Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from Nobody Dies or Transmetropolitan, I'm only borrowing them for awhile. Don't sue me, you won't get anything out of it.
Nobody Dies/Transmetropolitan
Spider Jerusalem's battered old car came up over a rise and wheezed to a stop as the heavily bearded man got out and lit up a battered smoke. He looked a bit like a wild man come down from the mountains, which was pretty much what happened. He puffed on his cigarette as he looked down at Tokyo-3, the supposed city of the future that guarded humanity.
"Notes for 'I hate it here' feature," Spider spoke into a small recorder, "finally made it across the police state of Japan. Massive amount of regulation just to travel, with tiny dicked police officers asking for documentation all over. Interfering shits."
Spider finished off his smoke then crushed it against the side of the car to put it out. Thankfully, the rust bucket didn't just fall apart from the impact.
"If I had any choice at all, I'd still be up on the mountain where I belong," Spider admitted resentfully, "but I finally burned through my money, and my damn publisher was demanding that book I promised them. So I armed the ebola bomb under the toilet and set back out into the world, looking for something worth writing about."
"All this started with the election book 'Shot in the Face' I wrote about Keil's run for the German chancellor slot," Spider remembered. "Once I was done with his dirty dealings he couldn't run again, but I'd become famous. There were too many people wanting too much from me, and all getting between me and the work."
Spider lit another cigarette, pulling on it deeply as it flared to life. "That, and the assassins Keil sent after me," he remembered fondly. "I had to get away from it all, and I finally found peace on the mountain." He scowled, "Until the money ran out."
Long beard flowing Spider walked back to the driver's side of his car and got in, adjusting the rear view mirror as he grabbed the wheel with his other hand. "Well," he said flatly, "let's see what we can see." And with that he took off down the hill with a disregard for traffic laws that would have made Rei Ayanami proud.
Meanwhile, Misato Katsuragi was briefing Yui Ikari andGendo on possible security issues relating to the city and NERV. Yui looked thoughtful as the brown haired woman noted, "I'm surprised you have a reporter on the security watch."
"He's not your typical reporter," Gendo noted, recognizing the name. He smiled faintly, "Didn't he write that book on Keil...?"
"Shot in the face," Misato agreed, "somehow, Jerusalem ferreted out all the bribery, extortion and other activities Keil was using to try to lever control over Germany, and exposed it. Keil tried to sue but Jerusalem had backed up his data and Keil had to back down."
"I bet that made him happy," Yui murmured.
"Keil ordered Jerusalem assassinated but he was too quick for him," Misato noted. "Either that or Jerusalem is a lot more deadly than his file indicates."
"He wrote on the impact wars too," Gendo said with a slight smile, "fairly controversial stuff." As both Misato and Yui looked at him he shrugged slightly, "What? I'm a fan."
"Do we know what he's coming to the city to do?" Yui had to ask.
"I did some checking around," Misato said, "he's already published his first story about travelling in Japan under the title 'I hate it Here.' The JSSDF is less than happy about how he talks about them." She passed the paper over, "From what I can tell he's doing a feature on life in Tokyo-3, as well as anything that interests him."
"Oh lovely," Yui sighed.
Gendo read the article, smiling slightly, even as he pointed out, "This is a company town, more or less. I doubt Jerusalem will find much to write about."
"We'll see," Misato sighed.
The battered old car finally up and died near the center of toiwn, smoke billowing up from under the hood. Casually Spider got out and flipped up the metal hood, peering inside for a moment before deciding it was a lost cause. Slamming the hood down he went back to the back seat and rummaged around, emerging in a trench coat, his pockets stuffed with gear and a back pack slung over his shoulders.
Stalking through the streets Spider quickly decided that Tokyo-3 was far too clean of a city. There appeared to be no beggars on the streets, no random food stalls or druggies fornicating in alley ways. It was practically a ghost town!
"Damn you Mitchell Royce," Spider grumbled, referring to his editor, "you HAD to talk me into coming here? Place is as damn sterile as a hospital."
Striding along Spider saw a rather unusual looking young lady, her blue hair ruffled by the wind as she looked back at him curiously. Without and prompting she walked up to him, her expression curious as she asked, "What are you doing?"
Spider pushed his long hair back irritably, "Child, I am a serious man on serious business. Don't bother me."
"Why?" she asked, keeping pace with him. "Where are you going?"
Spider debated getting out the Bowel Disrupter to get the child away from him, but something about her told him it was a bad idea. "I'm looking for my apartment," Spider fished around in his pockets until he found the paper, and showed it to her.
"Hey, I know where that is! My bestest friend lives there!" the girl exclaimed happily.
Just then Spider KNEW he was going to hate it.
"Thanks," Spider said grudgingly as they reached the building.
"You're welcome," she smiled, somehow showing too many teeth. "I'm gonna go visit my friends, bye!"
Thankful the cheerful girl was gone, Spider decided to investigate his new home. It turned out the apartment block wasn't anywhere near as bad as his paranoid fantasies had made it out to be. There was no trash on the streets, no dead bodies in the corridors and after investigating his apartment it didn't look too bad.
Spider paused by a mirror and took in his full beard, long hair and slightly crazed wildman look. "Hrm," he mused, "I can see why I was getting odd looks. I need to look a bit... neater."
Was followed was a epic battle between hair, knife and a overstressed cleaning system. Much swearing, cursing and yelling were heard from the bathroom cubicle, as well as noxious smells and the distinct smoke from burning hair. Half a hour later Spider stumbled out of the bathroom in a robe, his hair completely gone and his tattoos fully visible for the first time in years.
Without all the hair and baggy clothes, Spider was really a thin, gangly sort of man. Black tattoos covered much of his body, mostly in stylized shapes, and a spider tattoo was on his head. He paused in front of the mirror and smiled wryly, even as he mused he could use some shades.
The sound of the doorbell induced a soft curse as Spider belted up his robe and stomped up to the door. "What?" he demanded, flinging the door open only to blink in surprise.
The purple haired woman was hot, dressed in just a skimpy t-shirt and jean shorts, her figure nearly bursting out of the clothes. Beside her was the odd blue haired girl, a fairly average looking boy and a orange haired teen with a figure that would match the older woman, eventually.
"Ahem,"Spider pulled his robe around him as he tried to hide any embarrassing arousal, "sorry, I just got out of the shower."
"It's fine," the woman waved it off, "Rei told me I have a new neighbor and I thought I'd come over and say hello." She smiled as she offered her hand, "Misato Katsuragi."
"Spider Jerusalem," he shook it even as her eyes widened.
"I'm Rei," the blue haired girl introduced herself boldly, "this is Shinji and Asuka."
"Aren't you the writer?" Asuka asked, her eyes shining as she said, "I loved your book!"
Spider noted the accent and figured she meant the Keil book. As he was forming an answer Misato quickly said, "Well, we didn't want to bother you while settling in. Have a nice day!" And with that she hustled the kids off, much like a mother would do after a encounter vwith the neighborhood dirty old man.
'Wonder what I did?' Spider wondered as he stalked back into his rooms. "Computer," he ordered, "look up Misato Katsuragi." There was a long, echoing silence and Spider scowled, "No voice interface for the computer? Oh, Mitchell, you are going to PAY for this!"
Finding the computer took a minute, digging up the data took a bit more, but soon Spider knew who Misato was, and was busy tracing the connections between her, NERV, and the Ikari family. He wasn't a hacker himself but he knew people who knew people, as they say, and he swiftly put together a picture of NERV and it's internal functions.
Sitting back Spider puffed a cigarette thoughtfully. 'With just this I could do a pretty good feature on nepotism in NERV,' he mused, 'what with Misato inheriting a job from her father, Professor Ikari hiring his daughter to run NERV and the rest, but it's all surface, it doesn't tell me what's really going on here.'
The phone rang and Spider picked it up, "Speak."
Mitchell Royce sighed, "You made it to Tokyo-3, I see."
"Royce, you cocksucker, this apartment is a dump! They don't even have a modern computer interface," Spider instantly complained.
"NERV doesn't like wireless interfaces," Royce said flatly, "I understand it's a security issue."
Spider raised his eyebrows slightly at that, but it was a good point. "All right," he conceded, "what do you want? I'm busy here."
"Where's my damn collumn?" Royce demanded bitchily, "I want it on my desk by tomorrow. And printable, too, not like when you types the word fuck 2000 times..."
"Yeah, yeah," Spider waved it off, "I have a line on something, but I want to do some digging first." He sat back, muttering, "Even a city this clean has some dirt somewhere."
"Just be careful," Royce actually sounded concerned as he said, "I know you wanted to go to Tokyo-3, but the Ikari's have a lot of pull. They could disappear you without a ripple."
"I survived the Impact wars and Keil," Spider sniffed, "I can survive here too." He smiled slightly, "Besides, the sights here are pretty interesting."
"Whatever," Royce said, "just watch your back."
Leaving the story to gel Spider went to the closet, noting with satisfaction that Royce had ordered in several of his favorite suits. Pulling on the summer weight trousers and coat, skipping a undershirt, Spider went outside, standing on the walkway and looking out at the city.
'The last hope for mankind,' Spider mused as he lit another cigarette, the smoke curling up into the air, 'and we're making children fight for us. Are we really worth saving at that cost?'
"Mr. Jerusalem?" the surprised voice asked.
Spider looked up to see the older woman, Misato, looking at him with a combination of concern and curiosity. "Yeah," he took a drag of his smoke then looked out over the city, "just taking a moment to think a little."
"I read your first 'I Hate it Here' column," Misato noted, "you've managed to piss a lot of people off already."
"It sort of goes with the job," Spider shrugged casually. He took another drag as he murmured, "I'll probably piss off a lot more people too."
To be continued...?
Notes: I'm sort of 'fusing' Spider's canon from Transmetropolitan onto the Evangelion canon, sorta. He's still a gonzo journalist and general bastard, but he's targeting characters in Evangelion canon rather than the Beast and the Smiler. I'm kind of tempted to use Spider to explore 'ground level' life in the Evangelion world, and how normal people cope.