Note: While this is a authorized spin-off of Nobody Dies this is NOT CANON to that series. Tho heh, who knows what goes on behind the scenes?

Nobody Dies: Mari, the Ree and the Asukae

Mari Illustrious Makinami frowned as the young woman combed the various Magi computers, searching the systems for any remaining trace of the Angel Iruel. It was bad enough fighting it the first time when it had hacked virtual reality and tortured her fellow pilots. That had forced a early activation of her as 'Magi 04' and had lead to a... pretty damn surreal fight in the Magi against it.

Mari had found awakening to her own abilities strange enough, but her fellows had it even stranger. Shinji saw his 'aunt' Naoko die, received her access and became a pseudo 'Neo' type figure, Mana became some insane 'machine man', and Rei became a naked giant. The Evangelions themselves invaded, including doggy Zwei and Pika-Ichi, and Go-kun did a Orbital entry, for gods sakes!

"I knew I shouldn't have let you take Iruel," Mari scolded as several of the Ree helped her search a virtual representation of the data files.

"Sorry,Mari," Zyuu said humbly, the most Shinji obsessed Ree looking sheepish, even though she was wearing her French Maid outfit again.

"Sorry," several other Ree chorused.

Mari sighed, knowing the guilt was mostly on her. She had agreed with the girls that it would be poetic justice to dump the last of Iruel's code into the Ree VR sim in Magi-00, the REETRIX. There the girls subjected their new plaything to whatever fun they could come up with including playing 'hide the filing cabinet' and guided tours of 4chan, but somehow it escaped captivity.

Even worse, it escaped right when the three new Trident combat units arrived. So of course Iruel possessed them and turned them against the pilots, plotting to nuke all of Tokyo-3. About the only good thing to come out of the mess was that it stopped the JSSDF from decommissioning Mana, but that was just about it.

And to top it all off, Iruel decided to mess with Asuka, the most mentally vulnerable of all of them. Asuka was being oddly quiet on the details, but somehow she overcame him, in the process helping expel him from the three Trident Units. Iruel attempted to use a attacking Cherubim to finish them off, but the combined might of Evangelions and Jet Alone Prime took him out.

Which left Mari and her new friends the Ree sweeping the Magi making sure Iruel left them no more nasty surprises.

"Mari, I found something! Can I blow it up?" Nana yelled, waving eagerly.

"No, you can't," Mari growled, jogging over to examine the packet of sealed data that Nana had found in the representation of the Magi they were in. She 'scanned' it, noting there didn't seem to be any viral traces, but it appeared to be sealed.

Taking advantage of her distraction Kiko reached around Mari, squeezing her breasts as she purred, "Yay, as perky as ever!"

"I'm trying to concentrate, here," Mari shrugged her off, blushing. She REALLY needed to teach the Ree about 'personal space' one of these days. She noted that the breast grabbing itself had become old hat, and decided it might be time for a vacation. Or something.

"Aww," Kiko pouted. She peered down at the data 'cube' that was sitting in their virtual landscape, frowning slightly. "Hey, it's sealed under Asuka's authorization codes," she pointed out,

"Doesn't mean Iruel couldn't have hacked them," Nana noted, then flashed a smile. "Nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure."

"We are not nuking it," Mari told her firmly. "At least, not until we know what it is."

"So let's open it," Zyuu touched the data casually.

"No!" both Mari, Nana and Kiko blurted.

As the data exploded outward, mixing with the virtual reality of the REETRIX, Zyuu looked sheepish, "Oops."

Mari watched as fragments of data propagated and filled in, what looked like data from a core recording blending with the REETRIX systems to create a series of virtual reality simulations... of Asuka? Well, sort of Asuka....

One woman was wearing a scarlet plugsuit, looking around her with a arrogant confidence. One was wearing a lab-coat and coveralls, and she hefted a science-fiction meets steampunk weapon, goggles pushed up on her head. One looked mostly like the usual Asuka, gazing around nervously. And finally what looked like a giant, plush Zwei loomed over them all.

"What the f___?" Mari sighed.

"Yay, new friends!" Iti yelled, tackling the arrogant looking Asuka and bowling her over onto the simulated grass.

"How dare you lay hands on Asuka the Great?!" she growled, punching Iti in the face and barely fazing her. "Get off!"

"Where are we?" Woobie Asuka asked timidly.

The giant Zwei Doll curled around her protectively, "Don't worry, it will be all right."

"It's so cute!" Zyuu squealed, running in circles around the now bewildered Doll, "I want to keep it and raise it and call it George!"

"Why George?" Mari asked.

"Why not?" Zyuu shrugged.

"Gah," Mari sighed as the strange women were mobbed by the rest of the Ree.

Hatchi was looking with hearts in her eyes at the unusual gun the one Asuka was hefting. "What IS it?" she squealed happily. "Can I try it? Please?"

Spark!Asuka grinned, "It's my new voltage cannon." She handed it over, "You have to be careful of the power settings though..."

ZZZAP!

"Hatchi!" Nana yelped, leaping up into the air as the bolt nearly hit her, crisping several hairs on one side of her head.

"Ooops," Hatchi tossed the gun to Spark!Asuka and bolted.

"Get back here!" Nana yelled, chasing after both fleeing women.

"Esel!" Asuka yelled as she rolled on the ground fighting Iti, "Swine! Idiot!"

"Same to you!" Iti yelled cheerfully, trading blows with the other woman.

"I'll bet you our Iti wins," Siyon said, having snuck up on Mari yet again.

"Eep!" Mari yelped, nearly jumping in surprise. "How do you DO that?" she growled.

A faint smile tugged on Siyon's lips, "It's a gift."

"And we're not betting on this," Mari sighed, wishing she had a bucket of cold water to dump on the scrapping women, or something.

"Please," Zyuu smiled warmly at the cowering Asuka, "can I keep her?"

"N.. no," Woobie Asuka stammered, "Dollie is one of us."

"Could someone please explain where we are?" Dollie asked plaintively.

Deciding there wasn't much she could do about Iti and the other Asuka except for waiting for them to get tired or mutual KO, Mari made her way over to the two women. "You're in the REETRIX," she told them, "though I don't know how you got here."

"Th... The virtual reality the Ree use?" Asuka said, her eyes widening as she looked around nervously. "Is the Ree that, uhm, grabbed me around?"

"They're as big as ever!" came from behind Asuka as Kiko did a reach around to grab her by the boobs once again.

"Eek!" Asuka yelped.

"Let her go," Mari yanked her away, scowling, surprised at how angry she was.

Kiko pouted, then she noted the look on Mari's face. "Are you jealous?" she smiled suddenly.

"I am not," Mari scowled.

Kiko took on a sing song tone, "Mari is jealous, Mari is jealous!"

Mari gritted her teeth and ignored her, faintly troubled by the idea that she might be right. Addressing the timid Asuka again she said, "We found a block of data while sweeping the Magi and it had Asuka's codes on it. Zyuu here opened it, and here you are."

"That's strange," Dollie noted, frowning as much as a giant stuffed toy could.

"Nah, it's quite simple," Spark!Asuka said, having evaded Hatchi and Nana and double backed on the group. "The last thing I remember was the fight with Iruel," she looked sat the other Asukas, "does that match up with you?"

"Yes," Woobie Asuka agreed while Dollie just nodded.

"Zwei must have tried to 'copy' us as a safety measure," Spark!Asuka shrugged, "and dumped the file in the Magi for safe keeping."

"You!" a crispy looking Nana appeared and lunged for Spark!Asuka, sending her running away once more.

"Guess that makes sense," Mari conceded, "but we're going to virus scan all four of you carefully, just to be sure."

"Understandable," Dollie said.

Mari looked at them, Nana chasing the other and the rest of the Ree watching the ongoing catfight between Iti and Asuka the Great, and shook her head. "Of course, what do we do with you after comes up..." she sighed.

With a final, heroic blow Asuka the Great knocked Iti out, then staggered away before declaring, "I WON!" Then without warning she flopped over, out cold.

"I like them," Zyuu smiled, "I say we keep them."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Yui Ikari looked like she had a headache as she processed Mari's report. "You're telling me that four Asukas are living in Magi-00? Asukas? Asukii?" she shook her head, bewildered.

"They're calling themselves the Asukae," Mari offered. "I've virus scanned them top to bottom, and they're clean."

"Well, if Rei and Go-Kun can have virtual children, why can't Asuka's personalities exist separately?" Gendo offered, shrugging.

"And who gets to break this to Asuka and Kyoko?" Yui asked wryly, imagining the explosion likely to come out of Kyoko. Asuka was a bit harder to guess at her reaction. She might take it well, she might not.

"Tell Asuka," Mari offered, "not Kyoko. It's not like she really needs to know anyway."

"Hmm," Gendo nodded, "it's not like the Asukae can leave Magi-00 anyway."

"Well," Mari hesitated.

"What?" Yui asked with a sigh.

"The Ree do kind of know about the avatars we use for the Evangelions, so...." Mari shrugged.

Both Gendo and Yui looked at each other, and sighed.

To be continued...?

Notes: Yet another silly, not to be taken seriously romp in the world of Gregg Landsman's story 'Nobody Dies.' The idea of calling the multiple Asuka the 'Asukae' is Earth Scorpion's from Spacebattles, the same forum site that hosts the Nobody Dies discussion thread I frequent. What I'm trying to do, mostly, is write AROUND the canon of ND, while doing silly bits with the characters.

The REE, as described by Gregg Landsman.

Nana (explosions are her God)
Iti (produce expert. Especially turnips. Helped deflower Kensuke)
Hatchi (gun nut. Western fetish. Helped deflower Kensuke)
Kiko (BEWBS)
Zyuu (Fluffy Tamer. Wants to do...things...to Shinji. French maid fetish)
Siyon (Thinks life is a stealth game and will use her AT field to create a MGS-esque game over music when caught).