CHAPTER TWO

A Successful Plan…For A While, Anyway

"I heard what they said," Envy announced to Al.

It was the day after Al told the Homunculus Envy about his evil – but awesome – plan. Envy had liked the idea a lot and both of them decided to do the plan the next day. Both the 'trouble-makers' were trying to hear what both Ed and Winry were talking about. Unfortunately, if Al went up to them, Ed and Winry could've changed the subject, and Al wouldn't have heard what they were talking about, so Envy decided to do his 'shape-shifting' act to get at least a little bit of what they were chattering about. Al leaned forward, eager to hear what they were talking about. "What did they say?"

"Hmmm…" Envy thought for a moment, and Al was sure that he forgot, but then Envy laughed and said, "They were talking about Father. Ed was blabbering about how he wanted to kill Father and restore his limbs, but Father is infinity times stronger than that midget. Keep on dreaming, Fullmetal shrimp." He laughed again, as though Ed's vow to restore his limbs was a joke. Al felt a surge of anger towards Envy, but then it faltered. After all, bro wouldn't let him keep the cat. 'Revenge to you, bro!' he thought happily.

"Then Winry said something about Scar and parents murdered and she misses them and blah blah blah…" Envy shrugged. "I don't really getit, but if I'm correct, the Scar guy killed the Fullmetal shrimp's girlfriend's parents…am I right?"

"Well…yes," Al replied slowly. "Sooo…that's it? Nothing else they talked about interesting?"

Envy snorted. "That's all they said. Now, what are we going to do now?"

"Exactly what I told you to do yesterday." Al stared at Envy as though he didn't believe that Envy didn't know what to do. "Were you listening to me yesterday?"

Envy started. "U-uhh…a bit," he offered. "Well…my mind was more on something else, because Homunculi are always busy, so I couldn't really get much, but all I got was that I would shape-shift into-"

"I guess I'll have to explain to you again then, hmmm?" Al cocked his head, and he looked annoyed. Then he glanced past Envy and exclaimed, "Good! They've parted! Now do your stuff, Envy!" He pushed the Homunculi into the streets.

"H-H-HEY!" Envy glared at Al. "You didn't warn me! Now I'm gonna-" he broke off when he saw Ed looking around. 'Oh crap. Quickly shape-shift into Winry. Quickly….quickly…quickly…' Glaring at Al once more, Envy marched towards Ed, as though he was going to take out his anger towards Al to Ed. "Hey YOU!"

Ed spun around, confused, and then stammered, "W-Winry? I thought you were going to the-"

"The hotel?" Envy shrugged. "Well, I have some news for you, midget."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MIDGET, WINRY?" Ed shouted.

"I'M CALLING YOU THE MIDGET, SHRIMP!" Envy flashed back. "Now, do you want to listen or not?"

"I WILL LISTEN," Ed shrieked, "IF YOU STOP CALLING ME MIDGET AND SHRIMP!"

"Well, you're going to be hearing those words more often," Envy hissed. "Now…"

BANG!

The spanner hit directly on Ed's forehead. From the corner of his eye, Envy saw Al give him the thumbs-up, and he was relieved that he could still remember what he had to do. The plan seemed to be working, for Ed was glaring at Winry in amazement, anger, shock and…he looked confused too. Envy guessed it was confusing, even for Envy himself, as everything was happening quickly for him too that he could not keep up. But Envy couldn't help but laugh when Ed took the spanner off his head and spit with anger when he saw blood falling down from his forehead, where the injury was. 'I can't believe I get to do this when Ed doesn't even know my REAL identity!' Envy thought with glee.

"So you think you can defeat Father that easily, midget?" Envy yelled. "Well, how can you think you can do so when you can't even defeat ME? You're way too small to defeat him, anyway!" Just at that moment Envy realised he said the wrong thing. Oh well…at least it was making Ed boil. He was like a volcano about to explode. Well, Envy couldn't wait for the lava to pour out.

"I WILL DEFEAT FATHER AND ALL THE HOMUNCULI!" Ed declared. "AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, TOO! LAST TIME YOU SAID THAT YOU HAD FAITH IN ME AND THAT I WILL KILL FATHER, BUT NOW YOU'RE SAYING THAT I'M WAY TOO SMALL TO DEFEAT HIM? YOU'VE GOT MOOD SWINGS OR SOMETHING!"

"Sigh…" Envy shook his head and tutted. "You're just keeping your hopes too high. Father must've lots of power or something, seeing that you can't even defeat a Homunculus like Envy." He laughed when he heard himself say his own name.

"Envy?" Ed laughed. "I can defeat him, don't worry. He's like an ant crawling on the floor. Once I squash him on the right spot, he's a goner. See how easy it is to defeat him? And he's really easy to spot, seeing that he has green hair and all. And even when he shape-shifts, I'll still be able to pick him out."

At this Envy was about to start rolling on the floor laughing (rofling) when Al showed up. He was relieved, because if Al didn't show up then Envy's true identity would have shown and Envy would never hear the end of it. "I still won't forgive you for your doing, bro," Al told Ed. "I can't believe you yelled at me to throw the cat away back into the cold and dark alleyway! Didn't you see her small, innocent eyes, longing for the food that I could've-"

"Could've not given her," Ed finished for his brother. "Look – I know you are very fond of cats, but we can't keep them. You know why, right?"

"Uhh…no."

Envy laughed and hissed at Ed, "Pwned, shrimp."

"Shuddup, 'kay?" Ed raised his voice once again, glaring at Envy. "You're not part of this issue, so-"

"I am part of this issue, so tell me 'bout it." Envy leaned forward, cracking up as he blinked up at Ed evilly.

"Why you…!" Ed couldn't seem to stand Envy's teases and insults. "I'll beat you up and-"

Envy gasped sarcastically. "You're going to beat a girl up? How cruel of you." He laughed again.

"You friggin' damn bitch!" Ed hollered. 'Big mistake, midget,' Envy thought, smiling wickedly when the people around them stared at Ed with shock, anger and disapproval. 'Look what you just did. Now your real girlfriend's gonna be mad when she finds out.'

"Mommy…" a little girl was shaking her mother's sleeve, asking, "What's a damn bitch?"

"Shush!" the mother hissed, scolding her child. "It's a bad word, so don't use it. If you say it one more time, I'll-"

"You're a damn bitch, mommy," the girl said cheerfully. The mother flushed with embarrassment and ran away, carrying her child with her. Ed was just as embarrassed as the mother, maybe even more. He glared at Envy and whispered angrily, "I'm meeting you in your hotel at 7:00 tonight. You'd better have a good excuse for this." He turned around and ran off into the streets, obviously trying to avoid the peoples' gazes.

"Success!" Al cried once Envy (back into his real form) and the suit of armour had reached back to their 'hiding place', the alleyway. Al wanted to hide here in case he could find some cats to play with. Envy sighed. He didn't want to see another hairy creature again.

"Yes," Envy agreed. "It was a success. But now what? We're just going to let Ed see the real Winry? Or am I going to have to go to the hotel?"

"Your part is done for the moment," Al replied. "And now it's my part. I'm going to go with Ed to Winry's hotel and listen to what they are to say. Then I'm going to be on Ed's side since I'm his bro, and he'd probably thank me for his help. Then Winry dumps Ed…somehow, and then we reveal the secret in the end. But you'd better be there, because if it's just me, I'm a goner."

"But if it's both of us, then we're both goners," Envy pointed out.

"But you're a Homunculus," Al protested. "If I die, I'm dead. But for you, you'd still be alive and stuff, because you have like…X lives, right?"

Envy sighed irritably. "You think I'm just gonna waste my lives. I've died like…six times already. If I keep dying, I'm gonna get more tired until I finally do die. So don't think that my lives can just be wasted that easily."

"Well…fine." Al shrugged. "Just leave it to me at the moment. At the time that we reveal the secret I'll think of something. See you, it's almost 7:00!" And with that he left, leaving Envy doing nothing. 'Sigh…' Envy thought boredly. 'Nothing to do…again.'

I hope the story met your expectations! Please review!

'Nothing to do…again,' Envy thought.

But suddenly, Al jumped out of nowhere and screamed, "BOOOOO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Envy screeched, then stopped. He glared at Al. "What the hell was that for?"

Al didn't reply, for he was cracking up. "ROFL! LOL! XD! You should have seen ya face!"

Envy hissed, "It's not funny!"

"Oh yes it is," Author interrupted. "It was such a laugh!" Author laughed along with Al.

"Revenge for not liking my plan to punch Ed in the face as Winry," Al explained between laughing fits.

"Looks like you just got PWNED," Author told Envy.

"You IDIOTS!" Envy yelled. "That was SOOOO NOT FUNNY! I DON'T GET WHY YOU ARE LAUGHING!"

"Because you were going 'aaaah!' like a girl!" Al replied, giggling.

"Wait…" Author said suddenly. "What if Envy was a girl?"

"When did you get that idea you…[STAND BY]?" Envy shouted.

"Let's see…you've got long hair – and MilkShake Kitten (one of my favourite authors) mistook you for a girl," Author said, ignoring Envy's hiss of anger. "You don't have a gender… and-"

"YOU'RE GENDER-CONFUSED!" Envy screamed. "HAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAA!"

"…uhh…" Al stopped laughing. "Is that meant to be funny?"

"YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! SO LAUGH WITH ME!"

"…"

"Pwned," said Author after a while.

THE END