Transcendence

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Thanks to my amazing beta Lemon-of-the-tent for all her work with my story. She's pretty awesome. And BTW, does anyone else think Kristen Stewart might actually have done even worse in New moon than Twilight? Just saying. Also, I may now be team Jacob purely for aesthetic reasons.

I was sweating when I woke.

I always was; even with the windows open I sweltered.

Jacob's arm was tossed across my waist – I should have known better than to expect him to give me more than a day of mourning for my Romeo. The gaping wound was fresh again, just like every year before.

I shifted his arm and escaped to the cool kitchen. I just stood and looked out the window. Yet another dreary day stretched out from my window, the low fog hiding and obscuring the bleak, universally green landscape.

"Are you making breakfast?" he called lazily from the bedroom.

I huffed and glowered in his general direction but started cooking anyway. This was my life: cook breakfast, clean up, cook lunch, clean up, cook dinner for half the pack, clean up, pass out. Constant and repetitive. I had never been any great genius but I couldn't escape the thought that I could have been more than this.

I sighed into the sizzling pan of eggs. I suppose I would never know. My heart sank even further when his arms wrapped around my waist; he nuzzled my neck before resting his chin gently on my shoulder.

"You okay?" His voice certainly had a tone that showed genuine concern.

I nodded but didn't speak.

"You sure?"

"Yes, Jake. I'm Ok." I forced out with a sigh.

He didn't believe it any more than I did. Jake pulled away and threw himself into a chair. "Why do you still waste your tears on those damn leeches?" he demanded.

"Don't start it, Jacob." I warned, flinging the eggs down on his plate with a little more force than strictly necessary. He pulled his hand back with a low hiss when the hot grease splattered him.

"It's been five years, Bella – they're never coming back."

I knew, every single year, it hurt Jacob that I still mourned for him.

Did he honestly think I had control over this? That I chose to be heart-breakingly miserable?

"I can't deal with you today." I threw the pan in the sink and stomped back to our bedroom to dress quickly.

"Bella?" he called, suddenly apologetic. "Dammit Bells, I'm sorry. I just…" He was right outside the door. "I just hate seeing you like this."

"I know." His repentant eyes bored into mine when I opened the door. His body blocked the door, towering over me as he leaned on his outstreached arms against the frame. The proximity was simply too much for me and I ducked under his arm, escaping to search for my things.

"I'm just… I just need to get out for a while. There's lasagna in the fridge for lunch. I'll be back for dinner."

He watched me grab my keys and wallet and head for the door. "Bella," he called pleadingly, "if you're going back there, at least take Seth."

His face was so sad when I looked back.

"I'm just going to Charlie's and maybe the grocery store." I whispered, just loud enough for his keen ears to here, and I was gone.

"I love you." He called as I all but ran out the door. That moment the words sounded more like a last desperate attempt for forgiveness than anything else.

I pretended not to hear.

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