song ended and Renji, finally, got back, in which case, Byakuya decided to make the young girl his lieutenants problem. Of course, Fran had one more question to ask before she left.
"Hey Byakuya, do you wear boxers or briefs?" She questioned slyly, staring at the Captain as she waited for an answer.
"I don't see why that is any of your business." Byakuya answered as emotionlessly as he could, causing Fran to raise an eyebrow.
"So, it's a banana hammock then?" The psychic deduced calmly before smiling, "Knew it!" Fran then ran out of the room to go tell Renji without giving Byakuya a chance to answer her question.
"Hey Renji guess what! Byakuya wears a banana hammock!" The tea Renji had currently been drinking suddenly found itself flying back out of his mouth in a spit take before staring at Fran.
"What are you talking about?" He demanded sounding slightly taken aback by the strange statement that she had just yelled at him.
"What it sounds like I'm talking about. Byakuya Kuchiki, your Captain, wears a man thong." Fran repeated as if talking to a three year old with a sever case of ADHD.
"How in the world did you find this out?"
"Your talking to a psychic, remember?"
"Oh yeah…." Fran almost laughed at how easy it was to trick the red head, she had told the Soul Society that she was psychic; she hadn't told them she could read minds but they just assumed that she could, and you know what they saw about assuming… Anyway, it's not like she was totally lying, she couldn't really control it and usually she would just get weird flashes of what was going through someone's mind but according to Szayel she could eventually train her abilities and have full control over them.
"Hey Renji! Can you help me with something? But before we can begin, I need to go my friends first" Renji looked at her suspiciously and then decided not to go against the psychic thinking it would have been better to face the wrath of his Captain than say no.
First Fran went to get Brooke with a little bit of a problem. Toshiro saw then crawling out of the room and stopped them. Fran explained that they were doing a project with the Women's Association and would be coming back around anyways and promised to check in every once in a while. HA! Like they were really going to do that.
Then they went to get Katie. The stupid rules forced the girls to be supervised by at least one Captain and one lieutenant. So as they traveled to the Ninth division, Brooke and Fran complained about how unfair the Soul Society was being to them. Finally they got to Katie with no thanks to some very uncooperative Soul Reapers.
"Alright Fran, why did ya come get us for?" Katie said curiously. Brooke and Katie looked at their hyper friend thinking the worse.
"Yeah did you accidently kill someone and now you've recruited us to dispose of the body with you?" Brooke said raising an eyebrow.
"Nooo! Of course not, I had Renji help me with that problem" Katie and Brooke stared at the redheaded lieutenant. "Just kidding guys!" She said waving them off. They went back to looking at Fran wondering what she had in store for them.
"Ok so today I asked Bya-kun if he wore boxers or briefs, and he didn't reply, I think he wears banana hammocks but I could be wrong. But anyways I decided that we should go and tell everyone about this information. What kind of people would we be if we didn't make this public? We must go to the Women's Society and tell them!" Katie and Brooke nodded wisely.
"Shuuhei will you help us?" Katie said turning to him. He gave her a look.
"I have a ton of stuff to do I can't go escorting you around wherever you want to go." He said turning back to his paperwork.
"Well I see it as you help us or we tell everyone that you wear ladies underwear." Brooke said with a cat-like grin.
"But then again it could be true and we're just outing you in front of the whole Soul Society." Fran said.
"Are you three blackmailing me?" Shuuhei said looking at all of them.
"Why yes, yes we are." Katie said and they all looked at him with puppy-dog eyes.
"Please Shuuhei!"
"Yeah pretty pweeze!"
"With sugar on top? Please Shuu!"
With some determination and a lot of blackmail, the girls got both Shuuhei and Renji to agree to help them. So on their way they went. Our group of misfits made it to the Women's association and waited for their weekly meeting to start. After much debate the Women's association agreed to see them, luckily enough for our three protagonists, Byakuya wasn't going to be attending this meeting.
"Ok ladies! We have some exciting news for you" Fran said rubbing her hands together in anticipation.
"Yes! We have discovered a very interesting secret about your very own V.P Byakuya Kuchiki." Katie said as equally excited.
"And all three of us have decided that this information should not be kept! In fact we think it need to get it advertised! For example posters explaining this would be wonderful."
"Ok now down to the dirty little secret." Fran said the room got very quiet and she gathered the entire room around her.
"We discovered that Byakuya Kuchiki wears, get ready for this, a Banana Hammock!" Fran announced, all three girls smiling a grin that could rival their very own Fox-Face.
"How did you find this out?" Nanao Ise demanded getting some mumbles in agreement as everyone turned to look at Renji.
"I didn't have anything to do with this." The red head quickly told them, waving off the rabid stares of the yoai fangirls, his face almost matching his hair in color.
"Yeah, Renji didn't figure this out, I did. I am a psychic, remember?" Fran reminded and just like with Renji earlier that day, they all believed her.
"So all of us were thinking that we have to do something with this information" Brooke said grinning evilly.
"Yes! Advertising will get all of the women here out in the field and a chance to socialize with our new poster child, Byakuya himself. " Katie looked around at all the agreeing faces.
"Ok then, let's take a vote" Fran said calling all of the murmuring to come to a halt.
"All in favor of advertising Byakuya Kuchiki as the new seller of the Banana Hammock raise your hands" the whole room was filled with hands rising.
"Ok I think that's everyone" Fran trailed off as a single hand rose.
"Don't you think that this is wrong, I mean Captain Kuchiki might not like this too much" Momo said quietly.
"Nope I don't have a problem with this, does anyone else?" Brooke asked surveying the room like the little devils advocate she is. "I guess not"
"Now we really need to make some posters so the ENTIRE Seretei sees this new discovery!" Fran said and all of the women agreed.
"We need to have a bunch catch phrases for them too. We need them to be unique and really show what we're getting at here" Katie said roping them in even more.
So off the whole Women's Association, plus the two guys, to get supplies for the posters. It was Fran's job to get the snapshot of Byakuya so they could Photoshop the picture for the posters. Sneaking back into the Squad was a lot easier than Fran had expected it to be, but then again, everyone in Squad Six was used to seeing the brunette roaming around the barracks. Finally she got to Byakuya's room and waited, camera ready, for the right moment to take a picture of the unsuspecting Captain.
Said Captain was just getting out of the shower and was walking to get dress, towel wrapped firmly around his waist, when suddenly there was a bright flash, startling him as he heard faint laugher and the sound of someone running away.
While all this was going on, it was Renji and Shuuhei's job to take up the posters as they were being completed by random groups of women. Finally after a few hours of hard work, all of the posters were made and put up strategically around the whole Seretei and the girls watched the chaos that ensued.
"Banana Hammocks, because I'm worth it?"
"Do-do-do-do-do, I'm loving it?"
"Feel the breeze between your knees?"
"I am Byakuya Kuchiki… and I approve this message?…. OH MY GOD, IS THAT CAPTAIN KUCHIKI?"
Byakuya was walking out of his barracks, still confused about what the flash had been earlier, when he heard a loud ruckus near by. Walking over, he saw a large group of Soul Reapers surrounding a pole on which multiple and very colorful posters hung. The group parted for him like the red sea as he marched up to the pole and ripped one of the posters off and looked at it.
Now, seeing as the picture that Fran had taken had most of Byakuya's legs covered by his towel, the three had photo shopped a new pair of legs on in replace of his own. These legs just so happened to have belonged to David Hasselhoff. So, the posters had a picture of Byakuya looking slightly startled, with David Hasselhoff's legs, wearing nothing but a banana hammock. Try and get THAT image out of your head. At the bottom of every poster had a bold sentence : Complements of the Soul Society Women's Association.
"Who did this?" He asked. His eyes narrowed and glared at his entire squad. The poor group shrunk back and shook their heads.
"Sorry Captain"
"We don't know anything"
"Yeah we swear"
"But it may have been Lieutenant Abarai and Captain Hisagi"
"Yeah we saw them with those posters in their hands a while ago" Happy to put the blame on someone else to save their own asses, the squad was quick to all agree that it was Renji and Shuuhei that did this.
"Those girls were running around with them too, along with a huge group from the Women's Association"
"Well I guess we'll go see what is really going on aren't we" He then walked towards the Women's Association to find out who started this ridiculous rumor although he had a really good idea of who started it.
"Fran" Byakuya said as both of the doors slammed open. The room became silent as Byakuya looked around for her.
"Yes Bya-kun" he spun around to find a very innocent trio of girls looking back at him.
"Did you put those ridiculous posters of me up all over my Squad Barracks?"
"No silly! The Women's Association and us put them up all over the Seretei" He broke his emotionless mask to glare directly at the group of girls.
"WHAT!" Fran said looking back at him.
"What in the world possessed you to put those posters all over the Seretei?" He demanded, staying scarily calm, yet angry at the same time.
"You do wear a banana hammock, remember? You said so this morning."
"There is no getting through to you is there?"
"Nope!" Sighing and muttering under his breathe, Byakuya stormed out of the room leaving the three girls to giggle to themselves as he left.
END CHAPTER!
A.N: Well, there you go, how did you like the chapter? I really enjoyed typing it out and I'm sure Katie did too. Oh, and just so you know Chapter 41 is already done a ready to be posted, I finished it before finishing this chapter, but it won't be posted until the thirteenth because that is the one year anniversary of our story, yay! So, until then…. REVIEW!