Wham!

Even in the middle of a tremendous life-and-death battle among the Slayers and the First Evil (plus his Turok-Han vampire minions) for the fate of the entire world, having a man in a suit abruptly falling out of thin air directly into their conflict will certainly capture peoples' attention and cause them to promptly halt in their tracks. Particularly when that totally unexpected stranger who'd landed very hard upon his back on the stone floor of the immense cavern below Sunnydale then quickly scrambled up onto his feet, to next stand there while irritably brushing back his graying hair, all the while complaining loudly in a truly exasperated British accent, "Merlin's balls, can't I bloody well for once appear at someplace completely upright? Or at least in a much more dignified- Oh."

The new arrival had stifled himself in the middle of his grumbling, as he then finally looked around to notice everybody there in the cavern staring at him, even those who just a second earlier had been trying to rip off each others' heads, which included Spike in game face and his current opponent, one of the Turok-Han, as both of these demons continued to maintain their powerful grips upon their adversary's neck while these startled vampires gaped with open fanged mouths at that peculiar visitor.

Even the First Evil itself looked rather taken aback, as actual surprise flickered over the features of an intangible Mayor Wilkins that had currently been taunting Faith trying to ignore her former protector by savagely using the Scythe upon as many solid enemies within her reach as she could, in order to block out his sneering comments about fighting alongside someone who'd once been more than willing to feed that brunette Slayer to an ensouled vampire.

Sirius Black himself was also completely astonished by his current stopover during the wizard's continuous bouncing around the various dimensions of his numerous trips throughout the Multiverse ever since he'd passed through the Veil. For one, there were a lot of people around - more than he'd ever met before in a single visit in his uncontrolled journeys. Not to mention that it really didn't look like he'd stumbled upon such a jolly state of affairs between everyone here, such as accidentally intruding into someone's picnic. Even if he'd actually done that right now, Sirius truly doubted that those hideous creatures over there all glaring at him while showing off their big pointy teeth were this place's version of an army of impolite ants invading those women's outdoor repast.

On the contrary, it looked like he'd just interrupted a war.

Bugger. Whose side was he supposed to be on?

Frantically trying to figure out exactly what to do before everyone got over their surprise and tore him to pieces for barging in upon their little affray without an actual invitation, an apprehensive Sirius had a sudden brainwave. The one thing all his previous visits to other realities had in common was that the young, beautiful women present there each time (and also having an appealing tendency to wear skimpy and/or skintight clothing more than capable of being discarded in a flash) were always at that moment being cruelly threatened by some kind of vicious monster, human or otherwise.

It was rather difficult to determine the exact numbers of the enormous, craggy-faced, taloned, and fanged fiends over there now beginning to ominously step closer, but there seemed to be, at a guess, thousands of those monsters more than willing to ferociously demonstrate in the next couple of seconds some very painful forms of extreme violence upon the body of such a fine chap as Sirius Black.

Of course, that wizard also had noted nearby another equally ugly being possessing its own ridged features and sharp fangs that was currently in the grip of one of its bigger cousins, but for all Sirius knew, those two fiends were just having a minor family squabble on who'd be the first to devour him, so it was much better to be safe than sorry. That blond poofter over there would simply be included in the wizard's extinction of everyone else in the cavern but himself and those very hot women-

Hold on, what about the other bloke, the one next to that fantastic brunette carrying a very big axe? His attention momentarily diverted from the crowd of angry monsters starting to advance towards himself, Sirius stared at the man approximately the Briton's age and standing there in his own suit, with a truly furious expression then beginning to appear upon the features of that male with the receding hairline, sent directly right at the wizard across the cavern. Well, this seemed promising, since that chap wouldn't be looking like that if he didn't already consider Sirius to be some kind of enemy- *Hullo!*

Quickly taking advantage of the First Asshole's brief distraction, Faith horizontally slashed out with the Scythe, sending the entire head of that misnamed axe slicing through the chest of the being next to herself, only to grunt in angry disappointment as she recovered from her totally unsuccessful swing of the mystical weapon, which had passed harmlessly through the insubstantial form of that vile supernatural creature which had in the past arrogantly proclaimed itself to be the original manifestation of wickedness and malevolence in the universe.

Still holding the Scythe ready, Faith glowered at her untouched foe now totally ignoring the Slayer to instead still irately eyeing that new guy over there who'd managed to somehow piss off the First Evil after showing up totally without warning. *Well, looks like Mr. Unknown's havin' much better luck than me. Shit, it was worth a damn try, with that fucker bein' magic and this sweet chopper also bein' magic, even if it didn't work. Sorry, fella, looks like you joined us Slayers just in time to get killed along with me and B and ever'body else, even that jerk Spike- WHAT THE FUCK?*

Sirius had instantly made his decision right after seeing that deadly woman ineffectively trying to hack in half her nonmaterial opponent, which had to be some kind of inimical ghost or spirit. You didn't do that kind of thing to people on your side, solid or not, which made matters ever so much more simpler. Bringing up his wand, while also getting his magical core ready for the most powerful annihilation spell he'd ever cast since passing through the Veil, what with all those lunging monsters now just a few steps away, Sirius roared at the top of his lungs: "SECTUMSEMPRA!"

The echoes resounding throughout the entire cavern beneath Sunnydale finally died out after a minute or so, since no other noise was being made by the speechless Slayers seeing the smirking man tucking away his little wooden stick inside the left arm of his suit during his stroll over to where they hadn't budged since every single one of their foes there (and another) had instantaneously vanished from existence.

Even the insubstantial First Evil, which hadn't quite lived up to its reputation as being totally invulnerable to any material weapon whatsoever. But then, it hadn't been attacked by any such thing; instead, that loathsome being had been hit a moment ago by sheer mystical power from at least a half-dozen dimensions that had been accidentally picked up during an already supercharged wizard's hasty visits to those realities, none of which had ever possessed any other type of magic-user that might have depleted those stupendous energies unknowingly absorbed by Sirius Black happily working his way through more good-looking women that he'd ever thought possible.

Until now, that is, as that wizard strutted over to the small group of gorgeous ladies, where he then stopped by one of those young females who was at that moment standing with her back to him as she stared off into the distance.

Buffy Summers was still numbly trying to come to terms with the fact that Spike the vampire, who'd regained his soul and declared this demon's love for the Slayer, had somehow been destroyed by that guy now right next to her. As the stunned Los Angeles native continued gazing at the spot in the cavern where her former bedmate (who'd been more than willing to involve her in necrophilia) had been present just a moment before, she might not have seemed to be actually paying heed to what was going on, but the California girl was indeed listening to the man behind herself beginning to speak.

Buffy was also quite able to swiftly react to what happened right after that.

Proudly drawing himself up, as he informed in his smuggest tone the crowd of gaping women before him, Sirius declared, "Ladies, line up by, oh, alphabetical order this time, and take off your clothes. Now that I've saved you all, it's time for you to truly show your appreciation for that rescue, but don't worry, you'll be more than satisfied yourself, each and every one of you. Plus later, if you're up to it, we can then progress to threesomes and other groups in any possible combinations."

Confidently ignoring the incredulous looks abruptly developing upon the faces of those magnificent women over there about to experience the carnal miracle that was now Sirius, this conceited wizarding idiot then glanced over where the short, curvy girl next to him hadn't moved a muscle, with her still facing away from him and her back stiff, which made the man wonder if she'd really bothered to pay attention. Well, this should wake her up, not to mention that it was really her lucky day, since he'd just decided that she'd be the first one to be honored by him.

Sirius Black then leaned over and gave a friendly swat to that blonde woman's exquisite bum in her ultra-tight pants.

*WOOF! WO-*